here it is, the final chapter :)
before I finish it, I wanted to share the short playlist of songs that inspired parts of this fic:

1. People You Know- Selena Gomez
2. Forgive Me, Friend- Smith & Thell
(those two gave me the initial idea)
3. Just Pretend- Bad Omens
4. Glimpse of Us- Joji
5. You Get Me So High- The Neighbourhood
6. The Beach- The Neigbourhood
7. You and I- PVRIS
8 . Atlantis- Seafret
9. Don't Delete the Kisses- Wolf Alice (the main song I associate with this fic, ofc!)

I sit upright in bed, a horrible jolting feeling sucking me out of my dream and into reality. I recognize this feeling. It has my heart pounding against my ribcage so fast I feel like I'm going to burst. I throw the covers off and race out of the room, already dialling Goh, the door clicking shut behind me as I bite my lip hard. Come on, pick up, pick up-

"Ash?" Goh says, sounding fine. Relief floods over me, almost making me fall back against the wall. "Isn't it like, 3am there? Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine. Are you? Is everything okay?" I ask, trying not to sound too frantic but failing.

"Yeah. I was trying to fix a window and fell off a ladder. It didn't hurt, I just got a shock, I think. Did you feel it?"

I blow out a breath. I'm grateful that I'll know if he's ever in any danger, but I wish I wouldn't wake up in the night whenever he got a fright. It doesn't happen often- only a few times in the last couple months, whenever something's made him panic. He gets the same with me, though.

"Yeah," I say. "It woke me up."

"I'm sorry," he says. "You should go back to bed."

I know I should. I'm yawning, exhausted, and I have lectures at 9am tomorrow. Still, it's so good to hear his voice. Recently, we've only been able to talk when it's early morning there, and late evening here. With the time zones one of us is almost always sleeping while the other is awake. There are a lot of busy days where we don't get to speak at all.

"I miss you," I say.

"I miss you too," he says. My heart clenches painfully in my chest. It's been two months since I last saw him in person, but it's felt like much longer. Some days I feel fine, but others are harder than they were before we reconnected. It feels like I'm only half of myself, and there's that constant pull towards him, forever making my heart ache. I spend a lot of days fighting off depressive episodes.

The whole world knows about us now. I had a lot of confused texts and calls to answer when I got off the plane in Castelia after having no signal for the entire fifteen hour flight. In the time between me leaving Kanto and arriving here, it had spread like wildfire. It took me a whole week to get back to everyone, and explain to all of them what had happened.

My favourite nights are the ones where I dream of him. Sometimes they're vivid, lucid dreams that I can hold onto in the morning, and pretend they're real. I never thought one person could drive me so insane.

"Just another month," Goh says after a moment of silence. "Then you'll be home for Christmas, right?"

"Yeah," I say, smiling sadly. "I can't wait to see you." I don't tell him that I've literally been counting down the days.

"I love you, Ash. Now go back to bed," he says, laughing. I huff a laugh.

"I love you too. Call me tomorrow?"

"Obviously." I can tell he's grinning, even from across the world. "Goodnight."

I head back into the room quietly, trying not to wake Nate. I feel infinitely better from just hearing his voice. Still, every time I do, it adds a little bit onto the loneliness I feel here in Unova. I try to hide it, but it's really getting to me. I miss Goh, but I also miss Dawn, and Chloe. I miss our little squad. I feel like I was happiest in those final days, when we were all together. They are my family. Here, I feel torn away from them. They're all together in Kanto, especially now that Dawn has moved in with Chloe officially, and I'm stuck here, half the world away.

I lay back down in bed, staring up at the ceiling, my phone laying on my chest. I wonder what they're doing now. I wonder if they feel as empty as I do. What do you do when all the light in your life is gathered in one person, and they're not with you?

— — — —

Another week passed, but the whole time my brain was screaming at me that I should be in Kanto. Chloe called me on Tuesday, telling me that Goh wasn't acting like himself. That he was quiet, and distant, more than ever. He never called me after that night, and I tried to call him on Wednesday, but he didn't answer. I called him on Thursday, but he didn't answer again. Dawn answered when I called her and told me he seemed okay, but was acting a little off.

On Friday, it was apparent he was dodging my calls. Not hearing from him was making me embarrassingly heartsick. The days dragged on so long they felt like weeks.

Now it's Saturday, and I'm sitting in bed, thinking I must be feeling this much more than he is. Maybe he felt smothered by me, and he's having second thoughts, or maybe he's decided he doesn't want to wait for me. There's definitely something wrong, and him ignoring me is driving me insane. I can't handle a repeat of the past. The longer that this silence stretches on, the more I start to think this is his way of breaking up with me.

