"Nothing else? All these books and there's nothing else we can do?"
Willow looked sheepish. "And the net. I went online, everything says the same thing. You have to find out what's in the subconscious that has triggered the split. What *exactly*. Then working through that traumatic event can pave the way for re-integration of the personalities, if that's possible at all."
Buffy frowned. "What do you mean, 'if that's possible'?"
"Uh, well....."
Giles decided to rescue the very nervous witch. "Buffy, you have to realize this is a very serious condition. Some people.....never fully recover. Some live with alternate personalities their entire lives. They usually learn to coexist and, to some degree, control the divisions, but.....this might not be something we can fix."
Buffy jumped up, a wild look in her eyes. "Willow, spells? Anything on that front? There's gotta be something...."
This time Tara spoke up. "I don't think that's a good idea. Doing spells on someone's mind is never good. And even if it's done correctly, it can have really bad results. Worse than he is now. I really wouldn't recommend using magics. I mean, other than what Willow uses to get inside someone's mind, but that's her own power she's using. Not any spell. It's still not 100% safe, but it's probably still the best option."
Buffy shook her head. "He won't allow it. But we've got to do *some*thing. This can't just be *it*. What haven't we thought of?"
"What if we hypnotize him? And that way no one gets in his head, but you can give him suggestions and stuff," Xander added.
Buffy scowled. "You think? Can you even hypnotize a vampire? And how would that work anyway?"
Giles took off his glasses, a thoughtful look overtaking his face. "No.....that's......I don't see why he couldn't be put under. And that just might give us the in that we need. Good idea, Xander."
"Well, I was due," Xander beamed.
"Satan ice skating? Did I hear someone say Harris had a good idea?" Spike startled the group with his entrance.
Buffy took a deep breath before approaching Spike. "Um, we were just thinking.....you don't want anyone messing around in your head, and we can all respect that. But, uh, we were hoping maybe you'd let someone hypnotize you. And then it would only be *you* in your head, and then we could give you suggestions that would help you get through whatever it is that has.....split you."
Spike frowned in thought. "Yeah, alright," he said quickly. 'This should be fun,' he thought.
Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Great! Um, Will, can you do this? Or do we need to find someone....professional?"
"Um, well, give me 15 minutes with my computer, and I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. You can find anything on the internet."
Giles shook his head. "I don't think we should go at this amatueristically, no offense, Willow."
"No, no. I trust Red. She's got power. Let her have a go." Spike winked at Willow.
Willow blushed. "Thanks, Spike." Then she looked pointedly at Giles. "It's nice to know that *some* people have faith in me."
**
Two mugs of blood later, Willow announced to the group. "Ok, I think I'm ready to do this. It doesn't seem that hard. And a willing subject will make it that much easier," she smiled at Spike. He gave her a big grin back.
"Ok, Spike, come sit on the table, in front of me. Everyone else, get out of his line of sight. I don't want anything distracting him. And stay quiet. This has to be very precise. Now, we need some soothing music. OH! Tara, in my bag I have that Wonders of Wicca cd. It's got some relaxing stuff on there."
Tara obediently found the cd and put it in the player. The rest of the group sat quietly behind Spike. Buffy opted to be near him, sitting in the floor, but out of his vision. Giles and Xander each had a chair, and Tara giggled when Xander pulled her into his lap. They all watched with rapt attention as the slow strains of music filled the room. Willow was whispering something to Spike who sat motionless in front of her. The group watched as, slowly, his head started to hang forward. Soon, his shoulders slumped and his upper body looked completely limp, his hand sliding off his lap and landing with a thud against the table. Willow grinned in triumph, but quickly put back on her resolve face as she continued whispering. Buffy wished she could hear what Willow was telling Spike, but the music was drowning it out. After another minute or so, Willow motioned for Tara to turn down the music, which she did readily.
Willow leaned over so she could address the Scoobs. "Ok, he's completely out now. And he'll only respond to my suggestions, so you guys can talk if you want, but not too much. I don't want to miss anything. And remind me if I'm forgetting something. Ok, now for a little test before we get into the serious stuff." She quickly grabbed up her pad and pen. "Ok, Spike?"
"Yeah," he answered drowsily.
"Can you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, I want you to.....tell me what you thought of Buffy the first time you saw her in person." Willow gave Buffy a little smile and wink.
"Hot little tart. Shakin' her ass.....wanted that. Wanted her. Wanted to drink her. Wanted to feel her tight little body go limp in my arms as I drained her....."
