Darcy had been dreading the ball ever since the idea had been put forth. Mrs. Bennet squealed with pleasure and approval along with Miss Catherine, and they immediately began discussing particulars with Miss Bennet and Bingley; but Elizabeth kept her eyes on him. His smile was easy and cordial enough, and that he smiled at all led the others to believe he was unmoved by the scheme. Only Elizabeth saw the discomfort hidden in the way he kept the smile tight, lacking the warmth she knew it would have if he were truly pleased. She had noted his gradual withdrawal the day before it was to take place and asked if the ball was the root of it once they had been sitting together for a time after the separation of the sexes. He was not surprised she had guessed it, and when he had not given her a straight answer, she only bit lightly at her lip and took his hand in hers.
"They truly are very difficult for you?" A side long glance at her. How could he be so open with more intimate conversation but overcome with embarrassment about this? Balls had always been a trial. In fact, all that had to do with large crowds and hours upon hours of socializing made his stomach turn and his heart race as if preparing for him to run full speed as far away as possible. He could tolerate his infliction at operas, symphonies, plays; socializing was only necessary upon arrival and during intermission, perhaps a very little before departure. The greatest difficulty lay in unfamiliarity, and when it came to establishing new intimacies… well, it had only gotten more difficult after the loss of his mother and father, not to mention Wickham's deceit. Loss hadn't been worth the risk - not until recently, of course. However, the learning curve was steep and no matter how much he attempted to assure himself, the reaction was still visceral.
"Oh, Fitzwilliam," Elizabeth murmured, seeing the worry in his stern brow, "I will be with you the whole of the evening save for my obligation to dance with other gentlemen. You will be familiar with most in attendance, and -" here she gave him a rather mischievous grin, "since you are now bound to me, you will only be considered in high esteem by the neighborhood, for Jane and I are great favorites in Meryton." He could not help the small huff of a chuckle at that. With a stroke of her thumb over his skin, she continued, "It will be a long evening, but most likely the last of its kind for quite some time. I do not think you wish to plan a ball in London or at Pemberley so soon after we are married." His eyes snapped to hers, the answer obvious in his dark gaze. "Besides, I think it the perfect opportunity to amend our last dance together, twice over if you wish it."
"I'd dance the whole of the evening with you if I could, Elizabeth."
"Even though dancing gives you little pleasure?"
"Dancing with you was one of my greatest pleasures, no matter the circumstances."
And so, the very next evening, he stood with Elizabeth on his arm in Netherfield's ballroom several hours into festivities and more comfortable than he had ever been at a gathering so large. It was just as loud as it had been the year before (if not louder, for perhaps the occasion for which the ball was held inspired a bit more rambunctiousness), but he almost thought he could get used to it. Elizabeth was true to her word; she never left his side but to dance with gentlemen who requested her hand. She was his comfort and his strength that evening when he could not muster an adequate answer for invasive questions or the attention of too many people at once. When she was absent from his side, Darcy found it in himself to engage with those around him, though he was grateful that someone of his party always seemed to appear to join conversation.
"You are in fine form this evening, cousin," Col. Fitzwilliam said after Darcy had left the floor and returned a young lady to her friends. "I have never seen you dance with so many strangers."
"I do not wish to slight any ladies who do not have partners," Darcy replied. "It would be insupportable as one of the hosts."
"Ah, yes, of course. Very gallant of you." Darcy gave him a wry smile as he shook his head. He looked back to where couples were lining to dance the next set; Elizabeth was paired with a gentleman he had made the acquaintance of earlier in the evening. She glanced at Darcy from across the room, and as their eyes locked she gave him a soft smile, her gaze lingering until the music began and she was obliged to return her attention to her partner. He followed her every movement; light, playful, though not in the same manner as she had been during their supper set. She gave her best performance to him and him alone. Being aware he was still watching her, he saw that she was sure to accentuate her movements to her advantage. Watching her dance was everything lovely.
