Author: Asrai
E-Mail: ikh@haefft.de
Rating: R
Summary: What if Buffy was the screwed up one?
Spoilers: General spoilers for Btvs seasons 1 - 3
Disclaimers: I don't own Btvs nor do I make any money out of this; no copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Well, there's a spoiler for the end of 'Titanic'. So if you haven't seen that movie (*snorts*) and plan to, you'll be spoiled.
Chapter 10 - What Else Do I Need
*The vampire roared and Buffy bounced back a few steps. She crinkled her nose.
"Geez! Anybody ever tell you that you've got like, really smelly breath? There's stuff against that, you know! Although. your dust won't have use for it."
She advanced and, in a moment of inspiration, did one of those ninja-high- kicks that Thomas had shown her last week. The vampire flew through the air and Buffy grinned widely.
"That worked well, don't you think? Come on, get up, let's try again!"
She held out her hand and the vampire took it, dazzled. Buffy pulled him up and pushed a stake into his chest with her other hand. He exploded into dust.
"Ooops. Sorry."
She looked at the remains of the vampire around her and began to laugh. She raised her head to look up at the stars and yelled, "I'm the queen of the world now, you hear me? Nobody can ever touch me now! Nobody!"*
~~~
I love watching movies. Especially chick-flicks and tearjerkers, the more unrealistic and pink-sugary-smoochy sweet, the better. If anyone would know about this, they'd laugh their butts off- Buffy the Vampire Slayer bawling her eyes out because Jack drowns at the end of 'Titanic' and they don't get to live happily ever after.
So sue me.
Anyway, in most of these movies -nearly all of them- there is The Kiss, with capital letters, mind you. The all-consuming, passionate, we-don't- need-to-breathe kiss that changes everything, accompanied by sappy music and angels ringing the wedding bells in the background. But never, ever did these films mention the embarrassing awkwardness that comes right after the gasping-for-air part.
In Angel's and my case, I was so stunned by my own actions -I kissed Angel! Kissed! Like in the lips-touched, tongues-mating sense!- that I almost stormed out of his apartment, of course completely oblivious of the fact that I wore nothing except for my pants and my bra. Angel caught me in time and gave me one of his shirts- black, definitely oversized and, oh my God, silk. That I didn't die on the spot then and there still amazes me. He tried to convince me to stay because I was still injured and exhausted and all that crap- needless to say that I didn't stay because I would have jumped him then, consequences be damned.
No, instead I spend the night in my cold motel bed, snuggled up in his shirt and bathing in his scent. I didn't sleep a bit, called in sick at work and dreamed of Angel sweeping me off my feet for the rest of the day. Pathetic, I know.
I'm re-playing the big kissing scene for what must be the hundredth time when somebody knocks on the door. I'm not in the mood to answer- still dreaming here, you see- but then I hear the voice I longed to hear all day call out, "Buffy? Are you there?"
Angel. Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel. Angel!
I just want to open the door and throw myself into his arms- but Be- Careful!Buffy spoils the fun, as always. I somehow managed to shut her up for the last day, but now she screams with full force at me, reminding me of the last disasters calling themselves boyfriends. They were either completely nuts, cheated on me, dumped me in public or- my favorite- stole all my hard-earned money. All of them were never to be seen again and I have to agree with Be-Careful!Buffy that relationships and me are generally un-mixy things. Actually, all things concerning guys and me. Kissing doesn't necessary result in a relationship. And I don't know Angel that well. Perhaps he was thinking about somebody else when he kissed me. Or he hasn't been getting any for too long and is desperate to get laid. Or. the list just goes on and on.
Be-Careful!Buffy nods satisfied when I open the door and face Angel with a rather indifferent expression.
"Oh, it's you."
He smiles and mutters something about wanting to check if I was okay. I'm too focused on keeping my eyes away from his extremely kissable mouth to listen to him.
"What?" I pry my eyes loose from my target as it's been closed for awhile and will myself not to blush.
"Have you even been listening?"
I can see the smile playing around his lips and my face must be the color of a tomato now.
"Sure! I was all-attentive-Buffy, you know, completely with the listening."
"So?"
"So. what was the question again?"
"Do your wounds heal alright? Did you change the bandages?"
