After a moment, he was simply panting heavily. Buffy slipped onto the
floor beside him. She gently cradled him in her arms and pulled him down
to rest against her. She brushed some hair from his forehead and
whispered, "Knock knock, who's there?"
He chuckled and shook his head, still in her embrace. "Not the bleedin' ponce, that's for sure. He's had more than his share of time."
Buffy smiled. "Oh, what's wrong with William? I like him."
"Of course you do. Heart on his sleeve and all that rot."
Buffy stroked his hair. "What's wrong with that?"
Spike sat up a bit. "It's *my* heart! That's what's wrong!"
Buffy nodded. "Mmm.....I think it's his too. And besides, what's wrong with a little bit of honesty?"
Spike moved to Buffy's side, leaning back against the bed as she was. "Pet, I've always been honest with you, right? Even when no one else would be, I gave it to you straight. But there's a difference between bein' honest and prattling on about things that need to stay private. God, I can be such a git sometimes."
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "You or him?"
Spike shrugged. "Not so stupid to think that he's not me. It's all the same. I don't.....I don't understand what's going on in my head, but I know that he and I.....we've always both been...me. Never separate until now. And even now...I don't know. Just for some reason now.....the wanker part of me gets a speaking role. Now my inner monologue becomes an outer monologue. I just hope it doesn't last forever. Because......." Spike trailed off, suddenly lost in thought. Then he started shaking and looked beyond Buffy. He looked so terrified that she had to look herself to make sure there wasn't anything there. Then he closed his eyes and pulled his knees up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them tight and started mumbling something that Buffy couldn't understand. Buffy put her hand on his arm and he jerked away wildly. He started crawling from her. When he found himself in a corner, he started whimpering. He turned toward her, looking much like a trapped animal.
"Spike? What's wrong? Is he coming back again so soon?"
Spike shook his head. She knelt down in front of him and he jumped up and yelled at her and then no one, "NO! NOOOOOO!!!! NO! NO! NO!" He put his hands over his ears and then started pacing the small corner frantically.
Buffy reached toward him and he flailed. "Ok, Spike, I think maybe I should cuff you again. I don't know what's going on, but I don't want you hurting yourself or someone else."
Spike froze and stared at her. "Please, no, please. Don't tie me up. I can't get away from them. Buffy, luv, please help me. You're strong, you can fight them. Don't want to fight them. Already hurt them. But they won't go away. Won't leave me alone."
Just then Giles burst through the door with a stake in his hand. "What's going on?! He's screaming bloody murder in here!"
Buffy took a step back from Spike and addressed Giles but never took her eyes off the vampire. "Giles.....it's a very long story that I will be happy to tell you later, but right now I need to figure out how to calm him down."
Spike started pacing again. "Will, Will, Will, Will......come help. Come help me. You come when I don't want you, now come when I need you. DAMMIT YOU BLOODY PONCE, HELP ME!!!!!" Suddenly, Spike shuddered and put a palm to his forehead. When his unneeded breath slowed, he smiled slightly and shook his head. He ran his hand through his hair, then pinched the bridge of his nose.
He turned to Buffy, finding her completely mortified. "Rest assured, he's fine. He's tucked away where they can't hurt him. Much."
Buffy walked up to William and took his face in her hands. She looked deeply into his eyes, trying to see Spike inside him. "Are you sure he's not just trapped in there with the memories? I don't think he could survive that....."
William smiled sweetly and took her hands in his. "I promise you, he's better now. It's the reason I'm here, remember? The one he tried to hide for so long because he thought I was weak. Now he calls on me for strength. But do understand, I don't have that kind of strength. I couldn't endure one tenth of what he does, I imagine. He just needs me so he can forget for a bit. Or at least, so he can *not* remember for a while. It's necessary that he rests, because you're right, mentally he'd never survive the assaults. It's always there. *They* are always there. The moments of lucidity he has with you are just that, moments. And even then, he hears them. Sometimes they are quieter and then he can think. Sometimes they get louder and he can't handle it. That's when I come. I'm happy to do this for him, of course. It's my fault, after all, that he is in this predicament. Giving him some respite is the least I can do. And unfortunately, the most as well."
Giles cut in. "What in god's name is going on here? And why is Spike speaking this way?"
William gave Buffy a supportive smile and released her hands. She turned to Giles. "Spike......has a soul."
