Seth doesn't tell his parents anything. He thinks that he might be incapable of speech. Ryan is unhappy. He wants to leave. Ryan is abandoning him.

"Seth. We're going to talk to Ryan. No TV. No computer. No games. You sit here and think," Sandy orders.

Seth gets a chill suddenly. "He's gone."
"What?" Kirsten asks.

Seth realizes that Ryan is gone. "He's gone."

"Who?"

"Ryan. He said I don't understand but he didn't even try to explain it."

Sandy runs from the room.

"Seth?" Kirsten calls, stricken with confusion.

Seth shakes his head. "He should have told Marissa…"

*****

"And if you ever find a way to make this interesting
If I ever find a way to stop disintegrating
Into pieces that I was, that you destroy
When all that you wanted, all that you wanted
Was a good man…"

à third eye blind "good man"

Ryan sits on a bench about 20 miles outside of Newport. He lost Trey's letter and along with it, he lost his purpose.

He misses Marissa. He misses Seth's upbeat chatter. He misses Sandy and Kirsten. He shouldn't have left. He hasn't moved in hours.

Impulsively, he goes to the payphone. He dials Seth's cell phone. It rings several times.

"Hello?" Seth answers.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"You still mad?" Ryan asks.

"I'm not mad," Seth's voice is low.

"I thought I could do this," Ryan admits, trembling.

"Why?"

"Because I don't belong…"
"Fuck you!" Seth snaps. "That's bullshit! You belong here!"

"That's not my life, Seth," Ryan starts.

"Then why are you calling?" Seth asks.

Ryan is speechless. He starts to hang up.

"Wait. I'm sorry. Dammit, Ryan…I've never had a friend like you…don't do this to me. I don't know what to say to you…"
Ryan doesn't speak.

"Are you there?"

"I don't know," Ryan answers.

"Mom and Dad are freaking out."

"Shit, Seth…" Ryan breathes. "I'm all fucked up. I don't know what to do."

"Come home. I'll tell them something. Just come home," Seth urges.

"I don't know if I can…I…"
"Ryan, everything will be fine. Okay? Just trust me. Come home."

"Okay."

Seth sighs. "Really?"

"Tell your parents that I'll be back if they'll have me."

"Ryan," Seth sighs. "They'll have you."

Ryan hangs up. He leans against the wall of the payphone, deflated.

*****

Ryan is tired. He called a taxi and when it pulls up, all the lights are on in the Cohen's house. He steps out and tries to steady himself. He lights a cigarette and sits down on the curb, watching the taxi drive away. He glances up on his second cigarette. Sandy is beside him.

"Hey."

"I thought we were over this," Sandy says, quietly.

"I'm sorry," Ryan whispers. "I'm having a little…mental crisis…"
"I found your brother's letter."

Ryan shivers.

"Is that it? Does his opinion matter that much to you?"

"He's family," Ryan replies.

Sandy sits down beside him. "Then what am I? What are Seth and Kirsten to you?"

"They don't know me…"
"Really? Does your brother know you?" Sandy asks.

Ryan doesn't reply.

"We can't help you if you don't let us."

"This is wrong."

"Why?" Sandy asks.

"It just it," Ryan replies.

"You're too smart for an answer like that," Sandy says.

"Everything…everything's so…perfect here…I'm damaged, Mr. Cohen. It's just a matter of time before I fuck this up…"

"We were okay before you got here, Ryan, if anything we're better now…"

"That's not what I mean," Ryan interrupts. He can't stop himself from trembling. "You don't understand. I'm poison, Mr. Cohen. If I'm around…bad shit happens…"

Sandy doesn't know how to respond.

"It doesn't make sense to you…god…" Ryan loses his breath. He's trying to explain it for the first time and it sounds stupid. He's right because they don't understand.

"Go on, Ryan. I'm listening," Sandy urges.

"I can't…" Ryan says, putting his face in his hands.

"Please. You're too important to this family. Please go on. Tell me what's going on," Sandy whispers.

"My whole life has been like a car crash. A chain reaction of fucked up shit…" Ryan starts. "And its like a pattern that just keeps repeating where things are good and I'll actually let my guard down and then it all blows up." He pauses, lowering his hands. "And I can't stop it. People die. People go to jail. It's like I'm cursed and it has to be me, because that shit…it just doesn't happen to people like Seth or your wife."

"Ryan," Sandy says quietly. "You're a good kid with a shitty past. But it's not your fault. You're only sixteen, how can you be sure that things can't change?"

"Because I'm sixteen and I've never seen it really happen," Ryan whispers.

