Author: Asrai
E-Mail: ikh@haefft.de
Rating: R
Summary: What if Buffy was the screwed up one?
Spoilers: General spoilers for Btvs seasons 1 - 3
Disclaimers: I don't own Btvs nor do I make any money out of this; no copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 08 - Three Doors
*"Mom, I'm home!" Buffy cried and shut the door behind her with a loud thud. "Not that you'd notice anyway," she muttered under her breath and went to the kitchen to get something to drink.
"Ah, the little bastard's finally arrived. Good morning!"
She glared at the current boyfriend of her mother. "It's five in the afternoon, Nick."
The man on the chair laughed drunkenly and shrugged. "Yeah? Anyway. Where've you been?"
"None of your business."
"It's damn well my business!" he shouted suddenly and his fist crashed on the table, "Your mother worries herself sick over you!"
"You're not my father!" Buffy yelled back, raising her fists. So far Nick had done nothing but to insult her, but he was probably too drunk to care if he hit her.
"And thank God for that! If he's anything like you then it's no miracle that Joyce hates him! He must have been one sick fucker. how's the saying, like father, like son? Or daughter, in your case!"
He laughed at his own bad joke and Buffy used the opportunity to escape. She slammed the apartment door behind her and ran down the stairs.*
~~~
You know, sometimes there are days when I think that my life is one big festival of suck. And there are days when I think that it's. not. Today it's such a day. I mean, my job still sucks big time, no doubt about that. My boss is still an asshole, but my tips haven't been bad so far, the customers haven't yelled at me once, I haven't spilled or broken anything and the day's almost over.
It's hot in the kitchen and I slowly sip on my cool coke and watch the cook smoke his cigarette outside through the open backdoor. I silently do the math in my head, how long I'll have to work here until it's enough for some decent clothes and a bus ticket to the east coast.
East coast. I'd like to see New York, the Big Apple. It sounds an eternity away. Before, when I lived in Los Angeles, I never really thought about moving. I mean, LA is pretty big, you can have everything there, there were always enough vampires to stake- why leave? But now I want to see the world. I have no ties anywhere, no family to go to, no friends, just a strange address in England in Thomas' handwriting, 'for emergencies'.
Faith is perfectly capable of protecting the hellmouth alone and I'm free to stake vampires all over the world. Sounds like a plan, doesn't it? As soon as I have enough money.
"Buffy! Get your ass out here and work, I don't pay you for doing nothing!"
Ah, that's my boss, charming as always. Sighing, I finish my glass and grab a tray.
~~~
After work I go to the motel, shower and change into something less ugly and more Buffy-style like and go patrol after eating a slice of cold take out pizza, left from the evening before.
My good mood is surprisingly still lasting and I begin to hum as I wander down dark streets, making plans for the upcoming weekend. I think a mini- sized shopping trip for some new tops is in order, and I heard from a customer that there's a new club a couple of kilometers from SunnyD; I could try that one out. The Bronze is nice and all, but there's just kids fooling around. Kids with a really bad taste in music.
"Buffy?"
I turn around and see Angel standing behind me. I haven't seen him around lately; only a couple of times at the Bronze, hanging out with Faith and her gang.
After our little disagreement at the library about me reporting to them and all that crap, Faith and me divided the town into two parts; she patrols the one half and I the other one. Actually, I haven't seen her or her tagalongs for three weeks.
"Ah, the Souled One. Hi."
"Are you patrolling?"
I hold up a stake. "Looks like it. You want to come along?"
Where the hell did that come from? Me asking Angel- a vampire- to do my patrol with him? Okay, so, good vampire, but still a bloodsucker. Perhaps I got conked on the head too often.
He falls into stride with me and hesitates shortly before saying, "I haven't seen you in a while. Faith told me you'd had an argument."
I snort. "Please. Calling that an argument is like saying- well, I don't know, but we didn't argue. Faith's gotta get over herself."
"You don't like her very much, do you?"
I shrug, "Never said that. My sis' can be really decent, if she wants to be. But her whole attitude is just so neat and controlled and freaking perfect that I want to scream."
And again with the wondering who controls my mouth today. Why do I tell him this stuff?
"Is that why you're never around? We could have used your help last week with some demons."
"Nobody told me about it. And I so don't have the time to hang out in a library waiting for that stuffy watcher of hers to finish his researching gig. I have a job and a calling to do. If Faith needs me, she knows where I live."
He doesn't say anything for a while, just sort of glances at me from time to time. But it's not an uncomfortable silence, but rather a not- uncomfortable one. I'm content with checking out the dark alleys.
"Where did you live before?"
The question comes out of nowhere and I stop and stare at him, "Why?"
"I'm just curious."
"Los Angeles."
"Why did you leave?"
"What's this, twenty questions?" I ask irritated. Over the last weeks I tried to push the memories about my life in LA aside; I don't want to dream about blood and fire and screams every night anymore.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. Sorry I asked."
I swallow and sigh, "Listen, it's just. my- my watcher died. And, and I had nothing left, 'cause he'd been the only family I ever had. And my stupidity got him killed."
