Disclaimer: Gravitation does not belong to me.
A/N This fic seemed to pull at me. Or rather the idea did. I'm still not sure if I'm the one to make this fic shine as brightly as it could but I hope those reading it still enjoy it. Before anyone asks, I don't think Ryuichi realized he wasn't dreaming. ^_^
~*~*~*~
Inky lashes fluttered, a small delicate shiver rolling along his body from head to toe. The sensation of being lovingly petted enough to bring the smallest of pitiful moans to his lips.
He was dreaming. Ryuichi knew he was, had to be because no one ever touched him this way. They all saw him as a child even the one he wished would see him as the man he was. But he wasn't a child because children just didn't feel the way he felt at that moment.
Lips as soft as butterfly wings danced over his collar, alighting upon a small patch of skin for a brief second out of time before moving on. The intricate dance of said imagined wings had him squirming, his body bowing in a silent plea to his tormentor.
Don't leave.
Don't stop.
Please.
He hadn't spoken the words, he was sure of it since he could taste the metallic bitterness of his blood in his mouth. His teeth were still locked upon his bottom lip, clamped mercilessly onto the bruised flesh.
Wait, were dreams this realistic? He wasn't sure and he really didn't care just as long as it didn't end.
Elegant hands twisted, grasping at the silk sheet beneath his body, desperately seeking something to latch onto. He was afraid he would mindlessly reach out to touch the phantom in his dreams, afraid that with a single touch he'd shatter the dream that wove its magic over him.
He froze, his body growing as taut as a wire on a fence. The silken roughness of a tongue sweeping over the delicate curve of his ear had his eyes flying open, mouth parting to allow a whimpered breath of sound to escape.
Oh God no, no. Please. Over and over the mantra ran through his mind as he swiftly squeezed his eyes closed. Prayer after prayer was uttered in the hope that someone up above him would hear them and take pity on him. He truly hadn't meant to open his eyes but he just couldn't help it not when his whole body had suddenly felt as if it were on fire.
It seemed like hours passed as he waited breathlessly for any sign that he hadn't woken up, that his nighttime lover hadn't vanished, poofing away into nothingness like a character off of one of the many cartoons he'd grown fond of while he was in America.
"Please." He whimpered, his bottom lip trembling, warning of the tears that would be sure to follow. He felt hollow and incomplete. His body ached, throbbed with a silent demand for completion.
"Please." Again his voice touched the air, the single word wobbling on his tongue as the first of his tears rose, clinging to the tips of gossamer lashes. This couldn't be happening to him. It couldn't be. God wouldn't be that cruel would he?
Crying out he turned onto his side, knees lifting to curl into his chest. Where was Kumagoro? He wanted his Kumagoro. Helpless to combat the sensations assaulting his body he lay bathed in the gentle light of the moon, heart hammering away within his chest. Hesitantly his head turned, gaze sweeping over the darkness hoping to catch sight of his furry friend where last he had left him.
He couldn't remember exactly when the bunny, a prop he'd confiscated from only God knew where, had become his closest friend. At first it had been a means to an end, a extra needed to complete the mask he'd started to don when things were starting to get out of hand. Now he needed the pink bunny he'd affectionately dubbed Kumagoro as much as he needed the air he breathed.
His heart stopped beating, his breath freezing in lungs that refused to work no matter how badly his brain screamed at them, telling them he needed to breathe. He was gone. Gone. Gone. Kumagoro. Where'd he go?
Frantically he started to scramble onto his knees, the blankets shoved unceremoniously out his way. Grabbing at the edge of the bed he shimmied his way over to the side, his bottom lifted half in the air as he leant over.
"KumagORrrrrOooOOoooooooooOOOo."
His name echoed through the silent room, dripping with growing fear. Forgotten was the dream he'd been having. Forgotten was the fact that his body still trembled with a terrible need that begged to be satisfied.
The world could have ended in that moment and Ryuichi wouldn't have noticed. Down dropped his head, his body draping completely over the side of the bed until he could just barely peek under it.
"Kugamoro??" the first tear fell as his hand swept back the tangle of silken sheets and baby soft blankets to reveal nothing but the dust bunnies gathered beneath his bed. They were bunnies but not the bunny he wanted he thought, his bottom lip trembling even more as he fought against the rising scream of denial in his throat.
His Kumagoro wasn't gone. He wasn't. He wouldn't leave him like that. He just wouldn't. "Kugamorooooooooooooo." The wailing cry that shattered the air was filled with heart wrenching sadness; a sound soon stifled by his hand as it rose pressing against his lips.
Lost in his own private hell Ryuichi didn't see the shifting shadows, tendrils of inky darkness swirling as a lean form moved. His shoulders shook as finally he cried, his misery given a voice at last.
"Kuga…" His piteous whimper faded nearly as soon as it was spoken interrupted by the mewling sound that vibrated deep within his chest. He couldn't quite understand how such a wonderful dream had turned into a waking nightmare.
"I want." He began, his voice faltering as he squeezed his eyes shut, his tears slowly falling to wind their way down his pale cheeks. "I want…I want." He took a deep breath, preparing to scream his selfish demand to the heavens above.
"What do you want?" the soft whisper sounded somewhere close to his ear, gently caressing his already strung nerves. Before he could whip his head around to demand who was there Ryuichi felt slender arms encircling his waist, tugging him backwards.
Too stunned to react he tumbled, his back coming to rest against his unseen predator. "Tell me, what do you want Ryu chan?" That voice he thought was a song all of its own, soft and sultry. A song meant to seduce and beguile the unwary. It was a song he was sure he would have remembered hearing because no one who had heard it could have possibly forgotten it.
