Author: Jenni
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: S/V, V/other
Summary: Sydney comes back to a life that moved on without her.
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, and never will be, but if anyone knows where I could get a good deal on a Michael Vartan, let me know!
A/N: For the Cover Me Sept. 2003 challenge. Requirements were a fic with all dialogue, or a fic with no dialogue. I opted for the latter.
A/N 2: I don't think of adultery as a good thing by any means, I'm only doing this for the sake of angst and my Sydney and Vaughnypoos.
Soundtrack: (in order) "Down" by Something Corporate, "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" by Brand New, "Hands Down", "Remember to Breathe" and "The Brilliant Dance" by Dashboard Confessional.
Part One Taste the saline rolling down your cheekboneTell me that you're alone tell me on the telephoneFeel your heart; it breaks within your chest nowTry to get some rest now Sleep's not coming easy for a whileThese are the quiet things that no one ever knows:
It has become common occurrence for Sydney Bristow to cry herself to sleep.
With one arm draped over his wife's stomach, Michael Vaughn dreams of another woman.
This is the world they live in. She, desperately in love with him, and he, trying to make himself stop loving her.
At night she wonders what it would be like to feel his touch again—to taste his kiss. For her, this wondering brings pain and sadness—for him, guilt.
It is neither of their faults what happened, which is what makes the situation all the worse. Blame cannot be placed upon one person.
But she still loves him, and he her. And yet it is wrong.
*
He dreams of being with Sydney—of a life that ended two years ago. Try as he might, these dreams won't go away.
Sydney dreams of him every night. Sometimes they are intimate, but mostly they are just together. They're at the beach, the park the observatory—yet in every situation she loses him. Even her dreams won't allow her happiness. At the beach he'll dive into the water and never come back up; at the park he will get lost in a crowd, and at the observatory she'll follow his gaze to the sky and when she looks back to him, he'll be gone.
*
Vaughn rejoins The Agency. He knows he's doing it for all the wrong reasons, but he can't help it. He can't stand knowing Sydney is alive and well, but he's nowhere near her.
Her new apartment is so empty. So different. She has new furniture, new clothes—new toothpaste, even.
She is so lonely. No Francie or Will hanging around all the time. No…nothing.
In order to stop from crying herself to sleep, she has taken to not sleeping at all—only when she really needs to. Because she knows that if she falls asleep she'll dream of what she can't have. Like she needs another reminder of what she'll never have. Tonight, however, she is exhausted and succumbs. She dreams.
*
One day, they are sent on a mission to Paris. They are, by circumstance, forced to talk to one another. Talking to each other—looking at each other and knowing they can't be in love—it drives them over the edge. Something happens.
Part TwoThis night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self-control.
Your
legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.
My hopes are so high
that your kiss might kill me
so won't you kill me
so I die happy.
They can feel it the whole time they're on the mission—that love that never really went away. That heat radiating off of their bodies.
It's funny, really. She's been holding back for so long that she's surprised when he acts on it.
They have to stay overnight at a safehouse, awaiting extraction, and she's been avoiding his as much as possible. But he comes in search of her, meandering into the bathroom where she's washing her makeup off—watches her from the doorway, makes like he's going to speak a few times. She breaks the silence, asking him what he's doing here. Why can't he just leave her alone, let her move on. Why must he haunt her dreams?
He looks down, avoiding her glance.
She throws her towel into the sink, and tries to push past him. But he reaches out to her, touching her arm, and there it is—that spark. It ignites in them. She turns to him and their faces are mere breaths apart.
He poses her question back to her. Why must she haunt his dreams?
She swallows, afraid to say anything, afraid to ruin this.
He mentions to her his wife—what consequences his actions will have. How wrong it will be, because he really does love Lauren. But then there's Sydney…
He captures her lips tentatively, afraid she'll disappear.
Remember to breathe.
He loves her. She can feel it in his kiss, in his touch. In the way he's been looking at her all night. In the way he makes love to her in their hotel when they get back.
Part Three
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
Neither talks about what will happen after this, as they lie in the dark of the room. There is no utterance of his wife, of what they have just done. However, as the first rays of morning filter through into the room he kisses her jaw and runs his fingers through her hair.
He whispers that he wants her to know that he loves her. That no matter what happens, he will always love her. Because she is The One. And she tells him the same as the morning sun grows brighter, and her watch beeps to signal that they have two hours until extraction.
But still, they remain in bed. In two hours, he will go back to his wife, and she will go back to the depression she now calls life. And maybe things will change…but maybe they won't. But for the rest of her life, she will know that Michael Vaughn truly does love her, and that's all she needs to survive.
The End.