TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day..
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe, just borrow...
RATING: PG-13
SPOILER: Up and including season four, but this one starts BEFORE "He said, She said"
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks again to Wine_into_Water, without you there wouldn't be any new chapters ( So do you gays want more, or should I drop it? Please let me know!
CHAPTER FOUR
12:00 am
"No Faith, NO! There is no way in hell I'm gonna let the social services take them. They're coming home with me," Bosco said angrily, glaring at Faith.
They stood in the roll call room. Faith had dragged Bosco inside the room when he started to get agitated as he spook to Mrs Wolf, the social worker. She didn't want Samuel and Adam to see how upset he was about this, because that might scare them. They seemed to have gotten very attached to him and if he thought something was wrong then they would too. The boys were now outside eating some hamburgers with Mrs Wolf. They had talked to one of the female detectives with Bosco present all the time, like he had promised. They seemed to coop rather well considering the circumstances, but their eyes searched for Bosco's every now and then, like they needed him to reassure them that everything was okay.
Faith looked him in the eyes and said carefully: "Bos, you can't take them home, and you know it."
"Why?" he said anger still in his voice.
"Because they won't let you." She stated simply.
"Why, why can't I take them?" He asked again, glaring angrily at her.
Faith rolled her eyes "Gee I don't know maybe because you're a hot-headed single cop that most people thinks have lost his mind years ago." She said, looking at him sternly.
"I would take good care of them," he said quietly as his gaze dropped to the floor.
Faiths eyes softened. "I know you would" she said gently "but that isn't an option here"
"Why?" He said anger evident in his voice again. "Why would THEY coming home with ME be such a bad solution?"
Faith sighed; this conversation was starting to make her tired. Why had he had to be so stubborn all the time?
"Come on Bosco, you know the rules; they can't just let anyone take children whenever they like to. Why are you so determined to do this anyway?"
"Because I promised their mom I would make her hell go away and letting the social services take her kids is hardly a good way of doing that!!" He shouted angrily, but Faith could see the despair in his eyes.
"Bos", she said softly, chosen her words carefully; "It's obvious that you care about her and that you for some reason think you owe her to make things right, but this isn't the way, OK?"
He said nothing just stared at her sadly. "It's only for the night, their uncle said he would come and get them first thing in the morning, right? How bad can it be?" she pleaded with him.
"But they trust me I promised them I would be there for them." he said desperately.
"So much more reason for you to be calm about this and assure them it's OK. Why don't we take them there ourselves and then you can go and see them tomorrow when their uncle comes to get them. I'm sure he wants to talk to you." She said in her most reassuring voice, hoping that he would give in.
"Yeah I beat he will," Bosco said under his breath, thinking about the conversation he had had with Anna's brother, he hadn't been happy to hear his voice, that's for sure.
"What?" Faith asked
"Nothing" he replied "I guess you're right, let's go and talk to them," he said as he turned around and started to leave the room.
Faith let out a sigh of relief and followed him.
The boys looked up at Bosco as he stepped out from roll call.
"Hey guys! Were the burgers good?" he asked as he sat down beside them. They both nodded, silently waiting for him to say something more.
"Look, Faith and I gonna drive you to some nice people and you'll stay the night there and then your uncle Steven comes and get you first thing in the morning, OK?"
"You staying too?" Samuel asked. Bosco closed his eyes, GREAT, now he had to upset them even more. I know this was a lousy idea, he thought to himself.
Faith watched him close his eyes and silently begged that he would be able to put his own emotions aside for now. She knew he saw himself in these little boys, and this, for her unknown, but obviously messy connection to their mother didn't help at all, but as she had told him earlier in the car, this wasn't about him, at least not right now.
"No I can't stay, this place is only for kids and I have to finish working, but I'll come over and check on you tomorrow before your uncle comes and get you, OK?"
"Promise?" Samuel said
"Promise, I have to talk to your uncle anyway about some things." He said giving him a reassuring smile.
"But what if Dad comes back to get us?" Adam said in a very small voice.
Bosco cursed under his breath. He hated this; kids weren't supposed to have to worry about things like this, not ever, especially not ANNA'S kids. Bosco turned a little so he could face Adam, looked him straight in the eyes and said:
"He can't take you, he's not aloud to do so since he hurt you mother so bad." And for THAT he's going to PAY, he thought darkly.