Pikachu nudges my knee, trying to get me to cheer up, but I just sigh, banging my head gently against the headboard behind me. I shouldn't let one person affect me this much, but honestly, how can he be okay with this? How can he shut me out again after everything we've gone through?

I remember lying in his bed, him kissing down my neck, muttering in my ear that he loves me, and I shiver, wrapping my arms around my knees. I don't want to be annoyed, but every passing day is making it harder. It's worse because I can't tell him how I feel if he won't answer my calls, because I can't exactly just show up now. I could text him, but I hate the thought of getting annoyed over text and sending a scathing paragraph.

These few hours in the morning are the only hours we get together, and he's ignoring me. I stare down at my phone, lying on the bed beside me. I pick it up, determined not to be the stubborn one this time. If he wants to ignore me, fine, but I'm not going to make it easy for him.

I call him again. The phone rings until it goes to voicemail, once again. Irritation sparks up in my brain and I toss the phone across the room. It lands on the carpet and skids under Nate's bed. I drop my head against my knees, feeling my heart crushing up in my chest, crumpling like paper. I hear Pikachu jump down and run across the room, likely to fetch it for me, but I'm too annoyed to feel guilty for lashing out when he's here.

"Pika." He's tapping the phone against my leg. I huff and take it from him.

"Sorry," I say, sighing. I suppose he's really leaving me no choice at this point. I'm not going to wait around for him to answer me any longer. Either he replies to me, or Christmas is going to be really fucking awkward.

I'm not just going to sit in this room and sulk, either. I get dressed and call Nate, checking where he's at. He says he's just about to get something to eat, and asks if I want to come with him, so I say yes, and head out to join him.

— — — —

Later that night, when Nate's sleeping and I still haven't heard from Goh, I cave and text him, telling me that if he wants to break up with me, there's better ways to do it than just completely ghosting me. Thinking he can't possibly ignore a message like that, whether I'm right or wrong, I tuck my phone under my pillow and roll over onto my side, letting myself sleep.

I wake on Sunday morning and pull my phone out again, holding it up over my face. My heart sinks down to my stomach when the only notification is from Dawn, answering my texts. He isn't even bothering to reply to my text accusing me of breaking up with me.

That confirms it, then. I know his phone isn't broken, or Chloe would know and tell me. If he isn't bothering to deny an accusation like that, then I was clearly right.

My chest cracks open and I start to cry. I'm angry, and hurt, and heartbroken that he'd do this to me again. I want to scream, honestly, but Nate's still asleep across the room, and Pikachu at the end of the bed. Instead I throw my arm over my eyes and take deep breaths, trying to calm down.

It'll be okay. I'll get through this.

Who am I fucking kidding? Nothing about this is okay. I had thought Goh was the same person deep down, but maybe I was wrong, because what kind of person can pretend to love someone only to ditch them like this?

I roll back onto my side and close my eyes again before I can fully wake up. I'd rather sleep all day than feel this shit, but my heart won't stop hurting, and my chest feels tight. I lie there for what seems like forever, trying to ignore the pain.

I don't realise I've fallen asleep again until I'm jerked back out of it to the sound of my phone ringing.

I fumble for my phone. When I pick it up, my heart stops. On the screen, a picture Dawn took of Goh and I flashes on the screen, his name staring back at me. He's calling me. It's two in the afternoon, which means it's three in the morning there.

I consider not answering. Honestly, he'd deserve it. But I can't make myself do it. I pick up.

"You've got some nerve," I say, already irritated. I feel so much that I think I might explode. "To call me now."

"Ash," he says breathlessly, and my heart sinks. It sounds like he's gasping, like he's out of breath. I sit upright, suddenly panicked, my irritation forgotten in the blink of an eye.

"What's wrong?" I say quickly.

"I'm sorry," he says, and I can tell he's crying. I can hear his heavy breathing, and worry he might be having a panic attack. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean- I didn't mean to do it again."

"Goh," I say sternly. "Slow down. What's going on?"

"I just don't know how to live here without you," his voice cracks. My heart stops dead in my chest. "I don't know how to deal with missing you. I didn't want to tell you, because I thought- I thought you'd think I was stupid, or that I'd scare you off. But being here without you hurts too much. I didn't mean- I wasn't trying to break up with you. Please don't leave me."

My throat is closing up, and I grip the phone tight, the need to comfort him making my chest hurt. "It's alright," I say gently. "I'm not leaving you. But you should have told me. I thought you'd changed your mind."

"Never." His breathing seems to slow, but it still sounds like he's crying. "I'm so sorry, Ash. I'm struggling, and I took it out on you. I-"

"Relax, Goh. I'm here." I wish I could make him understand how much I feel for him. "I'm struggling, too."

"You are?" He sniffs. "I feel like I'm going crazy here. But I thought… I thought since we've only been together two months you'd think I was being overbearing."

