A/N: Warning - the level of fluff in this one is ~out of this world~. I doubt very much that you'll mind. But I had so much to cram in, I actually decided to split the chapters in a different way to accommodate. So now, Act 1 is going to have one more chapter and Act 2 one fewer. I think it'll be fine. :D This is where the best stuff is anyway. I hope you enjoy!
—-
Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine, and I want you to know that my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh, you're my best friend
Queen, You're My Best Friend
—-
Chapter 19: The Constant
December passed by in a blur. James found himself busier than ever, with Horace doubling down on their efforts to stock the Arrow and increase security at the Orchid site. The soon-to-be Swan site was being analyzed daily, and Radzinsky was more excited than James had ever seen him. Preparations were being made for the annual treaty negotiation but James could hardly care. He didn't give a shit whether the place was ever built, or so he told himself. In reality, he just wanted to stay as far from the project as humanly possible.
When the Christmas holidays came around, he was grateful their fearless leader decided everyone had more than earned a break, and decided to allow the compound to operate, at least for a few days, on a skeleton crew. The Dharma Diehards volunteered for most of the shifts, leaving James home with Juliet for two whole, blissful, uninterrupted days.
At least until Christmas morning. He could still taste her on his tongue when they all opened presents at James and Juliet's house. She had insisted they host, as they were the ones with the tree, and James begrudgingly obliged, telling himself at least he could spend the morning in his own home. No one was particularly thrilled to be spending yet another Christmas on the island, but it was far less of a black cloud this year than it had been last year.
They drew names once more this year, and James and Juliet were more than a little disappointed that neither drew the other's name. It was their first Christmas as a couple, and they didn't know what the expectation was if they all agreed to only buy for the person they drew. It left things confusing, but by revoking their selected name, it would risk making that person feel bad. So they kept it, and James bought for Miles, and Juliet for Jin.
After playing games, eating waffles and bacon, and drinking copious amounts of spiked eggnog, James found himself drifting off to sleep for an afternoon nap on the couch. When he awoke, Jin and Miles were gone and the entire house smelled like garlic and tangy tomato sauce. He opened his eyes, blearily looking around the room, trying to figure out what was going on.
Juliet, still in her pajamas, was hard at work in the kitchen. She was fussing about, chopping something, then tossing it in a bowl. She tiptoed into the dining room, setting two wine glasses on the table before turning back into the kitchen to don oven mitts. She dialed down the timer before it could go off, and James heard her open the oven door, though he couldn't see it.
"Whatcha doin', Jules?" he asked, his voice froggy from disuse. She popped her head around the corner, smiling brightly at him, and James had to laugh. She had tiny wispy hairs flying out of her ponytail and her cheeks were bright pink from the heat of the oven.
She set down whatever it was she took out, and came around the corner into the living room, sans oven mitts. "Hi," she whispered. "How was your nap?"
He opened his arms, and she folded herself into them, sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Mmm. Good. How long was I out?" He nuzzled the side of her neck, breathing in the scent of her.
"Around two hours or so. I kicked out Miles and Jin. They were going to draw stuff on your face." Despite the threat, James laughed. Juliet embraced the sound, soaking it into her skin and committing it to memory.
"Assholes. Good lookin' out."
"Anytime," she purred, and kissed his temple. "Actually, I told them I wanted to spend the evening just the two of us. It's our first Christmas, you know… together."
"I know," he acknowledged, and kissed the corner of her jaw, just in front of her ear. "Good on ya. Cuz if you didn't, I was gonna."
She beamed down at him, and traced her pointer finger over his eyebrow. He had sleep lines on his cheek, and she traced those too. "I know we didn't get each other gifts this year, but I wanted to do something nice for you. So, I made lasagna, pulled out some Dharma Merlot, and whipped up some Christmas cookies. I haven't decorated them yet, though."
James whistled. "Damn, Blondie. I musta been dead to the world if ya did all that without me so much as battin' an eye."
"You're a really heavy sleeper, especially when you drink," she reminded him softly, and finally graced his mouth with a kiss. She tasted like sugar.
"You already had a cookie, didn't you?" he mumbled against her mouth, and he felt her guilty smile bloom.
"Maybe…"
He laughed, but it was cut off when she pressed her lips more firmly to his. If it were up to him, they'd have starved because he almost didn't let her up from the couch. But she pulled away, sensing his desperation, knowing his intentions. She winked at him as she stood, and he begrudgingly followed her into the kitchen.
Dinner was fantastic, and James felt light as a cloud. They drank wine, talked about their favorite parts of the day, and all while still wearing the pajamas they'd gone to bed in (and hastily put back on again that morning). Despite the incredible day they'd had last year, James was certain this one topped it.
But a nagging thought plagued him all throughout dinner. Since she'd had the afternoon to herself, she'd made him this incredible meal, and they planned on decorating the cookies she'd made after dinner. But what could he do for her? He hadn't bought her anything, and he certainly couldn't make her anything in the limited amount of time he had. He felt useless, and almost wished he'd have said 'to hell with Miles' and switched with Jin (who had Juliet). But it was too late for that now.
He must have been staring, because she caught his eye as they cleaned off the table. He started doing the dishes, lost in his thoughts.
"Something on your mind, James?" she asked warily, and put the leftovers in the fridge. He gave a half-hearted, one shouldered shrug, not really sure how to answer her question.