I breathe out, feeling wetness gather in my eyes. I hastily wipe it away before the wetness becomes tears. I don't cry, ever.
"He didn't deserve to die," I whisper.
"I'm sorry, Buffy."
"Why? Wasn't your fault. You weren't even there."
Angel looks at me and I feel his dark eyes boring into mine. Normally, I'd feel uncomfortable, because I don't like it when people look at me too closely, but now I feel like I could drown in his eyes. They're beautiful, you know?
"No. But I'm sorry that he was taken away from you."
"Not just from me. His name was Thomas. And he had a mom and a dad living in England in one of those big mansions, and he sometimes told me that they felt so lonely in that big house with no kids, and that's why he visited them every summer, so they wouldn't be lonely. And now he's just gone and his parents won't have anybody visiting them. And it's my fault."
If my brain would work properly, I'm sure it would tell me to shut the hell up and stop with the pitiful blubbering already. But it doesn't work at all at the moment, and I'm glad, because somehow I know that Angel will listen to me- the real me, no just to the witty, quick-mouthed slayer-me- and that he'll understand. Somehow, he'll understand. Yes, he is a vampire and I've barely seen him, except for a few times, less had a conversation with him, but I trust him right now.
"Why do you think that it was your fault?"
"I didn't pay attention. I thought I had it all, the wits, the skill, the strength. We- there was a master vampire in town, complete with minions and all that crap. His name was Lothos and Thomas warned me that he'd be strong. I didn't care. We did have a plan to take him down, but it didn't work out. We were caught."
I stop to sit down on a bench, and Angel quietly takes place beside me.
"They played with me and Thomas had to watch. He fought, but he's- he was just human and they laughed at him. He offered his life for mine, but they said that I'd die anyway. They- they-"
Angel slowly takes my hand and caresses it, and I don't draw away.
"You don't have to go on, if it's too hard for you to remember."
I shake my head. "No, I'm good. I have to speak about it sometime anyway, might just as well be now."
His hand squeezes mine lightly. Creepy how I'm not weirded out by the coldness of it.
"They drank his blood," I murmur, "They drained him and I sat by and screamed. He screamed, too. God, there was so much blood and their faces were full of it. He didn't give up, tried to break free, and Lothos stood by and laughed. There was still a little life in him, and he told him that it would be fun to see a watcher eat his own slayer. They forced him to drink their blood."
I pause and glance at Angel. "Do you remember what it's like? To die and drink blood? Does it," I lick my lips, "does it hurt?"
"Buffy-"
"Tell me the truth."
"Yes. When my sire, Darla, bit me, it hurt. But after that I was too dazed to notice what was going on."
"I broke free. I guess I was just desperate and I still believed that I could save him. I fought Lothos. And I won, I staked him. His minions ran away, but we'd been in a warehouse with canisters of gas, so they set it on fire. I didn't care; I just wanted to get Thomas out. but I- I saw him change. He was dead and the slayer in me said that he was turned and that it was too late. I wanted to run, to get away, but then I thought, what would happen if he woke up? He'd be a monster. He once told me that turned watchers are the most dangerous vampires, 'cause they know so much stuff. Angel, do you know what I did? Come on, guess.
He looks at our joined hands and answers slowly, "You made sure that he wouldn't rise again."
"And the prize goes to the vampire with a soul. That's right. I put a stake through his chest."
~~~
The knock on my door wakes me up around 8.30 a.m. On a Sunday. Who the heck is this? Nobody- let's repeat that for emphasis- nobody ever knocks on my door at 8.30 a.m. on a Sunday without being eaten for breakfast. I mean, please, in Buffy-standard this time classifies as the middle of the night; I went to sleep barely two hours ago.
I bury my head under the pillow and will the intruder to go poof. I'm bone- tired, which is kind of strange because I didn't fight nasties last night; I didn't patrol at all. No, I spent the night on a bench talking to Angel.
My little confession ended- thank God- without me bursting into tears, but with him listening to me saying absolutely nothing. And somewhere around midnight he began to tell me about himself, the extended, Director's Cut version- how he was turned, his Scourge of Europe days until he snacked on the wrong girl, and his life before that demon-guy Whisper- or Whistler? Whatever- found him hunting rats in New York. Somehow I spoke about my life in Los Angeles after that, and we stayed on that bench until sunrise was near and Angel had to leave; but he still went to the motel with me and said good-bye.
What a strange, strange night. I felt so good around him; I could tell him everything and was sure that he wouldn't report the story of my life to the watcher guy.
I wonder when I'll see him again.
"Yes, yes, I'm coming already!" I yell at the door, stumble out of my bed and nearly trip over the pile of clothes I left carelessly on the floor. I'll clean this room up, sometime. In the near future. Next century.
Looking through the peephole, I see Faith raising her fist to knock again. I open the door and blink sleepily at her.
"Mornin', sis."
"Can I- Can I come in?"
"Sure. Just don't notice the less than sparkly state my room's in."
"I won't."
