William nodded his head at Buffy's prompt. "That wasn't a very nice thing
to do, you know."
Buffy moved to the front of the chair. "I know. I didn't want to, but it had to be done. We need you, William. You're the only one who can help him, because he doesn't want to help himself."
William sighed. "Then whatever you have planned, I suggest you do it quickly before he's rested. Though I think after an attack like that it might take him longer. Honestly, Buffy.....you have no idea how that hurts him. Coming from you....."
"I know, but like I said, I had no other choice." Buffy turned to Willow. "Ok, Will, can you do that thing like you did with me? Can you get inside his head?"
Willow tensed and frowned. "I think that's kind of like.....like a thrall. Like Spike said. And he can 'defend' against that."
Buffy shook her head. "Spike can, but William can't. At least I don't think so. Spike learned it from Dru, I don't think William knows about that stuff. It's our only hope. Please don't make this have all been in vain. I don't think I could look myself in the mirror if it was."
Willow nodded. "Ok, I'll give it a go. But remember, you were already in a fugue state. I'll need to put William in one too. And I won't have full control, he'll be in the driver's seat. But I might be able to guide a little." She gestured for William to join her on the couch. When they were both sitting comfortably facing each other, she reached into her pocket. "William, I want you to hold this talisman. It will help calm you so I can....do what I need to do." William nodded and took the talisman. "Blessed be Wokalima, whom we humbly call upon in supplication." In a moment, William's eyes went glassy and his features relaxed.
Buffy stood up and looked at Tara. "I thought you said a spell would be bad for him. I don't want to make this worse."
Tara stood and put her hand on Buffy's shoulder. "It's just a little incantation to calm him. It doesn't have anything to do with his mind. Willow just invoked a Goddess who brings inner peace and tranquility. And by the looks of it, Wokalima is a good judge of just how much we need." Tara gave Buffy a wink as Buffy relaxed a bit.
Willow looked over at Buffy. "Ok, we're ready. I won't be talking to him out loud, but I'll be narrating everything I see to you guys, ok?" Buffy nodded and resumed her seat. Giles readied his pen to write down the information Willow gleaned. Xander looked bored in his chair, reading a magazine.
Willow focused deeply into William's glazed eyes. After a few moments, Willow smiled. "I'm in, guys......Ok......Buffy and Giles are talking......Buffy says she can't love Spike without a soul.......Ewww.....some floppy skinned demon......Oh.....it looks cold out. Snow.....an igloo? Cool, I've never seen a real one......And old man.....he says....no, first Spike says something......'For her' is all I got......then the old man is talking.....Spike must do a test, no a trial..he says.....'To get back your soul........you must......destroy that which took it from you'......Wonder what that means-- OH.....oh......wow......oh......he.....oh...."
"Willow! What is it? What happened?" Buffy shouted exasperatedly.
"He.....Italy......Drusilla, he found her there......said 'Sorry, luv' and then he staked her......."
"Oh my God! He staked Drusilla?......Oh...." Buffy clapped her hand over her mouth in shock and watched as Willow continued.
"Then.....it hurt. Felt like a train......oh.....no.....no......I can't.....oh God, I have to get out......I can't.......oh my god, he remembers it all......never forgot it, but now he *feels* it all....not like a demon anymore, but like a man.....he feels it....he's breaking.....god, he hurts......*I* hurt.....I'm sorry, I can't stay here," Willow cried as she broke her gaze. She was panting, tears rolling down her face. Tara was at her side immediately. Willow looked at her, the pain written all over her face. "That was terrible. Oh God, Tara, he......he hurt so much. And I felt it. I wasn't supposed to feel it.....I'm shouldn't have felt it....." At that, Willow broke down in her lover's arms.
Buffy stood and moved to William, still glassy eyed. "Will? How do we snap him out of it?"
Willow looked up from Tara's embrace. "Just take the talisman out of his hands," she sniffed before burying her head in Tara's shoulder once more.
Buffy slipped the talisman from William's lax grip. He immediately came to, looking first at Willow, then at Buffy. He closed his eyes. "She saw it, didn't she? Saw the things he did?"
Buffy nodded. "I think so. She said she felt his pain. And he....he killed Drusilla. To get his soul back."
