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Thanks for all the lovely reviews~~! *squirms* Every author needs the encouragement, as you well know, and it's what keeps me writing. I'm surprised that everyone likes it so much... It's a storyline that felt pretty in my head, and it's seeming to come out decently in HTML, too. Squall is a cranky monkey, as we all know, but... *shivers* Zell is starting to develop angst in my head. And that doesn't seem to be a healthy thing. I don't think that boy needs to be angsting as much as he does.
But thanks for the comments! I will strive to meet your expectations!
(Random in-joke) By the way, I named Rinoa in my play-through (I already mentioned I don't like her, right?). Thus, one line at the beginning of this chapter takes on a whole new meaning. ^_^
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Zell had kissed him.
He had just leaned down and kissed him, then walked away.
And he hadn't said a word about it.
Squall followed his companion off the rickety ferry, clutching his luggage in one hand and gunblade case in the other. Zell hadn't said a thing about it, merely handed him the chocolate bar he had bought for him and sat. Silently. Without a single apology or even an admission of what had passed between them. And that was as worrying as it was infuriating. The shivering pounding that his heart had flown into at that moment had only worsened when he had come back. And now... now he could feel his hands shaking, his breathing labored...
How had a quiet gesture of affection shaken him so badly when staring death in the face never had?
His heels clunked over the old dock, and Squall abruptly sat his baggage down on the grass, caring for it no longer. He could see Winhill in the distance, their ultimate destination, and... somehow, he was wary of stepping further than the bluffs until he knew exactly what had just happened. And why.
And maybe make him explain why his touch had felt so damn good.

The blond froze at the tone of his voice, falling back on his heels where he was a few yards ahead of him. Squall stood firmly, hands clenched into quivering fists, jaw clenched so it wouldn't waver. Zell was motionless for a long moment, then his shoulders slumped and he turned back to face him.
The despair in his cerulean eyes was heartbreaking, the pain he struggled to hide so naked in his face that Squall found himself aching somewhere deep inside... aching for the sad assurance of rejection that shuddered behind his eyes. The fear that trembled in his lips. The shattered hope that he swallowed back, too proud to let the tears show.
His voice shook, and Squall winced. Squall, I-I- look, I'm sorry, I-
Don't you dare apologize!
He was surprised at the emotion that broke in his voice, the sudden fire that ripped through his chest, leaving nothing but the purest agony and the sweetest ecstasy in its wake. Something had broken, something... something had shattered, and it drowned him, sweeping away the crumbling walls he'd erected around him for so long, because he cared, he already cared, and he couldn't stop that. He couldn't pretend that he could protect himself from pain by withholding feeling when it had free reign over him and always had. No matter what he had wanted... he already liked him.
And Zell liked him too. More than he'd... more than he'd expected. More than he'd hoped for. Everything he had ever hoped for and more. And if Zell took that back- If Zell took that back...
If Zell took that kiss back, he didn't know what he'd do.
Why did you do that? he snapped harshly, feeling the power of that fear and knowledge run away with him, burning somewhere inside him and not letting him stop, not until he'd heard the truth and been able to understand it. If Zell took it back... then he wanted to know why he did. And if he didn't... then...
Zell's eyes met his, and the pain there was undescribable. He quivered with both the agony of that sadness and... and something that built there, something that burned as badly as the power that writhed beneath Squall's breastbone, something that scalded him with its force...
Because- because I- The words fell over one another, and his hands fisted and released almost compulsively, Zell's eyes unable to leave his. Dammit, Squall, I-
Don't pretend you're sorry, he hissed, heart racing faster and faster with every passing moment. You're not sorry, and I don't want you to be sorry, because if you're sorry, then you didn't mean it in the first place. Tell me why, dammit. Why are you like this? Why have you always been like this? Why...?
Zell was silent for a long time, as though warring within himself, that silent darkness battling the fires that were fanning deep within his bright eyes, lips twitching. Squall stared at him, reeling at the heat that was still burning him, the feeling of losing air by every second, drowning, drowning in what was sweeping over him and unable to pull back, unable because that would destroy everything he'd longed for in the past years, wanting so badly to have someone close to him and not trusting anyone enough to not hurt him... The fire that was overtaking the ice he had known so well, as though Zell's Ifrit were battling the Shiva who lived deep within his mind, as though that barrier of ice he'd built around him was steaming away and choking him... What was this...?
I love you, Squall, Zell finally returned, his voice a fierce murmur, blue eyes flashing with the incredible emotion that made his tone so rough, so husky and hoarse, so strangely thrilling and frightening all at the same time. That's why... I love you.
The fire burned behind his eyes, and Squall merely mouthed a pathetic , unable to find the breath to articulate the plea... drowning... losing control of everything and struggling to live, struggling to find his head and his heart and separate them before something terrible happened to him, to them both...
And when Zell touched his shoulder, he found himself crumpled into his embrace, shaking in his giving arms, eyes squeezed closed, gulping for air... Fighting for control... Having lost everything, and yet found everything, lost and drowning in the very air that kept him living, the gentleness that both killed him and kept him alive, weak where he had struggled so desperately to be strong, and yet... so sure that he could take on anything...
Something he had known all along still could surprise him so much.

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(Author's note because this chapter is inexplicably short) You're gonna see this in this fic, and in all my others if you read them... There's a lot of crying. I will admit this. It's probably because I, as the author, cry at the drop of a hat. And also, if Squall seems a little out-of-character, I apologize. This is the Squall I see when playing the game, and he may differ from yours. I'm not deliberately writing him this way. The Squall who lives in my head dictates how things happen.
Yes, I know the imagery in this chapter is a little cliche. Blame the music I was listening to. It's not my fault, really... ^^;
Hey, anybody interested in Quistis/Selphie fics?
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