I plop on the bed and gesture to the chair standing before the window, "Have a seat. Don't be surprised if it crashes or anything, it can be a little wacky sometimes."
"No. I'd- I'd rather stand- or- leave. This whole idea was- sorry I woke you up."
She's already at the door and I spring up and grab her arm, "Wait! What's up? You're being all distracted and- sad and teary. Did someone die?"
Faith shrugs off my arm and wipes across her eyes that are indeed full of tears. Wow. I don't mean wow in the Wow!great sense but Wow!What the.? sense. I've never seen my sister slayer weak, let alone crying. And with her face being all blotchy and her eyes red and puffy, she's been doing just that for some time now.
"Nothing's up, I'm five by five. Aren't I always? Can't have that, Faith not being less than peachy."
She sniffles and I raise my brows.
"Come on. Sit down."
I practically push her on my bed and grab some discarded pants form the floor, putting them on and sitting cross-legged before her. And wait. Finally Faith sighs.
"Do- do you have a Kleenex or something? I'm sure I've got snot all over my face."
"Here," I give her the whole box. She blows her nose and fiddles with the used Kleenex.
"So. Spit it out."
Faith laughs, but it's not a happy sound.
"I- I just wanted some fun, you know? Last night I'd promised Giles to patrol, 'cause there seems to be something strange going one, again. But I found nothing, no vamps, and with it being a Saturday night, I thought I'd stop by the Bronze."
She pauses, stands up, then sits down again. Nervous much?
"And, and Willow was there and. Xander."
She almost spits out his name, sounding hateful. Trouble in paradise, then. Last time I saw them both, they were engaged in quite an x-rated make-out session.
"They were in the middle of the fucking dance floor, kissing."
Oh, crap. I must've said that out loud, because Faith nods, "Yeah, I thought that, too. I mean, Wills is- was- I don't know, supposed to be my best friend, or something. And while I'm," she hiccups and starts crying again, "trying to keep the world in one piece, she's out sucking face with my boyfriend!"
She screams the last words, springs up and begins to pace around the room. I still sit on the floor, stunned. Wonder-boy cheated on her with the Wannabe-witch? Can I say 'huh'? Is he brain-dead or something? I mean, nothing against Willow, but if I were gay, I'd choose Faith over her in a second. Which I'm not. And I don't think that this would be a very comforting thing to say to a mightily heartbroken and pissed off slayer right now.
"I- I don't know what to say," I mutter.
Faith stops and punches the wall. I think I pity the wall, too.
"Listen, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, I- I just had nowhere to go to. and I need to talk about this and there's just nobody who'd understand and I know that we sorta argued."
"No, that's okay."
I tuck a strand of hair behind my hair and sigh. What am I supposed to do now? Never been in a situation like that before. If one of my boy-toys cheated on me - which rarely happened, because it's kind of hard to be cheated on if you kick them out after one night- I went to beat up some nasty and proceeded to forget that the guy ever existed. Worked splendidly for me. And now I got to play relationship-therapist? Couldn't she have gone to Angel? Or Giles? Or her picture perfect family? Why did Faith go to me, the Other Slayer- yes, that's written in capital letters-who's brassy and unfriendly and manner-less to get her emotional comfort? On a Sunday, no less?
But then I see the look on her face and realize that she probably felt just as desperate as I did before a burnt down warehouse two months ago.
"Aren't you hungry?" I ask suddenly and Faith looks confused.
"What?"
"Hungry. 'Cause I'm starved. And you probably ate nothing for breakfast either. A slayer's gotta keep her strength. Come on, I'm inviting you to a fabulous breakfast in one of SunnyD's finest restaurants- after I shower, mind you- and I promise, you'll feel better after that. Does that sound like a plan?"
She nods and I smile, "Get cozy, whatever, it won't take long."
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
I may be imagining it, but Faith looks a little less desperate to commit suicide.
"Thanks for listening to me."
I shrug, "No biggie. That's what sisters are there for, isn't it?"
~~~
"And you really almost staked him?"
"Yeah," Faith laughs, "You would've done the same. Here I was all innocent."
I snort at that, 'cause I've seen a lot of Faith in the last time and innocent is the last word I would describe her with, and she shots me a withering glare.
"So, here I was all innocent, going to the Bronze- for the first time, too! And there was this guy that followed me and caused my belly to go all tingly. Vamp-vibe plus sneaking up results normally in immediate stakage."
"Why didn't you? Not that I want to see Angel as ashtray material."
She shrugs, "He didn't attack, acted all gentleman-ly, even gave me a cross- I thought that my spidey sense had a bad day, with me being all new on the hellmouth."
"Yeah, that hellmouth-y power is confusing, 'cause there's always that vibe- y thing going on- took me a while to get used to it."
I jump on a headstone and cry out, "Hello, Hellmouth! How're you doing today?"
Faith grins. "Be careful, it might just decide to answer. So, what do we do now? The night's just begun."
"Oh, I like the sound of that, sis. How about Bronzing our latest dusting of yet another vampire nest? A really annoying one, I might add."
Her grin falters. "I don't know. Isn't there another hangout in Sunnydale?"
