No, I'm not saying he wasn't still crazy. Certainly, he was still crazy.

But he wasn't the same kind anymore.

He was controlling, manipulative, abusive.

All things you do above water.

It's what the harsh world makes you become when you're crazy, but can't, or choose not to, loose yourself in a person anymore.

But since I was still lost in him, he abused me.

I decided to stop going to his house, though. Even though I didn't want to pull myself out of the pool, I didn't want to stick around anymore. So I didn't go over there anymore.

It had started for English, but it spun into something completely different. Over a period of ten days. Ten days. That's all. So what happened? Was I so long lost that I was just *waiting* for someone to let me become crazy? So Kaiba presented himself. And I took the ticket. The one-way ticket to crazy.

One-way means you can't leave. Not the way you came. It wasn't as simple as just leaving. I couldn't just cut Kaiba out of my life anymore. He was there and I was stuck with him.

I was stuck being crazy.

So if I'm crazy, what's everyone else? I'd barley call Ryou or Yugi sane. They have spirit/split personalities and Ryou is in major denial about his entire life. At least I've come to terms to my insanity. Now all I want is an explanation. Marik certainly isn't sane. Even without the split personality.

So are we all crazy? Or am I just one of the few with their head all the way under water?

Or all we all crazy and it's just whether we divulge into it more than someone else?

Is Honda, who seems perfectly normal in all aspects, except his hairstyle, silently suffering the same as me? Is he just better at hiding than me?

Than if we're all crazy, why isn't the world full of only people who hide behind themselves? Why is there organization and people in charge? There's the captive and captors, right? Or all we all just a slave to ourselves and some people have more freedom than others do?

It must be like Kaiba. Some people are dominating. They need all people listening to them and doing what they say to feel...alive? Is insanity feeling dead?

Well, lets look at the facts.

I'm sad. I'm crazy. And I feel like I've taken a break from reality. I have withdrawn and invested myself in Kaiba.

Or was I ever alive? If I was always crazy, then was I ever alive? Did I fight, drink, smoke, fuck to feel alive? So when I stopped, what happened? Did I stop living? No. I dueled. I hung with my friends.

But was I alive?

Or was I a puppet? A puppet for gangs, Yugi...now Kaiba? And if Kaiba is my puppeteer, then am I even crazier?

Yes.