"But if he tries and you're not there to stop him?" Adam said in a trembling voice.
Bosco swallowed hard, this really was a nightmare. He wished he'd insisted on taking them home with him instead.
"We tell the people who'll take care of you what he looks like, and if he tries something they'll call the cops."
"But what if they call a bad cop?" Adams voice was barely a whisper.
Bosco couldn't take it any more. He didn't know what to answer so he turned to look at Faith with fear and despair in his eyes. Faith looked first at Bosco and then at Adam and saw the same feelings mirroring in their eyes and her heart brook for both of them. She smiled against them and said, as she silently begged God not to make a liar out of her.
"They only know good cops"
"How do you know that?" Adam said confused.
"Because they are with us and we're the good guys, right?"
A small smile tugged the boy's lips as he said, "Right!"
"That sounds good doesn't it, come on lets go." Bosco said in a rush, hoping they wouldn't ask any more questions he couldn't answer.
"OK" they both said and Bosco let out the breath he'd been holding, smiled and held out his hands for them to take. Samuel took his left and Adam his right and then they started to walk outside while Faith cleared things with Mrs Wolf.
01:00 am
Faith looked sideways at Bosco as he droved down the street. Leaving the boys at the Smiths had been hard on him she could tell that much, but they had accepting it rather well. They didn't cry or begged him to stay, just clung into him a bit and made him promise he'd be back tomorrow.
"They will be OK Bos." She said softly.
"I know." He said staring sternly out the windshield; she could tell he didn't want to look at her. She sighed.
"Bos."
"Don't!" he cut her off. "I DON'T want to talk about it!"
She put up her hands "OK I get it, did you hear me say anything?"
"You were about to!"
"Like you could tell, " she said teasingly, trying to ease his mood. A week smile appeared on his lips and she smiled back. He took in a breath and asked:
"Did you talk to the lieu about her husband?"
"Yeah, when the detectives talked to the boys."
"And?"
"His name is Thomas Lewis and he works the second watch at 32nd precinct. He's known as good cop, nice to his fellow officers and so on. His superior had hard to believe he would do something like this."
"But he did. " Bosco murmured angrily and Faith could feel him tense.
"Have they talked to him yet?"
"No, they don't know were he is"
"Have they looked at all?"
"Yeah, they checked with his partner and with his brother, but he's nowhere to be found. Internal affairs will continue looking, and they will be waiting for him at his precinct tomorrow when he shows up for work."
"If he shows up!" Bosco said bitterly. Faith just nodded.
The RMP came to stop and they both went out and headed to the locker room to change.
" I can come in early to finish the paperwork," she offered.
"Thanks, I appreciate that," he said giving her a weary smile.
"You're going to the hospital now?" she asked, looking at him with concern, knowing he was exhausted both physical and mental, at least she was.
"Yeah" he answered, looking down at his shoes. She hesitated for a moment and then she asked:
"Want me to come?"
"No."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure you don't have to look after me I'll be fine," he said annoyed.
"OK, see you tomorrow then?"
"Yeah, tomorrow. You want a ride?"
"No it's OK I walk, night Bos."
"Night
02:00 am
Bosco stood in the doorway to Anna's room at the ICU, swallowing hard trying to get the courage to go in and sit beside her. He wasn't her next of kin so he really wasn't allowed to be there. But Steven was aware of that if Anna were awake she would want Bosco to be there. He didn't want her to be alone and since he couldn't be with her himself, for now, Bosco was his best option. He had called the hospital and told them they were allowed to let Bosco in and tell him about her condition.
Bosco looked at her and felt sick to his stomach. The doctor had told him that it was a small miracle she was alive, her husband had come very close to killing her. To Bosco it seemed like he had broken almost every bone in her body. She had five broken ribs; a punctured lung, her left arm and right leg were broken to. Her jaw was broken in two places and she had a small scull fracture a long with a concussion, but like a miracle there weren't any bleeding to the brain. There had been some internal bleeding, but the operation had been quick and went well and they said she was going to make it, although he had a hard time believing it when he looked at her.
