"Remember all the times you mouthed off at me for sitting too close to the edge?" Yuma asks as he trails a finger down Kaito's chest.
Kaito nods as he pulls Yuma closer to him, "I may remember doing it once or twice." he jokes.
They're back in the house, cuddling on Kaito's bed as they look out the open window for once. No going further than this, for the sake of Kaito's already ailing conscience, but he's only human, and being so close to another person after so long feels…nice.
Yuma is warm. He nestles himself into Kaito's arms despite being the taller one, and despite their differences in builds, he fits there perfectly. His spiky hair tickles Kaito's neck ever so slightly, and his hands are gentle as they keep using Kaito's chest as a canvas for his mindless doodles.
It's nice and comfortable, and he truly can't remember the last time he did this with either Haruto or Mizael.
Yuma laughs at the lame joke, "Only twice? You're a bit too young to have such memory issues, you know?" and the sound is also soothing and pleasant.
So Kaito keeps joking, "Don't make fun of your stressed elders. You'll be feeling the same way in ten years, I guarantee." though after he says it, he realizes that might not be too much of a joke at all.
Either way, Yuma smiles, relaxing enough to wrap an arm around Kaito's chest, "Anyway…I actually used to say the same thing to Shark all the time." he muses, "I know it doesn't sound like me, but I guess it's different when I see someone else do it. I got all worried, and he used to walk right over the edge…"
"You make it sound like that was a regular thing." he points out with a raised eyebrow, "Did you come here often?"
Yuma's tiny nod only confirms his suspicions, "Yeah, all the time. Even though there are so many better beaches around." he sighs, before switching the subject rather abruptly, "Speaking of, we should really go to one together at night. I promise there will likely be no one around at this hour, and they are sooo nice. And no risk of you getting a tan, haha."
The obvious distraction only serves to fuel Kaito's paranoia, "We'll do that when I finally get the urge to drive. For now, I haven't even entered the garage." he replies nonchalantly, "Back to what matters, why were you here so often, if you like those other beaches so much better?"
Yuma pouts a little, "Because Shark was a loner. And I mean, way, way worse than you. You're the type that opens up after a while, he genuinely didn't. After a day of school, he wanted nothing to do with the rest of my friends, or anyone else really." he prattles on rather sadly, "So it was either come here, or not see him at all. And even then, he'd grab his motorcycle and just leave me behind if I annoyed him too much."
"Sounds like a delightful friend." he comments sarcastically, not missing the way Yuma flinches, "What did you two even do here? The water is far too cold and furious to swim or surf on, and I doubt your friend was into making sandcastles."
At that, Yuma's face falls, "…do you remember when I talked about cliff diving?" he asks, unable to look at Kaito.
Honestly, Kaito struggles to remember it, "That thing about jumping off a cliff into the water? You mean you weren't joking around, and people actually do that here?" he asks, rather shocked, and the way Yuma cheekily looks away makes him gasp, "Honestly! Ugh, the things people in small villages do to pass the time…" he whispers, remembering many of the stupid things the kids in his part of the countryside got into, and suddenly, the notion of cliff diving doesn't sound like something out of a novel any more.
And then…realization comes to him, "Wait, you cannot seriously mean you two jumped off that cliff? That height alone is deadly, never mind the raging waters!" he shouts, almost pulling Yuma away as he stares at him in a mixture of shock and pure worry.
But Yuma just nods weakly, "I know…I hated it too, but…it was the only way to get him to hang out with me sometimes." he tries to excuse weakly, "And hey, this summer is just particularly bad. Sometimes, the weather was calm enough that it was mostly safe to ju—"
"Mostly safe isn't good enough when your life is at stake!" he screams, now fully pulling the other away as if the revelation literally shocked him, "What the hell Yuma? Why do that for the sake of an asshole like he was?"
Yuma flinches away, hugging his own arms to his chest, "Shark wasn't an asshole…despite everything, he was…"
But Kaito interrupts him by snorting loudly. Yuma chose to take offence to that, of all things? Even for a nice guy like him, that is unbelievably stup—
And then it hits him.
"He was your first crush?" he grunts out before he can think twice about it, jealousy briefly blinding him. Yuma' responding gasp only betrays the fact that he was right on the nose, "That was it, right? That's why you were so desperate to be with him, when you had so many other friends…"
He lets the statement hang, waiting for Yuma to say anything. But all he's met with is Yuma looking away. It only makes it more obvious that everything he said was right and he…
Just the thought of Yuma liking someone else makes him furious. Is this what Mizael felt over Chris? Because if so, he has to cut the poor guy some slack, maybe even send a text message apologizing, because this feeling is both alien to him, and completely gross.
