Title: Recalling the Best "Worst" Times (Part 1)
Author: Sirius
Summary: Jess is back in New York, thinking back on his times in Stars
Hollow. He hated it there, in that cookie-cutter town, but now it was the
only place he wanted to be.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: R/J
The rain is thundering against my window in my run-down apartment. I'm sitting at the window seat, looking out at the muggy streets filled with people running, carrying newspapers to cover their hair. Everything here is different than I thought it would be when I came back. My friends say that I've changed, but I don't see it. I can't believe I came back to this crap.
Luke had tried so hard when I got there to make me feel welcome, forcing me to meet the people of the town. I just threw it right back at him. I wish I could go back and change all that.maybe I'd still have a shot there.
Luke stood holding the phone expectantly at me, waiting for me to take it and make unenthusiastic small talk with my mother. I looked at him like he was a retard and made one of my well-known sarcastic comments.
"Tell her I gotta take another crack at that closet. You know, I think I hung my Tool T-shirt next to my Metallica T-shirt and they don't really get along."
Luke had stood there and stared at me like was an imbecile. "You really want me to tell her that?"
"You think a different band combo would sell it more?" I frowned up at him, pretending like he was actually expected to answer that. He turned away in a huff and told my mom I would call her later. Yeah, right.
Then there was Rory. God I miss her. She was the only thing in Stars Hollow worth getting out of bed for. I remember the day that I met her, I think maybe I was a bit forward with a comment about bailing the dinner, but she still seemed to be interested in me.
When I walked down the hallway of the Gilmore household with Luke, Lorelai trailing close behind, a girl my age walked out of her room and introduced herself.
"I'm Rory."
Like always, I tried to be cool. "Yeah, I figured."
"Nice to meet you." She was so polite it was almost nauseating. I turned my attention to the bookshelves in her room and skimmed through them.
"Wow, aren't we hooked on phonics."
"Oh, I read a lot. Do you read?"
"Not much." That was a total lie. I've read everything I could get my hands on since I was three. Not that she needed to know that though.
Ah, now we come to Rory's mother, Lorelai Gilmore. I crossed the wrong side of the line with her the very first night I was there. If I could go back and change anything I had done while I was in Stars Hollow, this would definitely be it. If I hadn't been such a jerk now, I might have had a better chance with Rory. I had taken a beer from her refrigerator and gone out on their porch. Somehow Lorelai had found me and I got myself into quite a mess.
"Oh, for me, hey, thanks. Refreshing. So what, you're not hungry?" She had taken the bottle from me, opened it, and taken a swig before I had gotten the chance to get a word in.
"Not really." I kept up my bad-boy cover pretty well, I thought. But then, she just kept pushing. I know she was trying to be neighborly and welcoming and crap, but she should have just left me alone.
"Well, Sookie made you some grilled cheese if you don't like pot roast."
"Oh, well, if I'd had known that." I shoot a glare her direction and she finally gets a clue.
"Let me guess, you don't want to be here?" Ding! Ding! Ding! Somebody get this woman a prize or something!
"Doesn't matter." And it didn't. It wouldn't have mattered what I wanted, where I wanted to be. I was stuck where I was and that was that.
"I mean, here in Stars Hollow." Duh.
How ignorant can this lady get? I'm getting really annoyed by this time so I decide to get this over with now. "Well geez, Ms. Gilmore, why would anyone not want to be here in Stars Hollow? That just sounds plum crazy."
"Ugh, Jess, let me give you a little advice. The whole 'my parents don't get me' thing, I've been there." Right, she's known me now for what, an hour? And now she thinks she knows everything about me?
"You have, huh?"
"Yes, I have. I've also done the 'chip on my shoulder' bit. Ooh, and the surly, sarcastic, 'the world can bite my ass' bit, and let me tell you, I mastered them all, in heels, yet. And everything you're feeling might be totally justified, maybe you are getting screwed. But Luke is a great guy. He's very special, and he really wants to take care of you and make things right for you. You're incredibly lucky to have him. If you give this situation half a chance, you might be surprised at how good it can be, how much you like living here, and how comfortable it feels to have someone like Luke you can really depend on." Oh my God! This lady was beginning to be unbearable. There are so many inconsiderate things shooting around in my head, just waiting to be said, but I settle on this.
"What are you sleeping with him or something?" I thought it sounded good at the time. Now I regret it.
"Excuse me?" I don't think she was expecting that kind of comment from me so I try to explain myself.
"I don't know. The whole starry eyed 'you're so much better off, just give it a chance' speech. You're either really naïve, or you're getting some." Explaining never was my strongest suit. I would give anything to go back in time, put on a brave face, and be more polite or kind or whatever to Lorelai. However, I can't change what I've done so I guess I'm just going to have to live with it.