Angel probably thinks that I'm an imbecile now, with the blushing, blabbering nonsense and whatnot. Be-Careful!Buffy cheers loudly right now and I mentally punch her on the nose and tell her to shut the hell up. Being indifferent towards a guy you're definitely interested in is acceptable. Being a stuttering idiot is not.
"Uh. yeah. I think," I say and begin to play with the hem of my- oh gosh, I'm still wearing Angel's shirt. I haven't taken it off for the whole day and I haven't even thought about changing the bandages- my shoulder will be healed by now. I doesn't hurt anymore, so.
"You think? You did change them, right?"
"Um- yes! You don't need to be all worried, it was just a scratch. I'm all good and functional again."
He stares at my hands for a few moments, then looks away. I realize that my knuckles are still scraped and bloody- proof that I am not all peachy like I pretend to be.
"That's good."
"Is there anything else? 'Cause I was going to patrol and I don't want the vamps having to wait for me."
"You're patrolling tonight?"
I shrug and Angel looks at me like I'm out of my mind. Which I probably am, I'll admit that. But hey, I stayed in bed for the better part of the day, if I don't kill something soon, I'll be crawling up the walls.
"Yeah."
"Alone? After what happened yesterday?"
"What do you want me to do? Stay home and lick my wounds? Letting people die 'cause I lost against a couple of demons the other night?"
"Yes!"
"Forget it, Angel. I'm going."
"Then I'll come with you."
"No!"
That came out a bit sharper than I intended, I know. But I already have enough impure thoughts about Angel as it is- I don't need to see him fighting, too; all tall and lean and powerful, graceful like a big cat- you get the picture.
"Buffy, I won't let you going out there alone tonight."
His tone tells me the same, that it's futile to argue with him, 'cause he's made up his mind and it'll take more than a vampire slayer to convince him otherwise. My shoulders slump and I throw up my hands in defeat.
"Fine," I huff, "Wait a moment, I'll be ready in a sec."
I shut the door in his face with a little more force than is necessary- stupid, stubborn vampire!- and slip into my jeans. I'm reluctant to take his shirt off, but it'll be a tiny bit suspicious if I let it on and after a small oh-God-I-have-nothing-to-wear crisis, I settle on a simple green tank top of which I know that it brings out the color of my eyes. Sarcastic!Buffy pipes up that it's too dark to see the color of my eyes and why would I want Angel to pay attention to my appearance anyway?, but I use the same method on her that already worked with Be-Careful!Buffy. I'm probably the biggest fan denial ever had. If denial were a band, I'd be like, the super-groupie.
"Okay, let's go," I say to Angel who's waiting for me patiently and we fall into stride next to each other. He says nothing, I say nothing, and the awkwardness between us could be sliced to peaces and sold as cake.
"How did you kill the Beluah?" I ask abruptly, just to say something, anything, "I mean, I was kind of too passed out to notice what was going on."
"After you left the library, Giles found out that Beluahs don't have any relatives or mutations. He thought that there was perhaps a spell behind it, to make them stronger and seemingly invincible. Willow and Jenny performed a general spell to lift all other existing spells on the Beluah and Faith and me killed them. We arrived just in time- a few minutes later and you'd been."
"Dead," I finish the sentence for him and sigh. "Do you know who did the spell to make them extra non-killable?"
"No. That's a mystery Giles is trying to solve."
"Perhaps someone who wants to get rid of us pesky slayers?" I think out loudly.
"Or just someone who likes to fiddle with spell books and magic," Angel says, "But we don't know anything yet."
"You'll give me the update when the Watch-man has found something in his dust catchers? 'Cause I don't plan on talking to the Scooby Gang anytime soon."
We enter a graveyard and I glance around to see if there's creepy-crawlies in sight.
"Why not?"
"I just don't feel like talking to them. And I think the feeling's mutual."
"But you don't know that."
"Can we just change the topic?" I snap, "I just want to. want to forget yesterday night. Pretend that it never happened."
"Oh," is all that Angel says but I can see that I've hurt him.
I hurry to explain, "The part with the demon-fighting and getting the crap beat out of me. The part after that was." I hesitate shortly, not sure if it's wise to say it, "pretty unforgettable."
"You mean when we kissed?"
My breath speeds up as he stops walking and approaches me until our faces are only inches apart. I smile widely, suddenly incredibly happy.
"Yeah. the part with the kissing. That earned yesterday night definitely a brownie point."