"Of course you would be the type to fall for a bad boy. Yuma…maybe it's pointless to say this considering what just happened between us, but those types are no good for you!" he points out, scolding the other as if he were a child.
And it's only when the stops to think about that it comes to him
If Yuma liked someone else, then what the heck were they doing just now? Was he seriously using Kaito as a rebound?
Makes sense. No reason for a young guy to be interested in someone his age otherwise, since Yuma clearly had no interest in his money.
And it hurts. It hurts like hell. It makes him want to scream, but…remembering the earlier afternoon, he abstains from it.
Though he still can't help but let out, "Unless, you just…" only to bite his lip, and switch tactics, "Anyway, given the fact that you're always there by yourself now, I am guessing that crush didn't end so well for you." he says in an almost mocking tone.
If he has to hold himself back from shouting, then he's going straight for the hurtful jabs. Just like Mizael. And at this point, screw trying to do anything else.
Surprisingly, Yuma nods in agreement, "It really didn't." he says with a sad smile. Then he turns to look at Kaito again, and whispers, "He died."
The words make Kaito freeze with utter shock all over again (and by this point, he's so sick of doing that so often in one day.).
Honestly, there's little else for him to do, but to gasp, "...what?" stupidly, mouth agape like a fish.
"He died." Yuma repeats simply, eyes turning teary, "During one of the cliff dives…I told him the wind was too strong, but as always, he didn't listen to me and then…" he stops, trying to catch his breath and not blink at the same time, "I tried to reach for him, but he kept getting further and further away…I could barely see anything, and the cold…it was so cold…"
Finally, a single tear and tiny sob escapes him. His whole body begins to tremble, and Kaito should be reaching out and comforting the other. If only because the sight of a younger man than him crying sets his older brother instincts into overdrive.
But instead, he remains standing there, staring at Yuma as his mind suddenly goes all over the place. Because as soon as Yuma uttered the words—
"It was so cold…"
—memories overwhelmed Kaito. Memories of cold water invading his every pore, as he tried to swim to someone…the dream he had on that beach…
A terrible thought comes to him. Several other moments with Yuma begin to look different, but surely, he can't actually…
"And when I next woke, he wasn't anywhere!" Yuma continues when it's clear that Kaito isn't going to say anything. He stomps his foot loudly, then grasps at his own elbows as he starts to fall apart. "I should have fought harder to convince him not to do it! I should have fought harder to reach him! I should hav—"
"When did he die?" Kaito interrupts rather bluntly.
Again, that is not what he should be doing at all. He knows that. Feels terrible for it. But once his logical side goes off on a tangent, there is no stopping it. Especially with a matter as serious as this one.
Yuma lets out a few sobs, and rubs his eyes as he replies, "About two months just before you came here."
Kaito has no answer to that, "..."
Only more dread as things slowly fall into place.
But he still needs more information…even if he wants to do anything but to get an answer to his last question, "What did he look like?" he whispers, full of regret.
Yuma seems taken aback as he thinks on it, "Ah…" he mumbles stupidly, eyes going void, "Lean, though not as much as you. A bit shorter than me. Blue hair that resembled tentacles, blue eyes that almost ate me alive when he glared at people…used to wear a black t-shirt even in the summer, the nutso."
Kaito doesn't even care about the bitter chuckle Yuma let out at that last part. He's far too busy going over one detail in particular.
Blue hair.
"I see…" he replies almost numbly. Try as he might, it seems the crazy theory that his brain is forming might actually be correct.
And that is devastating. He almost doesn't want to think about it for a second more.
"Sorry to unload all of that on you so suddenly." Yuma rambles once more. Kaito's silence to such a huge admission must be terrible on his end, "It's just…after we kissed and all…" he stops, looking away before he finishes, "I don't want you to think you're a replacement for him, cause you're not, you know? But I might not also be in the best state to let things go too far…"
At that, Kaito blinks at him very slowly.
Oh right, that was what he was furious about not five minutes ago, right? And yet, he now feels stupid for even worrying about things like that in the first place, when something much bigger at stake.
Still, he can't share any of his thoughts with Yuma…at least not yet. So he settles for getting back into the conversation, "I wouldn't touch you any more than we already did until you're eighteen, get real." he scoffs, and given how guilty he already felt, that was the honest truth, even if Yuma might not buy it. "And don't worry…you're not a replacement for my ex either." he adds, hoping that is enough to at least make Yuma smile.