"Somethin' - I guess." He gathered up the rest of the dishes and submerged them in the soapy water.
"Welll… I don't necessarily have a physical penny to give you, but I'd love to hear what you're thinking…" she sing-songed almost, placing her chin against his shoulder blade.
His eyes snapped up and he paused, the wine glass still perched between his fingers. That was it. She was always looking for him to open up, and though it made him really uncomfortable… that was something he could do. It surprised him actually, how much he'd gotten to know her in the last year. He used to think once upon a time that he would never be able to understand her, but now he felt like he could read her better and better each day.
"I was thinkin' 'bout your Christmas present," he announced, as if he'd known the whole time what his plan was. He hoped she didn't notice the false bravado.
"My what? But - you didn't draw me…" she asked, slightly confused. She maneuvered her head to look at him from the side, while still keeping her arms wrapped around him.
"It ain't a thing. It's a… concept," he explained. "You made me dinner and dessert, and you get somethin' you're always itchin' for in return." She raised her eyebrows, curious. He waited a beat for dramatic effect before wiping his hands on a nearby dishtowel. He turned to face her. "You're always wantin' stories and answers about stuff outta me. Stuff maybe I don't always wanna talk about. So… I figure, now's your chance. Ask me anything and I'll tell ya straight up." He held his breath, waiting for her face to reveal her thoughts. But it didn't. She remained mildly confused, making James's nervous energy zing a little higher.
"That's… that's a really good gift," she breathed, and James finally relaxed. "I'm - well, I'm surprised."
"Good. Was hopin' it would surprise you." He crossed his arms across his chest in a subconscious, self-protective manner.
She swallowed and stood back, evaluating him. "How many questions do I get?" she asked, and ran the tip of her pointer finger across her bottom lip. James had to admit, it was really sexy, and he shifted uncomfortably while he watched her.
"What's fair?" he asked, curious to know what she would think. It wasn't like he had much time to plan this out or think this through, anyhow.
"You could be like a genie. Three wishes, three questions," Juliet proposed, still rubbing her lip.
James inhaled through his nose and nodded. "That's fair. I can do 3."
They stood staring at one another, each waiting for the other to say something further. When she realized he was simply waiting on her, she grinned. This was a wonderful opportunity, but she also didn't want to spoil it. He was placing upon her a certain level of trust, and she didn't want to jump in too deep, too soon, and risk him not following through with his promise.
"Okay," she started, and placed her hands on her hips. She'd decided on her first question. "What sexual position do we not do enough of, that you enjoy? Slash - is it a favorite?"
James barked a laugh, covering his mouth from the simplicity and unexpectedness of the question. Of all the things he thought she'd ask, that was not one of them. "That's two questions!" he huffed, pretending to be offended. But she only grinned and shrugged. "Fine, fine, two parts to one question. I'll allow it." He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head in dismay, and placed the other awkwardly against his hip. "Fuck… uhh… I don't know…" He shook his head, trying to decide.
"Don't think about it. Just answer. You promised the truth, remember?"
He nodded, feeling his cheeks burn slightly from the way she was staring at him. He hadn't realized how uncomfortable honesty truly made him until he was put on the spot like this. It was one thing to pick and choose what he said, so that he was telling her what he wanted to say, when he wanted to say it. But now? With her intense blue eyes burning into his? It made him feel even more like a liar. "Okay. Fine. I guess… doin' it from behind is always fun. Feels… I dunno… spontaneous." He shrugged. "But it ain't necessarily my favorite. I like seein' your front side too much." He waggled his eyebrows for effect.
Juliet turned a spectacular shade of crimson, and scratched the back of her neck nervously. "Okay then. Good to know." She sighed loudly before moving onto her next question. "Second. I wanna know what your favorite Christmas memory is. And it can't be from the last two years."
"Whewwee, that's a big assumption that I was gonna use a memory from the last two years," he teased, and she merely pegged him with a dark, knowing look. She knew him too well, perhaps. "Alright, fine. Uhhh… I guess…" He struggled to find a memory. It was weird, that he couldn't even think of one. "Alright - here's one. When I was six, my parents got me this box set of action figures and these cars and trucks and stuff that came with 'em. I remember my dad got on the floor with me, and we played army with 'em and stuff. I remember watchin' that old Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer cartoon with my mama while he made dinner, which he never did. She joked about him burnin' the house down, but I think she was just grateful to not have to do it for once. It was a normal day but… I dunno… it was nice to have their attention, I guess. And they weren't fightin', which was a plus."
Juliet bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to show too much sympathy for James's story. It was touching, and she couldn't help but imagine him as a little kid, lying on the floor playing with his new toys, enjoying the attention of his parents and not knowing the level of pain he knew now. He must have been so carefree and innocent back then, and it broke her heart to know he had so few Christmas memories with them.
"That was last year," she noted. "And this year, today, is the day they gave you Battleship."
James nodded, and felt a chill run down his spine. "I reckon you're right," he agreed, and looked down to the floor. This was his last Christmas with his parents. The words hardly felt real. It was almost 1976. They died just shy of his 8th birthday. He had less than seven months left.
Juliet, sensing his downward spiral, cleared her throat and tried to come up with another question. She wanted it to count, but she didn't want to bring him down even further. She tried to think of what she wanted to know, more than anything, but there were so many things on that list. Finally, she settled on something she thought would bring the conversation back into the light. Something that gave him something to hold onto.