He slowly made his way towards her bed and sat down in the chair beside it. She looked so small and vulnerable lying in that bed. They had fixed her up so she looked a little better than when he found her at the kitchen floor, but with her eyes closed it was still hard for him to tell that it really was her. He looked at the i.v. Line in her right arm, at the tube down her throat to help her breathe and all the other stuff in the room helping her to stay alive and once again he vowed to kill her husband for doing this to her. He took her right hand in his and began to talk.
"Anna, it's Bosco" He swallowed hard, trying to get control over his emotions.
"The doctors telling me you're gonna make it, so I guess that means you've kept your part of the deal."
He paused, once again trying to pull himself together, and to his own surprise he felt tears forming in his eyes. He quickly suppressed them. Come on Boscorelli get a grip, he told himself, feeling like an idiot, he usually didn't cry and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now!
"I'm doing my best to keep my part, the boys are safe for now and Steven comes to get them tomorrow. I should have taking them myself I know that, but they wouldn't let me.." His voice trailed of.
He looked at her and felt an enormous guilt overwhelming him. This is my entire fault he thought. If I hadn't left all those years ago none of this would have happened, but then it hit him. The reason why he did leave in the first place was just that. He had been terrified that he would be the one doing exactly this to her. He sighed; at least he wasn't the one responsible for putting her there and that must be counting for something he thought.
"I'm gonna fix this Anna, I'll make it all go away, I promise. I'm gonna help you get a better life. I want screw up this time, I promise."
"Don't make promises you can't keep Bosco, that's all I asking for." Bosco heard Anna's voice from the past echoing in his head.
"I'm sorry Anna", he whispered, "I guess I haven't change at all, I'm so sorry."
He just sat there for almost four hours, looking at her thinking about how much he owed her and how much he loved her, letting all the memories from the past flooding through his mind. He grieved for all the things he did wrong and for all the pain he cost her over the years and treasured the good moments, whishing he could turn back time. Finally he gently caressed her hair a couple or times and said:
"I 'v gotta go now, but I'll be back in a couple of hours." He stood up and whispered almost inaudible:
"I love you Anna"
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe, just borrow...
RATING: PG-13
SPOILER: Up and including season four, but this one starts BEFORE "He said, She said"
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks again to Wine_into_Water, without you there wouldn't be any new chapters ( So do you gays want more, or should I drop it? Please let me know!
CHAPTER FOUR
12:00 am
"No Faith, NO! There is no way in hell I'm gonna let the social services take them. They're coming home with me," Bosco said angrily, glaring at Faith.
They stood in the roll call room. Faith had dragged Bosco inside the room when he started to get agitated as he spook to Mrs Wolf, the social worker. She didn't want Samuel and Adam to see how upset he was about this, because that might scare them. They seemed to have gotten very attached to him and if he thought something was wrong then they would too. The boys were now outside eating some hamburgers with Mrs Wolf. They had talked to one of the female detectives with Bosco present all the time, like he had promised. They seemed to coop rather well considering the circumstances, but their eyes searched for Bosco's every now and then, like they needed him to reassure them that everything was okay.
Faith looked him in the eyes and said carefully: "Bos, you can't take them home, and you know it."
"Why?" he said anger still in his voice.
"Because they won't let you." She stated simply.
"Why, why can't I take them?" He asked again, glaring angrily at her.
Faith rolled her eyes "Gee I don't know maybe because you're a hot-headed single cop that most people thinks have lost his mind years ago." She said, looking at him sternly.
"I would take good care of them," he said quietly as his gaze dropped to the floor.
Faiths eyes softened. "I know you would" she said gently "but that isn't an option here"
"Why?" He said anger evident in his voice again. "Why would THEY coming home with ME be such a bad solution?"
Faith sighed; this conversation was starting to make her tired. Why had he had to be so stubborn all the time?
"Come on Bosco, you know the rules; they can't just let anyone take children whenever they like to. Why are you so determined to do this anyway?"
"Because I promised their mom I would make her hell go away and letting the social services take her kids is hardly a good way of doing that!!" He shouted angrily, but Faith could see the despair in his eyes.
"Bos", she said softly, chosen her words carefully; "It's obvious that you care about her and that you for some reason think you owe her to make things right, but this isn't the way, OK?"