Willow frowned. "Um, ok. That'll do." She looked at Buffy.
Buffy shrugged. "He wanted to kill me, I wanted to kill him. It was a whole killing thing. You know, you were all there."
Willow grudgingly nodded. "Ok, now I want you to....um....."
"Quack like a duck?" Spike asked sleepily.
"Huh?" Willow frowned.
"Or maybe hop on one foot while singing God Save the Queen?" Spike said, slowly raising his head and smirking at Willow.
Willow jumped up. "OH! You! You're a big faker! How could you? I mean....I did everything right....."
Spike shook his head and chuckled. "Take it easy, Red. Bein' with Dru for a hundred plus years will teach you a thing or two about thralls, all kinds. And how to resist 'em. Told you lot already, no one's muckin' with my head. Even if it is just passively." He turned to look at Buffy, who looked very dejected. "Sorry, luv. I just can't.....Have to figure some other way."
Giles stood and stormed over to Spike. "Listen, there *is* no other way to unlock your subconscious than by getting into your mind, one way or another. If you have any suggestions, we're all ears, but unless you do, I suggest you stop playing games and start supporting these people who are helping you, even though they have no real reason to do so. Are we clear?"
Spike stood up defensively. Buffy jumped up and took a place between the two men. "Guys, this isn't helping, ok? Spike, I don't appreciate you goofing off while we're trying to help, ok? This has all been a colossal waste of time, thanks to you."
Spike looked coldly at her. "I told you. Find. Another. Way."
Buffy closed her eyes and sighed. Just then, a thought struck her. "Another way? Another way to help you past your guilt? The guilt you feel for murdering thousands of people? Thousands.....that's such a vague number. Can you narrow it down at all? Is it just thousands, or is it more like tens of thousands? I'm just curious, I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into, being in love with a cold blooded killer."
Spike's eyes got wide. "What are you......" He was too confused to finish. Buffy didn't give him a chance anyway.
"I mean, let's be perfectly clear here. Everyone here is trying to help you. We all deserve to know exactly what went on, right? So, ok, you don't want to talk about the murders. What about the rapes? How many women, or girls even, did you force yourself on before you drained them? Isn't that what you wanted to do to me when you first saw me? Use me for your own sick pleasures before killing me?"
Spike started shaking his head. "No.....Buffy, luv, I.....please don't. Not here. Not now......I'm sorry. Why are you doing this? I didn't mean--"
"--You didn't mean to do those things?" Buffy interrupted. "Are you sure? Because I have some memories to the contrary. What was it like, Spike? What's it like to have someone in your clutches, full of life and blood, and slowly drain both away? Drain it away until there's nothing left but the shell of a father or mother, someone's child, someone's wife or husband.....what's that like, Spikey?"
Spike started to storm out, but Buffy's arm stayed him. She grabbed him harshly and threw him into a chair. She moved behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, using all her strength to keep him sitting. "Will? Why don't you tell Spike how scared you were when he kidnapped you and Xander? Or when he tried to bite you before he knew he had the chip?"
Spike shook his head again, tilting his head back to look at Buffy, questions in his eyes. Buffy refused to look at him, instead nodding toward Willow.
Willow frowned, but took a wary step towards Spike. "Um, well, I was.....scared. When you hit Xander over the head, I thought you had killed him at first. Then later, you went all vampy and told me you hadn't had a woman in a long time. I thought you were going to, ya know.....*have* me before you bit me. That was terrifying......And then...."
"NO! NO! I'M SORRY! Please stop." Spike looked up at Buffy again, who finally looked into his eyes. "Please, luv, make her stop, I don't understand....please.....it hurts....."
Buffy took a deep breath and leaned over. She gave him a chaste kiss on his forehead. "I know it does. It's supposed to, Spike." With that, Spike hung his head, trying to hide his tears from the rest of the gang. Buffy rested her head on the top of his, firmly massaging his shoulders as she continued to hold him down.
"And then there was that time after you got your chip, but you didn't know it yet. And you threw me on my bed and told me you wanted me to scream....."
Buffy heard Spike whispering to himself, "No, no, no, no, no....."
She moved closer to his left ear and whispered. "That was Willow. Willow who never did anything to anybody. Sweet Willow who always wants to help, like now. She wants to help you, even after you tried to kill her and rape her. Were you going to rape her, Spike?"
Spike let out a sob, and just as quickly started shaking. Buffy let out a sigh. She knew it was coming. When she felt his body relax, she loosened her grip on his shoulders. "William?" she asked.
