I am riding on the bus and all I can think of is him. I see his face and see his haunting eyes staring into mine. That night he danced with me seems like a lifetime ago. I feel his arms around me and I am starting to feel the heat rush up to my face. The bus stops and I am brought back to the present. I gather my guitar and satchel and step down the steps of the bus. I head in the direction of the villa. I reach the front gates and I enter .
I decide to go to the back of the house to surprise the children, this also affords me more time to think what I will say to him when I see him. As I start toward the patio of the house I see the children milling around the benches. I stop as tears fill my eyes. I want so desperately to be their Mother. I never realized how much I needed them until now. I hear them singing and I start walking towards them. As I get closer I hear the song I smile and start to sing the next line.
The children look ,their eyes searching for me. Louisa is the first to run into my arms. The rest of them are close behind. I hug and kiss them all.
"Fraulien Maria we missed you", they said.
"I missed you all so much" I said as I took Gretl and Martas hand in mine. I noticed Gretl had a bandage on her finger and she told me Friedrich bit her. We all laughed. Friedrich and Kurt took my belongings as we started to walk towards the back of the house.
"I have so much to tell you" I said.
"We have things to tell you" said Brigitta. "The most important thing is Father is going to be married." " To Baroness Schraeder.
It felt as if a arrow was shot into my heart. I heard what Brigitta said but I didn't want to believe it. Friedrich stared at me as my face lost color. I tried not to show my emotions to the children but I could feel tears starting to come.
"Father, Fraulein Maria has come back" the children shouted. I turned and just stared at the Captain. He was standing at the top of the stairs staring at me. I knew I had to say something to him but my voice was lost. I saw his eyes and my heart skipped a beat. I was in love with him but I could not tell him. I wanted to rush into his arms and tell him everything.
After what seemed like hours my voice returned" Good Evening Captain" was all I could say. Those tears started to find their way back into my eyes. I fought the urge to let them fall.
"Go and get your dinner" he called to the children. They happily shouted and all ran passed him. He slowly came down the steps and I knew he was going to start questioning me.
"You left without saying goodbye-even to the children" he said. I could see his eyes watching my every movement.
I could only answer" it was wrong of me -forgive me. I try and hold in the tears that are trying to appear.
" Why did you? he asks me. I think for a moment and say "Please don't ask me, anyway the reason no longer exists"
He stares at me trying to understand . He looks as if he wants to tell me something but he is interrupted. I see her she smiles and takes his hand in hers. I cannot speak . All I see is how she clings to him. This is tearing me in two but I hold my emotions in check.
" Fraulein Maria you have returned. Isn't it wonderful Georg" says the Baroness. I see how she is smiling and I know she has won. I need to go and figure out what I shall do now. I swallow my pride and say "May I wish you every happiness - You too Captain the children tell me you are to be married". I walk toward them hoping he can't se the pain I am going through.
The Baroness says" Thank you my dear. I see him smile and it causes me to wince. I run past them hoping to escape to my room but the Captain asks" You are going to stay". How can he ask me that? I turn to him and say" Only until arrangements can be made for another governess. I run up the stairs and into the bedroom. I fall onto the bed and finally let the tears come. I cry until I finally fall asleep from exhaustion.
I hear a knock on the door. "Who is it? I ask. "Dinner will be in a hour" the voice on the other side of the door answers. It is Frau Schmidt. "Thank you I will be there "I answer.
I open the armoire and I am shocked that all of my dresses are still there. I choose the blue one. I go into the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I look in the mirror at my swollen eyes and hope that that no one will notice. I wash up and get dressed. As I head toward the stairs Friedrich meets me and offers to escort me to dinner. I take his arm and walk down the stairs.
As we enter the dining room all eyes turn to me. I dare not look at the Captain for fear that he will see the love I have for him. Friedrich walks me over and sits me beside the Captain.
" I think it would be best if I sat next to Liesl" I said as Friedrich pulled the chair out for me.
" Fraulein Gretl asked that you be seated next to her" the Captain said. Not wanting to disappoint her I agreed and sat down. As I reached for my napkin The Captain also reached for his. His hand brushed mine and his touch -ever so brief- sent shivers up my spine. He looked at me and smiled not taking his eyes off of me. I put the napkin in my lap.
" Who's turn is it to say grace?" He said. "Would you please do it Fraulein?
I nodded and bowed my head and said" Thank you Lord for the food we are about to eat, Amen.