"Okay. Final question," she started, and clasped her hands together in front of her. She rolled from the balls of her feet to her tiptoes and back again. "When you envision the future… what do you see?" It was vague enough to give him an out, if he felt too uncomfortable, but it was also something she genuinely wanted to know. She had no idea what he thought about, and whether he saw any hope of them leaving the island or not.
James pondered the question, taking it seriously. He leaned one hand onto the counter top, letting it support his weight. He chewed at his lip, trying to find the words, but then they suddenly came to him with a clarity he hadn't expected. "I don't know. I wanna say back in our own place and time, but… I just don't know. But wherever we are, whether it's here or out in the real world… alls I know is you're in it."
Juliet's heart stuttered in her chest. She took a shaky breath, feeling the tension leech from her shoulders. The comment had once again taken her off-guard, and she knew he was being honest. From the sheepish look on his face to the set of his shoulders, she knew he was serious, and it had made him uncomfortable to admit it aloud.
Unable to stand being apart from him any longer, she launched herself into his arms. She kissed him hard and thoroughly on the mouth, tasting the remnants of merlot on his tongue. He hoisted her onto the kitchen counter and threaded his fingers through her messy ponytail. Before she knew it, her clothes were off and his pants were down around his ankles. He almost laughed, when she turned herself around and leaned her elbows onto the kitchen counter.
At the end of the night, when they were cleaned up, and the cookies were frosted, and they were warm and snug in their bed, James sighed in deep contentment. This was yet another perfect Christmas to add to his growing list of perfect Christmases. And Juliet was solely to blame.
—-
Juliet left the New Year's party when she noticed James wasn't there. They'd only just been dancing moments before, but when she'd gone to get herself some punch, she'd turned around and he'd been gone. One glance at Miles and her unasked question had been answered, with a frown and a flick of his head towards the doors.
She was grateful for the light breeze on her sweaty face. She was drunk, and the alcohol was making her cheeks flush. "James?" she called out lightly, her eyes probing the dark for his figure, but she didn't see him.
"'Round here," he called out, from the side of the rec room coated in shadow. Her eyes darted to the right, around the corner from the doors, seeking his familiar form.
He was leaning against the side of the building with a cigarette in his hand. Where he'd gotten it, she wasn't sure. "Thought you quit," she commented, trying to keep the judgment from her tone.
"Thought I did too," he agreed, and sighed before bringing the burning bud up to his lips and taking a long drag.
Juliet leaned up against the side of the building, the loud music tickling her back as it thrummed through the walls. "Something on your mind?" she asked, looking up into his face, trying to study it for hidden secrets. But he looked stonily forward, not giving anything away.
He shrugged. He didn't really want to talk about it. But Juliet knew him well enough by now. She had suspected this might be coming. After all, she couldn't imagine how he must feel - trying to have fun and celebrate the evening, knowing this was the year his life was going to change forever. She could tell he'd been tense all evening, but he'd also been trying to blend in, make it seem like everything was okay. Likely, for her.
"I'm sure it must be hard… watching everyone celebrate 1976…" she offered, signaling that she understood. He said nothing, but his eyes flicked angrily to hers before finding some point off in the distance to continue to stare at.
James took another drag, closing his eyes as the nicotine flooded his system. He didn't want to feel anything tonight, and the alcohol had more or less done the trick. For a while, at least. Long enough to pretend to have fun - to keep Juliet happy. But now all he wanted was this damn cigarette. It was his first one in months and it felt familiar and good to have it between his lips again.
He almost flinched when her hand reached out, fingers pinched. They hovered in midair and James froze. "I wanna try," she whispered, her tone light and tentative. He knew with 100% certainty she most definitely did not want to try. But she looked up at him expectantly, and he was so taken aback he found himself passing the cigarette into her waiting fingers. He watched in astonishment as she brought the bud up to her lips and took a hesitant inhale, locking eyes with him as she did so. It was almost sensual, the way her lips wrapped around it - right where his lips had been - and the way she quirked an eyebrow, almost daring him to say something. He found the whole thing distracting, and exciting, and for a moment, he wasn't thinking about how miserable he was.
Almost immediately, she removed the cigarette and coughed, hard, her eyes watering. She passed it back to him and covered her mouth with her hand, shaking her head in regret. "How do you - ugh - " she coughed, and it turned into a laugh. "I've never - well, I've never smoked anything before."
James felt himself smiling. "Naw? Really, now? Coulda fooled me," he teased, and took one last drag before snuffing it out on the side of the building. "C'mere. Tryin' to prove somethin'?" He pulled her into a hug and she coughed lightly against his chest.
"I was just curious," she admitted, and squeezed him tighter. She felt him bury his nose in her hair and inhale deeply. It still gave her butterflies when he did that, even after all this time.
"I'll bet. Miz Goody Two Shoes ain't ever been with no rebel like me before, huh?" James slurred, and it was only then that Juliet realized how drunk he must be. His accent was always heavier the more he had to drink. It caught her off guard, if she was honest, because she'd seen how much he'd had. He must have been sneaking drinks when she wasn't looking; which was in itself not a big deal, except now she knew how hard he'd been trying to suppress whatever it was he was feeling and she didn't like him keeping things like that from her anymore.
"Why don't we go home?" Juliet offered, trying to sound indifferent, non-committal. She put her hands on either side of James's face as he looked down into her eyes. Even in the dark, she saw pain sparking behind his expression.