"So." Angel whispers in my ear and I wrap my arms around his neck and press myself against his taller body, "Would you care for a repeat performance?"
His hands roam over my back and my reply rings softly through the silent graveyard.
"Absolutely."
~~~
After that kiss, which, by the way, was even more mind-blowing than the first one- if that's even possible- I feel like I've stepped out of Buffy's Bizarro World and right into the Buffy & Angel 4-eva Fairy Tale. I mean, whoa. When I'm not working or sleeping, I'm with Angel, like, always. Most of the time we patrol, or pretend to patrol, anyway. I'd call it make-out sessions in the graveyard while hoping that no vamps will show up and spoil the fun. Or we. do stuff. We actually talk. A lot. About everything -my life, his life- I learned more from him about history than I ever did in school- slaying, even Britney Spears. We're both convinced that she's a nasty demon bitch from hell.
We've been together in the boyfriend/girlfriend smoochy sense for a little over three weeks now and I feel like I've known Angel forever.
And each night, after a lingering goodbye kiss, I've got this incredibly goofy smile on my face and can't wait for another night to fall so I can see him again. It's almost scary how attached I've become to him in such a short time. It's like, nothing even really exists except him, and nothing's important when he's not with me. Earning money to leave SunnyD, trouble with Faith and tagalongs? Like I care.
Oh yeah, I've fallen and I've fallen hard. Although I've never thought that this would happen to me, of all people. To Buffy, the freak. To Buffy, who dresses like a little slut, who has a calling instead of friends, and even that was a screw-up. To Buffy, who does nothing right, but everything wrong. Well, guess what? I'll do it right this time. Because. because I've got the feeling that we're just meant to be. How couldn't we? Angel's a vampire. I'm a slayer; it's my duty to slay his kind and dance on the ashes. If that's not star-crossed lovers and film material, what else is?
Okay, shutting up now.
I left work early today, 'cause I want to surprise Angel with a special Buffy wake-up call that'll hopefully involve kissing and. other stuff. Like more kissing. My boss had murder in the eyes when I took off and I have the feeling that he's about to fire me- but that's all right because being fired leads right to more Angel quality time and that's a good thing, right? Who needs money, anyway.
Skipping down the stairs to Angel's apartment, I take out a little mirror to make sure my appearance is perfect. There's nothing more embarrassing than funky hair or something stuck between your teeth when meeting your boyfriend. I never cared about that sort of stuff before, but somehow it's now become top priority. Shesh. I dig through my pocket for my lip gloss- strawberry taste, yum- when I catch voices on the other end of the door.
Eavesdropping is a bad thing, no need to tell me that, but I just can't help myself and step nearer. Angel never gets visitors, well, except for me and the sun hasn't even set yet- who in their right mind would visit him? I'm the exception, 'cause I have the girlfriend-right which includes seeing him at any time of the day.
"What do you want do say with that?"
"Nothing."
I groan audibly as I recognize the voice belonging to the person I took an effort to ignore for the last weeks. Faith. What the hell is she doing in Angel's apartment?
"Nothing?" I hear Angel say and press my ear against the wood. Slayer hearing sure is handy right now.
"It's- I saw you in the graveyard last night. With Buffy," Faith says and I roll my eyes. Was she spying on us or what? Doesn't she have better things to do, vampires to slay, apocalypses to avert?
"So?"
"Kissing," she clarifies and she hits Giles' disapproving tone dead on.
"And. you have a problem with that, don't you?"
"Yes! I mean, no! I was just surprised, I guess. You and. Buffy," she sounds like she's tripping over my name and I imagine her face scrunched up in disgust. That's gotta be hard for her, her long-time buddy making out with a screw-up like me.
"You're not around anymore and when I see you again, you're- I mean, why didn't you tell us? Or me? I thought we were friends, Angel."
And here the whining starts. Pressing my lips together, I just wish that he'd kick Faith out already and be done with it.
"We are."
"But friends see each other! And they tell each other important stuff, such as being all boyfriend-ly with the resident leather pants fascist!"
"Don't talk about her like that," Angel sighs and I mentally scream at him. Don't talk about her like that? That's all he has to say? Faith's got a point but- Don't talk about her like that?! He and I are going to have a talk about this little episode.
"It's true. So, is she your girlfriend? In the traditional sense of the word?"