"I don't know how I can make you believe what I do," Sandy sighs.

"What's that?" Ryan asks absently.

"That you're an amazing kid. That you're a part of this family." He puts an arm around Ryan, shaking him gently. "I am trying to help you. I'm trying to break that cycle for you and give you what you deserve."

Ryan glances at him.

"You're a part of this family, Ryan. Your brother doesn't know you. He doesn't know how great you are if he can't see that you're better here."

Ryan is silent.

"Ryan?"

"I'm thinking," Ryan answers honestly, his mind swirling.

"Sandy?" Kirsten's voice comes from the top of the driveway.

"Are you coming in?" Sandy asks Ryan.

"Yeah," Ryan nods. They stand up.

Kirsten embraces Ryan when she sees him, startling him with her worried expression. She is reluctant to release him. "Ryan, you're home…"

"I'm sorry…" Ryan says, quietly.

"You came home…" She says, crying.

"Don't cry…I'm sorry," Ryan says, paling as she cries. He doesn't deserve her tears.

"Kirsten…" Sandy embraces her, sensing Ryan's growing anxiety. "Shhh…"

Ryan is jolted as Marissa's scent overwhelms him as she hugs him ferociously from behind. "Ryan…" She's crying too.

"Don't cry…" Ryan says, turning to hold her. "I'm sorry…don't cry…"

"The prodigal returns," Seth says, meeting Ryan's gaze.

Ryan is stunned. He doesn't understand Seth's statement and he's too jumbled to try and think about it so he shuts himself down.

Seth's face softens to concern as he watches Ryan's face change and his eyes grow dull.

"I think we've all had a long day and we have a lot of things to think about," Sandy announces, looking at Seth and Ryan in concern.

"I'm sorry," Seth says as Marissa releases Ryan.

"No, you're not. But you don't have to be sorry," Ryan replies, his voice low so Sandy and Kirsten don't hear him.

Seth shakes his head in confusion. "Ryan, what…"

"I'm going to bed," Ryan says.

"Are you going to be there in the morning?" Marissa asks.

"Marissa. He came home," Sandy states. "He'll call you tomorrow."

Marissa hugs Ryan and leaves.

"You guys can talk tomorrow. You're both too tired to talk right now," Sandy tells Ryan and Seth.

Ryan and Seth look at each other.

"Truce?" Ryan asks quietly.

"Of course," Seth answers.

Ryan goes to the pool house and lays down on the bed. He doesn't undress. He sleeps, too exhausted to do anything else.

*****

Ryan jolts awake as he feels someone shaking him.

"Ryan!"

He sits up and struggles away.

"It's Seth. Chill."

Ryan relaxes but he's out of breath.

"You were having a nightmare. I heard you talking in your sleep…"

"Damn…"

"Are you okay?" Seth asks, concerned.

"Yeah. I think so," Ryan sighs. "Look, Seth…my head's all fucked up. I don't want to argue with you. I don't want you to hate me…"

"I don't hate you. I just don't understand. Why aren't you happy here?"

"I am. That's why I'm so…scared…" Ryan replies.

"That doesn't make any sense…" Seth sighs.

"Not to you. The happier I get, the more I feel safe…the more I have to lose…"

Seth shakes his head. "Ryan. You're not in Chino anymore. You're not with your mom. You're here. I have your back, man," Seth replies.

"I know but…I don't want anyone to get hurt and…people get hurt…"

"Ryan, I've never seen you do anything except the right thing. I've never seen you intentionally do anything to put me in danger."

"I don't want to think like this, Seth but I can't stop thinking that I'm…" Ryan's voice trails off.

"Ryan, you're not damaged. I heard Mom and Dad talking. You're not damaged. Whatever happened to you with your dad or your mom, it didn't affect you. You're a good man…"
Ryan snorts.

"Hey," Seth says. "Listen. You aren't like them. You're okay. You survived and you're better off. You didn't let them damage you."

Ryan is silent. Finally he glances up. "You really believe that?"

"Yes. Do you think I'd be hanging out with you if I thought you'd hurt me? Damn, Ryan…we're brothers."

Ryan smiles slightly.

"Right?" Seth asks.

"Yeah. I guess so," Ryan replies.

"I think you have to let go of your past. It's eating away at you," Seth says quietly.

"I just…I don't know who I'm supposed to be now," Ryan sighs.

"You're Ryan. You're my brother. You're Marissa's friend. You're my partner in crime…"Seth smiles.

Ryan returns his smile.

"So. We're okay?" Seth asks.

"Yeah. We always will be," Ryan replies. "We're family now."