Title: Magic Kingdom
Author: Eyana
Summery: The Twins agree that Walt Disney had a very sadistic sense of humor. Sequel (if you want to call it that) to "Patience." Please R&R
Rating: PG-13. Some coarse language.
Distribution: Ask first, archive later.
Author's Note: Wooooooooooowwwww…. It's been a while since I've updated this little baby. I have two excuses: (1) I've just started university and am busy as hell, and (2) the little fuzz ball I call "My Brain" has run into a little writer's block. I apologize muy muy much. I haven't visited ff.net in a while and WOOO are there EVER more Twin fics than there were when I was last here! YAY!
I also… have a little "peace offering" for letting this story slip off the front burner then off the back burner and onto the dusty floor. In the final chapter, I will write in a reviewer(s) as a character the Twins interact with for a little time. I don't really know how I will choose this person(s), but I image it will have something to do with how many reviews that person leaves. HAH! Oh I'm evil… no, I'm not that cheap. I'll probably just choose the person by closing my eyes and pointing with my finger. Although.. I imagine the reviews help a tad… heh heh.
Feedback: chrissy_butter@hotmail.com No Flames Please? Please? I wove u…
CHAPTER TWO:
"We are getting aggravated."
"Well if you would get up off your fat ASS and help me find a spot then this would go A LOT quicker."
"I am helping. There's a spot over there."
"Where?"
"There."
"Where?!"
"THERE!"
"WHERE? HOW CAN YOU EVEN SEE LYING DOWN LIKE THAT?"
"Oh never mind I was lying. I was just getting tired of hearing you screech like a squirrel being boiled in fish stock."
"…. Leave Mr. Jiggles out of this."
The Twins had been circling the Disney Land parking lot for the past 45 minutes, searching in vain for a spot to park their car. After a few minutes, One pushed his seat back so that he could lie quite comfortably, letting his brother have all the spotting fun. Two was becoming increasingly irritable – they had to pay $25.95 to even come into this hideous oversized parking lot, and the fact that it was obviously full was never mentioned to them by the overweight grub-of-a-human-being behind the lot desk. He simply scratched his incredibly large belly – which was covered with nacho cheese and coffee stains – and mumbled something like "Why do I get all the freaks" as he gave Two his change. One observed his nametag, which read EARL, and leaned over his brother to ask rather obnoxiously "Hey EARL, do you piss out the window or do they give you a little pot under the desk for when you really hafta-" He was cut off by his brother's hand roughly covering his mouth, speeding the car away from the obese human with an increasingly red face.
"This is going to take forever if we can't even park the bloody car."
Two sighed and stopped the vehicle, bringing his fingers to his temples and rubbing them in a circular manner. He hated crowded places – being surrounded by ninny humans was not particularly any rogue programs favorite pastime. Seeing that they stopped, One finally sat up in his seat, yawned as if he had been doing all the work, and scratched his leg lazily. Two's eye twitched.
Suddenly the familiar noise of a car starting up yanked the brothers back into reality as their heads snapped in every direction, looking for the sound's source. Two's eyes settled on a small sports car a few spaces ahead of them – there was smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe and dissipating into the air.
"A-HA!" Two cackled giddily, eagerly grabbing the steering wheel in anticipation.
One grinned widely, but his expression fell as he noticed a large van suddenly turn around the bend before them, heading directly for their spot. A young man was at the wheel, his presumed wife in the passenger seat, and two delightfully disgusting children resided in the back. Judging by his choppy driving, the Twins guessed this family has been looking for a space for quite a while.
"Oh you little bastard.." Two gritted his teeth, gripping the steering wheel tighter. He's be damned if he was going to let this piss-head and his piss-head wife and his piss-head children get his pissing spot. "Wait… that doesn't sound quite right…pissing spot?" Two thought aloud. One didn't hear him as he narrowed his eyes at the family, who appeared to do the same to the Twins.
The set-up mimicked the old Western movies (which Two despised and One adored), both cars faced off, revving their engines trying to psych the other out. The small sports-car was obliviously backing out of the space – practically signaling a countdown for the vehicles. Two was nearly growling, he made up his mind that loosing this spot to fucking family-boy over there was simply not an option. The husband in the van leaned closer to the windshield as his prissy wife appeared to be saying something along the lines of "If you don't get this space I'm going to divorce you" while his little runts cheered in the back seat. It was sickening.
The sports-car was almost completely backed out when Two slammed on the gas and sped like a maniac for the spot. The van did the same – his tires screeching on the pavement so loudly it caused smoke to fizzle off the concrete. Both cars were reaching considerable speed and neither showed signs of backing down. However just as the van closed in, Two suddenly stopped the car and turned the wheel hard to the right. The momentum forced the car's back to swerve around and crash-butt the van to the side – sending it completely off course. Two then promptly adjusted his alignment and backed into the spot with incredible control and accuracy before the van could even comprehend what happened.
"OOOHH BURN BITCH BURN!" One shouted out of the window as the husband leaped out of his car to assess the damage to his vehicle, spouting numerous curses that forced the mother to command the children cover their ears.
Two shut off the engine and the Twins exited the car in sync, identical devilish smiles feathering their lips. The husband turned to them – sweat pouring off his face- and started yelling obscenities. "You ASSHOLES! You KILLED MY CAR! What's your names? I'm going to get my lawyer down here IMMEDIATELY! You stupid l-little… uh… um…"
The man was reduced to stuttering as the brothers walked over to him and he realized they were a good foot and a half taller. Assessing his situation, the man apprehended that it would perhaps be best not to aggravate two tall incredibly pale twin men with dreadlocks and matching silver dusters. Probably members of some Western sect of the Yakuza.