"I." His head turned, tear drenched eyes skimming over his shoulder. He wanted to see the owner of that song. Had to see the owner of it.
Half twisting about he struggled against his restraints, legs lifting to press his feet flat upon the mattress in the hopes of catching his visitor off guard. A doomed maneuver that prompted a soft tsking sound from his captor.
"No peaking Ryu chan." The voice chided him as if he were a small child caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Growing still he whined, words tumbling free before he could stop them.
"But I want to seeeeeeeeeeeee." He cried, his body jerking as he huffed in disappointed. He never had liked playing games like blind man's bluff or hide and seek. He most assuredly hadn't ever liked playing the who's there? game.
Well, not when he was on the receiving end of the games he admitted to himself. Bit by bit he began to relax, the familiar touch of his phantom lover lulling him into a feeling of security. If his lover was here then that meant he was still dreaming and his beloved Kugamoro wasn't gone. The bright pink bunny was most likely still safely tucked against his slumbering body, guarding him while he slept.
He nearly purred as nimble fingers brushed lightly over his stomach making his muscles quiver with anticipation. He fell silent because really, was there anything left to be said? Surely he didn't have to give voice to his secret longings, the unspoken pleas that only left his lips on a secret whisper of sound when he prayed to the Gods above.
A heart felt sigh rose, heaving throughout his body as he allowed sensation after sensation to wash over him, nimble fingers teasing and questing searched his body, almost as if he thought hazily, they were memorizing its every muscle and sinew.
This he thought, his body lowered by worshipping hands to rest upon his bed, was what he'd selfishly demanded of the Gods each night, stubbornly and tediously repeating the same thing over and over again.. To simply be wanted. Loved. Desired.
Not for the image he presented to the world on stage. Not for the mask he wore off of it. But for who he was and what he could be, even for what he would be in time.
Above him a svelte body hovered as bare of clothing as his own. Ebony eyes set within a face of regal proportions lovingly traced over his features, tucking away in a heart that ached with a desperate combination of hope and longing, his very essence.
There were so many things this one wanted to say to the man sprawled below him. There were so many secrets to share, emotions yet to be voiced that begged to be revealed. How long did he have?
Forever? One could hope, however, he knew deep inside that the divine ladies of fate were quite cruel when they wanted to be. He had, he wistfully thought, lifting a trembling hand to brush his fingers slowly over Ryuichi's lips, most likely only until the sun rose.
Closing his eyes he dipped his head, gently pressing his lips against the softness of Ryuichi's. For that moment he dreamt cotton candy dreams, visions of a time and place that would never be.
In his mind could see them together, frolicking amidst the butterflies in a meadow filled with sunlight. A brilliant light that would wash over his beloved and make him shine as beautifully as the sun itself.
Like scenes from a movie the visions danced through his mind, one after the other in rapid succession. Quiet nights spent wrapped about each other, bodies tucked into the plush couch that often went unused in the living room not so far away.
He saw days of being lost in each other, so bewitched by the spell that bound them that not even the world could intrude. Moments spent listening to him breath, watching him sleep and whispering oh so softly just as he would awaken, "I love you."
It wasn't fair. It wasn't but not even wailing it to the heavens above would change their fate. Nor would anything ever change the fact that no one, absolutely no one would ever love his Ryuichi as much as he did. Not even Eiri san's idiot of a brother.
Because he thought as he hesitantly ended the kiss, his tongue gently lapping at the bruised flesh just a hairs breath away from his lips, no one knew his Ryuichi as well as he did.
There wasn't a single soul in the entire world that knew of his most secret desires. They didn't know the real Ryuichi in his entirety. All they saw was bits and pieces of the whole, the small fragments of the man that had stolen his heart away without even trying.
His heart began to pound, frantically battering away at his ribs as he noticed the faint streaks of light breaking through the curtains shielding the room from the world outside. It was too soon. Far too soon and if he could have the young boy would have begged whichever angel had given him this chance, he would have begged and pleaded for just a little longer.
Time was an unseen enemy that couldn't be fought no matter how valiant the warrior. He especially couldn't fight it, as he had no idea who had taken pity on him, giving him an impossible moment out of time to achieve what he would have otherwise never been able to do.
Silently he cried, watching the face of his beloved, the suns rays creeping further and further into the room. His head lowered, silken tresses brushing softly over ivory flesh, the strands of his hair seeming to follow his lead, gently caressing the body he so passionately longed to posses.
"Ryu chan." The whispered name barely touched the air, his voice hushed and broken as his body shuddered with his sobs.
His arms curled around Ryuichi, a last minute effort to try and hold onto what his heart and soul cried out for even as small too delicate hands rose grasping at his hair. He hadn't accomplished everything he'd wanted to during the night.
No, he thought as his tears continued to fall, the distressed whispers of his love causing his heart to ache even more, not even a lifetime of forever's could possibly be enough time to accomplish every dream he wove during endless days of longing for what could never be.
But he still had time, just a smidgen of it really. Time enough to achieve the most important.
"I love you."
And just like that, with the words barely uttered in a voice that weighed heavily of heart ache and unfulfilled desire, it was over. The harsh reality of the awakening day rudely intruding, brutally dragging the slumbering from their safe havens in the world of dreams and dumping them without remorse into the world of the living.
From amongst tangled sheets a single hand moved, curled fingers locked around silken strands of hair a deep dark pink twitching as a muffled "Kugamoro." Swirled from the depths of the mound that was just beginning to move as a sleep dazed Ryuichi began to search for the rabbit snuggled down by his side.