Attempted suicide beware!

Chapter 18

A Corellian Freighter landing on Naboo is something that would have made many Nubians worried about other circumstances if not for Queen Amidala warning them that they would have a visitor shortly. To respect the privacy of their little friend, the Queen had merely said it was nothing to be concerned about and that they can continue as if it is just yet another day.

But suffice to say, they do put some of the Naboo ships to shame, something that even Padmé would have to admit. This is one of the ones, and it is strongly armed, showing that the pilot is a busy one that does get around into hostile territory. That is an idea Sabé would have to recommend at a later date when it comes to their own ships.

Sabé stares at Eirtaé and Rabé as the freighter lands, before seconds later a woman walks off. She looks a lot like the common Naboo which means she must have been born here.

"Old friend," Yané greets, wrapping her arms around the woman before stepping back to her friends and indicating to them. "This is Sabé, Rabé, Eirtaé, and Saché."

Candice smirks. "Four more Yanés?"

Sabé swallows something in her throat before finally saying. "I take it that you are good at being a therapist."

"Mhm," says the woman, waving a hand over her hair, "The one and only."

"I have already explained the situation to Candice. She dealt with people of all ages. Sexual assault victims. Abandonment. You name it."

"I have to admit that former slaves are not something that even I am experienced with. You would be lucky if you find a therapist who have been successful in this galaxy, but I would start off with common traits and what I have read about slaves. That way, we would know how to heal."

Sabé is not in the position to argue with the woman, especially since she has done with more victims in one year than Sabé had done in sixteen years of her life.

"We have another one," Eirtaé adds, folding her hands behind her back. "He is in less a worse state or so it seems."

Sabé is ashamed that she had almost forgotten Kitster. Perhaps due to them not having as much of a bond between herself and Anakin but that is something that Sabé would fix shortly.

"Forgot to mention one, I see," Candice says.

"No, they can both probably use your services," Sabé responds sheepishly, "But, I was most concerned for Ani right now as he has just attempted to kill himself."

Candice scowls slightly. "I can guarantee you that it would take much longer for little ones to heal. They have lived outside of the healthy galaxy for so long, and I have a feeling I would need you. Luckily for you, I know Yané as the price should be doubled."

"Queen Amidala would help me," Sabé responds, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Good, but with all due respect, do you have a stable income? A home? A place to give them - namely the child stability? You are taking care of a child at too young of an age and I understand that you must feel attached but you are truthfully not ready to take care of the child. Besides, you may have the help of your Queen, but what about when Naboo truly need it?"

"Then I can find a job," Sabé says bitingly, "I know he-they-need this. I'm willing to do what I have to in order to see them helped, and Naboo cannot turn anyone away. It is not within our culture."

Yané can see Sabé is beginning to grow furious before she motions her cousin inside. "Shall we introduce you to Ani? We have him in a cell."

"Yané, I need only you and..."

"Sabé," she replies snappishly but not wanting to start conflict over something that would be otherwise petty.

Rabé, Saché, and Eirtaé obviously want to argue but Sabé commands them. "Go watch Kitster."

They perk up and nod before Sabé walks away from them, leading Candice alongside Yané to the room. It is a silent trip as they see the boy sitting on the bench. Poor little one...

The boy stands up, giving the lady a curious look, before eyeing the two that lock him in here and snorting slightly.

In the span of an instant, the almost hostile attitude that Candice had greeted Sabé with shifts into a gentle nature at the woman open the door to the room. "My name is Candice Orwell; I understand you were recently a slave-."

Anakin snarls as he flips around and glares at her. "I'm a person and my name is Anakin!"

Sabé grimaces a little at the hostility, but Candice merely smiles softly, looking pleased. "I know you are, and I'm very glad you already recognize that. From what I read; many former slaves that come here for treatment have had to struggle for a long time to accept that."

Anakin narrows his eyes. "Treatment?"

"I'm specialized in helping people work through trauma and difficult life situations, albeit I must say I have never met a former slave." Candice replies curiously, "I help people learn to live with and accept their pasts."

Anakin gives her a bemused look.

Sabé wonders why she is skirting around just saying it. "She's a mind healer."

Candice shoots her an exasperated look.

Anakin however goes very still, his eyes widening. He looks at Sabé in anger, rage, suffering, fear, and so much more that she can see it around him. Never before did Anakin seem so afraid. Back on Tatooine Anakin had seemed angry and afraid but now..., "I don't need help! I'm not crazy! I'm... I'm not defective! Sabé!"

