Author: Asrai
E-Mail: ikh@haefft.de
Rating: R
Summary: What if Buffy was the screwed up one?
Spoilers: General spoilers for Btvs seasons 1 - 3
Disclaimers: I don't own Btvs nor do I make any money out of this; no copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 05 - Land of Dreams
*Buffy laid sprawled across the couch and watched Thomas as he prepared their dinner.
"But I don't understand." She pouted. "Why do you have to go? Can't you just like, call?"
Thomas smiled dryly as he sliced tomatoes for the salad. "Buffy, they're my parents. I don't think that they'd appreciate their only son ringing them up to say hello when they haven't seen me in a year. Besides, it's just a month. You can enjoy your holiday without a bothersome watcher."
"Yeah, I'm really going to enjoy a month with my mom," Buffy muttered, then she said louder, "Your parents couldn't have another kid? To keep them occupied so they don't miss you so much."
The knife he held clattered to the ground and he gripped the counter. She sprung up. "Hey! Are you okay?"
"Yes." He took a deep breath. "Yes, I'm fine."
"Then why are you looking like some ghost? Did I say something wrong?"
"No. It's - I did have a sister, once. She died three years ago and it- it still hurts."
"Oh." Buffy looked down. "What happened?"
"What happened? She was the slayer, that's what happened."*
~~~
It's just another night in good old SunnyD. I can't stifle a yawn and rub my eyes. God, I'm shot. Like, really shot. My hunt for a job was successful- now I'm working in a funny fast food restaurant and serve cold hamburgers and really icky coffee. I even have a little nametag, although it's embarrassing to admit that, and I feel like I'm the only waitress there. I guess that I got the job because my predecessor died rather unfortunately of blood loss. I met her yesterday, for about two seconds before I shoved a stake through her heart.
Did I mention that I'm shot? My boss is a fucking sadist and I swear, he likes to yell at me. Is it my fault that I tripped today and spilled said icky coffee all over a customer? No. Well, perhaps yes, but that's no reason to act as if it's the end of the world or something. For that little incident I had the choice to say goodbye to a four hours' salary or to work four hours overtime without salary- the money needed to pay for the laundry service. I chose the working because I'm still broke, but now I'm asking myself what good a few bucks do when my tiredness is getting me killed anyway.
Yawning again, I put my stake in my bag an am just about to leave the cemetery to catch a few Z's when I almost stumble over a grave that's quite. messy? I kneel down and inspect the earth. Funny, it somehow doesn't look like a vampire left his grave- vamps normally make a big hole, but this here looks like one has dug up the whole damn coffin. The date on the tombstone states that Mariah McKenzie died four days ago. Could've been a vampire nevertheless.
"Hi."
I jump to my feet and turn around at the same time and I'm just too tired- I loose balance and fall almost on my butt, but two strong hands grab my arms and steady me.
I look up and directly in Angel's face.
"Um. hi."
How graceful and not embarrassing, now he must think that I'm a complete klutz. I realize that he's still holding my arms and that we're a little too close for my taste. I shrug his hands off and step away from the grave.
"What are you doing here?" I ask in what I hope is a casual not-hostile tone. Now that I know that I know he's here I can feel his vamp-vibe, that tingle, and it's making me uncomfortable. I don't know why I missed it earlier- oh, that's right, I'm tired.
"Patrolling. Actually, I'm going to meet Faith and the others at the Bronze."
"Are you guys like, living there?"
He smiles and shakes his head. "No. At least not me. I'm not so sure about the others, though. But I was forced to come, according to Faith I need to improve my social skills."
"Ah."
"Do you want to come with me?"
"What? With you? In the sense of me going with you to the Bronze?"
Way to go, Buffy, you made it sound like a date.
"Yeah, you could meet the whole gang properly."
"I don't know if that's such a good idea."
"Sure. Even Cordelia will be there and the music is actually not that bad," he makes a face, " most of the time."
Although all I really want to do is to drop into my bed and sleep the weekend away, for a moment I think that going to the Bronze wouldn't be so bad, and a moment is all it takes for saying yes.
~~~
We walk through a dark Sunnydale and the silence between us becomes slowly awkward, so I ask the first question that comes to my mind, "Can you give me the long version?"
"What?" he asks puzzled, "The long version?"
"Yeah. Of you. I mean, with you being good and all- I'd still like to know exactly why I mustn't stake you. And why you help Faith."
"Oh." He hesitates.
"If you don't want to tell me, that's cool, too."
"No. It's all right. I- I was cursed with a soul by a clan of gypsies, about a hundred years ago, because I killed one of them, a young girl."
"Wow," I whistle through my teeth, "You're older than most of them."
"I was turned in 1753."
"Ouch."