"Last time I checked? No. Why are you asking me anyway? I haven't been living here for three years."
"So the Bronze it is. On y va!"
I guess I must've looked a bit strangely because Faith throws up her hands in mock annoyance, "What? I didn't sleep through all of my French classes, just so you know!"
"If you say so."
She laughs and I shake my head and follow her. In the two weeks since Faith ruined my wallet by eating the biggest breakfast the 'restaurant' had to offer (I ate nothing 'cause I know what the kitchen looks like- I work there after all) we became sort of friends. We patrol together and boy, that is fun, we trained a couple of times with that still stuffy watcher of hers and we often hang out together, just for fun. In fact, she's practically been living with me when she's not at school, and she skipped that a lot, too. But one thing Faith has avoided like the pest and that's going to the Bronze- perhaps she's still traumatized by seeing that cretin of a now-ex-boyfriend kissing Another Girl, namely Willow, ex-best-friend on the dance floor.
She hasn't spoken about that scene at all during the last weeks; I think she's done her best to forget that Xander Harris ever existed, although she confessed that she still "kind of loves that stupid bastard"; that was after a few shots of tequila, in a demon bar. Gotta love the fact the bartender's too frightened of you to ask for an ID.
"Hello? Earth to Buffy?"
"Yes?" I smile at Faith, "Sorry I zoned out. What did you say?"
"Are we going inside or something?"
"Yeah. You aren't afraid of meeting your tagalongs?"
"Doesn't matter if I meet them. They're probably too occupied ravishing each other to notice me. Let's dance! I'm in the mood for dancing."
Faith grabs my hand and leads me inside. The music seems to fit her mood; it's hard, fast and most importantly, loud. She quickly finds the rhythm of the song and begins dancing with a guy who musters her adoringly. I snort. I don't understand how she went out with that dork for over a year. If Faith wants to, she has the guys falling all over her.
It seems that she wants just that tonight.
"Hey, Buffy."
"Oh look, it's the loving ex! What are you doing here?"
I shoot Xander my best look of ice and smirk satisfied when he swallows nervously, "Looks like I'm at the Bronze. Searching for you."
I raise my brows. "Really?"
"Or- searching for Faith," he clarifies, "She hasn't been around a lot lately and she hasn't returned any of my calls although it's a miracle that her answering machine hasn't exploded yet, what with the phone calls every hour."
"Your point is?"
"Do you know where she is?"
This is gonna be fun.
"Yep," I smile slowly and point behind me to the dance floor where Faith has obviously a very good time- kissing the guy she danced with earlier. And it's not just a quick peck on the cheek- we're talking about the full package here, tongue action and all.
Revenge's a bitch.
~~~
The look on Harris' face was priceless and I still giggle quietly over it as I come home from work the next day- just to find Willow sitting in front of my door step. She hastily gets up as she spots me.
"Oh! Hi, Buffy.."
"Hi," I mutter as I fumble with my key. Perhaps she'll go away if I ignore her.
"So, um, how you're doing?"
"Fantastic. What do you want? You surely didn't wait for me to inquire about my well-being."
"It's about Faith."
"I never would've guessed. Spit it out, I have a date with my shower."
The mini-witch flushes.
"It's just that she's never around anymore and she, she won't talk to me- or, or Xander-"
"I wonder why, after that stunt you pulled at the Bronze."
"But that was an accident!"
"An accident. Interesting choice of words."
Now she's blushing in earnest, "No, I wanted to say- no the, um, kissing, but that it happened at all- that was. The accident. It wasn't that I planned it, it just sort of happened."
"It happened that Xander and you discovered to be truly, madly, deeply in love? You've known each other for how long now?"
"I- no! We're not in love or together or anything! It was just a- a thing-"
"That hurt Faith pretty bad. Hence the no-speaking to you," I finish the sentence for her. Willow sighs and sits down on the steps. Her voice sounds small and sad and I'd pity her if I hadn't seen my sister slayer completely crushed two weeks ago.
"I'm sorry, you know. And I tried to tell her that, but she doesn't answer her phone and she's been skipping school- that's why I came, to ask you where she is. She didn't come home last night and her parents are so worried- they thing something happened to her."
"Why don't you go ask your boy-toy?" She stares at me for a second, uncomprehending, then I can almost see the little light bulb in her head go off, "Xander's not my boy-toy! He's just my friend and what do you mean anyway? He saw her yesterday at the Bronze but they didn't talk- right?"
"Faith's mouth was busy. elsewhere. Now, who was that boy, I think I remember his name- Scott, she said. Scott Hope."
"What?" Will almost screeches, "Scott Hope? But he's like- she doesn't even like him! She was totally not with the liking him last time he tried to hit on her!"
"She seemed pretty happy with him last night though. Especially when they left together. Listen," I hurry to explain because Willow looks like she's about to faint any minute now from shock, "Faith's a big girl. And I'm not her babysitter. She'll come home when she wants to. She's seventeen, she's the slayer, I say she can take care of herself. And I'm going to take a shower now before I die from the grossness that is the smell of greasy kitchen."
