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(Disclaimer) Sorry about the formatting, for the reviewer who mentioned it, but I can't do anything about it. My computer is cranky and decides to format it that way no matter what I do. I have a Mac... *cries*
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The room was pitch black and silent, but for the soft squeak of the mattress as he shifted. It was just the way he liked it... Quiet. Solitary. Nothing out of the ordinary to interrupt. Just knowing he was utterly alone in this tiny space, feeling the walls stretch out around him, the emptiness growing...
Growing, shifting...
Squall mumbled incoherently in annoyance and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in the thin pillow. It was always trouble when he thought too much... It was better just to ignore the gnawing hole that insisted it was present in his chest and sleep. Just... sleep.
His reflexes screamed at him to wake the instant before the door creaked open, sending golden light pouring into the utter blackness. His eyes flashed open, the tired battle instinct cultivated during long months of SeeD training and those agonizing nights on the road springing again to deadly life. The moment his socked feet touched the cool floor, his fingers were closing on the colder handle of his gunblade, his senses focused on rousing Shiva within his mind. He had been so long used to this... his adrenaline didn't even pump anymore at a disturbance. It was all cool, trained reaction.
Sometimes he still missed that, though...
Squall shoved that thought from his mind, falling easily into his favored battle stance as the intruder paused to-
Switch on the lights...
Zell blinked at him from the door, a duffel bag slung easily over one shoulder, the strap dragging the sleeve of his t-shirt up to expose his muscled arm, eyes large in startled surprise. Squall froze just before swinging the gunblade in an arc that would surely have been deadly, skidding over the floor a few inches before he got his momentum under control.
he asked dumbly, letting the weapon fall to lean on his desk.
The surprise lasted only a few more seconds, then the blond SeeD doubled over in raucous laughter, his entire form fairly quivering with mirth. Squall scowled down at the back of his head, then took up the blade again and smacked him with the hilt.
Ow, hey! Zell jumped back up, frowning reproachfully at him and rubbing at his skull. I- I just- He chuckled again, bright eyes twinkling merrily. Ya just looked... I dunno, standin' there all ready t' rumble in your socks and boxers and that shirt... Damn, Squall, where did you get that thing? It doesn't fitcha at all.
Squall tugged at one sleeve almost self-consciously, glaring at the floor. He knew the shirt was too big for him, and he'd known that when he'd bought it in Dollet, but it was comfortable... and he'd not expected other people to be seeing him in it. he grumbled, refusing to look at him. Why are you here so early, anyway?
At that, Zell began to bounce on his heels, nearly impatiently. 'Cause I think we should leave t'day! And any good trip starts early, so I thought I'd come getcha, figurin' you'd be up doin'... Well, whatever the Hell it is you're doin' when you're alone, considering you won't tell anybody. So get packed, baby! Let's GO!
Squall eyed him, then sighed heavily and placed the gunblade back in its case. He had gotten himself into this... on his own accord... So he really couldn't blame anyone but himself.
Want me t' pack for ya? S not like you seem t' care about being fashionable or anything... And you need t' get dressed anyway, unless you wanna go like that. If ya are, I'm driving, cause socks don't really have the best traction, and please don't ask me how I know that...
Squall let him ramble on for a few minutes, carefully packing together his weaponry and necessary supplies. One never knew when a monster or any enemy would strike, and it would be foolish for a SeeD to be caught unprepared... But he eventually lifted his head and cleared his throat. At the soft sound, Zell obediently fell silent and still where he was rifling through Squall's drawers.
Go rent a car, he said calmly. I'll pack and get ready. We can meet in the parking lot in ten minutes.
Sounds like a plan! Zell nodded with a warm smile, then took a quick step over to his side. Squall blinked up at him wordlessly, rather accustomed to Zell making comments on his orders, but still reasonable wary of his opinion. HIs judgement wasn't always the best, and though he knew that full well, he was always crushed when his ideas were turned down.
However, any expectations he might have had were dashed when one gloved hand settled onto the top of his head, fingers that were calloused from so many battles gently mussing up his hair. Squall stared up at him, speechless, frozen where he was crouched by his desk, as Zell grinned down into his eyes with no small measure of obvious affection.
I didn't mean t' make fun of you, he informed solemnly. You look cute.
With those simple words, Zell patted him on the top of the head and was gone through the door before Squall could blink again. Once he was able, he did so profusely, then shook his head and coughed.
he whispered aloud, disbelieving.