Defective?! What the kark?!

He mutters so fearfully it takes her breath away, "Please... please... Don't send me back to Watto! I-I would be good!"

Sabé is, to put it plainly, a bit stunned. Where in the Naboo's lakes had all of this come from? This... was worse than she had imagined, the fact that he'd even think that she would do that to him hurt. She sends as much reassurance to Anakin as she reaches for his arm and grips it, easing him up.

It is that... something that have been built a few months ago. Even miles away, Sabé always felt him. What happened to Shmi Skywalker Tatooine forced them closer as much distance as she can. She had always thought of Anakin for the past few days and had been unable to sleep without him like months ago.

Sabé drops to her knees and replies. "Anakin, this is exactly why I wanted to bring you here."

He gives her a lost look.

She rests her hands on his knees. "You shouldn't live with the constant fear that those who look after you are going to beat you, abandon you, or holding onto things personally. That fear, coupled with the fear of all others around you... it's not healthy for you Anakin. It's an awful way to live. I brought you here for therapy to help you because I care about you. We all do."

His negative emotions are still palpable. "How can you care about me after I scared you on Tatooine? I-I am a monster."

Sabé is surprised at that. Anakin is still worried for everybody around him. He can still be saved and Sabé intends to be there for him. Anakin suppresses many qualities that make Sabé realize that he is not a normal boy. Boys are usually less... like this and more outspoken individuals who love to speak what's on their minds.

"You are not," she replies, radiating her sincerity down the familiar feeling.

Anakin whimpers, and it sends a pang down Sabé's spine. For the months she had seen him, he has been so energized and full of life, but now he seems to be numbed and immovable. Anakin seems so tired, his fatigued eyes showing that the boy may have not slept for days, and Sabé wishes that she could have done something to help him.

"Sleep deprivation," Candice murmurs, typing into her datapad as if Anakin is an interesting test subject to be monitored, "Well, this will be interesting."

She clears her throat and not-so-subtle glares at Sabé. "From here on out, please let me ease him into things instead of bumbling into them. I am the professional here if you will."

Sabé grimaces. "Sorry."

Anakin however turns to glare at the Mind Healer, stepping up to the woman and giving her a fierce glare. He can be scary when he wants to be, and he is still protective over his loved ones. "Hey! Don't be mean to her!"

Sabé gives Anakin a small smile. "It's fine, Anakin, I kind of deserved it."

Anakin scoffs and steps away from them, sitting down on the bench, while still giving a glare to the woman.

"Don't pick on her."

Sabé snorts in amusement. She was never bullied in her childhood years but this is adorable to see someone standing up for her.

Candice stares down at Anakin for a second, thinking something over, before cautiously speaking. "You are very protective of her."

"Well yeah, she's my...!" Anakin begins to shout as if it is the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

"What? Older sister?" Candice clicks her tongue before she could have said something else that Sabé almost miss hearing coming on her lips. Someone again thinks that she is the kid's mother. Shmi Skywalker deserved to be Anakin Skywalker's mother more than anything.

Candice kneels down in front of Anakin once again, giving him a soft, sad look. "Yes, she is, but she is her own person before she is your guardian. She has her own flaws and struggles just like every person in this galaxy."

Considering the instant recoil coming from Anakin at the brutal honesty, Sabé begins to wonder if this is a good idea. She trusts Yané but the woman is pretty much making Anakin angry again. Ugh, bloody hell! She should really look into mind healing!

The boy's eyes go wide with shock and terror. "That's! That's not what I meant!"

"Perhaps not," Candice replies, reaching over to put gentle hands on his trembling shoulder, "But it's the way you believe, the way so many freed slaves believe. Having had so little to call their own during their enslavement, they so often feel intensely possessive of the people they come to care for and whatever objects come into their possession, fearing the day they die every passing day. It's even worse as most of the time, the only authority figures a freed slave was generally their owner, who only teaches how to survive and adapt. How you interact with people; perhaps believing that they need your protection and guidance regardless of what they think, or that they owe you something by knowing you, or that they are something to be worshipped like a ruler or adore and that you must impress them. In essence, as if they belong to you, or are objects."

Anakin cradles his head, sniffling, trying to choke back sobs and tears that come out of nowhere. "I-I'm n-not a s-slaver..."

Wait, what?