Short silence in which I ball my hands to fists and am about to scream out of frustration. Why doesn't he say anything? What's there to hesitate about? I clearly remember last night- the way Angel's dark eyes sparkled as he held me in his arms, and how silky his mouth felt on my ear as he whispered a love poem to me. We kissed for like, eternity and he's hesitating about whether I'm his girlfriend 'in the traditional sense of the word' or not. My heart clenches and my fingernails leave little bloody half-moons on my palm as I wait for his answer.
"I'm asking again, would that be a problem for you?"
"Angel, no- but- but she isn't good for you, trust me on this. I- I- you don't even know her- and-"
I don't stay to hear the rest of Faith's Buffy's-Bad-Speech. Stumbling up the stairs I skipped down just a few minutes ago, I feel like someone punched me in the gut a couple of times.
I don't have a problem with the fact that Faith thinks me bad for Angel. It's probably even true.
But damn, he never even said that I'm his girlfriend. Didn't have the balls. Fucking coward.
See, that's another thing the movies don't show. The gut-wrenching, being ripped out of the wonderland, waking up in reality part. Should have known there's no such thing as relationship-y happiness for me.
~~~
((It won't rain all the time.))
I'm in the Bronze, swaying slowly to the sad tune that I know and somehow don't know, making small steps in the arms of my Angel. I smile at him and he smiles back at me- but it's a small, sad smile, just like the music we're dancing by.
"It won't be your fault, you know."
((The sky won't fall forever.))
"What?"
"Just do what you have to do, Buffy," Angel murmurs and presses a kiss to my forehead, "I'll always love you."
"But sometimes that isn't enough."
I turn around and see Thomas standing at the door, holding it open. I can see that it leads into the darkness of the night and I draw back, suddenly scared. I don't want to go out there. My watcher continues, "You have to remember. It's important."
"Remember what?" I ask, confused and want to step back into Angel's embrace- but he's gone.
"Angel?"
"They took my angel away from me, too," Thomas says softly, "Nobody heard her screams. Nobody cared. You have to remember that."
Something weighs heavily in my hand, but I don't look down to see what it is. It's something bad, something terrible, just as dark and dangerous as that what's lurking outside the door.
"Rise and shine, lover."
And then I wake up.
E-Mail: ikh@haefft.de
Rating: R
Summary: What if Buffy was the screwed up one?
Spoilers: General spoilers for Btvs seasons 1 - 3
Disclaimers: I don't own Btvs nor do I make any money out of this; no copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Well, there's a spoiler for the end of 'Titanic'. So if you haven't seen that movie (*snorts*) and plan to, you'll be spoiled.
Chapter 10 - What Else Do I Need
*The vampire roared and Buffy bounced back a few steps. She crinkled her nose.
"Geez! Anybody ever tell you that you've got like, really smelly breath? There's stuff against that, you know! Although. your dust won't have use for it."
She advanced and, in a moment of inspiration, did one of those ninja-high- kicks that Thomas had shown her last week. The vampire flew through the air and Buffy grinned widely.
"That worked well, don't you think? Come on, get up, let's try again!"
She held out her hand and the vampire took it, dazzled. Buffy pulled him up and pushed a stake into his chest with her other hand. He exploded into dust.
"Ooops. Sorry."
She looked at the remains of the vampire around her and began to laugh. She raised her head to look up at the stars and yelled, "I'm the queen of the world now, you hear me? Nobody can ever touch me now! Nobody!"*
~~~
I love watching movies. Especially chick-flicks and tearjerkers, the more unrealistic and pink-sugary-smoochy sweet, the better. If anyone would know about this, they'd laugh their butts off- Buffy the Vampire Slayer bawling her eyes out because Jack drowns at the end of 'Titanic' and they don't get to live happily ever after.
So sue me.
Anyway, in most of these movies -nearly all of them- there is The Kiss, with capital letters, mind you. The all-consuming, passionate, we-don't- need-to-breathe kiss that changes everything, accompanied by sappy music and angels ringing the wedding bells in the background. But never, ever did these films mention the embarrassing awkwardness that comes right after the gasping-for-air part.
In Angel's and my case, I was so stunned by my own actions -I kissed Angel! Kissed! Like in the lips-touched, tongues-mating sense!- that I almost stormed out of his apartment, of course completely oblivious of the fact that I wore nothing except for my pants and my bra. Angel caught me in time and gave me one of his shirts- black, definitely oversized and, oh my God, silk. That I didn't die on the spot then and there still amazes me. He tried to convince me to stay because I was still injured and exhausted and all that crap- needless to say that I didn't stay because I would have jumped him then, consequences be damned.