That wasn't something he had been called in any seriousness for... for a long time, since he was less than three feet tall and still lisping. In fact, the last time anyone had commented on his appearance to his face had been his second visit to Esthar. You are a damn pretty boy, aintcha?' his father had observed with no lack of pride. He'd said nothing in response, merely hauling out the time-tested withering look and letting Kiros scold him instead.
But... for Zell to... to call him... cute...?
Squall shook his head again and pulled his drawers open, letting his bafflement evaporate into a frenzy of packing and dressing. He had no idea where they were going to end up... so it would be prudent to pack clothing that would be useful in any climate, as well as for either end of the spectrum. And his savings, in case they had a monetary emergency, which was almost guaranteed if Zell started betting on card games again. It had been fine when he'd been betting on his own, but when he had started betting on Squall's games, things had gotten rather bad.
He had never professed to be any good at cards. Everyone just seemed to assume he was.
It took a rather short length of time for his preparations to be devastatingly complete, and Squall took one last glance around his allotted room. Would he need the magazines...? No, of course not. What was he going to do with ancient issues of the Timber Maniacs battle series when he was supposed to be on vacation?
What did he do with those anyway...?
He considered that for a moment, then heaved a vexed sigh and kicked the door shut behind him. The Headmaster was probably just trying to drive him mad with this vacation... For his sick amusement. Watching a cool and collected SeeD transform into a raving lunatic in eight short weeks. Irvine would sell tickets. And Selphie would advertise.
And people wondered why he was so bitter.
Squall shouldered his bulging luggage and took the stairs two at a time, impatient for reasons he couldn't quite explain. It wasn't as though he was anxious to leave... Perhaps it was just the need to be going somewhere, doing something, having a purpose in waking up in the morning.
Things didn't feel quite so empty that way.
The water gurgled beneath his feet as he left the dormitory area, the plants that someone so painstakingly cared for lining the walkway. It was there he could always be sure to find Raijin, scouring the leaves for strange insects... And Fujin, there to kick him severely. And Seifer, always somewhere behind, blustering and intimidating whoever would pass.
And of course, where one found Seifer, one would find legions of fangirls. And Irvine. He had yet to figure out if Irvine was attempting to steal the girls from Seifer, or perhaps trying to steal Seifer from the girls. He wouldn't put the horrible taste in men past the .
And where Irvine was, Selphie would be tagging along, bright and bursting with her limitless ideas and trying to recruit hapless passerby for the Garden Festival Committee. Quistis would be somewhere nearby, of course, keeping Selphie in line. And Rinoa would be walking along with them and letting the smaller children pet Angelo. And Zell would be...
In all reality, Zell would be wherever he was.
The thought almost brought the glimmer of a smile to his thin lips, but Squall bit it back by reflex. He wasn't sure exactly why that realization warmed him so. Zell was loud, and intrusive, and... well...
No matter what he was, he liked Zell.
And that thought was perhaps the most disturbing of the lot. He'd schooled himself all along in the dangers of caring about other people, of letting other people get involved in his life, of getting involved in the lives of others. It did nothing but bring pain to him when they left, and they would... They always left, no matter the reason. Always.
And that scared him so much... it always had, the thought of losing any of them. He worried for them, and agonized over their well-being, as much as he didn't want to.
That day, in the desert prison... the familiar sounds of gunshots, heels clattering over steel flooring... He'd run as fast as he could, with Selphie and Quistis, heart pounding, so sure he would never get to Zell in time, that he would see him struck down from so many floors above and never be able to-
He didn't even know what the rest of that thought was. It had been then that he had seen the warden strike him, and it had been then that he'd jumped the railing.
Hey, that was fast!
The voice startled him out of his reverie, and Squall glanced up to find himself entering the parking lot. His automatic pilot must have taken over again... it was really a wonder he hadn't ended up at the training center like he usually did.
Do you have a car ready? he inquired, letting his gaze take in Zell's figure where he leaned against the wall. His stomach was still churning in that remembered terror, and he forced himself to speak clearly and steadily, lest that disturbance be revealed. He always got far too involved in recollection...
the blond said proudly, striking his fists together in a familiar gesture of triumph. Can I drive?
Squall's only response was a silent stare, but his companion evidently got the message, as he pouted and opened the passenger door.
He took a step forward, then winced as his right knee began to throb. Dr. Kadowaki had warned that the bruising was bad... He'd twisted the joint pretty badly during a frantic escape from a T-Rexaur in the training center, and apparently it hadn't quite healed yet. Squall grimaced, already beginning to smart from the coming wound to his pride.
he muttered begrudgingly.
He felt those bright eyes focus on him, and he cast his gaze to the floor, coughing.
Maybe... Maybe you should drive.