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The rickety staircase groaned under every step. Severus remembered this miserable hovel. The filth hadn't moved since he left. Cheap pulp books. Empty bottles of wine and liquor. Cardboard boxes of greasy muggle machinery. Stained newspapers. Shattered remnants of once elegant, and intact, vases and pottery. Dead insects. It all looked the same under the depressing gray veil of dust. And there was the hole his father put in the staircase wall. One of many the old man smashed into the house. Severus kept moving. He had buried those memories; he couldn't get lost in them. Not now.

He twisted the doorknob to his old bedroom. Of course, his mother hoarded it. Severus could still see the outline of his old bed, wardrobe, and writing desk. Compared to the rest of the house, it was in relatively good shape. The clutter could be easily shoveled out or delegated to a different room. He picked up an old, heavy textbook and flipped through it. Dust and scribbles. How he wanted to burn the whole place down with everything inside …

Severus was interrupted by a gentle knocking. He fumbled to toss the textbook aside. "Hey."

"Hey." Lily lingered in the doorframe. "Um, thank you."

"Oh. Erm, you're welcome?" He mumbled. Lily was about to reply but nodded with a tight smile and turned to leave. "Wait." Severus blocked her before she stepped away. "I'm sorry … for yesterday. For everything. I'm sorry."

Lily looked down at her toes. "I'm sorry too." For a moment, they stood in the room together. Neither of them wanting to stay or leave. A moment where they weren't drunk, bickering, or facing a threat. It was foreign that they were ever such close friends before. "Was this your room?" She peeped.

"Hm? Oh. Yes." He kicked aside another large textbook in case she wanted to explore. "Wasn't quite this ghastly when I lived in here, though."

"No?" Lily smirked.

"Believe me." Severus cleared his throat. They were still so close in the narrow doorframe. Why hadn't she moved away yet? "Erm, you should sleep in here … once it's cleaned up. It's still better than the couch."

"But where will you sleep?"

"It doesn't matter, I won't be around much anyway. I'll have to go back."

"Oh. You're going back." She said flatly, the faint smile disappearing.

"I don't have a choice in this. I have to."

"No, no. Of course you don't." Lily muttered, feeling her attitude about to attack. She held her tongue.

"What is it, then?" Severus groaned.

"What?"

"I know when you're disappointed."

"Do you? Really?" She scoffed.

"Fucking hell, spare me the venom." Severus hissed at Lily. "You know I can't leave them. You know they'll track me down and kill us both. My apologies this isn't Potter Manor, but it's the best I can do given our circumstances. How many times have I saved your life to only be thanked with spit and disgust?"

Lily didn't budge from the doorway. "You're more of a slave to your Death Eater friends than I ever was, but you seem to enjoy it."

"What more do you want from me, blood?" Severus mockingly rolled up a sleeve. "Shall I open a vein right here if it pleases you?"

She grabbed his exposed forearm. "If that's what it takes to get this hideous stain off you, I'll get the knife myself!"

When her fingertips barely grazed the dark mark, Severus felt a horrible burning stinging shoot up his arm, punishing him for allowing impure hands touch it. "Fuck off." He growled, ripping his arm away and storming out of the bedroom, shoving past her.

"Sev!" Lily remained in the doorway. "Sev, do you remember what I asked you? What would you be if you weren't a Death Eater?"

Severus stiffened, his back to her. How could he forget the lavender fields. "Yes."

"is being a Death Eater so much more important to you?"

"Please, understand. It's not as simple as- "

"But it is." Lily interrupted, approaching him. "What do you want?"

"Lily- "

"Do you want to be free or a Death Eater?"

"I don't!" Severus confessed. "I don't want this! I … I never wanted this!"

"I never wanted this for you, Sev." Lily said quietly, setting a palm on his shoulder. "Neither of us are free until you are."

"You can't possibly understand. It's too late for me."

"It's not too late." She wrapped her arms around him, as if keeping Severus from leaving the house.

"Then what? Where would I go? What would I do?"

"You don't have to go anywhere, Sev, just stay here. Stay with me." Severus was lost for words. How badly he wanted to, needed to stay. He turned and held her tight.

There was a moment, as they clung to each other in the hall outside the bedroom, their lips met. They tasted the other's desperate sadness and loneliness. In a moment so brief, it was already a memory. Severus pulled away. "I … I can't stay." Without looking back, he was already gone.