No, instead I spend the night in my cold motel bed, snuggled up in his shirt and bathing in his scent. I didn't sleep a bit, called in sick at work and dreamed of Angel sweeping me off my feet for the rest of the day. Pathetic, I know.
I'm re-playing the big kissing scene for what must be the hundredth time when somebody knocks on the door. I'm not in the mood to answer- still dreaming here, you see- but then I hear the voice I longed to hear all day call out, "Buffy? Are you there?"
Angel. Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel. Angel!
I just want to open the door and throw myself into his arms- but Be- Careful!Buffy spoils the fun, as always. I somehow managed to shut her up for the last day, but now she screams with full force at me, reminding me of the last disasters calling themselves boyfriends. They were either completely nuts, cheated on me, dumped me in public or- my favorite- stole all my hard-earned money. All of them were never to be seen again and I have to agree with Be-Careful!Buffy that relationships and me are generally un-mixy things. Actually, all things concerning guys and me. Kissing doesn't necessary result in a relationship. And I don't know Angel that well. Perhaps he was thinking about somebody else when he kissed me. Or he hasn't been getting any for too long and is desperate to get laid. Or. the list just goes on and on.
Be-Careful!Buffy nods satisfied when I open the door and face Angel with a rather indifferent expression.
"Oh, it's you."
He smiles and mutters something about wanting to check if I was okay. I'm too focused on keeping my eyes away from his extremely kissable mouth to listen to him.
"What?" I pry my eyes loose from my target as it's been closed for awhile and will myself not to blush.
"Have you even been listening?"
I can see the smile playing around his lips and my face must be the color of a tomato now.
"Sure! I was all-attentive-Buffy, you know, completely with the listening."
"So?"
"So. what was the question again?"
"Do your wounds heal alright? Did you change the bandages?"
Angel probably thinks that I'm an imbecile now, with the blushing, blabbering nonsense and whatnot. Be-Careful!Buffy cheers loudly right now and I mentally punch her on the nose and tell her to shut the hell up. Being indifferent towards a guy you're definitely interested in is acceptable. Being a stuttering idiot is not.
"Uh. yeah. I think," I say and begin to play with the hem of my- oh gosh, I'm still wearing Angel's shirt. I haven't taken it off for the whole day and I haven't even thought about changing the bandages- my shoulder will be healed by now. I doesn't hurt anymore, so.
"You think? You did change them, right?"
"Um- yes! You don't need to be all worried, it was just a scratch. I'm all good and functional again."
He stares at my hands for a few moments, then looks away. I realize that my knuckles are still scraped and bloody- proof that I am not all peachy like I pretend to be.
"That's good."
"Is there anything else? 'Cause I was going to patrol and I don't want the vamps having to wait for me."
"You're patrolling tonight?"
I shrug and Angel looks at me like I'm out of my mind. Which I probably am, I'll admit that. But hey, I stayed in bed for the better part of the day, if I don't kill something soon, I'll be crawling up the walls.
"Yeah."
"Alone? After what happened yesterday?"
"What do you want me to do? Stay home and lick my wounds? Letting people die 'cause I lost against a couple of demons the other night?"
"Yes!"
"Forget it, Angel. I'm going."
"Then I'll come with you."
"No!"
That came out a bit sharper than I intended, I know. But I already have enough impure thoughts about Angel as it is- I don't need to see him fighting, too; all tall and lean and powerful, graceful like a big cat- you get the picture.
"Buffy, I won't let you going out there alone tonight."
His tone tells me the same, that it's futile to argue with him, 'cause he's made up his mind and it'll take more than a vampire slayer to convince him otherwise. My shoulders slump and I throw up my hands in defeat.
"Fine," I huff, "Wait a moment, I'll be ready in a sec."
I shut the door in his face with a little more force than is necessary- stupid, stubborn vampire!- and slip into my jeans. I'm reluctant to take his shirt off, but it'll be a tiny bit suspicious if I let it on and after a small oh-God-I-have-nothing-to-wear crisis, I settle on a simple green tank top of which I know that it brings out the color of my eyes. Sarcastic!Buffy pipes up that it's too dark to see the color of my eyes and why would I want Angel to pay attention to my appearance anyway?, but I use the same method on her that already worked with Be-Careful!Buffy. I'm probably the biggest fan denial ever had. If denial were a band, I'd be like, the super-groupie.