E-Mail: ikh@haefft.de
Rating: R
Summary: What if Buffy was the screwed up one?
Spoilers: General spoilers for Btvs seasons 1 - 3
Disclaimers: I don't own Btvs nor do I make any money out of this; no copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 08 - Three Doors
*"Mom, I'm home!" Buffy cried and shut the door behind her with a loud thud. "Not that you'd notice anyway," she muttered under her breath and went to the kitchen to get something to drink.
"Ah, the little bastard's finally arrived. Good morning!"
She glared at the current boyfriend of her mother. "It's five in the afternoon, Nick."
The man on the chair laughed drunkenly and shrugged. "Yeah? Anyway. Where've you been?"
"None of your business."
"It's damn well my business!" he shouted suddenly and his fist crashed on the table, "Your mother worries herself sick over you!"
"You're not my father!" Buffy yelled back, raising her fists. So far Nick had done nothing but to insult her, but he was probably too drunk to care if he hit her.
"And thank God for that! If he's anything like you then it's no miracle that Joyce hates him! He must have been one sick fucker. how's the saying, like father, like son? Or daughter, in your case!"
He laughed at his own bad joke and Buffy used the opportunity to escape. She slammed the apartment door behind her and ran down the stairs.*
~~~
You know, sometimes there are days when I think that my life is one big festival of suck. And there are days when I think that it's. not. Today it's such a day. I mean, my job still sucks big time, no doubt about that. My boss is still an asshole, but my tips haven't been bad so far, the customers haven't yelled at me once, I haven't spilled or broken anything and the day's almost over.
It's hot in the kitchen and I slowly sip on my cool coke and watch the cook smoke his cigarette outside through the open backdoor. I silently do the math in my head, how long I'll have to work here until it's enough for some decent clothes and a bus ticket to the east coast.
East coast. I'd like to see New York, the Big Apple. It sounds an eternity away. Before, when I lived in Los Angeles, I never really thought about moving. I mean, LA is pretty big, you can have everything there, there were always enough vampires to stake- why leave? But now I want to see the world. I have no ties anywhere, no family to go to, no friends, just a strange address in England in Thomas' handwriting, 'for emergencies'.
Faith is perfectly capable of protecting the hellmouth alone and I'm free to stake vampires all over the world. Sounds like a plan, doesn't it? As soon as I have enough money.
"Buffy! Get your ass out here and work, I don't pay you for doing nothing!"
Ah, that's my boss, charming as always. Sighing, I finish my glass and grab a tray.
~~~
After work I go to the motel, shower and change into something less ugly and more Buffy-style like and go patrol after eating a slice of cold take out pizza, left from the evening before.
My good mood is surprisingly still lasting and I begin to hum as I wander down dark streets, making plans for the upcoming weekend. I think a mini- sized shopping trip for some new tops is in order, and I heard from a customer that there's a new club a couple of kilometers from SunnyD; I could try that one out. The Bronze is nice and all, but there's just kids fooling around. Kids with a really bad taste in music.
"Buffy?"
I turn around and see Angel standing behind me. I haven't seen him around lately; only a couple of times at the Bronze, hanging out with Faith and her gang.
After our little disagreement at the library about me reporting to them and all that crap, Faith and me divided the town into two parts; she patrols the one half and I the other one. Actually, I haven't seen her or her tagalongs for three weeks.
"Ah, the Souled One. Hi."
"Are you patrolling?"
I hold up a stake. "Looks like it. You want to come along?"
Where the hell did that come from? Me asking Angel- a vampire- to do my patrol with him? Okay, so, good vampire, but still a bloodsucker. Perhaps I got conked on the head too often.
He falls into stride with me and hesitates shortly before saying, "I haven't seen you in a while. Faith told me you'd had an argument."
I snort. "Please. Calling that an argument is like saying- well, I don't know, but we didn't argue. Faith's gotta get over herself."
"You don't like her very much, do you?"
I shrug, "Never said that. My sis' can be really decent, if she wants to be. But her whole attitude is just so neat and controlled and freaking perfect that I want to scream."
And again with the wondering who controls my mouth today. Why do I tell him this stuff?
"Is that why you're never around? We could have used your help last week with some demons."
"Nobody told me about it. And I so don't have the time to hang out in a library waiting for that stuffy watcher of hers to finish his researching gig. I have a job and a calling to do. If Faith needs me, she knows where I live."
He doesn't say anything for a while, just sort of glances at me from time to time. But it's not an uncomfortable silence, but rather a not- uncomfortable one. I'm content with checking out the dark alleys.
"Where did you live before?"
The question comes out of nowhere and I stop and stare at him, "Why?"
"I'm just curious."
"Los Angeles."
"Why did you leave?"
"What's this, twenty questions?" I ask irritated. Over the last weeks I tried to push the memories about my life in LA aside; I don't want to dream about blood and fire and screams every night anymore.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. Sorry I asked."
I swallow and sigh, "Listen, it's just. my- my watcher died. And, and I had nothing left, 'cause he'd been the only family I ever had. And my stupidity got him killed."