Lily was still standing in the hallway, frozen; her mind still lingering on the kiss. Did that just … happen? She wandered back to take in his childhood bedroom. Although cluttered, it was far cleaner than the rest of the house. When they were children, Severus told her she couldn't ever come inside. His father didn't like visitors, especially magic ones. Her parents were already apprehensive about her friendship with the Snape boy, let alone go play at his house. Did he really not return home after his last year at school? Did he really just kiss her? She pulled herself away from the gloomy bedroom, forcing herself to ignore the rising heat below her gut. Lily went to the kitchen to scrounge up a makeshift dinner.

Disappointingly, it appeared Eileen didn't keep much of a pantry. There certainly wasn't a shortage of wine and hard liquor. Most of the food was rotted, molded, expired, or forgotten about. Out of the dismal stock, Lily managed to find a few potatoes, an onion, half of a bread loaf, and a can of beans. The kitchen wasn't in any decent state for preparing meals anyways. Dirty dishes were piled up in the sink. All the surfaces were crowded with more empty bottles, dusty cigar boxes, and unknown bones. Lily didn't want to test if the stove or oven were safe to turn on. Negligent wizards and tricky muggle technology were a hazardous combination.

"Sev?" She called out. "Could you come into the kitchen? I could use some help?" There was no response. Lily walked out of the kitchen and called up the stairs. "Sev?" Nothing. Nervously, she approached the parlor where Eileen was slouched in an armchair, glazed dark eyes fixed on the television. "Ms. Prince? Have you seen Severus?" Lily cautiously asked, ready to flee if she caught the witch in a foul mood.

"If he's not here, he's not here." Eileen's eyes didn't peel away from the television. Lily noticed there wasn't a program playing on the small screen. Eileen was watching static. "Bloody muggle contraption." She muttered. Then, Eileen's face ignited. "You! Miss muggleborn!"

"Yes?" Lily teetered.

"Do you know how to work this … this thing?" Eileen pointed at the television. "Fix it!"

"Well, what do you want it to do?"

"I don't bloody know! It was making sense earlier, now it's doing THIS!" Eileen had her wand clenched in a bony fist.

"Would you like me to change the channel or turn it off?"

"I would like it to make sense again!" Lily crouched down in front of the television and started to turn one of the knobs. Static. Static. The vague hum of music. Static. "Back! Make it go back!"

"It can't go back, it has to go around again. It's like a clock, it can only go forward until … almost …. There it is!" A seemingly ancient childhood memory sparked within her. Lily let go of the dial, adjusted the antennae, and gave the box a firm smack with her hand. Like magic, the television zapped to an opera program. Lily stood up from the floor. "Was this what you were watching?"

Eileen wasn't looking at the television, she was looking right at Lily; was it intrigue? "You grew up to be pretty, didn't you?" Eileen stated. "Wish I could say the same about your bitch sister. Married a walrus of a man."

This was the first Lily had heard about Petunia and her new husband. "A walrus?" She couldn't help but giggle.

"Ruddy face. Shaped like a barrel. Hideous moustache. Unpleasant to look at."

"I heard he came from a well-off family."

"Humph. Marrying for money; at least there's some muggles that value familial duty." She muttered to herself. "How much was the dowry?"

"We don't like … muggles don't like dowries anymore. Too old-fashioned." Lily said, watching the television program. "I wasn't invited to the wedding, she stopped talking to me years ago. She hates me for being magic, thinks I'm a freak."

"Oh." Eileen wrinkled her nose and turned back to the television. A woman in a long, green gown outstretched her arms, belting a flurry of notes in Italian. She strutted across the stage, her gown trailing gracefully behind her.

"She's very pretty." Lily commented. "She looks like a peacock"

"So she does." Eileen agreed. "Her dress reminds me of my betrothal robes. Very long, very elegant, tasteful. What are you looking at?" She snapped, quickly noticing Lily's skepticism. "Why are you in here pestering me? Shouldn't you be upstairs or cleaning something?"

Lily silently noted Eileen's sudden mood swing and left the woman to watch her television program alone in the parlor. Weren't betrothal robes a snooty pureblood tradition? Surely, her muggle husband wasn't worth the decadence. Under the bitterness and rubbish, Lily suspected a wise woman with untold stories and hardships. Compared to the nauseating inhabitants in the Malfoy castle, Eileen was far better companion.

Lily caught herself in the upstairs hall outside the bedroom again. Did it happen? Had she imagined it? Why did her chest feel so warm? But if it was nothing but a delusion, how could she still taste him on her lips?