This is a short chapter, and to be completely honest not a lot is happening right now. It's more of a reflection period. James is trying to figure out where his life when wrong. Anyways...Here it is.

Thanks for all the encouragement (

Please Read and Review..(oh, don't worry, Remus will be back soon!)

Nothing is my Own

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Chapter four: Reflections

Lily cracked her eyes slightly and let out a slight moan. A heavy lump was weighing on her stomach. She glanced down towards the source of the weight.

"Lils, thank God!" Beth sprung her head off Lily's stomach.

"You've been out cold for three days," she informed her.

Lily took a deep breath, "what happened?"

"You were attacked by a death eater," Beth said slowly.

Beth was so innocent in these dark times. She wasn't in or aware of the Order of the Phoenix. As far as she knew Lily had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Beth now had tears streaming down her face, "I was so worried about you."

Lily tired to crack a smile, "I'm fine."

She was feeling so weak, her breaths were deep and long as she tried not to concentrate of the spinning room. "Where is James?"

"He's sleeping, finally," Beth smiled. "Do you want me to go wake him?"

"No," Lily said quickly. She imagined that he probably hadn't slept since she was attacked.

December O'Riley peeked her head through the door, "knock, knock."

"Hello D," Lily said with exhaustion.

"I thought I heard talking in here," she said playfully, "feeling better sunshine?"

"Honestly?" Lily confessed.

December walked towards Lily and stroked her hair, "you were hit by a pretty nasty curse."

"Really, I didn't notice," Lily joked.

Lily looked around the room, "where am I?"

"St. Mungo," Beth said flatly. "They wouldn't let us bring you home until you came out of your coma."

Lily let her head fall back against her pillow, the room was swimming in front of her.

"Is everybody else okay?" she asked not thinking about Beth's and December's naïve perception of what really happened to her.

"Alice Longbottom stopped the death eater from finishing you off, and was hit by a curse herself," December informed her, "but she's fine."

"What about Peter?" Lily asked.

Beth and December gave each other a puzzled look.

"Peter, he wasn't there Lily," Beth said with confusion.

Lily forced a smile, "I'm just a little out of it right now."

Beth crawled into bed with Lily and wrapped her arms around her close friend.

"I don't know what I would have done if we'd have lost you," she confessed.

"Oh Beth, get a grip," December said sarcastically.

Lily glanced over at the picture on her night stand. The picture of her wedding day. It took her a few seconds to completely focus in on the picture. Beth, Lily and December were all doing a polite curtsey and James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were all waving happily.

Lily motioned toward the picture, "things sure have seemed to change."

Lily remembered those happy times very vividly. The happiest day of her life was when James had asked her to be his wife. They had been on holiday in Southern France. It was the first time either of them had been on vacation with each other. Lily could still smell the fresh warm air and they walked barefooted on the white sandy beach. She could still hear the waves breaking . She was staring at the bright half moon, smiling at the tranquility of the evening. When she turned around James was down on one knee with a small precious ring in his hand.

"Lily, be my wife," she could still hear his sweet voice ringing in her ear.

Beth suddenly interrupted her memory, "your robe was so beautiful."

Lily felt exhaustion starting to take over her body, "I'm going to take a nap."

Beth kissed her cheek, "we'll be here when you wake up."

Lily closed her eyes and instantly she was floating in a world of dreams.

Sirius and Peter sat in the waiting room. Sirius glanced at the bandage on his arm, "another battle scar," he muttered.

Peter barely looked at him, his eyes were watery and he seemed to have a constant case of the shakes.

There was something bothering Peter, but nobody seemed to give it much notice.

"Have you spoken with Remus, I'm surprised he's not here." Sirius asked aloud.

Peter didn't respond, he was staring at his feet, water filling his eyes.

Sirius glared at him with worry, "don't blame yourself mate."

Peter shuttered suddenly, he looked over at Sirius and forced a smile.

Sirius stood up as December quietly closed the door to Lily's hospital room.

"Well, she's going to be okay," December announced.

"Is she awake?" Sirius asked with concern.

"She was, she's asleep again," December said warmly.