"What?! A soul.....surely not.....how on earth......" Giles was shaking his head.
Buffy put up her hand. "Oh wait, it gets better. He's also now got some kind of split personality thing going on because he can't handle the guilt. And his other personality is, well.....himself. Um, well, his human self. William."
William smiled and held out his hand to Giles. Giles frowned and looked at Buffy. She nodded. Giles took William's hand and noticed how lightly he shook it. "Good to finally meet you, Mr. Giles. I have long wanted to apologize for the way that Spike has treated a fellow countryman. Quite the pity, if you ask me. I've always felt you and I would have become friends had we met under different circumstances. And when I say *I*, I mean Spike and myself, of course."
"Of course....." Giles frowned again at Buffy.
"Look, Giles, I don't have a lot of info myself. You know what I know, basically. Spike called me pretty freaked out from a motel in Modesto. I went and got him and well.....here ya go."
"But.....how.....why? I'm sorry, I'm just finding it difficult to take this all in. Are you certain this isn't some sort of hoax? Are you trying to pull on over on the old man, because if so, good show. Truly, very well done......" Giles stopped when he saw Buffy shaking her head.
"I'm not clear on the how. The why is well......me. Apparently Spike overhead you and I talking. Well, partly anyway. He heard me say I couldn't ever love him if he didn't have a soul. So, as Spike tends to do, he went off half-cocked and got himself a soul."
William cleared his throat. "Pardon the intrusion, but that's not entirely how it happened."
"Oh, duh. You would know. Ok, William, you are the most lucid character in Spike's head now, so give us all the details."
William shook his head. "Oh, no, I couldn't. Certain things I just couldn't disclose. Things not fit for conversation in mixed company. And some things.....I just don't know about. Like I said, I get some memories. Some good, some bad. I think it's like that for a reason. So that I can be a refuge for him. All I meant to say is that he didn't just go off for a soul after he overheard you. He did some......soul searching before he went soul searching." William chuckled at his joke, but noticed Buffy and Giles were anything but amused.
"A second personality. Intriguing. This is not quite my area, but I seem to recall some information. Perhaps Willow can be of assistance. She was taking some psychology classes, as I recall." Giles frowned in thought.
"Uh, hello? I took psych classes too." Buffy looked at Giles. He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Ok, I'll call Will."
**
TBC Please R&R!
He chuckled and shook his head, still in her embrace. "Not the bleedin' ponce, that's for sure. He's had more than his share of time."
Buffy smiled. "Oh, what's wrong with William? I like him."
"Of course you do. Heart on his sleeve and all that rot."
Buffy stroked his hair. "What's wrong with that?"
Spike sat up a bit. "It's *my* heart! That's what's wrong!"
Buffy nodded. "Mmm.....I think it's his too. And besides, what's wrong with a little bit of honesty?"
Spike moved to Buffy's side, leaning back against the bed as she was. "Pet, I've always been honest with you, right? Even when no one else would be, I gave it to you straight. But there's a difference between bein' honest and prattling on about things that need to stay private. God, I can be such a git sometimes."
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "You or him?"
Spike shrugged. "Not so stupid to think that he's not me. It's all the same. I don't.....I don't understand what's going on in my head, but I know that he and I.....we've always both been...me. Never separate until now. And even now...I don't know. Just for some reason now.....the wanker part of me gets a speaking role. Now my inner monologue becomes an outer monologue. I just hope it doesn't last forever. Because......." Spike trailed off, suddenly lost in thought. Then he started shaking and looked beyond Buffy. He looked so terrified that she had to look herself to make sure there wasn't anything there. Then he closed his eyes and pulled his knees up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around them tight and started mumbling something that Buffy couldn't understand. Buffy put her hand on his arm and he jerked away wildly. He started crawling from her. When he found himself in a corner, he started whimpering. He turned toward her, looking much like a trapped animal.
"Spike? What's wrong? Is he coming back again so soon?"
Spike shook his head. She knelt down in front of him and he jumped up and yelled at her and then no one, "NO! NOOOOOO!!!! NO! NO! NO!" He put his hands over his ears and then started pacing the small corner frantically.
Buffy reached toward him and he flailed. "Ok, Spike, I think maybe I should cuff you again. I don't know what's going on, but I don't want you hurting yourself or someone else."