Sabé shoves her forward and places herself in front of Candice, protectively. "You are scaring him! You are damaging him and hurting him more! Can you see that?!"

That's when she recalls it.

As if they belong to you, or are objects.

Sabé blinks a few times, bemused as it hit her, and reaches up to rub her aching forehead. This right here is why she went for a therapist instantly. Candice indeed knows what she is doing. She definitely agreed that Anakin did NOT mean it like that, but...

"I know you're not, she knows you're not," Candice says, seeing that Sabé finally gets it, kneeling down next to Anakin and laying a gentle hand on his shoulder, "it's clear, young one, by how you react how much you attached, but this way of thinking and acting isn't good for you or for those around you. It can twist that care into something strongly negative.

A sad expression crosses her face. "I have researched how some former slaves hides their coping mechanisms by tough or others such exteriors, not able to face their problems. Fewer still find true healing from the abuse and suffering they went through. They'd rather bury it as deep into their minds as they can and forget about it, but such horrors can never be forgotten, and can come back to haunt and affect you at the worst of cases."

Anakin stares at her wonderingly, his eyes beginning to twitch.

She glances at Sabé. "She wanted to find you help by locking you away, not to hurt you. Her limits to how to deal with a slave is limited, and I met children similar to you, but I can see the things that you have suffered from your eyes alone. You are lost and afraid of what to do which is why you wanted to pull the trigger several days ago. You thought if you left, you would no longer be a burden."

Anakin grimaces as he trembles before he falls back onto the seat. "I-I..."

Her voice grows so soft and so gentle that Sabé has difficulty thinking of a time she heard anything like it ever. "Do you want to be helped?"

Anakin didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"Your mother... she would want you to be helped. Don't take away this chance of assistance. You are one of their brothers. When I landed, I saw all of them staring at me, their eyes alone begging me to help." Candice says, her hand touching his shoulder, a slight grimace there.

"I-I have been a pest to their lives for months..." Anakin replies.

"Please, Ani," Sabé begs, her voice low and steady. Anakin turns away from her, not wanting to see all the tiny things in her expression, in her posture, things that somebody without Anakin's eyesight would miss. "Don't do this. You're a person and your name are Anakin. You still have a place among us. We felt complete without you, but since you came into our lives, things have never been better. Those months with you, we realized that we lacked someone as good as you. Do you want us to feel pain? Do you want us to know that you suffered before you managed to kill yourself?"

Anakin feels something bubbling in his chest. He had never considered the fact that there would be so much damage to the ladies if he had been successful several days ago. Part of them would have died with him and they might have done it later as he had. He was being...

He was being selfish.

Anakin wants nothing more but to rip his heart out. He is hurting Sabé. How do the others feel?

"I should have done this a while ago," Sabé murmurs bitterly, her hand coaxing Anakin's arm. "Every passing moment, you fear a beating or have random breakdowns which should have made me more concerned. I-I failed you by my ignorance, by me hoping that it wouldn't have lingered so long."

Anakin leans in her embrace instinctively as he always does. "I-"

The moment of tenderness is over by the cruel words in his skull.

"You are nothing but slave trash. You failed your mother. What's the point of trying to start over?"

"I deserve to die."

Yané's frustration is palpable, "The voice inside you, Ani! Tell it to shut the kark up! We all care about you! You are not a Droid! You are not a slave! You have your own decisions in life!"

Anakin closes his eyes in deep conflict.

'Anakin, do it.'

His mother. She is standing before him, a firm scowl across her lips, and Anakin knows that he cannot ever refuse his mother. She would have done anything for him to have a happier life.

Candice gives him a charming smile and slips a hand into his. "It's a big step to come to that decision that I can understand that you may need time. You are proving that you are more mature at willing to give it a try than some might have been."

"You are a slave. You always will be."

"I-I can't," Anakin replies, reaching for his head, trying to avoid the form of his mother's disappointed look.

Pain registers across the women's faces.

He didn't apologize, although some part of him wants to so badly. Did it matter? He places them in harm's way, he'd been almost tempted to kill them on Tatooine. They are not safe around him.

Anakin wishes they will just go away.

He trembles and shakes and pant, not even really putting up a fight when they are far stronger. Anakin's older sister speaks to him in a hushed tone, the way she speaks to frightened animals, but the words didn't process, drowned out by the noise.