"Why "ouch"?" he asks me with a quick glance. I shrug. "Well, I guess you didn't sit at home knitting until you got your soul. A couple of decades as vampire. ouch. For the people, I mean."
"Yes," he says softly, "I surely didn't knit."
"And then you decided to help people?"
"No. Not really. You see, with a soul. I suddenly had a conscience. Do you know what it's like to feel the guilt for a hundred years of carnage and slaughter? I. you could say I freaked out. I hid myself form humans and lived on the streets until Whistler found me."
He stops and I don't know what to say. What do you say to a killer who's turned all white hat? Sorry? For what? At the moment I don't feel very sorry for him and I don't pity him either. I sort of feel nothing, which is admittedly weird. At least the slayer instinct to dust him has shut up, and the tingle is gone. I can almost pretend that he's human, that he invited me to the Bronze. dream on, Buffy.
"Who's Whistler?"
"An annoying little demon. But he's a messenger from The Powers That Be, he found me and showed me Faith. He said that I'm supposed to help her. so here I am."
"Sounds like fun," I know I sound snippy- to hell with it, I don't care. I'm not really the jealous type, but after hearing this, I feel a tiny pang of envy, which I quickly push aside. Faith needs help? Faith, who has an actual family, who has friends? Who has a watcher who's still alive? As I said, I ignore the little voice. I don't need anybody and even if, I surely don't need a souled ex-monster. Thanks, but no thanks; I'm more than fine on my own.
"Yes," he murmurs and as I don't have a witty response for that I'm glad that we've arrived at the Bronze. Angel opens the door and I follow him. Loud music welcomes me, loud music, which is good.
"Angel! Hey!" The redheaded girl - Will? - waves and he makes his way through the crowd with me trailing behind him. Now I can see that Faith's there with her boy-toy, the rather small guy from the library and a brunette who looks kind of bored. Indeed, the whole gang. Why did I come here again?
"Oh, Buffy's there, too! Hi!" she chirps, "Did you run into each other on patrol?"
"Yeah," I say, "Hi to you, too. Will?"
She smiles, "It's actually Willow. Oh! You don't know everybody by name yet, do you? Okay, so this is Oz," she points out the small guy besides her, and I guess he's her boyfriend form the way he looks at her, "You know Faith, next to her, that's Xander-"
"The comic relief!" he interrupts her and Faith laughs and wraps her arm around his waist.
"I'm Cordelia," the brunette says and musters me in a way that clearly states that she thinks she's better than me. Whatever. "From the way the others spoke about you, I'd imagined you to be taller."
I smirk. "I'll take that as a compliment."
"Come on, sit down! There's enough places for everyone," Willow makes a sweeping gesture with her hand and I'm glad to sit down. I slept three hours today, worked from seven a.m. to eight p.m., only with that excuse called a lunch break in between, and even that was shortened because of my extra hours. I sink back into the couch and kind of zone out. I don't really listen to the conversation; instead I look around and escape into my little own world.
I don't know how much time has passed, perhaps half an hour, when the music changes to a slow song. Willow stands up and draws Oz to the dance floor, and Faith whispers something in Xander's ear; he smiles and stands up.
"Guys, we're going to dance. 'Til later."
"Whatever," Cordelia shrugs and stands up, too. "There's this hottie over there who's just gotten lucky."
Which leaves Angel and me. Great. I think it's time to go, so I make no effort to stifle my yawn and get up. He looks up.
"Do you want to dance, too?"
Huh?
"God, no. That's not my cup of tea. I'm just gonna go home and hit the sack. So, say bye from me to the others. Perhaps I'll drop by the library next week."
"Okay." He rises, "I can walk with you if you want to."
"Um- no. I'm the slayer, remember? I can take care of myself and you can stay here with the others. See you."
"Goodbye, Buffy."
~~~
"Hello, Buffy."
"Hey! You're late!"
Thomas smiles and steps closer to hug me. I slowly hug him back, still a little mad at him- how can he let me wait so long? But somehow I'm just happy that he's here and I hug him back until he groans and laughs at the same time.
"Buffy! You're still. incredibly strong, I see."
"Oh. Sorry." I release him and notice for the first time that I'm standing in an empty Bronze. There's music playing and he smiles, "Do you remember?"
"Remember?"
((It won't rain all the time))
Yeah, there's something I should remember, something important((The sky won't fall forever)). I know this song; I've heard it before, right before-
"Thomas!"
But he's gone, so is the music. I turn around, trying to find him but he's gone, gone, gone.
"I'm sorry."
Angel? How did he get there? It makes no sense whatsoever. God, he's beautiful, even if his face is half covered by the shadows and I realize that I missed him, too. Something lies heavy in my hand and as I look down I see that I'm holding my knife. Can you say huh? What's that doing here?
"For what?"
I get no answer and as I look up I see that I'm alone.