"You wanted to come to the party. 'N dance."
"I know. And we did. And I had fun. But now I'm ready to go home. With you," she murmured quietly, and rubbed her thumb across his bottom lip. "Will you take me home, James?"
He nodded, frowning slightly. But Juliet raised herself up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his, tightening her hold around his neck. Not caring where they were, James lifted her up in his arms, pressing her body more tightly against his. He tasted like smoke and brandy, and the combination was enough to make Juliet feel slightly sick. She tried her best not to think about how this year might go - given the way it was starting - but as usual, his touch muted her thoughts and made her focus on one thing and one thing only: getting him to bed.
She pulled away and he let her down gently, pressing his forehead to hers like he didn't want to lose contact. "I love you," she whispered, the sound floating between them along with the sounds of the music and revelry from inside. She didn't know why it felt like a secret, but it did.
"I love you more," he whispered back, and she noticed his hard eyes were filling with tears. Before her heart could break any further, he grit his jaw and took her hand before leading her home.
—-
James was gone for three days, meeting with the hostiles. Juliet tried to tell herself it was normal, and expected, for him to be gone longer than a usual shift. But last year's meeting hadn't been this long. She couldn't help but think the worst as she zoned out at work, the engine in front of her remaining untouched for far too long. Her boss snapped at her, but nothing could get James off her mind.
She still had two hours left in her shift when finally his long-awaited voice called out her name, breaking her from her daze. She whipped around, eyes wild and searching, until she finally saw him striding towards her. He was filthy, but not bloodied, and the relief she felt made her knees weak.
He wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, and she was grateful for his strength. She almost began to cry right then and there, feeling every one of her senses yearning for him at the same time. Her heart was slamming in her chest, and she found herself breathing rapidly as she tried to calm down.
"I was so worried," she said softly, her voice hitching. He pulled back and pressed his hands to either side of her face. He kissed her softly on the mouth, despite knowing she usually hated PDA, especially at work. In this case, she didn't mind, but he pulled back before she could deepen the kiss.
"I know. Look, I gotta lot to tell ya, but not here, okay?" James looked around, and as expected, Chris was staring at them with loathing in his eyes. James thought about giving him the finger but refrained, and turned his attention back to Juliet. "I gotta go back to the station and write up my report. I'll be home around eight, okay? Go ahead 'n eat without me."
Juliet nodded her understanding, but felt herself frowning all the same. She was going to have to spend the next few hours alone - again. "Okay. I'll see you at eight," she mumbled, and almost protested when his hands left her face. Her cheeks felt cold without his hot hands there, despite the warmth of the day. He gave her one last lingering look before leaving as quickly as he'd come.
Her work quality improved drastically over the next few hours, and she found herself staying late to make up for the fact that she'd been so distracted all day. Now that she knew he was alive, she could finally breathe again and function like a normal human being. It scared her tremendously, to know how destroyed she'd felt the last few days. The 'not knowing' was the absolute worst, for sure, but it was almost scarier to feel so intricately tied to his presence, like a kite on the end of his string. Without him, she'd been adrift with no direction, no control, and she hated feeling so aimless.
James had become the constant in her life that she relied on to get through each day. She needed to see him each morning, needed to kiss him before going to bed each night, and needed his companionship more than she'd ever needed anyone else's before. How could that not be frightening? Everything could come crumbling down at any minute, and where would she be when it did? But that was going to have to be a problem for another day. She couldn't linger on it now, not when she was so happy to have him home again. She couldn't help how she felt about him - how deep the grooves were that he'd dug into her soul. So she tried to count her blessings. Not everyone was lucky enough to find their other half. But she did.
Juliet made herself a turkey sandwich for dinner and tried reading, waiting anxiously for him to come home. She could tell he'd been home already to shower and change, as the tub was still wet when she herself showered after work. It frustrated her, that he couldn't have stayed longer with her, but she supposed she should have been grateful he stopped by at all.
At ten past eight, Juliet set down her book. She was growing restless. She turned off the lights in the living room and padded down to the bathroom. She brushed her hair, fluffing it out past her shoulders. She dabbed a tiny bit of perfume onto the sides of her neck and insides of her wrists, and examined her reflection. Good enough, she figured, and set off to the bedroom. She sifted through her clothes, wondering if she should put on something sexier than a tank top and shorts. Just as she decided to change into a pair of black underwear and a matching lace bra, she heard James stumbling in the living room. Juliet heard a thud followed by a muffled curse, before the door to their room swung open.
She removed her hands from the drawers and stood in the center of the room. She saw him freeze, and she realized how stupid it was for her not to have any lights on. But the moon was so bright she hadn't even thought of it. "Hi," she breathed. "I've been waiting for you to get back."
James took an involuntary step back, as if he'd seen a ghost. But Juliet wasn't deterred. Perhaps he was just surprised to see her in the dark? It didn't matter. She approached him slowly, smiling wickedly all the while. James froze in place, watching her. She reached out a hand to stroke his cheek, and he leaned into it. She traced his jawline with one finger, before dipping down to trail it along his neck, landing gently on his chest, just above his heart. She could hear him breathing more heavily as she stepped even closer, until there were mere inches between them.
She licked her lips and placed both hands on either side of his face. He raised his hands to slip under the back of her tank top and she felt goosebumps rise on her skin. Using her fingernails, she raked her hands through his hair and caressed the sides of his neck with her thumbs. He slipped his hands down into her shorts to grab her ass, pulling her even closer to him.