"Okay, let's go," I say to Angel who's waiting for me patiently and we fall into stride next to each other. He says nothing, I say nothing, and the awkwardness between us could be sliced to peaces and sold as cake.
"How did you kill the Beluah?" I ask abruptly, just to say something, anything, "I mean, I was kind of too passed out to notice what was going on."
"After you left the library, Giles found out that Beluahs don't have any relatives or mutations. He thought that there was perhaps a spell behind it, to make them stronger and seemingly invincible. Willow and Jenny performed a general spell to lift all other existing spells on the Beluah and Faith and me killed them. We arrived just in time- a few minutes later and you'd been."
"Dead," I finish the sentence for him and sigh. "Do you know who did the spell to make them extra non-killable?"
"No. That's a mystery Giles is trying to solve."
"Perhaps someone who wants to get rid of us pesky slayers?" I think out loudly.
"Or just someone who likes to fiddle with spell books and magic," Angel says, "But we don't know anything yet."
"You'll give me the update when the Watch-man has found something in his dust catchers? 'Cause I don't plan on talking to the Scooby Gang anytime soon."
We enter a graveyard and I glance around to see if there's creepy-crawlies in sight.
"Why not?"
"I just don't feel like talking to them. And I think the feeling's mutual."
"But you don't know that."
"Can we just change the topic?" I snap, "I just want to. want to forget yesterday night. Pretend that it never happened."
"Oh," is all that Angel says but I can see that I've hurt him.
I hurry to explain, "The part with the demon-fighting and getting the crap beat out of me. The part after that was." I hesitate shortly, not sure if it's wise to say it, "pretty unforgettable."
"You mean when we kissed?"
My breath speeds up as he stops walking and approaches me until our faces are only inches apart. I smile widely, suddenly incredibly happy.
"Yeah. the part with the kissing. That earned yesterday night definitely a brownie point."
"So." Angel whispers in my ear and I wrap my arms around his neck and press myself against his taller body, "Would you care for a repeat performance?"
His hands roam over my back and my reply rings softly through the silent graveyard.
"Absolutely."
~~~
After that kiss, which, by the way, was even more mind-blowing than the first one- if that's even possible- I feel like I've stepped out of Buffy's Bizarro World and right into the Buffy & Angel 4-eva Fairy Tale. I mean, whoa. When I'm not working or sleeping, I'm with Angel, like, always. Most of the time we patrol, or pretend to patrol, anyway. I'd call it make-out sessions in the graveyard while hoping that no vamps will show up and spoil the fun. Or we. do stuff. We actually talk. A lot. About everything -my life, his life- I learned more from him about history than I ever did in school- slaying, even Britney Spears. We're both convinced that she's a nasty demon bitch from hell.
We've been together in the boyfriend/girlfriend smoochy sense for a little over three weeks now and I feel like I've known Angel forever.
And each night, after a lingering goodbye kiss, I've got this incredibly goofy smile on my face and can't wait for another night to fall so I can see him again. It's almost scary how attached I've become to him in such a short time. It's like, nothing even really exists except him, and nothing's important when he's not with me. Earning money to leave SunnyD, trouble with Faith and tagalongs? Like I care.
Oh yeah, I've fallen and I've fallen hard. Although I've never thought that this would happen to me, of all people. To Buffy, the freak. To Buffy, who dresses like a little slut, who has a calling instead of friends, and even that was a screw-up. To Buffy, who does nothing right, but everything wrong. Well, guess what? I'll do it right this time. Because. because I've got the feeling that we're just meant to be. How couldn't we? Angel's a vampire. I'm a slayer; it's my duty to slay his kind and dance on the ashes. If that's not star-crossed lovers and film material, what else is?
Okay, shutting up now.
I left work early today, 'cause I want to surprise Angel with a special Buffy wake-up call that'll hopefully involve kissing and. other stuff. Like more kissing. My boss had murder in the eyes when I took off and I have the feeling that he's about to fire me- but that's all right because being fired leads right to more Angel quality time and that's a good thing, right? Who needs money, anyway.