He said nothing just stared at her sadly. "It's only for the night, their uncle said he would come and get them first thing in the morning, right? How bad can it be?" she pleaded with him.
"But they trust me I promised them I would be there for them." he said desperately.
"So much more reason for you to be calm about this and assure them it's OK. Why don't we take them there ourselves and then you can go and see them tomorrow when their uncle comes to get them. I'm sure he wants to talk to you." She said in her most reassuring voice, hoping that he would give in.
"Yeah I beat he will," Bosco said under his breath, thinking about the conversation he had had with Anna's brother, he hadn't been happy to hear his voice, that's for sure.
"What?" Faith asked
"Nothing" he replied "I guess you're right, let's go and talk to them," he said as he turned around and started to leave the room.
Faith let out a sigh of relief and followed him.
The boys looked up at Bosco as he stepped out from roll call.
"Hey guys! Were the burgers good?" he asked as he sat down beside them. They both nodded, silently waiting for him to say something more.
"Look, Faith and I gonna drive you to some nice people and you'll stay the night there and then your uncle Steven comes and get you first thing in the morning, OK?"
"You staying too?" Samuel asked. Bosco closed his eyes, GREAT, now he had to upset them even more. I know this was a lousy idea, he thought to himself.
Faith watched him close his eyes and silently begged that he would be able to put his own emotions aside for now. She knew he saw himself in these little boys, and this, for her unknown, but obviously messy connection to their mother didn't help at all, but as she had told him earlier in the car, this wasn't about him, at least not right now.
"No I can't stay, this place is only for kids and I have to finish working, but I'll come over and check on you tomorrow before your uncle comes and get you, OK?"
"Promise?" Samuel said
"Promise, I have to talk to your uncle anyway about some things." He said giving him a reassuring smile.
"But what if Dad comes back to get us?" Adam said in a very small voice.
Bosco cursed under his breath. He hated this; kids weren't supposed to have to worry about things like this, not ever, especially not ANNA'S kids. Bosco turned a little so he could face Adam, looked him straight in the eyes and said:
"He can't take you, he's not aloud to do so since he hurt you mother so bad." And for THAT he's going to PAY, he thought darkly.
"But if he tries and you're not there to stop him?" Adam said in a trembling voice.
Bosco swallowed hard, this really was a nightmare. He wished he'd insisted on taking them home with him instead.
"We tell the people who'll take care of you what he looks like, and if he tries something they'll call the cops."
"But what if they call a bad cop?" Adams voice was barely a whisper.
Bosco couldn't take it any more. He didn't know what to answer so he turned to look at Faith with fear and despair in his eyes. Faith looked first at Bosco and then at Adam and saw the same feelings mirroring in their eyes and her heart brook for both of them. She smiled against them and said, as she silently begged God not to make a liar out of her.
"They only know good cops"
"How do you know that?" Adam said confused.
"Because they are with us and we're the good guys, right?"
A small smile tugged the boy's lips as he said, "Right!"
"That sounds good doesn't it, come on lets go." Bosco said in a rush, hoping they wouldn't ask any more questions he couldn't answer.
"OK" they both said and Bosco let out the breath he'd been holding, smiled and held out his hands for them to take. Samuel took his left and Adam his right and then they started to walk outside while Faith cleared things with Mrs Wolf.
01:00 am
Faith looked sideways at Bosco as he droved down the street. Leaving the boys at the Smiths had been hard on him she could tell that much, but they had accepting it rather well. They didn't cry or begged him to stay, just clung into him a bit and made him promise he'd be back tomorrow.
"They will be OK Bos." She said softly.
"I know." He said staring sternly out the windshield; she could tell he didn't want to look at her. She sighed.
"Bos."
"Don't!" he cut her off. "I DON'T want to talk about it!"
She put up her hands "OK I get it, did you hear me say anything?"
"You were about to!"
"Like you could tell, " she said teasingly, trying to ease his mood. A week smile appeared on his lips and she smiled back. He took in a breath and asked:
"Did you talk to the lieu about her husband?"
"Yeah, when the detectives talked to the boys."
"And?"