Mercifully, it does, "Thanks!" he says as his expression finally brightens just a little, even if he's still rather downtrodden compared to his usual self. Not that Kaito can blame him for it, for regardless if his theory is right or not, Yuma was clearly given the worst ending to his first love ever.
After wiping his eyes, Yuma tilts his head, and speaks in a more high-pitched tone, "Thanks for listening Kaito. I haven't faced up to anyone since that happened…I haven't even gone home since. And the fact no one came to look for me only means that everyone rightfully blames me." he says, trying to sound cheerful and clearly failing at it. Only to quickly switch into being honest once more, after Kaito gives him a knowing look, "I feel like I've been alone for years." he finally admits.
And though he didn't mean it that way, Kaito's nerves are on edge with that choice of words once more.
Years.
Shaking his head, he struggles to put on his own fake smile, "It's okay, Yuma. I won't leave you alone." he promises as he walks over to the boy and pulls him into a hug. Because of their height difference, he can't very well pull Yuma into his chest and comfortingly pat his head, like he used to do with Haruto so many years ago. Still, the way Yuma immediately hugs back, betrays the fact this gesture is just as effective, "You really need to start eating the food I offer you, though. And take a shower whenever you want. We need to buy you some new clothing too…" he mumbles as he wrangles a hand into Yuma's spiky locks.
It's a test. One last chance for Yuma to break the insane, terrible thoughts that are forming in his mind. Even if it's a lie, if he replies like a normal person, then maybe…
Unfortunately, Yuma dashes those hopes by briefly flinching, only to cover it up by burying his face against Kaito's neck and mumbling, "Yeah…thanks."
That uncommitted response, along with the reaction of his body, is all Kaito needs to know.
And he hates it with the entirety of his being.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Please…please come back to me." a voice pleads over the sounds of beeping.
Like always, Kaito cannot do anything in these moments but remain perfectly still. He feels so cold…and yet…so stuck. Stuck in this limbo.
The person beside him, again a familiar voice that his brain can never bring itself to recognize, "If you do that…I promise I'll never try to go against your advice again. We'll figure something out about my life but…don't leave me!"
The loud cry is interrupted by the sound of a door slowly sliding open. Kaito can make out the sound of footsteps approaching, and then, the person next to him calms down a little, "Please rest for a little while. I'll take over for you."
It's a different voice this time. From both the one next to him, and the one that had kissed his forehead once. One also familiar, and yet, also one he didn't want to hear.
Just who…who is…
"Ah…" the first voice gasps out, "Thank you so much for being here, Mi—"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
The next morning, Yuma isn't there, despite them supposedly falling asleep together.
If Kaito's mind didn't force that theory down his throat last night, he might perhaps even be hurt. As it is, it only confirms his suspicions.
He runs over to the bathroom. No signs that the shower had been used.
To his pantry. Everything was the same as he left it.
If Yuma isn't going home…where is he eating and taking care of his hygiene? Kaito didn't make much note of the fact at first, because he honestly didn't care about appearances himself, but come to think of it, Yuma always wore the same clothes…the ones that were never dirty, and reminded Kaito of his own times as a youth.
There's just too much evidence to deny reality. As much as he hates it, and as ludicrous as it seems, he has to face it. And make Yuma face it as well.
But in order to do that, he needs help.
Thankfully, he remembered to set his alarm before he and Yuma fell asleep last night. And since he wasn't woken up rudely, he still has time.
Like he has done countless times this month, he runs over to the entrance just as he begins to hear the familiar loud motorcycle approach. The one that ignores him every single darn morning, even when Kaito tried to throw a garbage bag at it.
But he's not going to let it ignore him this time.
Which he proves by waiting until it's close, and getting right into its path, "Stop, you darn, rude idiot!" he screams, hoping the other doesn't just swerve by him like the prick he clearly is.
Thankfully, that doesn't happen—
—because the motorcycle doesn't switch courses at all. It keeps going straight for him, as if the rider doesn't see him, and Kaito is then overwhelmed by panic as he realizes he's not nimble enough to jump out of his way, "STOP! STOP YOU IDIOT!" he screams, unable to do little but wave his arms around.
The thing makes a sudden loud noise, but it's clear that it's too late to stop on time. Kaito braces himself for the impact…
Only for nothing to touch him. Instead, he opens his eyes to find that the wretched vehicle is parked just a little beyond him, its rider freaking out as he removes his helmet, "Shit! What was that?"
Maybe he managed to swerve in time after all? But it didn't make a noise like it switched trajectories at the last minute. Then again, all Kaito had ever driven was a car, so what did he know?