Skipping down the stairs to Angel's apartment, I take out a little mirror to make sure my appearance is perfect. There's nothing more embarrassing than funky hair or something stuck between your teeth when meeting your boyfriend. I never cared about that sort of stuff before, but somehow it's now become top priority. Shesh. I dig through my pocket for my lip gloss- strawberry taste, yum- when I catch voices on the other end of the door.
Eavesdropping is a bad thing, no need to tell me that, but I just can't help myself and step nearer. Angel never gets visitors, well, except for me and the sun hasn't even set yet- who in their right mind would visit him? I'm the exception, 'cause I have the girlfriend-right which includes seeing him at any time of the day.
"What do you want do say with that?"
"Nothing."
I groan audibly as I recognize the voice belonging to the person I took an effort to ignore for the last weeks. Faith. What the hell is she doing in Angel's apartment?
"Nothing?" I hear Angel say and press my ear against the wood. Slayer hearing sure is handy right now.
"It's- I saw you in the graveyard last night. With Buffy," Faith says and I roll my eyes. Was she spying on us or what? Doesn't she have better things to do, vampires to slay, apocalypses to avert?
"So?"
"Kissing," she clarifies and she hits Giles' disapproving tone dead on.
"And. you have a problem with that, don't you?"
"Yes! I mean, no! I was just surprised, I guess. You and. Buffy," she sounds like she's tripping over my name and I imagine her face scrunched up in disgust. That's gotta be hard for her, her long-time buddy making out with a screw-up like me.
"You're not around anymore and when I see you again, you're- I mean, why didn't you tell us? Or me? I thought we were friends, Angel."
And here the whining starts. Pressing my lips together, I just wish that he'd kick Faith out already and be done with it.
"We are."
"But friends see each other! And they tell each other important stuff, such as being all boyfriend-ly with the resident leather pants fascist!"
"Don't talk about her like that," Angel sighs and I mentally scream at him. Don't talk about her like that? That's all he has to say? Faith's got a point but- Don't talk about her like that?! He and I are going to have a talk about this little episode.
"It's true. So, is she your girlfriend? In the traditional sense of the word?"
Short silence in which I ball my hands to fists and am about to scream out of frustration. Why doesn't he say anything? What's there to hesitate about? I clearly remember last night- the way Angel's dark eyes sparkled as he held me in his arms, and how silky his mouth felt on my ear as he whispered a love poem to me. We kissed for like, eternity and he's hesitating about whether I'm his girlfriend 'in the traditional sense of the word' or not. My heart clenches and my fingernails leave little bloody half-moons on my palm as I wait for his answer.
"I'm asking again, would that be a problem for you?"
"Angel, no- but- but she isn't good for you, trust me on this. I- I- you don't even know her- and-"
I don't stay to hear the rest of Faith's Buffy's-Bad-Speech. Stumbling up the stairs I skipped down just a few minutes ago, I feel like someone punched me in the gut a couple of times.
I don't have a problem with the fact that Faith thinks me bad for Angel. It's probably even true.
But damn, he never even said that I'm his girlfriend. Didn't have the balls. Fucking coward.
See, that's another thing the movies don't show. The gut-wrenching, being ripped out of the wonderland, waking up in reality part. Should have known there's no such thing as relationship-y happiness for me.
~~~
((It won't rain all the time.))
I'm in the Bronze, swaying slowly to the sad tune that I know and somehow don't know, making small steps in the arms of my Angel. I smile at him and he smiles back at me- but it's a small, sad smile, just like the music we're dancing by.
"It won't be your fault, you know."
((The sky won't fall forever.))
"What?"
"Just do what you have to do, Buffy," Angel murmurs and presses a kiss to my forehead, "I'll always love you."
"But sometimes that isn't enough."
I turn around and see Thomas standing at the door, holding it open. I can see that it leads into the darkness of the night and I draw back, suddenly scared. I don't want to go out there. My watcher continues, "You have to remember. It's important."
"Remember what?" I ask, confused and want to step back into Angel's embrace- but he's gone.
"Angel?"
"They took my angel away from me, too," Thomas says softly, "Nobody heard her screams. Nobody cared. You have to remember that."
Something weighs heavily in my hand, but I don't look down to see what it is. It's something bad, something terrible, just as dark and dangerous as that what's lurking outside the door.
"Rise and shine, lover."
And then I wake up.