A pathetic whine slips out of Anakin's throat as Sabé tries to drag him up into an embrace. He hates himself for it, but then again what didn't he hate himself for these days? Sabé tries to hug him, to caress him and this time Anakin did fight, if only weakly, half-heartedly. It somehow carries to the hallway because Anakin feels himself blacking out, feels his legs carrying him, his eyes bloodshot, even though he can't remember.

"Anakin!"

They would catch me but they can't! I can't allow them to catch me!

"I got him!" Saché's voice is vibrant in his eardrums, and Anakin realizes he is running on air.

No, they got me!

He screams over and over for her to let him go but she holds on. He tries to kick her knee but then he feels two other arms grab at his feet. Then two hands push down on his chest and he is trapped on the ground. No amount of fighting will get him out of this predicament, but he still tries to punch and kick, despite the strong women pinning him down.

A typical submission tactic, one that Rabé had done on him before throughout training. Every time Rabé would win of course with her pinning him but Anakin had been getting good every sparring session and those times were full of chuckles and teasing. He wants that power to come back if only to get them off of him!

"Anakin, stop fighting, it will only make things worse than they already are." Sabé says, placing a hand on his cheek, a gesture of comfort that she usually uses.

He doesn't mean it but he wants to make it hurt. The voice is shouting in his head. Anakin wants it to end.

"I will never go with you willingly! Let me go! I hate you! I want to go; I want to leave!"

The words he let rip from his mouth are completely false. Sabé, Saché, and Yané are holding him down, trying to keep him onto the ground.

Freedom!

He is one step closer!

Anakin breaks free again, stands up, and begins running to the window.

Yes!

Yes! He would be free!

Anakin can feel air escaping his lungs as he prepares himself to end it all, only for him to be slammed into the wall! He moans, not at the pain in his back, but the denied opportunity to him!

"Let me go!" Anakin shouts, throwing his feet across the air. One of his movement catches Yané's legs. It is not meant to hurt so badly.

They are refraining to send swings at his direction but struggle in subduing his legs. Anakin is not on the ground and the window is only several meters away from him. He wails as he pushes up against them like a wounded animal.

Eventually, Eirtaé and Rabé intervene, appearing from nowhere to scoop Anakin off his feet into his arms like he weighs nothing at all. Anakin hisses and tries to shove himself out of his sisters grip, trying to get away, but the thought that he has nowhere else to go stifled the strongest of his efforts. Why are they doing this? Can't they see he's a failure?

They bring him into his room, Sabé gently shushing him when another whine escapes, squeezing him slightly when he tried to worm free, not as a warning but as some attempt to quell his anxieties. Despite her metallic personality, Sabé is a soft touch, he knows that.

And the part of him that said he should make it hurt? The pain his heart is sending through to him. Anakin tries to ignore it. He cares about them s-so much, but at the same time he wants to jump out of the window.

The most fighting Anakin did is when Saché comes forward with a blaster in her hand as she did days ago, along with a "NO! DON'T!" from his lips. He makes a terrified undignified sound somewhere between a hiss and a yowl and tries valiantly to free himself from Rabé's ironclad grip, half ignoring and fully not hearing whatever his sisters are saying to him as his blood pounds in his ears, but Sabé is there and so is Sabé and Eirtaé hold him down enough for the stun blast to be pulled. Anakin goes limp, all fight leaving him as quickly as his sisters had left him that first time around and every time since. The last thing he sees before the blackness swallows his senses is the concern on their faces.

"I failed."

Anakin collapses on top of Sabé's shoulder. He still fights in his sleep, his whimpers and grunts escaping his lips. His hair is disentangled, going down his handsome face, and tears still are escaping his eyes even with them closed. The kid probably wouldn't even remember when he awakens yet again.

"Binders?" Sabé asks, narrowing her eyes at Eirtaé. She had beaten her to it.

Sabé really didn't want to put him in binders but these suicide attempts need to stop. Eventually, he would be successful and maybe relocating him could put him into a more guarded cell where he would be apprehended before he could even get near a window or any other means to kill himself. It may be overkill but she is desperate at this point, and so she would justify that as an excuse to be petty.

Eirtaé replies as reasonably as possible but with slight softness. "I rather have the kid contained instead of having him dead. Detaining him is the only alternative."

Sabé didn't want to but she has no choice. The kid is ambitious sometimes. She places him onto his stomach, taking his right arm and placing the cuff on the back, before taking the left arm and placing that cuff on his back.