William shook his head. "I knew it was something big. Souls don't just grow on trees."
"That must have hurt him so much. I know even though he loved me, she still had a part of him."
Willow slowly sat up. "No, that's not it. It hurt him a little, but I felt that moment too. I felt his love for you. Right before he killed her, he was thinking of you.....then once he had done it, he felt a fleeting pain for her. But then his soul.......oh, Buffy, I don't know if we can help him. So many people.....all the pain and.....God......"
"We *can* help him, Will. If Angel can work through it, I know Spike can. And Angel didn't have anyone to support him when he first got his soul. Spike has me."
"Not just you," Tara added quietly. Buffy smiled at her.
"He's a lucky guy," William said, almost wistfully. "I'm sure he'll be very happy when he's back again."
Buffy took his hand in hers. "William...it's not going to be him pushing you away forever. You'll be whole again. And even Spike thinks maybe he'll feel a bit more like the old him. You. Everything's going to be fine. You'll both be happier, trust me."
William nodded his head. "It's just..he always censors himself. The 'me' part of him. He's afraid you won't want him if you see how soft he is. I just don't want that again. It hurts when he can't be himself. When he has to be so tough for others. Inside, it aches. I just hope we can avoid that this time."
"Well, Spike's never been insightful boy when it comes to himself, but I think there will be a few issues even *he* can't avoid when this is all over."
"He'll try, though. Promise me you won't let him. He can't deny you anything, so if you push him a little, he'll do whatever you want." William smiled shyly.
"Oh, I know. And I plan on using that to my advantage when the time is right. But for right now...I'd be surprised if he ever wanted to 'come out' again. I just know he's going to hate me for what I did..." Buffy hung her head.
"He's afraid. Afraid to come out, I think. Afraid you'll hurt him again. But not to worry, he won't stay down too long. Never does. And when he does come, he's going to be rather..cross with you. But just give him time. It won't be too long before he's seeing with the eyes of love again, instead of those of pain."
"Ok! So did we fix him? Or better yet, can the not-so-cocky one stay?" Xander jumped to his feet, tossing down the magazine he had been reading.
**
TBC R&R!
Buffy moved to the front of the chair. "I know. I didn't want to, but it had to be done. We need you, William. You're the only one who can help him, because he doesn't want to help himself."
William sighed. "Then whatever you have planned, I suggest you do it quickly before he's rested. Though I think after an attack like that it might take him longer. Honestly, Buffy.....you have no idea how that hurts him. Coming from you....."
"I know, but like I said, I had no other choice." Buffy turned to Willow. "Ok, Will, can you do that thing like you did with me? Can you get inside his head?"
Willow tensed and frowned. "I think that's kind of like.....like a thrall. Like Spike said. And he can 'defend' against that."
Buffy shook her head. "Spike can, but William can't. At least I don't think so. Spike learned it from Dru, I don't think William knows about that stuff. It's our only hope. Please don't make this have all been in vain. I don't think I could look myself in the mirror if it was."
Willow nodded. "Ok, I'll give it a go. But remember, you were already in a fugue state. I'll need to put William in one too. And I won't have full control, he'll be in the driver's seat. But I might be able to guide a little." She gestured for William to join her on the couch. When they were both sitting comfortably facing each other, she reached into her pocket. "William, I want you to hold this talisman. It will help calm you so I can....do what I need to do." William nodded and took the talisman. "Blessed be Wokalima, whom we humbly call upon in supplication." In a moment, William's eyes went glassy and his features relaxed.
Buffy stood up and looked at Tara. "I thought you said a spell would be bad for him. I don't want to make this worse."
Tara stood and put her hand on Buffy's shoulder. "It's just a little incantation to calm him. It doesn't have anything to do with his mind. Willow just invoked a Goddess who brings inner peace and tranquility. And by the looks of it, Wokalima is a good judge of just how much we need." Tara gave Buffy a wink as Buffy relaxed a bit.
Willow looked over at Buffy. "Ok, we're ready. I won't be talking to him out loud, but I'll be narrating everything I see to you guys, ok?" Buffy nodded and resumed her seat. Giles readied his pen to write down the information Willow gleaned. Xander looked bored in his chair, reading a magazine.
