THE MAKEOVER

Joint creation of Anakin McFly, Elalipa and Zansetsu.

Disclaimer: Let's play a game, shall we? Let's play a guessing game.  Let's guess who owns LOTR.  I'm putting all my money on JRR Tolkein.  Go bet on someone else.

*

A/N – Zansetsu:

In which a raving mad angry and dangerously suicidal Zansetsu rants. You have been warned.

Firstly, the bloody FFnet screwed up on its format. Secondly, FFnet tries to be fancy and ruins my format. Thirdly, Zansetsu is vainly trying to cover up her own identity. An effort (more than) offset by the two other exhibitionistic co-writers.

In short, Zansetsu is not happy.

As an afterthought, Zansetsu would like to express her amazement at how she was the "angster" and "romancer" of the two, who would never touch humour (on a normal day), is actually actively taking part and writing this.

A/N – Anakin McFly:

EXAMS ARE OVER! =D =D WOOHOO! *jumps up and down and bonks head on ceiling* Ow… ahem… okay, ignore me. ^_^ I bet I failed my English compo.  It was freakin' long (907 words) and politically incorrect because the main character died in the end.  I don't think teachers like that kind of story, but oh well…

WHAT'S WITH THE NEW FF.NET FORMATTING??? *cries*

I just borrowed the whole LOTR trilogy from the library, so I'll actually know what's going on besides what was shown in the movies.  YAY! =D *is feeling hyper* *writes a whole lot of fics and uploads them*

Oh, and read my other fics! Please! I beg you! *gets down on knees*

~~~

Chapter 6: Personal Slave, Faithful Dog

"Look… Er, what's your name again?"

"Gollum," he answered, trying to seem helpful, his big yellow eyes open wide at the teacher as he tried to gain her admiration.

Ms Sharon felt sick.  He was acting worse than her dog.  But she ploughed through anyway.  "Look, Gollum, you've been very helpful and all, but I don't really need you following me all around the place all the time."

The disappointed, rejected look on Gollum's face tugged on her heartstrings.  Sighing, Ms Sharon decided to soften the blow a little. "Why don't you, er, spend some time revising your English instead?"

It seemed to work.  Gollum's face brightened up, and he scampered off.

Ms Sharon continued on to the staff lounge, where she enjoyed a nice cup of coffee. That is, until…

"Sharon! What were you thinking of when you dumped this idiot on us?"

The teacher shrunk into her chair.  Great.  The worst troublemaker in the entire learning facility had just stormed into the room looking for her.  The elf-girl strode right up belligerently and demanded an explanation, waving Gollum's textbook in the air.

Ms Sharon looked around and saw Gollum slinking about in the corners of the room.  So that guy was pretty smart after all, getting HER to help him…

The "HER" in question was by now jabbing her elder with a finger.  Ms Sharon decided that he had enough.  She got up and decided to pay a long-needed visit to the optician, where that student with perfect eyesight would never find her…

"What's your problem? Are you scared of us? Hey! Where are you going?"

Gollum wailed, big drops of tears falling from his face and splashing onto the ground as he watched the object of his affections being yelled at in such a mean manner.

"What is YOUR problem?" The elf-girl was thoroughly irritated by now.  She was stuck with tutoring some hairless thing that couldn't stop hissing, that lousy teacher wouldn't even listen to her, the hairless thing was shrieking over that lousy teacher who had somehow vanished into thin air…

After she was done with Gollum, he had to be sent to hospital.

~

"Wake up, Sam.  The Matrix has you.  Follow…"

Sam stirred at the voice.  It sounded vaguely familiar… "Mister Frodo?"

"Sam? Are you all right? I was so worried…"

"How did I get here?" Sam asked, looking around him from where he lay.  Everything was white. The walls were white, the curtains were white and even his clothes were white.  Even his hair… nah.  Thankfully, that was still its normal colour and Sam assured himself that he at least did not appear like Gandalf.  "Where am I exactly? The last thing I remembered… the last thing I remembered…" Sam screwed up his face in concentration.  "The last thing I remembered was… blackout.  What is this place?"

"Heaven," came the answer in a rather uncertain tone.

"I'm not dead, am I…?" Sam looked about ready to go unconscious again.

"No… uh, wait.  I think it's a hospital…"

"You think?" Sam's face matched the colour of his surroundings.

Frodo looked flustered.  "Lower your volume.  It won't be good if someone heard us."

Taken out of context, that sentence alone could sound very bad. 

"You see… apparently, I was over enthusiastic with my running and tripped over god-knows-what and my head hits god-knows-what and god-knows-who send me to god-knows-where… wait, I know where this is, this is the hospital!" Frodo beamed triumphantly at Sam. "And when I woke up, I found myself here, right beside you.

"Apparently, you too, were sent in because of some injury.  The nurse told me that an elf had sent you in.  We should ask Legolas to convey our thanks to that Good Samaritan." 

Mental image of the "elf" flashed forebodingly across his mind.  "I think… we don't need to…" Then, he remembered the ring. He groped his lower body and touched something hard in his pockets.  He heaved a sigh of relief.

"Frodo," Sam paused for drama's sake, "I have something very important to tell you." He whipped out the ring in its full glory, studded with all kinds of precious stones.

Frodo's eyes brimmed with tears. "You are proposing to me? Do you know, all my life, all my adult life, I've believed in the union of the souls of Frodo and Sam?  And now… when this moment has finally come… I… I… am speechless."

Sam blinked.  "Er… Frodo? Frodo? It's your ring.  It's the ring."

Sam did a mental countdown, waiting for the message to sink in.

5…

4…

3…

"Is that THE ring?" Frodo's expression was that of horror beyond description.

Ah… Frodo had improved.  Sam gave a withering smile.  Till he realised that it was he who was in deep… shit.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT?"

Sam was thrown back from the force of Frodo's yell and banged his head on the windowsill.  "Um… I borrowed it without you knowing?" he asked, rubbing his head in pain.

"You stole it." Frodo glared at him accusatively.

Sam gulped nervously. "I'm sorry.  I'm er… really sorry. But it's so irressssissstibly beautiful.  Don't you think so? It's… such a preciousssss." Sam's eyes held an evil look.

Frodo strangled Sam, breaking him out of his trance.

"It's MY ring!  MY precious!  MINE, MINE, MINE! ALL MINE!  And you've stolen it.  You've vandalised it.  You've destroyed its natural charm and beauty! How do you intend to atone for your sins, huh? Huh? Huh?"

Sam gulped again.  Partially because of the sore throat he had, post-strangulation, but more importantly, because of this bad feeling arising within him.  "How would you like me to…" His voice turned raspy at the words, "Atone for my sins?"

Frodo turned his back against Sam and mused silently to himself.  When he turned back again to face him, Sam could see a maniacal glint in the other hobbit's eyes.

"How about this… You be my personal slave for a month."

Sam thought he heard evil laughter, but it couldn't have come from the good-natured Frodo... could it?

~~~

A/N – Elalipa:

Review.  Just in case we find out that we really failed our exams and become too dispirited to write any further.  Then your reviews will become a ray of light in our lives and further inspire us to churn out more…  We will appreciate whatever comments you have.