"I'm sorry," Sabé murmurs, laying a kiss on his cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"You're right," Candice says, laying a hand against the unconscious boy's shoulder while addressing Sabé. "It is bad but I think I struck something within him that he is not ready to accept."

"Is that good or bad?" Eirtaé asks, placing both of her hands on her hips.

"Both," Candice replies, much to the apprehension from all the ladies. "He's a good kid who is stronger than he looks. It seems he's afraid of all of your disappointment, combined with his mother's death, which contributes too much stress on his shoulders."

"We are willing to help him," Sabé replies, standing at attention, her eyes showing conviction. All of the ladies nod in agreement.

Candice gives her the datapad, giving her a smile that isn't there earlier. Sabé can tell that she has earned the respect of the other woman, something that she didn't consider would happen earlier. Maybe she had seen that Sabé did indeed care for Anakin or is more mature for her age. Whatever the reason Sabé is slightly grateful.

With that, Sabé is given a harsh reminder of why she hates paperwork as she signs the documents.

Date of birth (Unknown... does he even know his date of birth?)

Place of residence? (The palace.)

Vaccination dates? (...Are slaves even vaccinated?)

Illnesses he suffered? (Kark, how would she even know?)

Details of trauma or abuse? (The ones that have been told to her, namely the near-rape in a past.)

The list goes on and on, asking more and more questions she really didn't have a clue to. She realizes how little she actually knew about the boy she is supposed to care for in the respect of Shmi Skywalker. For goodness' sake, was this what raising a child would have been like? To cradle another's life so deeply in her hands is a frightening thing. Especially when she realized Candice was right, this was going to take a long time, she better get used to seeing something else with Anakin. That in itself is also... not quite scary, but unsettling. When is the last time she had ever stayed in one place for longer than a few months? She had learned much from traveling to Tatooine about how Naboo is a place she should always appreciate as well as Anakin's traumas.

But that is alright.

She meant what she said.

She'd do whatever it took to see this through, to see Anakin helped, cured, and somehow to be able to recover from this. Even if it took time to get through the first two steps...

And time it would take indeed...

Sifo-Dyas comes up to the throne room. He hasn't seen Dooku for some time now, but he had been shocked when he discovered that he abandoned the Order. The thought of the Padawan of Yoda himself ever leaving the Jedi Order is definitely something that made the Jedi curious.

Serenno is indeed a powerful place where even now the Guards are eyeing his every movement, prepared to fire if he so chooses to look at them the wrong way.

The Jedi almost chuckles at the heavy protection that his old friend definitely doesn't even require. Even now in his elderly age, Dooku can still pack a punch as he did back in their younger days, and anyone who thinks otherwise are foolish.

He enters the throne room of his friend and can't mask his smirk when he sees his friend sitting on his chair, illuminated by the golden background, making him seem ever the more impressive.

"Sifo-Dyas, my old friend, I have been expecting you," Dooku greets, indicating for the Jedi to sit in a seat across from him.

"You bet your ass I would find you that you left the Order, my friend," Dyas replies, narrowing his eyes at the old Count, but deciding to take the offered seat.

Dooku chuckles. "Ever the blunt." The Count scowls. "Unfortunately, I have come to see that it is the Jedi who is standing in the way of peace."

"I do not see too brightly of the Jedi but I do know that they do have the best intentions are heart," Sifo-Dyas replies in complete seriousness.

Dooku replies softly. "You have had your own falling out with the Order. You disagree with the way of the Republic. Come now, my old friend, join me in leaving behind that pathetic Order. I'm done with being a slave of the Republic. If you wish to continue to be one, you should leave."

Sifo-Dyas places a hand on his chin. He knows that there would be no convincing Dooku, especially since the man had always been someone who always expressed disappointment to the Republic. Qui-Gon's unexpected death was only the icing on the cake which was leaving Dooku lost and desperate and might have compromised him over to the darkness.

"You want to construct a new Order?" Dyas replies, his eyes going wide as he suddenly senses the reason why Dooku must have lured him here.

"Yes. I cannot allow this corruption to continue in the Republic. While I told Sheev that Coruscant was his, that does not mean that I do not want to watch the galaxy corrupt under the very Republic with all who could stop helpless in their endeavors." Dooku retorts pointedly, as always, the stern mask and almost unbreakable.

Sifo-Dyas doesn't know what Dooku is planning but something strong within him tells him it wouldn't end well for anyone.