Now that the fear has left him, it's replaced by anger. Especially as the blue haired rider keeps looking around stupidly, as if he has no idea what he almost just did.
So Kaito stomps his way over him, "Hey! Look at me, you ass!" he demands as he snaps his fingers right in front of the other. Because seriously, is this guy blind or something?
After blinking for a few seconds, the man finally seems to notice him, and flinches back in shock, "Where the hell did you come from?"
Kaito scoffs loudly, brimming with frustration. He wishes he didn't have to talk to this guy at all.
But…blue hair that resembles tentacles, just like he suspected. Blue eyes. Lean. A shark motorcycle.
There is no mistaking it; this is the same guy Yuma was talking about. The fact that he looks like a man in his late twenties though, and not a high school boy…it's all the proof Kaito needs.
He has to do this. Even though he hates it.
"I am the man that you wake up every morning with this shit ride of yours." he says as he kicks one of its wheels, "You have a lot of nerve. Anyone else would have made a complaint to the police about you, never mind the fact you invade part of my property every morning."
The hooligan seems annoyed, "Hey, don't insult my bike!" only to then stare at him suspiciously, "So it is true that someone bought this shithole…what are you, insane, or just that poor?"
"If I was poor, how could I have bought a house in the first place, no matter how cheap?" Kaito points out the obvious, meeting the guy's glare with one of his own as he crosses his arms, "I yell at you every morning, and yet you always ignore me…I've always hated selfish guys like you."
The other seems surprised, "Every morning? But how—" he stops, going back to his furious glare, "Not my fault you're such a tiny stick man that you're almost invisible." he insults back.
Kaito is not impressed, "How very charming of you. And totally convinces me not to call the police." he grumbles with a roll of his eyes, deciding to get the main crux before he loses all patience, "This is not the point. Is your name Shark?"
The other's face pales in horror, "How the he—?" he almost cries, mouth agape. Before Kaito can change his opinion of him even a little, he shakes his head and goes back to his 'composed jerk' expression, "No. It's Ryouga Kamishiro." he grunts, leaning over to Kaito and putting on the best threatening voice he can manage, "I haven't gone by that name in over a decade, and you better tell me how you found out about it or else."
And maybe, just maybe, if his voice hadn't trembled just a little, he would have been able to actually strike fear.
In others, at least. Kaito is far too much of a jaded man to back down to such an obvious, overgrown brat, "Thank you." he says simply as he turns around and leaves the other behind, "Come back here today after five pm, but before seven, if you don't want me to get the law on your ass, and charge you for over a month of trespassing."
He can hear the man shout and grumble even as he shuts the door, but Kaito pays no mind to it. Though it may be arrogant of him, he knows the other will be here just as he asked. And if not…there's always tomorrow.
With that, he wanders into the living room, sets his alarm for a bit earlier than usual…and like always, he cannot remember what he did while he waited.
Probably just ate and watched TV, because what else is there to do?
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
This is the one time Kaito wished he could get lost in his fog so badly, he would miss his alarm completely. Yuma would just come here to meet him anyway, there's no need for him to leave the house.
Does he truly want to do this? He likes what he has going on with Yuma, age difference be darned. And he sure likes hiding away from his troubles, as his mere presence here proved. And yet, he won't be able to run from Haruto forever; a baby will soon enter the picture, after all. He's well aware his peace can't last, no matter how much he wants it to.
Doing this will take away the one joy he had managed to find this entire year. And nobody is forcing him to do it…unlike with Haruto, he could just ignore the matter with Yuma, pretend to be oblivious, and Yuma would be none the wiser. For once, he has the option in his hands to keep someone in his life…complete and utter control.
The truth will make Yuma miserable too. Just like the matter with Haruto made Kaito miserable. So shouldn't he just take what he wants for once? Go inside the house, and when Ryouga comes by, pretend he can't hear anything. What's the guy going to do, break his door down?
Yes, the smart thing to do, is to turn off the alarm, and give up on the whole thing. It's what will make them both happy, so it's morally right as well. Isn't it?
Kaito was never able to not listen to his conscience, despite appearances to the contrary. It's why he didn't hang the phone on Haruto on the night he moved in here. And the honourable part of his soul is telling him to ignore his heart, and do the right thing. The only reason he was even able to ignore Haruto the way he did now, is because his conscience backed him up there too.
No such luck here. So each time he comes out of his dazes, he glances at his phone…and leaves the alarm on.
Once the dreaded thing goes off, he awaits by the entrance. Only to end up having to sit down, half an hour going by with no sign of the other. Which only serves to annoy him, as he's wasting time he could spend with Yuma…perhaps the last he—
But then, the familiar, incredibly irritating sound grabs his attention, and he gets up and stands by the garbage can, swearing he's going to use it to clobber the other over the head if he does not stop in time.
