THE MAKEOVER

Co-written by Anakin McFly, Elalipa and to a lesser extent, Zansetsu.

Disclaimer: Nope, we still don't owns Lord of the Ringssssss... We also disclaims any referencesss to Final Fantasy VIII, Harry Potters, The Matrixess or digital camerasss.

~~~

CHAPTER FOUR: Of Bright Green Bandanas, Jewelry, And Hair Tonic

"Who?" Aragorn repeated.

Legolas turned to look at him through his sunglasses.

The elf grinned, flashing his pearly-white teeth.

"Gollum."

"WHAT?" Aragorn exclaimed, grabbing hold of Legolas as he fell backwards into the river.

There was a yell... And both Aragorn and Legolas fell beneath the water's surface.

The waters of Anduin turned blue, thanks to Legolas' hair dye.

Maybe elven technology wasn't really cracked up to what it's supposed to be. Or Legolas just got a cheap dye job.

(The dye was really bad. A few days later, it wore off. Miraculously, Aragorn's sweat and dirt remained.)

Later, on the banks of the River, Legolas (fully clothed) was sobbing away. "My blue hair! It's all gone!"

Aragorn (also fully clothed), tried to comfort his companion. "Don't worry, Legolas. You can always dye it again. Anyway, don't you still have your hairdo?"

Legolas only looked slightly comforted, so the man started digging in his pockets for something to cheer the elf up. After a few moments, he brandished a bandana.

A BRIGHT GREEN bandana.

"Here."

"Wow." Legolas took the bandana and tied it around his head. He admired his reflection in the Anduin. "Cool." Legolas put on his sunglasses again, which had fallen off. He grinned. "Really cool."

Meanwhile, standing by his window again was that same little git from the last chapter. His mouth was hanging WIDE open.

One could not imagine the extent of his horror when he saw the remarkable change in the river's colour. Of course, being a little git, he would have learnt nothing from his previous experience. He shouted at once for his mummy.

"Mummy, mummy, look! The river's all blue!"

We can all anticipate what would happen next.

The sound of spanking reverberated throughout the whole of the neighbourhood.

*SPANK!* "How many times must I tell you-" *SPANK!* "-Never eat blueberries in River Anduin!" *SPANK!* "Now look at what you've done!" *SPANK!*

The little git tried to talk through his sobs.

"But...sob... I'm...*hiccup*...innocent! Sob..."

Moral of this sidetrack: To a mother, no one is greedier than her own little boy.

Not too long ago...

"The number of photos you are taking, Sam, is ridiculous!"

Sam put down his brand new Canon Digital Ixus V3. "Why would I, Frodo? Rivendell's an interesting place, and I still have more than 20 memory cards to burn."

"I don't know, but you really look like a tourist. Anyway, our purpose here is not to sightsee, but to bring Gollum to the hairdressers'. Right, Gollum?"

"Yesss, Massster."

The other hobbit sighed. "Well, since we're here, we might as well do something else. I mean, isn't it a long time since we've been here?"

Suddenly, his eyes lit up as an idea popped into his head. "Look, Frodo, I've got something to do. Bye!"

Frodo and Gollum were left blinking in the dust.

"Well, Gollum. We're on our own."

"Yesss, Massster."

The pair made their way to the hairdresser's, just in time to see Aragorn storm out with a towel and shampoo. Frodo couldn't believe his eyes. "Is that guy ARAGORN? I don't believe it..."

He entered, with Gollum trailing behind, and then he saw Legolas doing... stuff with his hair. "Hi, Legolas."

"Hi, Frodo," Legolas responded. "Here for anything?"

"Not exactly. It's Gollum who needs to have something done."

The elf girl, who heard their little exchange, choked. "Hello? That guy doesn't have any hair!"

"That's why I hoped that you would be able to recommend a goodhair tonic..." Frodo tried his best to look appealing.

Aw, he looks so cute.... The elf girl melted. "Well, the Oriental brands are the best. You can go to this hair care centre called Bejing 101, they're not bad, or you can try..."

Sam looked in the large window, eyes wide and sparkling. "Look at all those jewels!" His eyes then took on a maniac gleam. "Perfect for the precious..."

Grinning, he entered the room. A small creature looking not unlike Gollum came out to greet him.

"Yes, Master? What do you want? Dobby will do it for Master."

He spoke like Gollum too, reflected Sam. But his English was better.

"Uh, I have this ring, see, and I'd like to have it inlaid with diamonds..." Sam's eyes wandered and settled on a bright red ruby. "And that ruby, too."

"Yes, Master."

Dobby took the Ring from Sam. Then, unlocking the display case, he bent inside and emerged with a few diamonds and the precious.

"Um..." Sam could not resist the temptation to ask Dobby something that he was itching to know.

"Yes, Master?"

"Are you related to Gollum by any chance?"

"Gollum? No, Dobby has not heard of Gollum. Dobby is a house-elf."

"An ELF?" Sam spluttered.

"Yes, master."

Sam fainted.

Meanwhile, at Beijing 101...

Frodo entered the hair care center, Gollum in tow.

"Good afternoon, may I help you?"

Frodo looked up to see a woman towering over him. Suddenly, he felt very conscious of his height.

"Oh...er, yeah. I would like some hair tonic for him." Frodo pointed at Gollum.

"Gollum wantsss dye hairs too, Master," requested Gollum.

Frodo glared at him. "You are NOT dying your hair purple. That is final. Anyway," He added as an afterthought, "You don't have any hair yet."

"And would you like anything for yourself, sir?"

Frodo turned to look at the person who had addressed him. "Um, no." He thought for a while. On the other hand... "Uh, then again, maybe I'd like to rebond my hair..." the hobbit grinned. "And dye it green."

And J.R.R. Tolkien turned in his grave, back to his original position.

"Okay, I'll get someone to be with you in a few moments. He's a hair specialist from China."

Frodo stiffened. "China? AIEEE! SARS!!!*" he ran out screaming, leaving Gollum behind in a cloud of dust for the second time in a day.

"Master? Where did master go? Gollum must find master!" Gollum looked around and decided to snitch a few bottles of hair tonic before running after Frodo.

"Hey! You haven't paid for that yet." The woman frowned, picked up a telephone and punched in a number.

"Hello? Agent Smith?"