"It's only been two months, sure," I start. "But I've loved you for a lot longer than that. And we're soulmates. I'd never think you were being overbearing." I take a deep breath, trying not to let my emotions take over, because I want to be strong for him, and that means not crying.

He blows out a breath. "Okay. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry for stressing you out."

"You can stop saying sorry now," I laugh.

"Sorry," he says quickly, then "oops."

I laugh again, lying back down, letting myself enjoy the sound of his voice again. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Oh, uh, I haven't been much. Sleeping, I mean. I'm fine, though," he adds quickly. I bite my lip, dread curling in my stomach. It's an obvious lie. He's not fine. "Really. I'll be okay."

I don't believe him. I can't be there for another three weeks, and after that it might be months before either of us can visit the other again. "If I wasn't stuck here, what would you want to do?" I ask.

"I'd want you to live here, with me," he answers. "Or we could move somewhere else. I'd follow you anywhere."

The start of an idea sparks to life in my brain, and I sit back up, adrenaline spiking. "You should get some sleep, Goh. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay," he says hesitantly. "Goodnight, Ash."

The moment he hangs up, I reach down the side of the bed and pull my laptop onto my knee. I probably shouldn't get my hopes up, and I'm probably being a bit rash, but if there's a possibility I could make this work, I have to try. Because I can tell he's struggling more than he's admitting, and so am I.

— — — —

I step off the plane in Kanto, and the cold hits me like a truck. It's snowing, the flakes just starting to lie on the pavement in a fine white blanket. My breath clouds in front of me as I follow the crowd inside. I hurry through the airport, knowing he's waiting at the entrance to pick me up.

The moment I round the corner, my eyes are scanning everyone waiting there in the crowd, until my eyes fall upon him. My heart leaps in my chest, a grin breaking out involuntarily as he notices me. He races over, and I let my case drop as he jumps on me, his arms around my neck, his face buried there. I lift him off the ground, feeling the solid weight of him around me. I've missed him so much that feeling him here makes me feel like I'm actually floating.

My skin is tingling when he lets go and kisses me hard. All the heat in my body rises to my face, making me feel light and dizzy, literally swept off my feet. I hold the kiss for a second, too aware that we're in public, and people are watching.

I wipe my eyes as I pull away, hoping he won't notice the tears. I laugh when I notice he's doing the same thing. "I've missed you so much."

"Me too. You have no idea." He shakes his head, smiling. I can't believe we were apart for eight years when three months makes me feel like this. "Come on. Dawn and Chloe are waiting in the car."

I follow him out to the car, my heart racing from the kiss, my skin on fire with pure elation from seeing him again. Dawn gets out of the car to hug me, smiling against my chest, mumbling something inaudible that I think might be her admitting she missed me. When I ask her what she said, she just shakes her head and says it doesn't matter.

Goh drives us to his apartment. I'm going to see my mom on Christmas day in three days time, but for now I'm staying here with Goh. Stepping inside, I see a Christmas tree in the corner, decorated pretty messily like someone did it too quickly. It's just his style.

We spend the rest of the day together, until Dawn and Chloe leave for the night, and I finally have Goh to myself.

We had talked about going out, but when it comes down to it, we both just want to spend the night in together. Goh makes dinner, and then puts on Christmas movies. I hate Christmas movies, but he likes them, so I compromise, just for tonight. We end up not paying much attention anyway. We're too absorbed in one another. For the first time in three months I feel whole again. I can't wait to show him what I got us for Christmas.

— — — —

Three days pass like lightning. On Christmas morning I roll over in bed, leaning over Goh, who's just waking up, his arm draped over his eyes to block out the light. He groans when I start to kiss his face, smiling against his skin.

"Merry Christmas," I mutter, finally finding his mouth. He sucks in a breath through his nose, surprised by my kiss.

We get distracted by each other, and it takes a while to get up. I give him a few things I've bought for him, and he gives me gifts, too. Before the morning's over I have to travel to Pallet, where my mom is making dinner for me and Professor Oak. I'll stay there for a few hours, then come back here for the evening, when Dawn and Chloe will come over. Dawn wants to get drunk, I think.

I wish I could take Goh to Pallet with me, but he has to go visit his parents too, so we spend a few hours apart. I'm itching to go back, though, as much as I love my mom, and her cooking, so when the sun starts to dip in the sky I kiss her on the cheek and say goodbye.

I race back to Vermillion in record time. We only have an hour and a half until Dawn and Chloe show up, and there's something I really have to do first.

Goh answers when I knock on the door, stepping back to let me in. He asks how dinner was, but I suddenly feel incredibly nervous, and I think he can tell. He has one eyebrow raised, his hands on his hips, watching me like he knows I have something to say.