Thankfully, he does, taking off his helmet and shaking his stupid hair free. Technically, Kaito should find it handsome, since he always had a thing for long hair on men, but because of his jealousy and frustration towards this guy, well…
"You're late." he grunts as he snaps his fingers in front of the other, since again, he was just turning his head around, missing the fact Kaito was right in front of him. Truly, this guy must need glassed, but doesn't want to use them and is too stupid for contacts.
But once he can finally see him, the other just glares, "Give me a fucking break. My shift at the factory only ends at five, and it's quite a ways from here. I didn't even tell my wife I was coming."
Kaito can't help but raise a brow at those last words. What kind of woman would want to marry this guy? Must be someone who never grew out of their 'bad boy' phase…
Not that he cares that much, "Leave that rubbish behind, and follow me." he states, and begins to walk away without even waiting for a reply.
"My girl isn't trash!" Ryouga complains behind him, "And I'm not following you unless you tell me what the fuck you want. You think I am scared of your threats?"
Kaito rolls his eyes once more, "If you weren't, you wouldn't be here. So just shut up, because I'm sure your wife would just love to come fetch you from the station. Your salary can afford the bail, certainly…" he mocks.
Normally, he wouldn't be this callous. But he can't help it; he hated this guy from the moment he was aware of his existence, and if his theory is right…
He clenches his fists, knowing he can't think of that, lest he call this whole thing off, fetch his car, and just run over the prick. He needs to do this…for the sake of—
"Hey, where are you taking me to?" Ryouga suddenly asks, and Kaito is surprised by the tint of fear in his voice, "Do you even know what's in here?"
Feeling no pity (for this reaction only fuels his theory), Kaito scowls, "No. I just love buying property without thoroughly checking it out first. What a wise financial decision."
Of course, that is pretty much what he did, but the man doesn't need to know that. Or anything about him, really, "I won't throw you over, no matter how much you deserve it." he assures, regretting every single word, "No, you have other things to do. To give him freedom, and to carry the guilt for the rest of your life."
His words make the other audibly gasp, and he begins to run, likely intending to get in front of Kaito and confronting him. Unfortunately for him, Kaito anticipated that reaction, and made a dash for it before he could be caught. And he wasn't kidding when he said to himself that he was a very fast runner what feels like aeons ago; no matter what shape Ryouga is in, he has no hope of catching up to him. But of course, it doesn't stop him from trying, which is just what Kaito wanted.
"Wait!" the other shouts, forgetting his fear in favour of chasing after Kaito, "I've had enough of this! Who the hell are you, you—"
He stops to catch his breath, resting his hands on his knees. Kaito stops too, throwing him a victorious grin, "Thanks for doing just what I wanted you to."
The other, still struggling to recover, lifts his head to throw him the sharpest glare that Kaito has ever been on the receiving end of, "I'm going to…wait…this place…" he begins to shiver once he realizes just where he ended up.
At the cliff where Kaito always meets Yuma. And just up ahead, there is Yuma…sitting on his usual spot as always, seemingly unaware of the ruckus behind him. Not that Kaito expected anything else.
"You know why I brought you here. And why I know, doesn't matter." he says as he approaches Yuma, Ryouga slowly following him as if in a daze.
Yuma finally notices his presence, and turns to him with a smile, "Hey Kaito, you're a little late to—"
With a little regret, Kaito steps aside, allowing him to see Ryouga slowly getting closer to the edge. Immediately, his face falls over with shock, "S-Shark?! But…you died!"
But of course, Ryouga does not respond to his screams. Instead, he falls to his knees, punching the ground as he cries out in despair, "This…why did you have to bring me here?!" he asks, both to Kaito, and likely the heavens.
"You know darn well why." Kaito mumbles, but of course, neither of the other two listens.
Instead, Yuma gets up and runs over to the other, tears brimming his face, "Shark! I thought you died that day! I am so happy to se—"
But his shout of joy is interrupted when, instead of enveloping the other man in a hug…he ends up going right through him, tripping over his knees and falling, "…what…" he gasps as he struggles to get up.
He turns around and looks at both of them. Kaito looks away sadly. Ryouga doesn't notice, continuing to sob as he rests his face against the dirt, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Yuma!" he bawls.
Confused, Yuma crawls over to him, but before he can attempt to touch the other again, "I'm so sorry I killed you!"
Yuma pulls away as if shocked.
Kaito just wishes he was anywhere but here.