"His name is Thomas Lewis and he works the second watch at 32nd precinct. He's known as good cop, nice to his fellow officers and so on. His superior had hard to believe he would do something like this."
"But he did. " Bosco murmured angrily and Faith could feel him tense.
"Have they talked to him yet?"
"No, they don't know were he is"
"Have they looked at all?"
"Yeah, they checked with his partner and with his brother, but he's nowhere to be found. Internal affairs will continue looking, and they will be waiting for him at his precinct tomorrow when he shows up for work."
"If he shows up!" Bosco said bitterly. Faith just nodded.
The RMP came to stop and they both went out and headed to the locker room to change.
" I can come in early to finish the paperwork," she offered.
"Thanks, I appreciate that," he said giving her a weary smile.
"You're going to the hospital now?" she asked, looking at him with concern, knowing he was exhausted both physical and mental, at least she was.
"Yeah" he answered, looking down at his shoes. She hesitated for a moment and then she asked:
"Want me to come?"
"No."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure you don't have to look after me I'll be fine," he said annoyed.
"OK, see you tomorrow then?"
"Yeah, tomorrow. You want a ride?"
"No it's OK I walk, night Bos."
"Night
02:00 am
Bosco stood in the doorway to Anna's room at the ICU, swallowing hard trying to get the courage to go in and sit beside her. He wasn't her next of kin so he really wasn't allowed to be there. But Steven was aware of that if Anna were awake she would want Bosco to be there. He didn't want her to be alone and since he couldn't be with her himself, for now, Bosco was his best option. He had called the hospital and told them they were allowed to let Bosco in and tell him about her condition.
Bosco looked at her and felt sick to his stomach. The doctor had told him that it was a small miracle she was alive, her husband had come very close to killing her. To Bosco it seemed like he had broken almost every bone in her body. She had five broken ribs; a punctured lung, her left arm and right leg were broken to. Her jaw was broken in two places and she had a small scull fracture a long with a concussion, but like a miracle there weren't any bleeding to the brain. There had been some internal bleeding, but the operation had been quick and went well and they said she was going to make it, although he had a hard time believing it when he looked at her.
He slowly made his way towards her bed and sat down in the chair beside it. She looked so small and vulnerable lying in that bed. They had fixed her up so she looked a little better than when he found her at the kitchen floor, but with her eyes closed it was still hard for him to tell that it really was her. He looked at the i.v. Line in her right arm, at the tube down her throat to help her breathe and all the other stuff in the room helping her to stay alive and once again he vowed to kill her husband for doing this to her. He took her right hand in his and began to talk.
"Anna, it's Bosco" He swallowed hard, trying to get control over his emotions.
"The doctors telling me you're gonna make it, so I guess that means you've kept your part of the deal."
He paused, once again trying to pull himself together, and to his own surprise he felt tears forming in his eyes. He quickly suppressed them. Come on Boscorelli get a grip, he told himself, feeling like an idiot, he usually didn't cry and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now!
"I'm doing my best to keep my part, the boys are safe for now and Steven comes to get them tomorrow. I should have taking them myself I know that, but they wouldn't let me.." His voice trailed of.
He looked at her and felt an enormous guilt overwhelming him. This is my entire fault he thought. If I hadn't left all those years ago none of this would have happened, but then it hit him. The reason why he did leave in the first place was just that. He had been terrified that he would be the one doing exactly this to her. He sighed; at least he wasn't the one responsible for putting her there and that must be counting for something he thought.
"I'm gonna fix this Anna, I'll make it all go away, I promise. I'm gonna help you get a better life. I want screw up this time, I promise."
"Don't make promises you can't keep Bosco, that's all I asking for." Bosco heard Anna's voice from the past echoing in his head.
"I'm sorry Anna", he whispered, "I guess I haven't change at all, I'm so sorry."
He just sat there for almost four hours, looking at her thinking about how much he owed her and how much he loved her, letting all the memories from the past flooding through his mind. He grieved for all the things he did wrong and for all the pain he cost her over the years and treasured the good moments, whishing he could turn back time. Finally he gently caressed her hair a couple or times and said:
"I 'v gotta go now, but I'll be back in a couple of hours." He stood up and whispered almost inaudible:
"I love you Anna"