"You are so besotted that it is almost sickening," the Colonel teased, and Darcy hardly had the mind to acknowledge his cousin. He was besotted after all, and proudly so. He wanted to say, 'Well, look at her. How could I be anything but besotted with the most glorious creature alive?' The way she approached each step with vivacity and joy, he only wished the set would end so he could claim her hand for the last.
"A man in love has every right to be," was Darcy's eventual reply. "Perhaps one day you will find yourself in my position and you will understand."
"I believe I might have some idea -" here the Colonel gave an impish smile "- I never pretended to be immune to Miss Elizabeth's charms as you once had."
"Indeed not," Darcy grumbled.
"Speaking of those immune to her charms…" Darcy turned to follow the Colonel's gaze only to find Miss Bingley near them with Mrs. Hurst. Miss Bingley looked as if she wanted to approach them, but Mrs. Hurst kept her sister's arm firmly locked with her own and steered them away. Darcy let out a heavy exhale of relief. "It is a wonder that those women should be related to Bingley," the Colonel remarked once they had passed. "Their temperaments could not be more contradictory."
"At the risk of incivility, I cannot say that I am unhappy Miss Bingley will no longer be keeping house with her brother after his marriage. Perhaps she has come to learn a degree of humility."
"As you have?"
Darcy met his cousin's brazen, provoking eyes. The Colonel was teasing, of course, but Darcy felt a small renewed sense of something almost like regret for the past. Yes, he had learned the lesson of humility profoundly and it had led him to where he now stood. He had done his time dwelling on what he could have done differently, on the things he would change were he able to go back again, but now… He took in the celebration around him, the neighborhood gathered together with all their eccentric personalities, the happiness of his friend and his new family that he had learned to admire in his own way; and then his Elizabeth. Yes, there were could-have-been's and perhaps some lingering what-if's, but he was where he was meant to be, where he ought to be. He truly wouldn't have it any other way.
"Yes," was his confident reply. "As I have."
"You must be quite relieved, sir."
"What makes you say so?"
"Well," Elizabeth drawled as she took her place across Darcy for the last dance. She did not speak again until they began the first steps; "It is the last set which signifies that the evening is coming to a close. I would have thought you were anticipating the end of the ball."
"No, indeed," he said. "I can hardly anticipate circumstances that would consequently mean your departure. When all is done and you return to Longbourn, I shall not be in your company again until Wednesday."
"A very small price to pay," she laughed. "Four and twenty hours in exchange for the remainder of our lives. Quite the bargain, if you ask me."
"I cannot say I agree," he feigned a stern countenance. "I say the cost is too high, but then perhaps I have been overindulged spending every day with you this last month. You have spoiled me rotten, and so I blame you for my consequent vexation." Her answering look of astonished delight made him betray a smirk.
"Well done, Mr. Darcy! What an influence I have had on you to tease me that way, and in a ballroom! We must be careful, sir. Others might discover what you are capable of." They were obligated to turn and separate, but when they came together again, Darcy continued their game; "And we would not want it known that I am a man not only of few words and severe expressions?"
"Oh no, it is much too late for that, I'm afraid. You are engaged to me after all." Darcy could not help a laughing grin. She gave him a smug look of gratification, the one she always sported every time she made him truly laugh, knowing full well she was one of the very few who had that power. He had smiled so much that evening that, though he had been recently considered much more amiable by the whole of Meryton, those in attendance could not help but gawk. Indeed, as he and Elizabeth maneuvered their next steps, the young lady next to him quite nearly tripped over her feet as her bewildered gaze fixed on his face for just a moment too long. Elizabeth was all amusement as she subjoined, "You see? You continue to astonish the neighborhood. Had you smiled that way last year, you would have had every lady quite in your power."
"You know I only wished to influence one lady," he said.
"Not at the assembly. You proclaimed Jane the only handsome girl in the room." Darcy tried to recall that night and when he might have talked to Elizabeth, but coming up short, he only replied, "And how thoroughly mistaken I was. If I said as much, I could not have seen you."