And then he froze, again. This time, his eyes went wide and his hands retreated from her backside as if her skin had burned him. He stumbled back, placing a hand over his mouth and grasping desperately for the light switch. He turned it on, and she reached out a hand to try and steady him.
"James?" she asked, starting to become afraid. She had no idea why he was acting like this.
"My dream," he whispered, and his wide eyes searched hers accusingly, as if she were doing something to him on purpose.
"Your dream?" she repeated, confused. What dream?
He swallowed hard before pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. His thoughts were swirling, desperately clinging to this strong sense of deja vu that had assailed him the moment he'd walked through the door. From the darkness of the living room, to stubbing his toe, to seeing Juliet wearing shorts and a tank top, bathed in moonlight and saying she was waiting for him… it was all so damn familiar and yet he couldn't place it. He'd tried shrugging it off, but slipping his hands inside her shorts… that had been the final piece of the puzzle.
He'd dreamt this. Back when he'd first realized he was falling for her. When had it been? In July of '74, right? A week after the bonfire? Two weeks? James couldn't remember. But it was profound in his mind, because it was the first time he'd ever dreamt of her in any way that wasn't just as a friend.
And this whole thing… it had played out almost exactly the same… which, deja vu was one thing, but the exact same? James felt like he was going to be sick. How many more of his dreams were going to come to fruition? If this one did… does that mean others would too?
"James, you're scaring me," Juliet almost whimpered, as she put her hands on his shoulders. He felt his body slump as he processed what had just happened, but the wild, searching look in her eyes brought him back to the present.
Perhaps this is a fluke - a one time thing. Perhaps the dreams aren't visions.
But what if they are?
"I'm okay," he assured her, and pulled her into his chest. In his mind's eye, he saw her covered in blood. He saw the life leave her eyes, and could almost feel the stiffness in her body as he cradled her to him.
"Your heart is racing," she whispered, and pulled him more tightly against her. She kissed the side of his neck and wove her fingers through the back of his hair. "Are you okay?"
The movement brought him back into himself, and he inhaled deeply, though shakily, in an effort to calm down. "Yeah, I'm alright. I just missed you."
"I missed you too," she sighed against his skin. For a moment she just held him, and it was what he needed. He needed to feel her warmth and feel her fingers scratching against his scalp. He needed to smell her and rub his hands against the soft skin of her lower back. "Did it go okay?"
"Yeah. Went fine," he said against the crook of her neck. "Got the Swan site. But I'll tell ya about it later, okay? Just… stay here."
She nodded, and it took several long moments before either of them felt safe enough to let go.
—-
"Alright… strawberry orrr… hmm… vanilla?" Juliet asked, distractedly sifting through the cabinets while James stood at the sink behind her.
"She's your sister, not mine. Which one would she like best?" He popped a blueberry into his mouth, tweaking his eye a little at the tartness.
Juliet shrugged and pulled out more ingredients. "I don't know. She likes both. But we're the ones eating it, aren't we?" Her tone was matter-of-fact, but not bitter. James was just grateful she wasn't crying today. He'd been concerned when they woke up that morning that Juliet might be a basketcase, but so far the worst thing she seemed to be was merely distracted. If baking a cake was what she wanted to do, hell - he could get on board with that.
"Alrighty then. Strawberry," he decided, and ate another blueberry from the bowl in his hands.
"OR - we could do a vanilla cake with a fresh strawberry jam layer?" she suggested, and pulled the strawberries from the fridge. She wiggled the carton around, waiting for him to respond.
"Sounds good to me," he agreed. He held out a blueberry and she leaned her head forward, opening her mouth. He dropped the blueberry on her tongue, and she chewed happily. Her grin was infectious, and James found himself grinning stupidly right back at her. "Teachin' me how to bake a cake? That's pretty damn ambitious, Blondie. I ain't much of a baker. But now you're gonna teach me how to make jam too? I see what you're doin'. Tryin' ta turn me into goddamn Betty Crocker."
Juliet laughed. She hadn't expected to do much of that today, and yet it had bubbled out of her anyway. James had a knack for pulling them out of her when she least expected it. One of the many things she loved about him.
She set the strawberries on the counter and stepped forward, running her hands along James's forearms. She leaned in, almost conspiratorially, before arching one eyebrow and murmuring, "Trust me, James. I have no interest in fucking Betty Crocker."
The comment took James by surprise, making him laugh. He set the bowl on the counter and grabbed her roughly on her sides, making her scream and squirm as he pulled her into him. He showered her face with kisses as she strained to pull away from him, laughing and breaking the cool facade she'd tried and failed to pull off.
"Aw, come on, you're gonna say somethin' hot like that and leave me hangin'?" James whined as Juliet finally relented and planted one kiss on his lips before twisting out of his grasp. "That ain't fair. In fact, that's just plain cruel."
Breathless, Juliet pushed the wispy hairs out of her face and grinned up at James's longing expression. What a baby. "Let's make the cake first. Then we'll talk."
He groaned. "Fine. But… you gotta wear the apron," he suggested slyly, lips turning up in the corners as his gaze flicked down her body.
She laughed, and moved to grab the apron from where it was folded in a drawer. She slipped it over her head and tied it in the back. "Happy now?"
"Very."