Spike froze and stared at her. "Please, no, please. Don't tie me up. I can't get away from them. Buffy, luv, please help me. You're strong, you can fight them. Don't want to fight them. Already hurt them. But they won't go away. Won't leave me alone."
Just then Giles burst through the door with a stake in his hand. "What's going on?! He's screaming bloody murder in here!"
Buffy took a step back from Spike and addressed Giles but never took her eyes off the vampire. "Giles.....it's a very long story that I will be happy to tell you later, but right now I need to figure out how to calm him down."
Spike started pacing again. "Will, Will, Will, Will......come help. Come help me. You come when I don't want you, now come when I need you. DAMMIT YOU BLOODY PONCE, HELP ME!!!!!" Suddenly, Spike shuddered and put a palm to his forehead. When his unneeded breath slowed, he smiled slightly and shook his head. He ran his hand through his hair, then pinched the bridge of his nose.
He turned to Buffy, finding her completely mortified. "Rest assured, he's fine. He's tucked away where they can't hurt him. Much."
Buffy walked up to William and took his face in her hands. She looked deeply into his eyes, trying to see Spike inside him. "Are you sure he's not just trapped in there with the memories? I don't think he could survive that....."
William smiled sweetly and took her hands in his. "I promise you, he's better now. It's the reason I'm here, remember? The one he tried to hide for so long because he thought I was weak. Now he calls on me for strength. But do understand, I don't have that kind of strength. I couldn't endure one tenth of what he does, I imagine. He just needs me so he can forget for a bit. Or at least, so he can *not* remember for a while. It's necessary that he rests, because you're right, mentally he'd never survive the assaults. It's always there. *They* are always there. The moments of lucidity he has with you are just that, moments. And even then, he hears them. Sometimes they are quieter and then he can think. Sometimes they get louder and he can't handle it. That's when I come. I'm happy to do this for him, of course. It's my fault, after all, that he is in this predicament. Giving him some respite is the least I can do. And unfortunately, the most as well."
Giles cut in. "What in god's name is going on here? And why is Spike speaking this way?"
William gave Buffy a supportive smile and released her hands. She turned to Giles. "Spike......has a soul."
"What?! A soul.....surely not.....how on earth......" Giles was shaking his head.
Buffy put up her hand. "Oh wait, it gets better. He's also now got some kind of split personality thing going on because he can't handle the guilt. And his other personality is, well.....himself. Um, well, his human self. William."
William smiled and held out his hand to Giles. Giles frowned and looked at Buffy. She nodded. Giles took William's hand and noticed how lightly he shook it. "Good to finally meet you, Mr. Giles. I have long wanted to apologize for the way that Spike has treated a fellow countryman. Quite the pity, if you ask me. I've always felt you and I would have become friends had we met under different circumstances. And when I say *I*, I mean Spike and myself, of course."
"Of course....." Giles frowned again at Buffy.
"Look, Giles, I don't have a lot of info myself. You know what I know, basically. Spike called me pretty freaked out from a motel in Modesto. I went and got him and well.....here ya go."
"But.....how.....why? I'm sorry, I'm just finding it difficult to take this all in. Are you certain this isn't some sort of hoax? Are you trying to pull on over on the old man, because if so, good show. Truly, very well done......" Giles stopped when he saw Buffy shaking her head.
"I'm not clear on the how. The why is well......me. Apparently Spike overhead you and I talking. Well, partly anyway. He heard me say I couldn't ever love him if he didn't have a soul. So, as Spike tends to do, he went off half-cocked and got himself a soul."
William cleared his throat. "Pardon the intrusion, but that's not entirely how it happened."
"Oh, duh. You would know. Ok, William, you are the most lucid character in Spike's head now, so give us all the details."
William shook his head. "Oh, no, I couldn't. Certain things I just couldn't disclose. Things not fit for conversation in mixed company. And some things.....I just don't know about. Like I said, I get some memories. Some good, some bad. I think it's like that for a reason. So that I can be a refuge for him. All I meant to say is that he didn't just go off for a soul after he overheard you. He did some......soul searching before he went soul searching." William chuckled at his joke, but noticed Buffy and Giles were anything but amused.
"A second personality. Intriguing. This is not quite my area, but I seem to recall some information. Perhaps Willow can be of assistance. She was taking some psychology classes, as I recall." Giles frowned in thought.
"Uh, hello? I took psych classes too." Buffy looked at Giles. He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Ok, I'll call Will."
**
TBC Please R&R!