Several hours later, Bilbo felt something pointy poking his side as he lay on the cold stone pavement of the courtyard. He soon discovered it was the toe of a dwarven boot.

"Oi, mate, get up, we gotta get out, the party's busted!"

"Yes, wake up Bilbo, you lazy sod, Elrond's back"

"Whuh...?" the bewildered hobbit tried very hard to make the room congeal into a logical picture. It wasn't obeying, however, and he gave up. "I... party?"

"Yes, Bilbo... you did" said a deep voice with a long grey beard attached

"Ooh.." now he thought about it, that rather explained the room's current state of instability. With a lot of difficulty, Bilbo forced the room into focus. "Gandalf!" he exclaimed at the long grey beard, now revealed to be the Istar himself

"Yes, yes, dear Hobbit, now perhaps some form of clothing would be wise?"

Bilbo looked down and saw he was wearing only a small elvish thong with the star of Earendil emboidered on in mithril thread

"Ah..." He scrambled for clothes, attempting to piece together the last night, as they bundled quickly out of the door, Gandalf nudged him and muttered something about "older women" He looked back... surely not?

Trying to think back on the night before, he couldn't remember much. Gandalf, when Bilbo was suitably acceptable, led him off down some corridors. He heard a female elvish voice raised in argument inside one of the rooms he passed.

"Ada... It was only a little party!"

"But Arwen! What of Estel?!"

"But Ada, you don't like him, either!"

"I know, Arwen, but we have to think of the Imladris-Gondor trading alliance..."

"All you ever think about is your trading alliances! You never even let me go out anymore, all the other Elves' parents said yes!

"I don't care what everyone else says!"

"You just don't care about me! If you did, you would've bought me that pony!"

"Oh for goodness sake Arwen, you've got Glorfindel's old horse, what more do you want?!"

Suddenly, just as the voices were starting to ring some bells in Bilbo's misty brain, Gandalf grabbed his arm.

"No eavesdropping!"

"I wasn't eavesdropping!"

Gandalf just glared and muttered about exposition "You Hobbits are terrible liars, now, we must away!" he said, dragging Bilbo to a room full of dwarves, before swooping off to 'have his beard trimmed before they left'

One of the Dwarves (he still wasn't in any condition to differentiate) winked at him "So... have a good night?"

Wondering about how everyone managed to know so much when he could remember so little, Bilbo nodded. "Um... What did I do?"

The Dwarves exchanged the kind of look which is precisely the look you do not  want to see the morning after.

Thorin looked at him in particular distaste. "Which parts can you remember?"

Bilbo felt his ears heat up "Um... I.. it was nice."

Raucous laughter ensued for several minutes

"Heehee... nice?! Nice... hahahaha" Gloin finally wheezed

"I BET it was!" laughed Bofur

"She was..." corrected Fili and Kili, giggling.

Bilbo's eyes widened in horror. A small voice whispered some of last night's details back to him. "Oh Eru..." he choked, and put his head in his hands. "Who was she?" he asked in a small voice

Several more minutes of raucous laughter ensued

"You mean you don't know?"

He blushed "Well, since a few months back, there have been so many unspeakably beautiful Elvish girls around these parts..."

"Yeah right, and my name's Thorin Elf-friend" laughed Thorin

"She was only bloody Arwen, mate!" Gloin clapped him on the back "If she wasn't an Elf, I would've fancied her meself!"

"Arwen... Undòmiel? Elrond's... daughter?" said Bilbo slowly, aghast

"The very same, you jammy sod!"

"Oh." said Bilbo, followed by some choice Khuzdul he had picked up

"Indeed." Gandalf had reappearred. "And now, gentlemen, for a very sudden departure."

"Yes. I think that's a very good plan," said Bilbo, quickly planning an amicable stay at the Last Homely House to tell to his Hobbit friendsm mostly involving tea, simple board games and as little innuendo as he could manage. (no spoons)