Willow focused deeply into William's glazed eyes. After a few moments, Willow smiled. "I'm in, guys......Ok......Buffy and Giles are talking......Buffy says she can't love Spike without a soul.......Ewww.....some floppy skinned demon......Oh.....it looks cold out. Snow.....an igloo? Cool, I've never seen a real one......And old man.....he says....no, first Spike says something......'For her' is all I got......then the old man is talking.....Spike must do a test, no a trial..he says.....'To get back your soul........you must......destroy that which took it from you'......Wonder what that means-- OH.....oh......wow......oh......he.....oh...."
"Willow! What is it? What happened?" Buffy shouted exasperatedly.
"He.....Italy......Drusilla, he found her there......said 'Sorry, luv' and then he staked her......."
"Oh my God! He staked Drusilla?......Oh...." Buffy clapped her hand over her mouth in shock and watched as Willow continued.
"Then.....it hurt. Felt like a train......oh.....no.....no......I can't.....oh God, I have to get out......I can't.......oh my god, he remembers it all......never forgot it, but now he *feels* it all....not like a demon anymore, but like a man.....he feels it....he's breaking.....god, he hurts......*I* hurt.....I'm sorry, I can't stay here," Willow cried as she broke her gaze. She was panting, tears rolling down her face. Tara was at her side immediately. Willow looked at her, the pain written all over her face. "That was terrible. Oh God, Tara, he......he hurt so much. And I felt it. I wasn't supposed to feel it.....I'm shouldn't have felt it....." At that, Willow broke down in her lover's arms.
Buffy stood and moved to William, still glassy eyed. "Will? How do we snap him out of it?"
Willow looked up from Tara's embrace. "Just take the talisman out of his hands," she sniffed before burying her head in Tara's shoulder once more.
Buffy slipped the talisman from William's lax grip. He immediately came to, looking first at Willow, then at Buffy. He closed his eyes. "She saw it, didn't she? Saw the things he did?"
Buffy nodded. "I think so. She said she felt his pain. And he....he killed Drusilla. To get his soul back."
William shook his head. "I knew it was something big. Souls don't just grow on trees."
"That must have hurt him so much. I know even though he loved me, she still had a part of him."
Willow slowly sat up. "No, that's not it. It hurt him a little, but I felt that moment too. I felt his love for you. Right before he killed her, he was thinking of you.....then once he had done it, he felt a fleeting pain for her. But then his soul.......oh, Buffy, I don't know if we can help him. So many people.....all the pain and.....God......"
"We *can* help him, Will. If Angel can work through it, I know Spike can. And Angel didn't have anyone to support him when he first got his soul. Spike has me."
"Not just you," Tara added quietly. Buffy smiled at her.
"He's a lucky guy," William said, almost wistfully. "I'm sure he'll be very happy when he's back again."
Buffy took his hand in hers. "William...it's not going to be him pushing you away forever. You'll be whole again. And even Spike thinks maybe he'll feel a bit more like the old him. You. Everything's going to be fine. You'll both be happier, trust me."
William nodded his head. "It's just..he always censors himself. The 'me' part of him. He's afraid you won't want him if you see how soft he is. I just don't want that again. It hurts when he can't be himself. When he has to be so tough for others. Inside, it aches. I just hope we can avoid that this time."
"Well, Spike's never been insightful boy when it comes to himself, but I think there will be a few issues even *he* can't avoid when this is all over."
"He'll try, though. Promise me you won't let him. He can't deny you anything, so if you push him a little, he'll do whatever you want." William smiled shyly.
"Oh, I know. And I plan on using that to my advantage when the time is right. But for right now...I'd be surprised if he ever wanted to 'come out' again. I just know he's going to hate me for what I did..." Buffy hung her head.
"He's afraid. Afraid to come out, I think. Afraid you'll hurt him again. But not to worry, he won't stay down too long. Never does. And when he does come, he's going to be rather..cross with you. But just give him time. It won't be too long before he's seeing with the eyes of love again, instead of those of pain."
"Ok! So did we fix him? Or better yet, can the not-so-cocky one stay?" Xander jumped to his feet, tossing down the magazine he had been reading.
**
TBC R&R!