~~~

* SARS is short for Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome. It is a highly infectious disease, but death rates remain fairly low at around 5%-10%. It is believed to have originated in China, which has the highest number of cases in the world, just in case you don't know. Symptoms include... OK, I'll stop babbling. Just review.

Deadly Chakram: Thanks for your reveiws! =D

Meregrin: Thanks for reviewing!

Silian: What's wrong with stories that make fun of Legolas' hair? :S They're NICE.

helen: Just when we thought we needed more conversation in it...

nyctophobia: Yay. Thanks for reviewing. I'm running out of stuff to say.

*Star Girl*: Thanks for your review!

Irish Bug: Anakin here... you don't have to reply my email if you don't want to. I can think of a thousand reasons why you wouldn't want to. Just when I thought I was paranoid about my anonymousity... But keep on reviewing my fics, please! Yeah, Gollum can give you English classes. Just ask him. =D

happy molecule: Thanks for your review. It was funny. ^_^ And you have a weird user name.

me: You want blue hair? EXCELLENT, DUDE!

immortelle: I know you love me. So here's your bright green bandana and Smithykins. And you'll have to review this story to the end of your life.

Sim: Thanks for reviewing. Why are so many people against us bashing Legolas?

Flo: Thanks for your review! I'm REALLY running out of stuff to say.

NoLife: Yay! You read it! =D See you in school tomorrow.

LiRA: How'd you get an immense laughing fit from reading THIS? Sure you don't need mental help?

GhettoPixiStixLover: Yup. Legolas has blue hair. It's the new 'cool' look in Middle Earth.

Katherine: Thanks for reviewing!

me: Are you the same 'me' that reviewed earlier? Thanks for reviewing either way.

Carmina Burana: More on the way...

*Hallabrethiliel*Maiden of Mirkwood*: Thanks for your review!

Yup, that's all for now... if you're still in a reading mood go check out the other fics of Anakin McFly, Elalipa and Zansetsu.

EDIT: OK, I'm really sorry for the screwy formatting. But I swear it ain't my fault; it's ff.net's. They seem to have a problem with