I breathe out, feeling wetness gather in my eyes. I hastily wipe it away before the wetness becomes tears. I don't cry, ever.
"He didn't deserve to die," I whisper.
"I'm sorry, Buffy."
"Why? Wasn't your fault. You weren't even there."
Angel looks at me and I feel his dark eyes boring into mine. Normally, I'd feel uncomfortable, because I don't like it when people look at me too closely, but now I feel like I could drown in his eyes. They're beautiful, you know?
"No. But I'm sorry that he was taken away from you."
"Not just from me. His name was Thomas. And he had a mom and a dad living in England in one of those big mansions, and he sometimes told me that they felt so lonely in that big house with no kids, and that's why he visited them every summer, so they wouldn't be lonely. And now he's just gone and his parents won't have anybody visiting them. And it's my fault."
If my brain would work properly, I'm sure it would tell me to shut the hell up and stop with the pitiful blubbering already. But it doesn't work at all at the moment, and I'm glad, because somehow I know that Angel will listen to me- the real me, no just to the witty, quick-mouthed slayer-me- and that he'll understand. Somehow, he'll understand. Yes, he is a vampire and I've barely seen him, except for a few times, less had a conversation with him, but I trust him right now.
"Why do you think that it was your fault?"
"I didn't pay attention. I thought I had it all, the wits, the skill, the strength. We- there was a master vampire in town, complete with minions and all that crap. His name was Lothos and Thomas warned me that he'd be strong. I didn't care. We did have a plan to take him down, but it didn't work out. We were caught."
I stop to sit down on a bench, and Angel quietly takes place beside me.
"They played with me and Thomas had to watch. He fought, but he's- he was just human and they laughed at him. He offered his life for mine, but they said that I'd die anyway. They- they-"
Angel slowly takes my hand and caresses it, and I don't draw away.
"You don't have to go on, if it's too hard for you to remember."
I shake my head. "No, I'm good. I have to speak about it sometime anyway, might just as well be now."
His hand squeezes mine lightly. Creepy how I'm not weirded out by the coldness of it.
"They drank his blood," I murmur, "They drained him and I sat by and screamed. He screamed, too. God, there was so much blood and their faces were full of it. He didn't give up, tried to break free, and Lothos stood by and laughed. There was still a little life in him, and he told him that it would be fun to see a watcher eat his own slayer. They forced him to drink their blood."
I pause and glance at Angel. "Do you remember what it's like? To die and drink blood? Does it," I lick my lips, "does it hurt?"
"Buffy-"
"Tell me the truth."
"Yes. When my sire, Darla, bit me, it hurt. But after that I was too dazed to notice what was going on."
"I broke free. I guess I was just desperate and I still believed that I could save him. I fought Lothos. And I won, I staked him. His minions ran away, but we'd been in a warehouse with canisters of gas, so they set it on fire. I didn't care; I just wanted to get Thomas out. but I- I saw him change. He was dead and the slayer in me said that he was turned and that it was too late. I wanted to run, to get away, but then I thought, what would happen if he woke up? He'd be a monster. He once told me that turned watchers are the most dangerous vampires, 'cause they know so much stuff. Angel, do you know what I did? Come on, guess.
He looks at our joined hands and answers slowly, "You made sure that he wouldn't rise again."
"And the prize goes to the vampire with a soul. That's right. I put a stake through his chest."
~~~
The knock on my door wakes me up around 8.30 a.m. On a Sunday. Who the heck is this? Nobody- let's repeat that for emphasis- nobody ever knocks on my door at 8.30 a.m. on a Sunday without being eaten for breakfast. I mean, please, in Buffy-standard this time classifies as the middle of the night; I went to sleep barely two hours ago.
I bury my head under the pillow and will the intruder to go poof. I'm bone- tired, which is kind of strange because I didn't fight nasties last night; I didn't patrol at all. No, I spent the night on a bench talking to Angel.
My little confession ended- thank God- without me bursting into tears, but with him listening to me saying absolutely nothing. And somewhere around midnight he began to tell me about himself, the extended, Director's Cut version- how he was turned, his Scourge of Europe days until he snacked on the wrong girl, and his life before that demon-guy Whisper- or Whistler? Whatever- found him hunting rats in New York. Somehow I spoke about my life in Los Angeles after that, and we stayed on that bench until sunrise was near and Angel had to leave; but he still went to the motel with me and said good-bye.
What a strange, strange night. I felt so good around him; I could tell him everything and was sure that he wouldn't report the story of my life to the watcher guy.
I wonder when I'll see him again.
"Yes, yes, I'm coming already!" I yell at the door, stumble out of my bed and nearly trip over the pile of clothes I left carelessly on the floor. I'll clean this room up, sometime. In the near future. Next century.
Looking through the peephole, I see Faith raising her fist to knock again. I open the door and blink sleepily at her.
"Mornin', sis."
"Can I- Can I come in?"
"Sure. Just don't notice the less than sparkly state my room's in."
"I won't."
I plop on the bed and gesture to the chair standing before the window, "Have a seat. Don't be surprised if it crashes or anything, it can be a little wacky sometimes."
