Joint creation of Anakin McFly, Elalipa and Zansetsu.
Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. And I bet you don't too.
A/N:
This chapter is dedicated to our English teacher, even though she gave us lousy marks. ARE YOU READING THIS, MS O-? (Name shall be censored in case we offend anyone.)
I apologise for this chapter not coming sooner, but we had exams. And rehearsals. And more rehearsals. Well, at least for two of us, anyway. Whatever it is, we all have to invest a lot of time in our activities (even though it's supposedly the holidays now), so the quality and quantity of work will drop. And that's why we are unable to respond to you reviewers. Review again for this chapter, and maybe we'll say something.
But I have to make a comment regarding SARS. We mean no offense to anybody; we're just poking fun at those people who are really overreacting. I know it's a serious thing, but there are some who take it to extremes. Like those who have negative reactions towards the healthcare workers taking care of the SARS patients. *glares*
~~~
Chapter 5: Sss... The English Language Centre, Gollum
Gollum walked along the streets of Rivendell, clutching onto the bottles of hair tonic as he searched for Frodo.
"Massster! Where are you? We wantsss Massster!"
Suddenly, he caught sight of a glaring neon sign on a building... Yet another one of Rivendell's now infamous established educational institutes. The words 'English Language Centre' were flashing in every colour of the rainbow. Only a single soul was loitering about the building, so Gollum had no choice but to ask the man for help.
"Do you knowsss where Massster is? We wantsss to findsss him!"
The man gave him a strange look. "Pardon?"
Gollum repeated what he said.
"Look here. I don't get you. Your English is so... Ugh. Maybe you should go in. The teacher in there should be able to understand you because she's probably used to people talking like you."
Gollum thought about it for a moment, and decided that the man had made perfect sense. He crawled in through the revolving glass doors...
"OW!"
And got himself a lovely bruise on his bald head courtesy of the doors, which moved a little too fast for him.
Nursing his wound, Gollum entered the classroom to see it already full with little elf students. None looked up when he arrived, walking through the revolving classroom doors...
"OW!"
...that is, until he once again got his head, well, crushed by the doors. Wincing in pain, Gollum stumbled around for a while before he regained his senses and walked up to the teacher.
"Do you knowsss where Massster is?"
The teacher, Ms Sharon, stared at him.
Frodo soon grew tired and stopped running, leaning against a tree to rest. There was no way that the SARS virus could run as fast as he had just done. Panting, his gaze wandered to one of those new-fangled computer terminals that had been recently installed.
Curious, he touched the screen. The hobbit almost jumped back when a number of green words popped up.
"Do you want to know what the Matrix is, Frodo?"
He blinked. "The WHAT?"
"If you want to know, follow the white rabbit."
Frodo looked around. "I don't see any white rabbit. What white rabbit are you talking about?." The curiosity of a hobbit was aroused, and he started spamming questions. "Who are you? How do you know my name? What is the Matrix? Why am I talking to a screen?" He paused to take a breath, and the LCD screen took advantage of that precious moment before the hobbit could get anything else in.
"STOP INTERRUPTING! NO ONE CAN TELL YOU WHAT THE MATRIX IS! YOU HAVE TO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF, SO THERE! Ahem. Fine. No white rabbit? Follow the precious. Knock knock, Frodo."
Then, the screen went blank. Frodo shrugged, confused by what had just happened. Suddenly he felt something hit his head, and he blacked out.
A while later...
Frodo blinked sleepily. He thought he heard a voice speaking.
"Mr. Anderson."
The voice sounded strangely familiar. He had heard it before somewhere... But where, he wasn't too sure.
"Who are you?" he croaked, still groggy.
The hobbit blinked again, and slowly the person in front of him came into view. It was an elf he knew very well.
"Elrond?"
It might have been his imagination, but he thought he saw the elf stiffen.
"It's AGENT SMIT- Frodo? Wha... You're not Neo?" The menacing manner left him.
Frodo was now very confused. Also, he now could see Elrond properly. Only that he looked different. His hair was short, for one. In fact, he was balding. Or had a receding hairline, to put it nicely. And he wore a black suit topped off with shades to finish the look.
"Who?"
"Um, sorry. Someone mistook you for Neo. But there isn't much resemblance between you and that guy... She must have been walking around without her shades. That's it."
"Huh? What's going on?"
"Nothing. You can go." Agent Smith, also known as Elrond, paused for a while. "Just... Don't tell Arwen, okay?"
"..."
"Or else." Elrond took out a fibre-optic wire tap from a case and dangled it in Frodo's face. "You don't know what I can do with this, Frodo."
The hobbit panicked and obligingly swore to keep his lips sealed. Then he ran.
Frodo didn't know what was worse; SARS or that THING that Elrond had with him.
"Preciousss? Now, that's very profound word. Do you know what that means?" Ms Sharon asked.
"Er... Preciousss meansss we needs itsss," Gollum whimpered pathetically, horribly confused at being posed a philosophical question by Ms Sharon who questioned the existence and the very being of "the Preciousss".
He thought to himself: ssshe must be a very great perssson if ssshe can quessstion the exissstence of the preciousss, gollum.
"Oh great Mrsss Sharon, explains to usss what the preciousss isss," he asked in a fervrent voice. He bowed awkwardly (given his height, it was understandable) and with adoration evident in his glassy eyes, he looked up at her.
Ms Sharon's face turned crimson red, half out of anger from being called Mrs, and half out of mortification at being worshipped by Gollum.
"Um... Why don't we come back to this topic later?"
"Whatever you sssays, missstresss."
Ms Sharon flushed even more.