"Okay good. Now… jam."
James had to force himself not to groan and roll his eyes. This was going to be a very long day indeed.
—-
Juliet had been toying with the concept that their anniversary was coming up, and she had nothing planned. Or rather… Was it really an anniversary if nothing was ever made official until this past summer? No, it definitely was the start of this relationship - she didn't have sex in the backs of vans with just anyone. Though it hadn't just been the sex. They'd admitted their feelings, and when mutual feelings are involved… She was fairly certain that warranted an anniversary.
But what to do? There was nothing on the island that even resembled a place to go on a date. She thought about camping, as she knew James enjoyed it, but it had been too rainy to risk going to the beach overnight. She wanted to do something, but the endeavor grew bigger and bigger in her head the more she thought about it. She needed it to be perfect, and she didn't quite know why.
The thought occurred to her the evening before their 'anniversary' as they were reading side by side in bed. It had been what she'd wanted to do for her birthday last summer, but they hadn't gotten around to it. She marked her spot on her page with her finger and dove into her brain, planning out all the details. He must have noticed her staring off into space, because after a few minutes, his hand waved in front of her eyes.
"Ground Control to Major Tom - you in there?" he asked.
Juliet blinked, and glanced up at James's concerned face. "Yeah. Sorry. Just thinking about tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" he asked, before realization dawned on him. "Oh. Tomorrow."
"You didn't forget, did you?" she teased, appreciating how her accusation made him look panicked and uncomfortable.
"No. Just… ain't ever had one of these before…" The comment made Juliet's smile fade. He seemed nervous.
She grasped his hand firmly in hers. "It's going to be fun. I have it all planned out."
"Ain't I the one who's s'posed to do that?" he grumbled, and squeezed her hand in return. She watched as his gaze drifted down to inspect their woven fingers. The admiration in his expression made her heart swell. His eyes always spoke in volumes far louder than his words did. She'd grown to learn that about him, over the last year and a half. His eyes were where she'd seen him be the most vulnerable, the most pained - the most in love.
"Usually, maybe. But this is your first. If I'm going to be your first anything, I'm happy it's this."
James grunted a laugh and shook his head, still staring at their entwined hands. "There's lotsa things you're my first of, sweetheart." His eyes finally cut up to meet hers, and Juliet felt heat swimming in her cheeks. The intensity of his gaze was almost too much, but she didn't want to break the contact. It felt powerful and important, and he leaned in to gently press his lips against hers, as if to punctuate his point. When he pulled away, he took a piece of her with him. It was almost funny, he had so much of her already. "You know that, right?" he murmured softly, and Juliet felt herself nod in response. She knew.
Even after only a year, he made her feel like the most important person in the world. It was astounding to her - how much she loved him. She felt it deep in her bones, like his name was etched across the marrow. How had she gotten so, so lucky? "Tomorrow's going to be great. You'll see."
James nodded and kissed her flushed cheek before returning back to his book. "I know. I trust you." The statement burned in Juliet's chest. She wasn't going to let him down.
The next day, Juliet drove them to the edge of the pylons in the East. James powered them down, they drove through, and he set the fence back behind him. They listened to the cassette tape of some band Juliet had never heard of, before James swapped it out for an ABBA one. She didn't tease him; it was the 70s after all.
They listened to the music without talking, driving over bumps and ditches, the jeep lurching this way and that. When they reached the edge of the northernmost wooded area, they left the jeep parked and hauled out their backpacks. Hand in hand, Juliet led the way.
After only an hour and a half's trek, they came upon their destination. Weaving through thick vines and dense banyan trees, they emerged into a clearing. In the center was a deep, crystal blue lake with a ten foot high waterfall cascading into its depths. Large boulders bookended the falls, and were covered with slick moss. They almost glittered behind the mist of the falling water. Juliet hadn't been here in ages, and it took her breath away, seeing it again.
James paused, taking it in. It looked like a damn storybook. "Holy hell. How'd you find this place, Blondie?" He sat down his backpack and ran a hand over the top of his head.
She followed suit, setting down her pack as well, and wrapped one arm around his waist. "You don't want to know," she murmured, and leaned her head against James's shoulder.
He laughed. "Well, now that ya done said that, I do wanna know."
Juliet sighed, tearing her eyes away from the waterfall and looking up into his curious face. "It was when I was an Other. There's a field, not ten, fifteen minutes from here, where all the Dharma notebooks from the Pearl will go. Someday. I found this place by accident. You came close, actually. Once."
James swallowed, remembering the pile of black and white notebooks, and the forest beyond. He thought he knew this island backwards and forwards by now, but he hadn't realized how close they were to what would eventually be the dumping ground. Time travel's a bitch, he thought bitterly, and almost flinched when he saw Juliet's face studying his. She hated being reminded of her time as an Other, and he knew that.
"Hey. Past's in the past. Or future. Or whatever. We're here now." He kissed her temple and gave her one final squeeze before digging into his backpack. "Let's see what all ya brought, hm?"
Inside he found canteens of water, fresh fruit, cheese crackers, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and slightly melted chocolate chip cookies. Juliet watched him analyzing everything, and hoped he appreciated her makeshift picnic. From her bag, she withdrew a large blanket, which she spread out on the dirt beside the pool.
"Of course, ya give me all the food to carry and you just had to carry the blanket," he teased, his dimples deep and eyebrows falsely accusing.