E-Mail: ikh@haefft.de
Rating: R
Summary: What if Buffy was the screwed up one?
Spoilers: General spoilers for Btvs seasons 1 - 3
Disclaimers: I don't own Btvs nor do I make any money out of this; no copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 05 - Land of Dreams
*Buffy laid sprawled across the couch and watched Thomas as he prepared their dinner.
"But I don't understand." She pouted. "Why do you have to go? Can't you just like, call?"
Thomas smiled dryly as he sliced tomatoes for the salad. "Buffy, they're my parents. I don't think that they'd appreciate their only son ringing them up to say hello when they haven't seen me in a year. Besides, it's just a month. You can enjoy your holiday without a bothersome watcher."
"Yeah, I'm really going to enjoy a month with my mom," Buffy muttered, then she said louder, "Your parents couldn't have another kid? To keep them occupied so they don't miss you so much."
The knife he held clattered to the ground and he gripped the counter. She sprung up. "Hey! Are you okay?"
"Yes." He took a deep breath. "Yes, I'm fine."
"Then why are you looking like some ghost? Did I say something wrong?"
"No. It's - I did have a sister, once. She died three years ago and it- it still hurts."
"Oh." Buffy looked down. "What happened?"
"What happened? She was the slayer, that's what happened."*
~~~
It's just another night in good old SunnyD. I can't stifle a yawn and rub my eyes. God, I'm shot. Like, really shot. My hunt for a job was successful- now I'm working in a funny fast food restaurant and serve cold hamburgers and really icky coffee. I even have a little nametag, although it's embarrassing to admit that, and I feel like I'm the only waitress there. I guess that I got the job because my predecessor died rather unfortunately of blood loss. I met her yesterday, for about two seconds before I shoved a stake through her heart.
Did I mention that I'm shot? My boss is a fucking sadist and I swear, he likes to yell at me. Is it my fault that I tripped today and spilled said icky coffee all over a customer? No. Well, perhaps yes, but that's no reason to act as if it's the end of the world or something. For that little incident I had the choice to say goodbye to a four hours' salary or to work four hours overtime without salary- the money needed to pay for the laundry service. I chose the working because I'm still broke, but now I'm asking myself what good a few bucks do when my tiredness is getting me killed anyway.
Yawning again, I put my stake in my bag an am just about to leave the cemetery to catch a few Z's when I almost stumble over a grave that's quite. messy? I kneel down and inspect the earth. Funny, it somehow doesn't look like a vampire left his grave- vamps normally make a big hole, but this here looks like one has dug up the whole damn coffin. The date on the tombstone states that Mariah McKenzie died four days ago. Could've been a vampire nevertheless.
"Hi."
I jump to my feet and turn around at the same time and I'm just too tired- I loose balance and fall almost on my butt, but two strong hands grab my arms and steady me.
I look up and directly in Angel's face.
"Um. hi."
How graceful and not embarrassing, now he must think that I'm a complete klutz. I realize that he's still holding my arms and that we're a little too close for my taste. I shrug his hands off and step away from the grave.
"What are you doing here?" I ask in what I hope is a casual not-hostile tone. Now that I know that I know he's here I can feel his vamp-vibe, that tingle, and it's making me uncomfortable. I don't know why I missed it earlier- oh, that's right, I'm tired.
"Patrolling. Actually, I'm going to meet Faith and the others at the Bronze."
"Are you guys like, living there?"
He smiles and shakes his head. "No. At least not me. I'm not so sure about the others, though. But I was forced to come, according to Faith I need to improve my social skills."
"Ah."
"Do you want to come with me?"
"What? With you? In the sense of me going with you to the Bronze?"
Way to go, Buffy, you made it sound like a date.
"Yeah, you could meet the whole gang properly."
"I don't know if that's such a good idea."
"Sure. Even Cordelia will be there and the music is actually not that bad," he makes a face, " most of the time."
Although all I really want to do is to drop into my bed and sleep the weekend away, for a moment I think that going to the Bronze wouldn't be so bad, and a moment is all it takes for saying yes.
~~~
We walk through a dark Sunnydale and the silence between us becomes slowly awkward, so I ask the first question that comes to my mind, "Can you give me the long version?"
"What?" he asks puzzled, "The long version?"
"Yeah. Of you. I mean, with you being good and all- I'd still like to know exactly why I mustn't stake you. And why you help Faith."
"Oh." He hesitates.
"If you don't want to tell me, that's cool, too."
"No. It's all right. I- I was cursed with a soul by a clan of gypsies, about a hundred years ago, because I killed one of them, a young girl."
"Wow," I whistle through my teeth, "You're older than most of them."
"I was turned in 1753."
"Ouch."