"My mom cooked too much," I say, throwing my keys down beside his. I don't sit down. Goh notices my restlessness and starts to look nervous too. "She always does."

"Mine too," he says, watching me carefully. Neither of us move, and I can tell he's waiting, so I take a deep breath.

"I got you something else," I start, my hands trembling ever so slightly. "Don't freak out, okay?"

"What?" He chokes out, nervous and confused.

"You have to come with me," I say, smiling. Goh looks hesitant to follow me, even as I step back out of the apartment. "You'll just have to trust me."

"Where are we going?" Goh asks, his eyes wide, but I don't answer. I reach out and take his hand, my fingers wrapping around his, leading him to the elevator, then out the building to where my bike is locked up. My heart is pounding against my ribs, terrified of how he's going to react, but also excited. This is the start of the next chapter of my life.

I ride for about five minutes, then pull up in front of a building in the centre of the city. It's a tall building, the walls all made of glass. Goh pulls the helmet off his head when I step off, confused. "Where are we?"

"Come in," I say, gesturing to the doors. He follows me in silence, but if he spoke I might not even hear him, because the blood is rushing past my ears loudly. I take a deep breath and press the button for the elevator.

"I'm confused," Goh whispers. I still don't answer him. I'm beyond nervous now. My hands are shaking, and my body feels jittery, like I might pass out. I step into the elevator with him, pressing the button for the tenth floor.

It's just down the hall from here. We walk down together, until I pause in front of a door and turn to him. He's staring back, eyes wide, and looks terrified. I close my eyes and take another deep breath, then reach into the pocket of my jeans and pull out a key, handing it to him. He takes it, staring down at it, blinking.

"What-?"

"Open it," I say, gesturing to the door. Confused, and with his hands trembling too, he sticks the key in the lock and turns it. The door swings open, revealing a spacious, giant apartment with high ceilings, the far wall entirely covered in floor to ceiling windows, with an unobstructed view across the city. I picked it because it was the most beautiful one I could find. It's already furnished, and the rest of my belongings are sitting in the centre of the room, still packed.

"I don't understand," he says, staring out over it. I reach out and take his hand.

"It's our new apartment."

His mouth falls open as he whirls to face me. "What?"

"I bought it for us," I say sheepishly. He blinks twice, eyes wide, in shock.

"But- But what about CCU? Wha-"

"I'm not going back," I say breathlessly, squeezing his hand. "I transferred to Vermillion University. I already brought all my stuff here."

"You-" He says, but freezes. "I-"

He pulls his hand away and clamps both of them over his mouth. I laugh, feeling the urge to kiss him stronger than ever. He looks around the apartment again, eyes glistening with the tears gathering in the corners of them.

"Are you happy?" I ask, hesitantly.

"Am I- Are you kidding?" He asks breathlessly. "Are you being serious? You're going to live here with me?"

"Yes." I nod. "If you want to."

He throws himself into me so quickly I almost tumble backwards. My heart takes flight. I take it he's happy, then.

"Ash," he says, and I feel tears fall on my neck. "I- This looks expensive. You- I can't believe-"

He's genuinely speechless. I laugh again, pulling away to look him in the eyes. "That doesn't matter. I love you, and I don't want to leave again."

"You really transferred university for me?" He asks, bringing his hands up to my face.

"It's the same course, so it makes no difference, really," I say, even though it makes a really big difference, but not in the way he thinks. It means I can be with him now. We don't have to be half a world apart.

He kisses me hard, like it's the first time we've kissed in a while despite it only having been a few hours. It's full of passion, and love, and I taste his tears as they slip down his cheeks. My mouth moves with his, pushing him back until his back hits the wall gently, and he makes a gentle noise that sets me on fire.

I pull away. Dawn and Chloe will be here soon. "I'm gonna take you back for your things. Dawn and Chloe are coming here instead," I say. "We can stay here tonight, if you want to."

"I want to," he says quickly, pulling me back in impatiently. It's hard to drag myself away from him, and even harder to keep my hands off him as we walk back down to the bike. He smiles the whole time, his face entirely lit up. His hands are shaking, but he manages to hold onto me. He picks up his car, filling it with as much of his stuff as he can, and we travel over separately.

I can't believe I was worried he'd be angry, or upset, or not want to move in with me. The second he opens the door again he laughs, and the sound warms me up. Outside, it's snowing again, the flakes flying past the window, whirling around in the wind. I imagine all the nights we're going to spend here together, just the two of us. I imagine the rest of our lives together. Never having to be apart again.

Goh's arms are around my neck again. "I love you," he says against my skin. "So much."

"I love you," I say back, closing my eyes and breathing him in. My whole world, in one person. My best friend. My soulmate. "Forever."