"Hey! I have other stuff in here, too…" she gasped in mock defense. "Knives, a flashlight. A gun."
"A gun?!" James squawked, and pulled the top of her bag aside to peer inside. There was no gun.
"Gotcha," she grinned, with her mouth slightly open. He chuckled and reached out to ruffle the top of her head. She swatted him away. "The gun's in the front pocket of your bag."
They spent the afternoon lying on the blanket, eating their snacks and enjoying the soft thundering of the waterfall behind them. It was peaceful and not too hot as they talked and enjoyed the solitude they rarely found these days.
"You win," James suddenly announced, and licked the melted chocolate from his fingers.
"Win what?" Juliet asked curiously, and took a sip from her canteen. When she was done, she laid her head in James's lap, her lower back and bottoms of her feet flat on the ground. James stretched his legs out to flatten his thighs for her, and leaned back on one hand.
"This. Anniversaries," he said, with a flourish of his free hand.
"It's not a contest," Juliet chuckled, but she was pleased nonetheless.
"I s'pose it ain't. But - you win all the same." He glanced down into Juliet's face. As expected, she was looking up at him. The wonder in her expression never failed to stop his heart. Even after all this time, he felt so undeserving of her unconditional affection. He didn't know how in the hell he'd gotten so lucky to have found her, but he couldn't even put into words how grateful he was to have her. She was his best friend, and he'd never realized before how desperate he'd been to find someone like that until he'd found it, and had a taste of how powerful it was. It was all-consuming, his love for her, and he'd die before he'd let anything happen to her. He'd never thought that about anyone before. Not Kate, not Cassidy. No one.
"You can pick what we do next year," Juliet suggested softly, and James brought his hand down to play with a lock of her hair. He twisted the blonde strand around one finger and nodded. He hoped and prayed there would be another to celebrate.
"Hard to believe it's been a full year, huh?" he murmured, unable to voice his fear aloud.
"Yeah. Could have been longer, if we hadn't been so stubborn."
"Ehh. Ya had your reasons."
She bit her lip. "I know. It all worked out the way it was meant to, I suppose."
He said nothing in response at first, just watched the way the sun glittered off her hair and how her blue eyes bore into his with an intense calm he'd grown to associate with her. He wanted to ask her about her other anniversaries. He wanted to know if anyone had ever done anything like this for her before. Whether her asshole of an ex-husband ever gave two shits, or if she'd even bothered celebrating one with Goodwin. But he didn't. Because though he wanted to know, he didn't really. None of that mattered now. He was going to make damn sure she had good ones moving forward. He had to.
"Been through a lot here, you 'n me." He let go of the strand he was holding onto and ran his finger along her jaw instead. He traced her features one by one, watching the way her eyes fluttered with each gentle graze.
"We have," she agreed softly. Her throat felt dry, even though she was well-hydrated. James had a magic over her she couldn't explain.
"I'm glad you stayed," he whispered lowly, and averted his eyes from hers. Despite her knowing how much he loved her, there was still a small part of him that felt guilty for asking so much of her once upon a time.
"I am too." She reached up and tucked a finger under his chin. It forced him to look at her. "Best decision I ever made."
James felt himself grinning, and Juliet raised herself up to meet him halfway for a kiss. He bent down, cupping one cheek, and captured her lips between his. His tongue probed hers, and she tasted so sweet and familiar it sent a chill down his spine. She was what heaven tasted like.
He never in a million years thought that his life could ever be this good. It was better than anything he'd ever had - certainly more than he deserved.
Suddenly James pulled away, grinning wickedly. "Wanna go for a swim?" he asked, and nipped once more at her bottom lip. The light that sparked in Juliet's eyes was her only answer.
They stripped down to their underwear, not truly trusting that outside the safety of the pylons they could ever be fully alone. Together, with James's strong grip guiding her, they climbed to the top of the waterfall. They were careful not to slip on the rocks, and found a dry ledge to stand on that jutted out just far enough to clear the rocks below.
"You ready?" he asked, and gripped her hand tightly in his. His mouth was suddenly dry. This height… he'd certainly done worse, but it was giving him painful flashbacks he'd rather not remember right now. He wanted to get this over with.
"On three?" Juliet trembled beside him, scared to death. But with James's hand in hers… she could do anything.
"One…"
"Two…"
"Three!" They jumped. It was only seconds, but it felt like minutes as Juliet's stomach rocketed into her throat. The icy cold water below took her breath away as she submerged.
But still James didn't let go.
They emerged breathless from the depths, gasping for air and laughing from the sheer exhilaration and adrenaline coursing through their systems. Juliet felt him tug her towards him, and his strong, warm arms enveloped her still trembling body as it glided in the water.
"That was…" she wheezed, teeth chattering and eyes blazing.
"Yeah," he agreed, and let out a whooping sound. The sound was cut off when Juliet wrapped her legs around his waist, tucked her elbows around his neck, and pressed her lips firmly to his. They treaded water and kissed for several long moments before finding a more shallow spot. James's body was hot against hers, keeping the chill at bay, and when he moved her underwear aside and entered her, hot and hard and familiar, Juliet knew she wanted this life for the rest of her days.
—-
It's bad enough James was obligated to attend Horace and Amy's wedding in late April, but now he had to sit and listen to work-talk instead of drinking and dancing with Juliet? He grit his teeth, trying and (probably) failing to hide his disdain as Dr. Chang jabbered on and on about the Dharma Projects currently in the works.