Sirius collapsed into the chair he had been sitting in, relief spreading across his face. December took the seat next to Peter and patted him softly on his back.

"You okay?' she asked.

He looked at her and smiled with an appreciative nod.

Sirius suddenly stood up, "I'm going to go wake James."

December grabbed Sirius's arm as he walked by, "let him sleep, he hasn't slept in days."

Sirius considered for a minuet, "he'll kill me if I don't wake him."

December gave a light chuckle and watched Sirius apparate to James's home.

Godric Hollow was a beautiful place. Although James and Lily didn't have great paying jobs, the Potter family name came with many perks. One being James's inheritance from his Great Grand Father. The house was quaint and subtle, until you got inside. It was breathtaking. Solid cherry furnishings, shining hard wood floors. Sirius ran up the stair case to the second floor bedroom.

He slowly peeked inside, he excepted to see James sleeping. Instead he found his best friend looking through an old picture album.

He didn't look up when he spoke, "Lily loves to take picture."

Sirius leaned against the door frame. James turned each page slowly, closely examining every wave and smile.

"Have you ever noticed you never take pictures of sad times?" James asked.

Sirius considered for a moment, "I guess that's because you don't want to remember those sad times."

James picked up Lily's camera from the night stand, he held it an arms length in front of him and snapped a picture, "I don't want to ever forget how much it hurts to lose her."

Sirius entered the room and pulled the camera out of James loose grip.

"She woke up," he said in a low tone.

James eyes perked up and he raised his head, "is she awake now?"

Sirius shook his head, "she's resting again."

James breath a sigh of relief, "it's all my fault you know."

He locked eyes with Sirius, "I should have waited for you guys."

Sirius placed his hand on James shoulder, "You did what you had to do. Nobody thinks it's your fault."

James stood up and carried the picture book back towards the book shelf. He careful placed it in its designated spot.

"I'll never leave her alone again, if there is a battle, she'll be right by my side. I'd rather die that have anything happen to her," James said with emotion.

Sirius smiled at James, trying to lift his spirits, "why don't you get some rest, I'll come get you when she wakes up."

James removed his glasses and shook his head, "No, I want to be there when she wakes up again."

Lily's dreams were interrupted. She cracked her eyes, it took a minuet for them to adjust to the dark room. It was night time, and she remembered she was at St. Mungos.

She lifted her head lightly off her pillow trying to gather what was surrounding her. James was staring out the window, leaning slightly against the window seal.

"James," she cried softly.

He was instantly at her side. "Are you okay?" he said, tears forming in his eyes.

She smiled and gave a weak nod, "I could use some water."

James grabbed the pitcher sitting next her bed and poured her a glass.

"Here," he careful tilted the glass up towards her lips. She took a short sip and coughed.

James ran the back of his hands across his eyes, knocking his glasses off center.

Lily lifted her hand to his face and fixed them.

"I was so scared that I had lost you," he confessed.

Lily carefully ran her fingers through his messy hair, "you look tired."

James nodded.

She pulled him onto the bed with her and the two lovers stared deep into each other's eyes.

"I guess that can be considered as a close call," she tried to joke.

James grabbed her swiftly and gave her a deep kiss. "I almost lost you," he repeated.

"Are Peter and Sirius okay?" Lily asked quietly.

A dark glare formed behind James eyes, "Peter, the bloody coward," he muttered.

Lily lifted her head again, "no, you can't blame Peter for this."

James's look softened, "I know."

Lily nuzzled her head into James chest, she felt safe. He carefully caressed her back until he noticed she had once again fallen asleep. James looked across the room into a mirror. He stared at it, and his reflection seemed so foreign.

This wasn't the life he had envisioned for him and Lily. He had promised her the world, and given her nothing. People were dying everyday, and yet so many other wizards and witches did nothing to try to stop it. Why did he and Lily have to risk their necks when so many others wouldn't life a finger.

He was tired, he was finished. When Lily awoke he'd tell her that they were quitting the Order. Maybe they'd move someplace far away from here. A place where there were no death eaters. James smiled at this thought and kissed Lily on her forehead. He looked back towards the window, staring out into the open night. Thinking of another place, and another time.