"No. I'd- I'd rather stand- or- leave. This whole idea was- sorry I woke you up."
She's already at the door and I spring up and grab her arm, "Wait! What's up? You're being all distracted and- sad and teary. Did someone die?"
Faith shrugs off my arm and wipes across her eyes that are indeed full of tears. Wow. I don't mean wow in the Wow!great sense but Wow!What the.? sense. I've never seen my sister slayer weak, let alone crying. And with her face being all blotchy and her eyes red and puffy, she's been doing just that for some time now.
"Nothing's up, I'm five by five. Aren't I always? Can't have that, Faith not being less than peachy."
She sniffles and I raise my brows.
"Come on. Sit down."
I practically push her on my bed and grab some discarded pants form the floor, putting them on and sitting cross-legged before her. And wait. Finally Faith sighs.
"Do- do you have a Kleenex or something? I'm sure I've got snot all over my face."
"Here," I give her the whole box. She blows her nose and fiddles with the used Kleenex.
"So. Spit it out."
Faith laughs, but it's not a happy sound.
"I- I just wanted some fun, you know? Last night I'd promised Giles to patrol, 'cause there seems to be something strange going one, again. But I found nothing, no vamps, and with it being a Saturday night, I thought I'd stop by the Bronze."
She pauses, stands up, then sits down again. Nervous much?
"And, and Willow was there and. Xander."
She almost spits out his name, sounding hateful. Trouble in paradise, then. Last time I saw them both, they were engaged in quite an x-rated make-out session.
"They were in the middle of the fucking dance floor, kissing."
Oh, crap. I must've said that out loud, because Faith nods, "Yeah, I thought that, too. I mean, Wills is- was- I don't know, supposed to be my best friend, or something. And while I'm," she hiccups and starts crying again, "trying to keep the world in one piece, she's out sucking face with my boyfriend!"
She screams the last words, springs up and begins to pace around the room. I still sit on the floor, stunned. Wonder-boy cheated on her with the Wannabe-witch? Can I say 'huh'? Is he brain-dead or something? I mean, nothing against Willow, but if I were gay, I'd choose Faith over her in a second. Which I'm not. And I don't think that this would be a very comforting thing to say to a mightily heartbroken and pissed off slayer right now.
"I- I don't know what to say," I mutter.
Faith stops and punches the wall. I think I pity the wall, too.
"Listen, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, I- I just had nowhere to go to. and I need to talk about this and there's just nobody who'd understand and I know that we sorta argued."
"No, that's okay."
I tuck a strand of hair behind my hair and sigh. What am I supposed to do now? Never been in a situation like that before. If one of my boy-toys cheated on me - which rarely happened, because it's kind of hard to be cheated on if you kick them out after one night- I went to beat up some nasty and proceeded to forget that the guy ever existed. Worked splendidly for me. And now I got to play relationship-therapist? Couldn't she have gone to Angel? Or Giles? Or her picture perfect family? Why did Faith go to me, the Other Slayer- yes, that's written in capital letters-who's brassy and unfriendly and manner-less to get her emotional comfort? On a Sunday, no less?
But then I see the look on her face and realize that she probably felt just as desperate as I did before a burnt down warehouse two months ago.
"Aren't you hungry?" I ask suddenly and Faith looks confused.
"What?"
"Hungry. 'Cause I'm starved. And you probably ate nothing for breakfast either. A slayer's gotta keep her strength. Come on, I'm inviting you to a fabulous breakfast in one of SunnyD's finest restaurants- after I shower, mind you- and I promise, you'll feel better after that. Does that sound like a plan?"
She nods and I smile, "Get cozy, whatever, it won't take long."
"Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
I may be imagining it, but Faith looks a little less desperate to commit suicide.
"Thanks for listening to me."
I shrug, "No biggie. That's what sisters are there for, isn't it?"
~~~
"And you really almost staked him?"
"Yeah," Faith laughs, "You would've done the same. Here I was all innocent."
I snort at that, 'cause I've seen a lot of Faith in the last time and innocent is the last word I would describe her with, and she shots me a withering glare.
"So, here I was all innocent, going to the Bronze- for the first time, too! And there was this guy that followed me and caused my belly to go all tingly. Vamp-vibe plus sneaking up results normally in immediate stakage."
"Why didn't you? Not that I want to see Angel as ashtray material."
She shrugs, "He didn't attack, acted all gentleman-ly, even gave me a cross- I thought that my spidey sense had a bad day, with me being all new on the hellmouth."
"Yeah, that hellmouth-y power is confusing, 'cause there's always that vibe- y thing going on- took me a while to get used to it."
I jump on a headstone and cry out, "Hello, Hellmouth! How're you doing today?"
Faith grins. "Be careful, it might just decide to answer. So, what do we do now? The night's just begun."
"Oh, I like the sound of that, sis. How about Bronzing our latest dusting of yet another vampire nest? A really annoying one, I might add."
Her grin falters. "I don't know. Isn't there another hangout in Sunnydale?"
