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I rated this as R because I planned on a lemon towards the end... does that sound good to my loyal reviewers? Or should I make it worthy of a NC-17? ^_^ I aim to please...
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Hey, Squall.
He looked away from the window, peering up into the earnest face that had focused on his so raptly. Zell sat next to him on the bench, feet tapping absently on the gray flooring, gloved hands resting against his knees and twitching as though they were frustrated at their lack of activity. he asked patiently, wondering why Zell always needed a prompt to continue in whatever his thought was.
The blond looked down at his hands, sighed, shifted position, then sighed again. Squall waited in building frustration, then finally clapped a hand onto his shoulder and spun the fidgeting SeeD to face him.
he asked more forcefully.
I wanna ask you somethin'... Those cerulean eyes avoided his, the shining in them that he was so used to strangely uncertain now. It's kinda a personal thing though... An' I know you don't like people prying.
Squall cocked his head, eyes narrowing slightly as he considered the young man who sat next to him. He shifted uncomfortably about every three seconds, heels bouncing against the floor in motion spurred more by nervousness than boredom. It seemed strange, on the surface, for Zell to be so hesitant about a mere question. And it was true that he never would be with anyone else. But in the same fashion that he refused to argue with Squall, he wouldn't intrude into his private affairs the way everyone else would.
And he still hadn't figured out why.
...Go ahead, he prodded quietly, oddly curious about what Zell wanted to know so much he would risk Squall's supposed wrath. I'll try and answer the best I can.
Zell smiled weakly, then nodded. Awright. You remember... when Rinoa wanted that ring you have?
Squall twitched in remembered annoyance, scowling darkly at the floor. Yeah, I remember, he muttered, jaw setting in a hard line. He still couldn't smother the anger that memory brought up. She had gone behind his back to get hold of one if his most treasured possessions... and all in the most wonderful of intentions. Or at least he thought so... It was hard to tell if she was being malicious on purpose, or if she truly had what she believed were their best interests at heart. It was what frustrated him the most about her.
...Pretty much, what frustrated him the most.
He was brought back to the moment by Zell's soft voice, the tone deeper and more serious than he could ever recall hearing it... a thought that stirred something strange deep inside his chest. Why did you give it to me? he asked simply. Why would you give it to me so freely and get so pissed when you found out she had it?
It was such a simple question.
Squall stared at him wordlessly for so long that his eyes began to ache from not blinking. Zell didn't break his gaze, eyes narrow and glittering with a curious urgency that made his mouth so uncomfortably dry, his heart racing nearly painfully.
I... I... No words would come, and drawing a blank on what he could possibly say, Squall shook his head and fell silent. Why had he... why had he felt so comfortable handing Griever into Zell's hand when the mere thought of Rinoa in possession of it made his blood boil? There was the simple point that he like Zell a lot more, for so may reasons he couldn't possibly list them, but mostly because he really seemed to care as deeply as anyone could, instead of... of... Oh, he didn't know.
And there was that warm concern again, the gentleness that stirred so much unwelcome flutterings in his heart, choking his breathing in some of the most unhealthy ways and generally just unsettling a manner that was so well practiced that it would take nothing short of drugs to change it. Or so he had believed.
I don't know, he snapped, more harshly than he had intended. Because you asked. Because I like you better. Because I think you might actually care about me even after knowing me better than anybody else. I don't know why!
Zell was silent, and inside he winced, knowing it was only moments before that silent darkness clouded his eyes again. He had to be careful what he said... It was strange that he cared enough to actually worry about how his actions affected Zell's feelings.
But he did. And he supposed it didn't matter just why... He could analyze himself for hours and never understand why. It was useless to question things like that. It was pretty useless to question anything, anymore...

His head snapped up at the wondering tone in his companion's voice, startled and more than a little relieved. Zell was staring down at him, eyes large and shimmering with nearly enough light to abate the darkness of the secluded passenger compartment they sat in alone. It was such a strange look... almost smiling, almost on the verge of tears...
he returned quizzically, watching him cautiously. Why would he lie about something like that? And furthermore... why was he surprised?
Zell's eys sparkled, and his fingers twisted together where they rested uncomfortably in his lap. Y'know... I was just gonna make a copy of it for her. She asked me to, and I didn't know if you'd mind or not... and besides, everybody was plotting to get you two together and... agh, I dunno. I figured, if it made you happy, who was I to question...?
But it didn't, Squall said quietly, sharply, narrowed eyes casing the expression on his companion's face. The words were simple enough, but the meaning behind them enough to choke even the speaker. It hadn't made him happy... Everyone had believed it would, and even he had been confused enough to think, was he in love with her...?
But time had proven that painfully wrong, as he had suspected it would.
No, it didn't, Zell repeated softly. The hands that were tangled together on his knees unwound themselves, fingers shaking visibly where they protruded from the black leather gloves that protected him in battle. Squall kept silent, unsure of the sudden seriousness that pervaded the space between them, more than a little frightened of the sudden pounding in his chest, the look in Zell's brightening eyes, the hesitancy he'd never seen there before...
Um... I'm gonna go get some food from the cabin... Want anything? Zell asked hurriedly, one hand scratching at the back of his neck. Squall started, then nodded shakily, trying to breathe normally and lacking any air for reasons he coudn't identify.
he responded, knowing that Zell would buy him something no matter what he said. He had always been like that, giving of himself in both the silliest little ways and the most tremendous ways... and yet, he still refused to let them see his room in Balamb unless they were under the most dire of circumstances. He was quirky... he was Zell. And they couldn't do anything about that.
Even if they wanted to.
Zell stood up from the bench they had occupied since the beginning of the ferry ride, bounced on his heels for an inordinate amount of time, then blinked down at him again, eyebrows raised as if in delicate consideration.
Squall looked up at him, trying vainly to restrain annoyance. He had the nasty feeling that Zell had not been quite forthcoming with him lately, especially during this pathetic excuse for a converstation, and it was beginnning to eat at him. It wasn't like Zell to hide things from him. It wasn't like him to be afraid of what anyone thou-
He froze as Zell's lips touched his, the kiss rough and clumsy, but... almost tender... Warm and gentle, the same as his touch had always been, and yet... somehow stronger, firmer, demanding nothing and yet taking everything, taking everything because he allowed him to do so... He shivered as one hand rested on his shoulder, as though balancing the blond where he stood, fingers squeezing lightly and rubbing at his upper back in agonizing affection. Squall did nothing but sit dumbly, lips trembling against Zell's, aching in uncertain and guilty pleasure, able to do nothing but submit without a word.
Then one finger smoothed lightly over his cheek, and Zell pulled away, blue eyes sparkling in both uncertainty and a shy amount of happiness... happiness that he hadn't pulled away...? Or resisted...? Or done anything to even indicate he wanted him to stop...?
Had he...?
I'll be back with the snacks then, the blond said hurriedly, and then was gone down the stairs to the cabin.
Squall didn't even try to stop him, chin shaking, heart fluttering, gloved hand reaching up to touch his lips in wonder as he stared blindly at the far wall.
What... what had just happened...?
And why hadn't he stopped it?