Now, like most of my finer memories of Stars Hollow this next one happened at the bridge. The bridge seemed to be the only place I liked because I could be alone. It was kind of Rory and I's spot, you could say. On this particular day, Luke was yelling me at over stealing some money from some pathetic fund to fix the bridge.
"I told him he was crazy, you wouldn't do that, you weren't a thief, that he was just trying to start trouble, then I hung up on him. But don't get me wrong, I enjoy hanging up on Taylor, and he is crazy, but I was just wondering if maybe any of the other things he said were true." Luke never seemed to have much of a mind of his own because he always had to have straight facts before he would believe something.
Wondering whether or not I had completely lost Luke's trust yet, I asked him, "What do you think?"
Now, being the smart guy Luke is, he continued with, "I think that if you tell me that what he's saying is not true, then I'm gonna believe it's not true." Personally, I don't find that to be a real intelligent thing to tell a seventeen-year-old kid who could easily bamboozle you into saying anything. But, whatever.
Seizing the opportunity I was kindly handed, I replied. "Okay, it's not true." I must not have sounded very convincing because Luke looked at me like I was an imbecile.
This is where I got mad. I don't really remember why, but I guess I just got too fed up with the whole small town life thing. Everyone always watching you, everyone knowing your business. I guess I just blew up. "Look, what exactly do you want from me? You bring me here to this place, you put me in a school that says the Pledge of Allegiance in six different languages, two of which I've never heard of before. You take me away from my home, my friends, and now you want what from me?"
Luke looked a little surprised and tried to reason with me. "I'm trying to help you."
"Well, stop trying. Stop talking to me, stop following me, and stop asking me questions. Just stop."
"That's what you want?" Duh! If it wasn't what I wanted, I wouldn't have asked for it!
"Yes."
"That's really what you want?" Must you ask this over and over again?
"Yes."
"Fine, you got it."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Ah, now we get to the best part. As I was smugly trying to make my "all famous patented Jess exit," Luke goes and takes the perfect opportunity to push me head first into the lake. I guess I deserved it, but that water was freaking cold!
A sudden bolt of lightning streaks brightly beyond the building across the street and I'm jolted back to life. I look around the dreary apartment my mom and I shared, finding nothing worth coming back for. I keep trying to remember why I ran away, but nothing comes to mind. There was no explanation, I just got scared. Scared of hurting her again. I didn't know that I was hurting her more by not being there now...
The rain is thundering against my window in my run-down apartment. I'm sitting at the window seat, looking out at the muggy streets filled with people running, carrying newspapers to cover their hair. Everything here is different than I thought it would be when I came back. My friends say that I've changed, but I don't see it. I can't believe I came back to this crap.
Luke had tried so hard when I got there to make me feel welcome, forcing me to meet the people of the town. I just threw it right back at him. I wish I could go back and change all that.maybe I'd still have a shot there.
Luke stood holding the phone expectantly at me, waiting for me to take it and make unenthusiastic small talk with my mother. I looked at him like he was a retard and made one of my well-known sarcastic comments.
"Tell her I gotta take another crack at that closet. You know, I think I hung my Tool T-shirt next to my Metallica T-shirt and they don't really get along."
Luke had stood there and stared at me like was an imbecile. "You really want me to tell her that?"
"You think a different band combo would sell it more?" I frowned up at him, pretending like he was actually expected to answer that. He turned away in a huff and told my mom I would call her later. Yeah, right.
Then there was Rory. God I miss her. She was the only thing in Stars Hollow worth getting out of bed for. I remember the day that I met her, I think maybe I was a bit forward with a comment about bailing the dinner, but she still seemed to be interested in me.
When I walked down the hallway of the Gilmore household with Luke, Lorelai trailing close behind, a girl my age walked out of her room and introduced herself.
"I'm Rory."
Like always, I tried to be cool. "Yeah, I figured."
"Nice to meet you." She was so polite it was almost nauseating. I turned my attention to the bookshelves in her room and skimmed through them.
"Wow, aren't we hooked on phonics."
"Oh, I read a lot. Do you read?"
"Not much." That was a total lie. I've read everything I could get my hands on since I was three. Not that she needed to know that though.
Ah, now we come to Rory's mother, Lorelai Gilmore. I crossed the wrong side of the line with her the very first night I was there. If I could go back and change anything I had done while I was in Stars Hollow, this would definitely be it. If I hadn't been such a jerk now, I might have had a better chance with Rory. I had taken a beer from her refrigerator and gone out on their porch. Somehow Lorelai had found me and I got myself into quite a mess.