The Orchid elevator and structure itself had now been finalized, and now the underground work could begin. It was coming along on schedule, though the Swan was another story entirely. The markers had been drawn, the workers had cleared the top layer of the land and removed all the surrounding trees, and construction on the site itself would soon begin. However, a strange energy was causing most of the equipment to fail and they were having to do almost everything by hand. James almost scoffed, wanting so badly to tell Chang about the gigantic magnet they were tempting, but thought better of it. He wasn't supposed to know a thing - so he kept his mouth shut.
They were seated at one of the picnic tables surrounding the gazebo in the center of the compound. White linen tablecloths covered each of the ten or so tables, and the edges fluttered in the afternoon breeze. James looked out past the gazebo, which was covered in garlands of flowers, draped down the posts like candy canes, trying to spot Juliet. He ignored Chang, who was still blabbering in his ear, but he couldn't find her.
"James!" Juliet called out, plopping down beside him. She slung a heavy arm over his shoulder and kissed him sloppily on the side of his face. She grinned cheekily at Chang, who sneered back at her in return. "I was looking for you! Sorry - am I interrupting something?" she said, her voice high and breathy. She seemed… drunk.
Chang continued on, ignoring Juliet's sudden appearance. "As I was saying, LaFleur, it's imperative that we - "
"Yeah, yeah, I know," James waved a hand, trying to keep his scowling to a minimum. "I got it."
Dr. Chang scoffed, rolled his eyes, and bid them a clipped good day before leaving in a huff, clearly disappointed by Juliet's arrival.
As soon as he was gone, Juliet dropped the act. "You're welcome," she murmured under her breath, and took a sip of the lemonade in her hand. James, unsure as to what just happened, stuck his nose near the rim and sniffed. It wasn't spiked.
Realization dawned on him. "Did you just…?"
"Yep."
He laughed, and snaked an arm around her shoulders. He pulled her in close and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Thanks. He was talkin' my goddamn ear off."
"I saw. Thought you could use a hand." She grinned sweetly up at him and he kissed her gently on the lips.
"You could say that."
"What was he talking about, anyway?" She offered him a sip of her lemonade, and he took her up on it.
"Just talkin' 'bout the Dharma stations, what else is new. He's fuckin' obsessed, that guy. No wonder he ain't around when Miles is a kid."
"Hey…" Juliet warned. She cut her eyes to where Miles was dancing with Janine, his new girlfriend. She was about six inches taller than Miles, and he could barely keep his eyes away from looking at her chest. Janine didn't seem to mind.
"Look, alls I'm sayin' is the guy's a nut. The Orchid's all well and good I guess but they're havin' issues down at the Swan."
"They finally named it, then?"
"Yeah. I found out by accident at first. Horace let it slip. But I guess it's fine since I'm in the 'inner circle' or whatever. These Dharma guys and their damn secrets…" James shook his head, annoyed. "Even though I knew it was comin', and I helped bargain for it, it don't get any less weird, hearin' about it."
Juliet took another sip of her lemonade, looking contemplative and somber. "I don't doubt it. It's what brought you here, isn't it?" It wasn't a question, so much as a statement.
James shifted to look into her face. "How do you reckon?"
"Jack told me about Desmond. He didn't press the button in time, and it caused some… anomaly. I remember that day… my whole house shook, it felt like an earthquake."
James grit his teeth and fiddled with the edge of the tablecloth. "Yeah. That's what I was told, too."
"Did you think I didn't know?" Her tone was curt, almost accusing. It rubbed James the wrong way and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"No. Just - didn't think it mattered."
"Of course it matters. If it doesn't get built… you don't come here." She found a point in the distance to stare at. Suddenly it hurt too much to look at him.
"It'll get built."
For a moment neither said anything. Suddenly the weight of everything bored down on them: the time travel, the cyclical nature of their suffering, and the lack of control they had on anything around them. For James especially, he couldn't help but feel conflicted. Juliet meant the world to him, and he'd do anything to ensure they met and had the life they had now. But what if there was a way to keep all this from happening? Everyone who had died in the crash (or hell, even afterwards) would be saved. Jin would still be with Sun, and they'd all land safely in L.A. without him having to go through any of the shit he'd experienced on this godforsaken rock.
But no. None of that was important to him. Not anymore.
"Are you happy here? With me?" he asked suddenly, still staring off into the distance. She cut her eyes to look at him.
"What do you think?" she deadpanned in return. What a ridiculous question.
"I wanna hear ya say it." He met her gaze - a challenge - and she took his hand in hers. At Christmas, she'd asked him what he envisioned in the future. He didn't know, but he wanted her to be in it. She wanted that too. More than anything, she didn't care where they were, or when, she just wanted to be with him. It was that simple. It took her long enough, to let go of all the things she'd never have again, but yet here she was.
"James. I'm happier than I ever have been," she admitted with a sigh. It was the truth.
He grinned, giving her full access to his dimples. "Then how's about you 'n me go have ourselves a dance, hm? Quit thinkin' of all the what-ifs and time travel bullshit and just have fun?"
Juliet felt the corners of her lips turn up into a smile. The late afternoon sun made his shiny hair glitter, and his lopsided tie made him look like he didn't quite belong here. But he was handsome, and kind, and brave, and completely hers.
She let him lead her to the dance floor. She would follow him anywhere.