One bent his head towards the husband, who thought it quite possible he was going to piss his pants. Mere inches from his face, One stared at the man for a few long moments, relishing in the simple delight of becoming this crusty crack's nightmare for the remainder of his pathetic life. Finally, One spoke:
"Boo."
The husband screamed, jumped into his car and sped away like gerbil being fired from a slingshot.
Quite satisfied with the man's response, the Twins adjusted their ties and followed the signs that lead to the front gate of the park. However their momentary burst of confidence was immediately deflated when the Twins beheld the massive lineup that stood before them.
"AAAAAAGGHHHH! WHAT DOES IT TAKE HUH?!" Two screamed in frustration and beat his head against a tree.
One felt incredible nauseous as his eyes darted around to the various hordes of children scampering about. Numerous runts looked as if they could have potentially sticky fingers, and he didn't want to get close enough to find out. There were so many - like coach roaches who wore oversized sun glasses and neon pink shorts. One realized that he had not been around so many children in the entire course of his existence. He wanted to cry.
Two eventually stopped bashing his noggin and (remembering his yoga routines), took a few deep cleansing breaths. In his mind, he repeated his mantra of "I am a powerful, sexy assassin. I am in control of everything. I will bitch-slap this problem to hell." After a few moments, Two opened his eyes and was himself again, walking up beside his twin. He then noticed that One was trembling considerably – his feet practically rooted into the pavement.
"…One?" Two asked cautiously. If there was one thing he knew about his brother, it was that children didn't exactly bring out the best in him.
One's eyes narrowed, a muffled hiss escaped his lips. The hiss turned into heavy breathing, which turned into hyper ventilating. Two knew that he needed to calm his brother down before he went on a murderous rampage and starting killing every one in sight. Not that that would necessarily be a bad thing; however it would insure that their task would be harder to complete in the larger scheme of things. Carefully, Two placed his hand gently on One's back.
"AAAAGH!" One screamed, and immediately put his brother in a choke-hold.
Two squirmed like some sort of odd eel, thrashing about before he realized his twin was completely panic stricken and thus didn't know what he was doing. He had BETTER not know what he was doing.
"Let me go you freak. It's me. Your unfortunate brother." Two moved his arms in an attempt to slap his twin's head.
"How do I know it's you?" One asked shakily, eyes darting from side to side like a hamster on crack.
"… you have got to be fucking kidding."
"HOW DO I KNOW IT'S YOU?"
"Last year you started to write haiku poems with permanent marker on your underwear. Please don't make me remember that ever again."
There was a long silence. Several passing mothers wrinkled their nose in uncomprehending awe at the sight of two full grown men in frozen in such a position. Maybe they were mimes.
"…. Two?" One finally spoke, letting his brother out of the hold and shaking his head as if suddenly coming of a daze. Two growled, fixed his deadlocks and smoothed out his coat, all while giving his brother the evil eye.
Looking back at the massive line, the Twins decided that waiting in such an abomination was not going to happen. Since it was most likely best that One stayed away from all manner of curious poking children – annoying turds that they are – Two determined that he would phase through the gate and let his brother in through a more remote door from the front. One agreed.
Two then calmly and confidently walked up to the entrance, passing by the ridiculous line and smiling like he was the hottest of hot shit. Several families looked at him, wondering what exactly he was doing.
Sorry suckers, Two thought, waiting in line in this blazing heat is so blatantly "human."
Just as he was about to phase, a firm hand attached to an arm that could have belonged to some sort of enormous Amazon tree pressed against his shoulder – blocking his way. Two confusingly looked up to see a gigantic man with a rather stern expression and a bad case of stubble. His bright yellow jacket was covered with dark bold lettering that read "SECURITY."
"Excuse me sir," the man started with a gruff voice, "but you're going to have to wait in line like everyone else."
"Really? Well isn't that too bad?" Two grinned, and prepared to phase through the security guard. Only he didn't. Two looked down in horror as his body remained completely solid.
"No…" he wheezed.
"Problem sir?" The man's grip on Two's shoulder was tightening.
"No.. no problem.."
Two tried again. Nothing.
"I'm just.."
He tried again.
".. attempting.."
Again.
"..to.."
Again.
"… do something.. here.."
With every try Two pressed himself into the security guard, trying to will himself to push through him. The guard stood there awkwardly still, one hand continuing to block and practically prop up the strange pale man. Two used all his weight to push through him and phase, resorting to make strange grunting constipation noises in exasperation.
"AGH….UGH…UUUUUGGH… AAAGGH..PPPFFFFTT… AAAAGHUUUU"
"Sir. Please stop that or I will escort you off the premises. This is a family place."
"FINE! I'M GOING I'M GOING."
Two stiffly turned around and angrily walked back to his brother – audibly grinding his teeth. Once he reached his twin, Two sighed and shook his head.
"It appears we cannot phase again dear brother. No doubt part of our punishment from the blasted Merovingian. Stupid bastard…"
"Oh is THAT why you were making those noises?"
"…yes. Now come on. We have to get in line.."
One started trembling again.
******
One more thing… if anyone has any idea on what rides the Twins could visit or what attractions etc. please e-mail me. I haven't been to Disney Land in a VERY long time and need help remembering all that was there!