"Oh, for me, hey, thanks. Refreshing. So what, you're not hungry?" She had taken the bottle from me, opened it, and taken a swig before I had gotten the chance to get a word in.
"Not really." I kept up my bad-boy cover pretty well, I thought. But then, she just kept pushing. I know she was trying to be neighborly and welcoming and crap, but she should have just left me alone.
"Well, Sookie made you some grilled cheese if you don't like pot roast."
"Oh, well, if I'd had known that." I shoot a glare her direction and she finally gets a clue.
"Let me guess, you don't want to be here?" Ding! Ding! Ding! Somebody get this woman a prize or something!
"Doesn't matter." And it didn't. It wouldn't have mattered what I wanted, where I wanted to be. I was stuck where I was and that was that.
"I mean, here in Stars Hollow." Duh.
How ignorant can this lady get? I'm getting really annoyed by this time so I decide to get this over with now. "Well geez, Ms. Gilmore, why would anyone not want to be here in Stars Hollow? That just sounds plum crazy."
"Ugh, Jess, let me give you a little advice. The whole 'my parents don't get me' thing, I've been there." Right, she's known me now for what, an hour? And now she thinks she knows everything about me?
"You have, huh?"
"Yes, I have. I've also done the 'chip on my shoulder' bit. Ooh, and the surly, sarcastic, 'the world can bite my ass' bit, and let me tell you, I mastered them all, in heels, yet. And everything you're feeling might be totally justified, maybe you are getting screwed. But Luke is a great guy. He's very special, and he really wants to take care of you and make things right for you. You're incredibly lucky to have him. If you give this situation half a chance, you might be surprised at how good it can be, how much you like living here, and how comfortable it feels to have someone like Luke you can really depend on." Oh my God! This lady was beginning to be unbearable. There are so many inconsiderate things shooting around in my head, just waiting to be said, but I settle on this.
"What are you sleeping with him or something?" I thought it sounded good at the time. Now I regret it.
"Excuse me?" I don't think she was expecting that kind of comment from me so I try to explain myself.
"I don't know. The whole starry eyed 'you're so much better off, just give it a chance' speech. You're either really naïve, or you're getting some." Explaining never was my strongest suit. I would give anything to go back in time, put on a brave face, and be more polite or kind or whatever to Lorelai. However, I can't change what I've done so I guess I'm just going to have to live with it.
Now, like most of my finer memories of Stars Hollow this next one happened at the bridge. The bridge seemed to be the only place I liked because I could be alone. It was kind of Rory and I's spot, you could say. On this particular day, Luke was yelling me at over stealing some money from some pathetic fund to fix the bridge.
"I told him he was crazy, you wouldn't do that, you weren't a thief, that he was just trying to start trouble, then I hung up on him. But don't get me wrong, I enjoy hanging up on Taylor, and he is crazy, but I was just wondering if maybe any of the other things he said were true." Luke never seemed to have much of a mind of his own because he always had to have straight facts before he would believe something.
Wondering whether or not I had completely lost Luke's trust yet, I asked him, "What do you think?"
Now, being the smart guy Luke is, he continued with, "I think that if you tell me that what he's saying is not true, then I'm gonna believe it's not true." Personally, I don't find that to be a real intelligent thing to tell a seventeen-year-old kid who could easily bamboozle you into saying anything. But, whatever.
Seizing the opportunity I was kindly handed, I replied. "Okay, it's not true." I must not have sounded very convincing because Luke looked at me like I was an imbecile.
This is where I got mad. I don't really remember why, but I guess I just got too fed up with the whole small town life thing. Everyone always watching you, everyone knowing your business. I guess I just blew up. "Look, what exactly do you want from me? You bring me here to this place, you put me in a school that says the Pledge of Allegiance in six different languages, two of which I've never heard of before. You take me away from my home, my friends, and now you want what from me?"
Luke looked a little surprised and tried to reason with me. "I'm trying to help you."
"Well, stop trying. Stop talking to me, stop following me, and stop asking me questions. Just stop."
"That's what you want?" Duh! If it wasn't what I wanted, I wouldn't have asked for it!
"Yes."
"That's really what you want?" Must you ask this over and over again?
"Yes."
"Fine, you got it."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Ah, now we get to the best part. As I was smugly trying to make my "all famous patented Jess exit," Luke goes and takes the perfect opportunity to push me head first into the lake. I guess I deserved it, but that water was freaking cold!
A sudden bolt of lightning streaks brightly beyond the building across the street and I'm jolted back to life. I look around the dreary apartment my mom and I shared, finding nothing worth coming back for. I keep trying to remember why I ran away, but nothing comes to mind. There was no explanation, I just got scared. Scared of hurting her again. I didn't know that I was hurting her more by not being there now...