"Why "ouch"?" he asks me with a quick glance. I shrug. "Well, I guess you didn't sit at home knitting until you got your soul. A couple of decades as vampire. ouch. For the people, I mean."
"Yes," he says softly, "I surely didn't knit."
"And then you decided to help people?"
"No. Not really. You see, with a soul. I suddenly had a conscience. Do you know what it's like to feel the guilt for a hundred years of carnage and slaughter? I. you could say I freaked out. I hid myself form humans and lived on the streets until Whistler found me."
He stops and I don't know what to say. What do you say to a killer who's turned all white hat? Sorry? For what? At the moment I don't feel very sorry for him and I don't pity him either. I sort of feel nothing, which is admittedly weird. At least the slayer instinct to dust him has shut up, and the tingle is gone. I can almost pretend that he's human, that he invited me to the Bronze. dream on, Buffy.
"Who's Whistler?"
"An annoying little demon. But he's a messenger from The Powers That Be, he found me and showed me Faith. He said that I'm supposed to help her. so here I am."
"Sounds like fun," I know I sound snippy- to hell with it, I don't care. I'm not really the jealous type, but after hearing this, I feel a tiny pang of envy, which I quickly push aside. Faith needs help? Faith, who has an actual family, who has friends? Who has a watcher who's still alive? As I said, I ignore the little voice. I don't need anybody and even if, I surely don't need a souled ex-monster. Thanks, but no thanks; I'm more than fine on my own.
"Yes," he murmurs and as I don't have a witty response for that I'm glad that we've arrived at the Bronze. Angel opens the door and I follow him. Loud music welcomes me, loud music, which is good.
"Angel! Hey!" The redheaded girl - Will? - waves and he makes his way through the crowd with me trailing behind him. Now I can see that Faith's there with her boy-toy, the rather small guy from the library and a brunette who looks kind of bored. Indeed, the whole gang. Why did I come here again?
"Oh, Buffy's there, too! Hi!" she chirps, "Did you run into each other on patrol?"
"Yeah," I say, "Hi to you, too. Will?"
She smiles, "It's actually Willow. Oh! You don't know everybody by name yet, do you? Okay, so this is Oz," she points out the small guy besides her, and I guess he's her boyfriend form the way he looks at her, "You know Faith, next to her, that's Xander-"
"The comic relief!" he interrupts her and Faith laughs and wraps her arm around his waist.
"I'm Cordelia," the brunette says and musters me in a way that clearly states that she thinks she's better than me. Whatever. "From the way the others spoke about you, I'd imagined you to be taller."
I smirk. "I'll take that as a compliment."
"Come on, sit down! There's enough places for everyone," Willow makes a sweeping gesture with her hand and I'm glad to sit down. I slept three hours today, worked from seven a.m. to eight p.m., only with that excuse called a lunch break in between, and even that was shortened because of my extra hours. I sink back into the couch and kind of zone out. I don't really listen to the conversation; instead I look around and escape into my little own world.
I don't know how much time has passed, perhaps half an hour, when the music changes to a slow song. Willow stands up and draws Oz to the dance floor, and Faith whispers something in Xander's ear; he smiles and stands up.
"Guys, we're going to dance. 'Til later."
"Whatever," Cordelia shrugs and stands up, too. "There's this hottie over there who's just gotten lucky."
Which leaves Angel and me. Great. I think it's time to go, so I make no effort to stifle my yawn and get up. He looks up.
"Do you want to dance, too?"
Huh?
"God, no. That's not my cup of tea. I'm just gonna go home and hit the sack. So, say bye from me to the others. Perhaps I'll drop by the library next week."
"Okay." He rises, "I can walk with you if you want to."
"Um- no. I'm the slayer, remember? I can take care of myself and you can stay here with the others. See you."
"Goodbye, Buffy."
~~~
"Hello, Buffy."
"Hey! You're late!"
Thomas smiles and steps closer to hug me. I slowly hug him back, still a little mad at him- how can he let me wait so long? But somehow I'm just happy that he's here and I hug him back until he groans and laughs at the same time.
"Buffy! You're still. incredibly strong, I see."
"Oh. Sorry." I release him and notice for the first time that I'm standing in an empty Bronze. There's music playing and he smiles, "Do you remember?"
"Remember?"
((It won't rain all the time))
Yeah, there's something I should remember, something important((The sky won't fall forever)). I know this song; I've heard it before, right before-
"Thomas!"
But he's gone, so is the music. I turn around, trying to find him but he's gone, gone, gone.
"I'm sorry."
Angel? How did he get there? It makes no sense whatsoever. God, he's beautiful, even if his face is half covered by the shadows and I realize that I missed him, too. Something lies heavy in my hand and as I look down I see that I'm holding my knife. Can you say huh? What's that doing here?
"For what?"
I get no answer and as I look up I see that I'm alone.