**
Please R&R!
Willow looked sheepish. "And the net. I went online, everything says the same thing. You have to find out what's in the subconscious that has triggered the split. What *exactly*. Then working through that traumatic event can pave the way for re-integration of the personalities, if that's possible at all."
Buffy frowned. "What do you mean, 'if that's possible'?"
"Uh, well....."
Giles decided to rescue the very nervous witch. "Buffy, you have to realize this is a very serious condition. Some people.....never fully recover. Some live with alternate personalities their entire lives. They usually learn to coexist and, to some degree, control the divisions, but.....this might not be something we can fix."
Buffy jumped up, a wild look in her eyes. "Willow, spells? Anything on that front? There's gotta be something...."
This time Tara spoke up. "I don't think that's a good idea. Doing spells on someone's mind is never good. And even if it's done correctly, it can have really bad results. Worse than he is now. I really wouldn't recommend using magics. I mean, other than what Willow uses to get inside someone's mind, but that's her own power she's using. Not any spell. It's still not 100% safe, but it's probably still the best option."
Buffy shook her head. "He won't allow it. But we've got to do *some*thing. This can't just be *it*. What haven't we thought of?"
"What if we hypnotize him? And that way no one gets in his head, but you can give him suggestions and stuff," Xander added.
Buffy scowled. "You think? Can you even hypnotize a vampire? And how would that work anyway?"
Giles took off his glasses, a thoughtful look overtaking his face. "No.....that's......I don't see why he couldn't be put under. And that just might give us the in that we need. Good idea, Xander."
"Well, I was due," Xander beamed.
"Satan ice skating? Did I hear someone say Harris had a good idea?" Spike startled the group with his entrance.
Buffy took a deep breath before approaching Spike. "Um, we were just thinking.....you don't want anyone messing around in your head, and we can all respect that. But, uh, we were hoping maybe you'd let someone hypnotize you. And then it would only be *you* in your head, and then we could give you suggestions that would help you get through whatever it is that has.....split you."
Spike frowned in thought. "Yeah, alright," he said quickly. 'This should be fun,' he thought.
Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "Really? Great! Um, Will, can you do this? Or do we need to find someone....professional?"
"Um, well, give me 15 minutes with my computer, and I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. You can find anything on the internet."
Giles shook his head. "I don't think we should go at this amatueristically, no offense, Willow."
"No, no. I trust Red. She's got power. Let her have a go." Spike winked at Willow.
Willow blushed. "Thanks, Spike." Then she looked pointedly at Giles. "It's nice to know that *some* people have faith in me."
**
Two mugs of blood later, Willow announced to the group. "Ok, I think I'm ready to do this. It doesn't seem that hard. And a willing subject will make it that much easier," she smiled at Spike. He gave her a big grin back.
"Ok, Spike, come sit on the table, in front of me. Everyone else, get out of his line of sight. I don't want anything distracting him. And stay quiet. This has to be very precise. Now, we need some soothing music. OH! Tara, in my bag I have that Wonders of Wicca cd. It's got some relaxing stuff on there."
Tara obediently found the cd and put it in the player. The rest of the group sat quietly behind Spike. Buffy opted to be near him, sitting in the floor, but out of his vision. Giles and Xander each had a chair, and Tara giggled when Xander pulled her into his lap. They all watched with rapt attention as the slow strains of music filled the room. Willow was whispering something to Spike who sat motionless in front of her. The group watched as, slowly, his head started to hang forward. Soon, his shoulders slumped and his upper body looked completely limp, his hand sliding off his lap and landing with a thud against the table. Willow grinned in triumph, but quickly put back on her resolve face as she continued whispering. Buffy wished she could hear what Willow was telling Spike, but the music was drowning it out. After another minute or so, Willow motioned for Tara to turn down the music, which she did readily.
Willow leaned over so she could address the Scoobs. "Ok, he's completely out now. And he'll only respond to my suggestions, so you guys can talk if you want, but not too much. I don't want to miss anything. And remind me if I'm forgetting something. Ok, now for a little test before we get into the serious stuff." She quickly grabbed up her pad and pen. "Ok, Spike?"
"Yeah," he answered drowsily.
"Can you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, I want you to.....tell me what you thought of Buffy the first time you saw her in person." Willow gave Buffy a little smile and wink.
"Hot little tart. Shakin' her ass.....wanted that. Wanted her. Wanted to drink her. Wanted to feel her tight little body go limp in my arms as I drained her....."
Willow frowned. "Um, ok. That'll do." She looked at Buffy.
