"I could possibly be fading…"
à Mazzy Starr
Ryan gets up early and dresses for school. Today, not only does he feel like he's in the wrong place and on thin ice, he also feels like he's let his friends down. Seth scared him last night. He was so hurt. Ryan didn't want to hurt him. He wanted to sever the connection, quickly so it wouldn't hurt by him stretching out the disconnection.
Ryan goes into the kitchen. Seth is sitting at the counter, eating cereal. Seth watches him pour a glass of orange juice. He sits beside Seth, waiting.
Kirsten enters, smiling at them. "Morning."
Neither replies. Ryan keeps his eyes distant and unfocused. He knows Seth is watching him.
"Everything okay?" Mrs. Cohen asks.
"Fine," Ryan and Seth say together.
"Really?" She asks, more concerned.
"Yes," They reply.
Seth is staring at Ryan. Even with Kirsten's concerned attention, Ryan has to stop this.
"What?" Ryan asks, turning to face Seth.
"You're not eating our food," Seth replies. Ryan is stunned.
"What?" Kirsten asks, confused. Sandy enters.
"Good morning," Sandy says.
"I haven't seen you eat here in days. You don't eat our food," Seth states again.
Ryan is stricken. He can't believe that Seth would accuse him of something in front of the Cohens.
"What are you talking about?" Ryan asks evenly.
"You know what I'm talking about," Seth replies, meeting his intense gaze.
"One of you needs to tell us what you're talking about," Sandy says, beside Kirsten now.
"No, I don't Seth. Explain it to me," Ryan challenges, his voice cold.
"What the hell is wrong with you? When did you get all psycho?" Seth responds. Kirsten and Sandy are too stunned to stop them.
"I told you last night that you didn't know me," Ryan replies.
"I guess you're right," Seth states, cold.
"I don't usually lie to you," Ryan says. The argument is getting too personal. Seth said that he didn't know him. That's one step closer to doesn't care.
Seth's expression hardens. He opens his mouth to speak but stops as Ryan's glass shatters in his hand.
"Fuck," Seth says. Ryan is staring at his slashed hand and then to the puddle of orange juice, glass and blood on the counter.
"Excuse me," Ryan mutters, rushing from the room with his hand wrapped in the bottom of his black shirt. He manages to exit without giving Kirsten, Seth or Sandy a chance to follow him.
He turns the faucet on in the bathroom and lowers his bleeding hand under the flow. He is so focused on pulling the shards from his flesh that he doesn't hear Kirsten until she opens the door.
"I've got it," Ryan says.
"No talking. Stand still." Kirsten takes his hand and clucks her tongue. "You need stitches…"
"No. It's nothing." Ryan clenches his fist. "See? No nerve damage…"
"Stop that, Ryan," Kirsten gasps, startled.
Ryan hasn't let himself feel the pain. He's numb.
She gently bandages his hand. Ryan hears Sandy's voice raised in worry from the kitchen.
"Tell me Seth!" Sandy yells.
Ryan winces.
"Do you want to tell me?" Kirsten asks.
"I don't know what that was about," Ryan replies.
"Ryan…"
"I don't know," Ryan says. He can't take his eyes off his blood swirling in the sink basin.
"Come on." Kirsten pushes him in front of her and they return to the kitchen.
"Ryan. What's going on?" Sandy demands. Seth is sitting, red-faced and silent.
"He's not talking," Kirsten answers when Ryan is unresponsive.
The room is silent.
"Are you okay?" Seth asks, their gazes locked.
"Yeah. You care?" Ryan replies.
"Ask me tomorrow," Seth answers coldly.
"Seth!" Kirsten scolds.
A car horn beeps. Marissa is their ride to school.
"You're both staying home today. Until we get to the bottom of this," Kirsten announces.
"I've got a history exam," Ryan says quietly.
"Why do you care?" Seth mutters.
"If you have something to say to me, just say it," Ryan snaps. Marissa gasps from the doorway.
"Marissa, the boys are staying home today," Sandy says. Seth exits, stomping to his room.
"Ryan…" Marissa starts, pale.
"Do you know something about this?" Kirsten asks her.
She hesitates. "No. I don't know."
"Okay," Sandy sighs. "No one's talking."
Ryan doesn't know how things got so out of control.
"Go to the pool house, Ryan. Don't talk to Marissa and don't sneak off. We'll be out to talk to you," Sandy orders.
"I'll walk you out, Marissa," Kirsten says.
Ryan walks alone to the pool house. He steps inside. Despite the paralyzing pain from Seth's anger, Ryan knows that this is for the best. He sits down and reaches into his pocket. He pulls his brother's letter out of his wallet.
"Ry.
Heard you're doing good, punk. Ma told me what happened. I have to admit, I was
surprised. I can't believe youre my bro. You abandoned your ma and are fouling our
name. Mooching off those rich people who are too nice and stupid to see what you
really are. Hope you can live with yourself you little shit.
Trey.
Ryan refolds the letter. He sees Kirsten reenter the house. He pulls his backpack from under his bed and bolts out of the house into the sunny day.
*****