"Indeed, I do not believe you had. Mr. Bingley only brought me to your attention after your declaration, but if I recall, you were not inclined to oblige his observation of my being very pretty." Darcy's smile was slowly fading away as the memory became clearer. He began to stammer, but Elizabeth stayed him with another one of her warm, teasing, captivating giggles and added, "Fear not, Mr. Darcy. I know now of what your circumstances were. You were determined to be displeased and I cannot fault you for it. You know I cannot."
With another separation, Darcy could not answer right away. It was some moments before they approached each other once more, performing the last movements and bowing as the ensemble rang out their last cadence. Her hand settled in his as they moved off the floor in the midst of the couples. Darcy leaned down and spoke softly in her ear, "Allow me to atone for my behavior that evening." Elizabeth looked up at him with a bit of a challenge in her look.
"I shall not suspend any pleasure of yours." She was looking positively wicked now, smiling the way she was. It was too much, and the prospect of not seeing her on the morrow… He led her through the thickening crowd. With the end of the night, all were seeking their last opportunities to gossip and consort with others, taking whatever refreshments were left. They were acknowledged by a friend and acquaintance here and there, but Darcy had successfully woven them through to the hall and the doors of the drawing room. She gave him a look of surprise as he pulled her in and closed the doors behind them.
"I never would have expected this of you, Mr. Darcy," said she, her smile growing. He closed the distance between them, her back pressed gently against the wall, his hands encompassing the span of her waist.
"I promised to atone," he murmured, the words a caress against her cheek as he bent to press his lips just under her jaw, "and I could not allow you to leave me this night before I could touch you. I have not tasted your lips in four days." His lips were achingly gentle as he brushed them down her neck to the juncture of her shoulder. Her breaths came heavy, a light whimper in the midst of a gasp as he nuzzled the tender skin there. "Have I told you, Elizabeth, how distractingly beautiful you look tonight? Do you know the state I am in with just one look from you, when you show me that I am the one you want?" A moan broke from her.
"Enlighten me," she pleaded, and his lips claimed hers in a demanding kiss. It was the culmination of those aforementioned four days, the anticipation of the next twenty-four hours they would be apart, and the promise of what they would share come Wednesday morning. Elizabeth's hands grasped at his shoulders as her mouth opened to his. This is was a new abandon, an invitation he could not but accept. They tasted generously, gave what they took from the other, and in losing themselves in one another - utterly, completely lost - they found what was only theirs.
"We will be missed presently," she panted, though her mouth fused to his as soon as she had done. Their kisses only became more inflamed and Darcy had pulled her so firmly to him that she was lifted onto her toes. He ignored her poor attempt at staying them and breathed hotly, "You never told me what you thought of my letter." Her head fell back as his lips trailed back to her neck. "Did you think of me?"
"I always think of you," she quite nearly whined. He chuckled, sensing her frustration with herself for sounding so desperate, yet needing, needing more. "My thoughts are so full of you, at times I can hardly bear it until I am with you again. Insufferable, taunting man!" She pulled his face back up to kiss him fiercely, taking all that she would of him for the moment. Darcy felt himself beginning to teeter dangerously close on the edge of total abandon and had to tear himself away. She made a sound of protest, but tracing his lips along the shape of her ear, he whispered, "Rest satisfied that you drive me as mad as you claim yourself to be. I only wished to steal a moment tonight, and you have granted me that and more." He pressed a firm but decisively final kiss to her lips, stroking her cheek with his thumb and tracing a finger leisurely down the line of her neck.
"I do not think I have ever resented the necessities of business so fiercely in all my life," she shook her head at herself and smiled up at him with rosy cheeks, eyes bright in the candle light, "but I can hardly hate that which will bind us together, dull as settlements might be."
"A necessary evil, but inconsequential to what being united with you truly means to me. I meant what I wrote you; you are my equal, but my superior in many ways. I will make that truth law as it is in my heart." And the very heart he spoke of broke again and again to see how much she loved him in her countenance. All he had suffered, all they had both suffered; it had all been worth it to be where they were now.