"Last time I checked? No. Why are you asking me anyway? I haven't been living here for three years."
"So the Bronze it is. On y va!"
I guess I must've looked a bit strangely because Faith throws up her hands in mock annoyance, "What? I didn't sleep through all of my French classes, just so you know!"
"If you say so."
She laughs and I shake my head and follow her. In the two weeks since Faith ruined my wallet by eating the biggest breakfast the 'restaurant' had to offer (I ate nothing 'cause I know what the kitchen looks like- I work there after all) we became sort of friends. We patrol together and boy, that is fun, we trained a couple of times with that still stuffy watcher of hers and we often hang out together, just for fun. In fact, she's practically been living with me when she's not at school, and she skipped that a lot, too. But one thing Faith has avoided like the pest and that's going to the Bronze- perhaps she's still traumatized by seeing that cretin of a now-ex-boyfriend kissing Another Girl, namely Willow, ex-best-friend on the dance floor.
She hasn't spoken about that scene at all during the last weeks; I think she's done her best to forget that Xander Harris ever existed, although she confessed that she still "kind of loves that stupid bastard"; that was after a few shots of tequila, in a demon bar. Gotta love the fact the bartender's too frightened of you to ask for an ID.
"Hello? Earth to Buffy?"
"Yes?" I smile at Faith, "Sorry I zoned out. What did you say?"
"Are we going inside or something?"
"Yeah. You aren't afraid of meeting your tagalongs?"
"Doesn't matter if I meet them. They're probably too occupied ravishing each other to notice me. Let's dance! I'm in the mood for dancing."
Faith grabs my hand and leads me inside. The music seems to fit her mood; it's hard, fast and most importantly, loud. She quickly finds the rhythm of the song and begins dancing with a guy who musters her adoringly. I snort. I don't understand how she went out with that dork for over a year. If Faith wants to, she has the guys falling all over her.
It seems that she wants just that tonight.
"Hey, Buffy."
"Oh look, it's the loving ex! What are you doing here?"
I shoot Xander my best look of ice and smirk satisfied when he swallows nervously, "Looks like I'm at the Bronze. Searching for you."
I raise my brows. "Really?"
"Or- searching for Faith," he clarifies, "She hasn't been around a lot lately and she hasn't returned any of my calls although it's a miracle that her answering machine hasn't exploded yet, what with the phone calls every hour."
"Your point is?"
"Do you know where she is?"
This is gonna be fun.
"Yep," I smile slowly and point behind me to the dance floor where Faith has obviously a very good time- kissing the guy she danced with earlier. And it's not just a quick peck on the cheek- we're talking about the full package here, tongue action and all.
Revenge's a bitch.
~~~
The look on Harris' face was priceless and I still giggle quietly over it as I come home from work the next day- just to find Willow sitting in front of my door step. She hastily gets up as she spots me.
"Oh! Hi, Buffy.."
"Hi," I mutter as I fumble with my key. Perhaps she'll go away if I ignore her.
"So, um, how you're doing?"
"Fantastic. What do you want? You surely didn't wait for me to inquire about my well-being."
"It's about Faith."
"I never would've guessed. Spit it out, I have a date with my shower."
The mini-witch flushes.
"It's just that she's never around anymore and she, she won't talk to me- or, or Xander-"
"I wonder why, after that stunt you pulled at the Bronze."
"But that was an accident!"
"An accident. Interesting choice of words."
Now she's blushing in earnest, "No, I wanted to say- no the, um, kissing, but that it happened at all- that was. The accident. It wasn't that I planned it, it just sort of happened."
"It happened that Xander and you discovered to be truly, madly, deeply in love? You've known each other for how long now?"
"I- no! We're not in love or together or anything! It was just a- a thing-"
"That hurt Faith pretty bad. Hence the no-speaking to you," I finish the sentence for her. Willow sighs and sits down on the steps. Her voice sounds small and sad and I'd pity her if I hadn't seen my sister slayer completely crushed two weeks ago.
"I'm sorry, you know. And I tried to tell her that, but she doesn't answer her phone and she's been skipping school- that's why I came, to ask you where she is. She didn't come home last night and her parents are so worried- they thing something happened to her."
"Why don't you go ask your boy-toy?" She stares at me for a second, uncomprehending, then I can almost see the little light bulb in her head go off, "Xander's not my boy-toy! He's just my friend and what do you mean anyway? He saw her yesterday at the Bronze but they didn't talk- right?"
"Faith's mouth was busy. elsewhere. Now, who was that boy, I think I remember his name- Scott, she said. Scott Hope."
"What?" Will almost screeches, "Scott Hope? But he's like- she doesn't even like him! She was totally not with the liking him last time he tried to hit on her!"
"She seemed pretty happy with him last night though. Especially when they left together. Listen," I hurry to explain because Willow looks like she's about to faint any minute now from shock, "Faith's a big girl. And I'm not her babysitter. She'll come home when she wants to. She's seventeen, she's the slayer, I say she can take care of herself. And I'm going to take a shower now before I die from the grossness that is the smell of greasy kitchen."