Buffy shrugged. "He wanted to kill me, I wanted to kill him. It was a whole killing thing. You know, you were all there."
Willow grudgingly nodded. "Ok, now I want you to....um....."
"Quack like a duck?" Spike asked sleepily.
"Huh?" Willow frowned.
"Or maybe hop on one foot while singing God Save the Queen?" Spike said, slowly raising his head and smirking at Willow.
Willow jumped up. "OH! You! You're a big faker! How could you? I mean....I did everything right....."
Spike shook his head and chuckled. "Take it easy, Red. Bein' with Dru for a hundred plus years will teach you a thing or two about thralls, all kinds. And how to resist 'em. Told you lot already, no one's muckin' with my head. Even if it is just passively." He turned to look at Buffy, who looked very dejected. "Sorry, luv. I just can't.....Have to figure some other way."
Giles stood and stormed over to Spike. "Listen, there *is* no other way to unlock your subconscious than by getting into your mind, one way or another. If you have any suggestions, we're all ears, but unless you do, I suggest you stop playing games and start supporting these people who are helping you, even though they have no real reason to do so. Are we clear?"
Spike stood up defensively. Buffy jumped up and took a place between the two men. "Guys, this isn't helping, ok? Spike, I don't appreciate you goofing off while we're trying to help, ok? This has all been a colossal waste of time, thanks to you."
Spike looked coldly at her. "I told you. Find. Another. Way."
Buffy closed her eyes and sighed. Just then, a thought struck her. "Another way? Another way to help you past your guilt? The guilt you feel for murdering thousands of people? Thousands.....that's such a vague number. Can you narrow it down at all? Is it just thousands, or is it more like tens of thousands? I'm just curious, I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into, being in love with a cold blooded killer."
Spike's eyes got wide. "What are you......" He was too confused to finish. Buffy didn't give him a chance anyway.
"I mean, let's be perfectly clear here. Everyone here is trying to help you. We all deserve to know exactly what went on, right? So, ok, you don't want to talk about the murders. What about the rapes? How many women, or girls even, did you force yourself on before you drained them? Isn't that what you wanted to do to me when you first saw me? Use me for your own sick pleasures before killing me?"
Spike started shaking his head. "No.....Buffy, luv, I.....please don't. Not here. Not now......I'm sorry. Why are you doing this? I didn't mean--"
"--You didn't mean to do those things?" Buffy interrupted. "Are you sure? Because I have some memories to the contrary. What was it like, Spike? What's it like to have someone in your clutches, full of life and blood, and slowly drain both away? Drain it away until there's nothing left but the shell of a father or mother, someone's child, someone's wife or husband.....what's that like, Spikey?"
Spike started to storm out, but Buffy's arm stayed him. She grabbed him harshly and threw him into a chair. She moved behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, using all her strength to keep him sitting. "Will? Why don't you tell Spike how scared you were when he kidnapped you and Xander? Or when he tried to bite you before he knew he had the chip?"
Spike shook his head again, tilting his head back to look at Buffy, questions in his eyes. Buffy refused to look at him, instead nodding toward Willow.
Willow frowned, but took a wary step towards Spike. "Um, well, I was.....scared. When you hit Xander over the head, I thought you had killed him at first. Then later, you went all vampy and told me you hadn't had a woman in a long time. I thought you were going to, ya know.....*have* me before you bit me. That was terrifying......And then...."
"NO! NO! I'M SORRY! Please stop." Spike looked up at Buffy again, who finally looked into his eyes. "Please, luv, make her stop, I don't understand....please.....it hurts....."
Buffy took a deep breath and leaned over. She gave him a chaste kiss on his forehead. "I know it does. It's supposed to, Spike." With that, Spike hung his head, trying to hide his tears from the rest of the gang. Buffy rested her head on the top of his, firmly massaging his shoulders as she continued to hold him down.
"And then there was that time after you got your chip, but you didn't know it yet. And you threw me on my bed and told me you wanted me to scream....."
Buffy heard Spike whispering to himself, "No, no, no, no, no....."
She moved closer to his left ear and whispered. "That was Willow. Willow who never did anything to anybody. Sweet Willow who always wants to help, like now. She wants to help you, even after you tried to kill her and rape her. Were you going to rape her, Spike?"
Spike let out a sob, and just as quickly started shaking. Buffy let out a sigh. She knew it was coming. When she felt his body relax, she loosened her grip on his shoulders. "William?" she asked.
**
Please R&R!