TITLE: One heartbeat for every lost day.
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe a thing, just borrow and play.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Well now we are in season three and if you've been watching "Superheroes" and "Long guns" this will be easier to understand.
AUTHORS NOTE: SORRY! I know it took forever to update this, but real world can bee so annoying sometimes. I hope some of you're still with me. Thanks again to all of you that review and of course to my beta-readers Jenny, Carina and wine-into- water for all their help. I owe you guys everything!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
"Anna Lewis," Anna said in the phone as she dried her hands on the towel. She had just finished the breakfast dishes.
"Hi, it's Faith."
"Oh, hi Faith," Anna said and smiled. In that moment a terrific yell rung through the apartment. Anna sighed and said:
"Hang on a sec," then she covered the phone and yelled: "BOSCO! Please check on the boys and find out what they're fighting about, will you. I'm on the phone!"
"Yeah, yeah!!" he yelled back impatiently.
Anna turned her attention back to the phone.
"Sorry about that," she said in an apologizing voice.
"It's OK," Faith said, amused. "I have kids too, I know what it's like."
"So what can I help you with, love?" Anna said cheerfully. "Do you wanna talk to Bosco?"
"Um, no, actually I wanted to talk to you. I didn't think he was home. Isn't he usually out running this time a day?" Faith asked in an embarrassed voice.
"Yeah, he usually is, but he woke up with a bad headache this morning, so he didn't feel like it."
"Oh," Faith said. "He's OK?"
"Yeah, don't you worry about it, it's just from the lack of sleep. Look, I guess from what you're saying you don't want him to know that we've spoken to each other, so why don't you call me in two hours or so. He has a dentist appointment then."
"Sounds good," Faith said, relieved.
"Who is it?" Bosco asked from behind Anna. Shit! Faith thought. Anna turned around and smiled at him.
"It's Faith."
"What does she want?"
Anna shrugged. "I don't know, why don't you ask her," she said innocently.
Bosco took the phone from her. "Faith?"
"Hi Bos, you're OK?" Faith said worriedly.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
" Anna said you had a bad headache." her voice trailed off. She knew how much he hated when she was 'mothering' him as he called it.
"Oh that, it's much better already. Don't worry about it," he said tiredly.
"OK."
"So what do you want? he asked, tiredness still in his voice.
Faith thought franticly about something to say, then her gaze fell on the pouring rain outside and she said:
"It's raining cats and dogs outside. Do you mind picking me up before work?"
"Sure, no problem. See you at two?"
"Sounds good, thanks" Faith said, relieved that she was off the hook and that he didn't suspect anything.
"Like I said, no problem" Bosco replied. "Bye Faith."
"Bye Bos."
Faith hung up the phone and stared out into space. Only two hours left to the first betrayal she thought nervously. She knew it was for the best, but she still felt like she betrayed him. *****
" So what's bothering you?" Anna said with concern in her voice two hours later.
"It's Bos," Faith said and felt very uneasy talking about him behind his back like this.
"Well I figured out that much myself "Anna said, and Faith could hear the smile in her voice. "What has he done this time?"
"It's more what he doesn't do that bothers me," Faith said and felt like an idiot.
"You mean that he doesn't seem to care about anything or anyone anymore?" Anna asked sadness in her voice.
"Yeah! That's exactly what I mean," Faith said, happy that Anna understood what she was talking about, because she wasn't sure she would be able to explain it even if she wanted to.
"So he's like that at work too. I thought it was just with me," Anna said with worry evident in her voice.
"No it's like he just comes here and.I don't really know.it's like he's not here," Faith said uncertainly.
"I know what you mean. He's exactly like that at home too. Samuel and Adam are the only one who can get through to him, and even then it's only for a short moment. He doesn't sleep, as he should either. He's lying awake for hours, but when I ask him what's wrong he doesn't even answer. Coaxing doesn't help either," Anna said with a sigh.
"I think Hobart killing himself like he did was to much for him," Faith said quietly, feeling her chest tighten just by the thought of that terrible day.
"I know. He should talk about it, but I can't get him to do it," Anna said unhappily.
"Neither can I, and that is the reason I wanted to talk to you. I'm gonna talk to Swerski about getting him someone professional to talk to," Faith said determinedly.
"Like counseling?" Anna asked in surprise.
"Yeah."
"Faith I don't know." Anna said hesitatingly." He's not gonna like it."
"I know, but we can't just ignore it, then he might go over the edge."
"You're right, but he's gonna be pissed like hell," Anna said warningly.
Faith sigh. "I know and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you. I want you to be prepared."
"That's nice of you, but I can't promise you any damage control this time, because like I told you earlier; I can't get through to him," Anna said in an apologizing voice.
"I know that. It's OK. I just wanted you to know why he's gonna be pissed, and why I did this to him," Faith said and Anna could hear the anguish in her voice.
"I'm happy you did, and please don't feel guilty about it. It's the right thing to do and I'm glad you have the guts to do it. Don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll get over it, and realize that you only wanted to help him. Just give it some time," Anna said as reassuringly as she could although she had he doubts about it. Bosco was going to feel betrayed, that's for sure.
"I hope you're right," Faith said weakly. "Just take care of him for me, will you."
"I'll do my best, as long as you do the same for me."
"Um well, that's the other reason I called you," Faith said with guilt evident in her voice. "I'm gonna try for a sergeant's degree soon, so I might not been able to stay partner with him for so much longer."
Her only response was silence.
"Anna," she said pleadingly.
Anna tried to process what Faith had said. She felt confused and scared. Why was Faith doing this? What could Bosco have done to make her wanting to leave him? Would he really be able to deal with this, considering how vulnerable he had been lately? Would someone else really be able to handle him, to keep him out of trouble? She highly doubted it, and that meant that she had to worry about him, all the time. Worry a lot! God! This just couldn't be true.
"Why Faith? What has he done?"
"Nothing Anna. He hasn't done anything. This isn't about him. It's about my family and me. I have to be at home more, to spend more time with my kids. My husband and I have some problems and if I get off the streets so that he doesn't have to worry so much, then maybe we can work things out. Please try to understand," Faith said pleadingly. "I'm not doing this to hurt Bosco. I'm doing it to save my marriage!"
"Does Bosco know?" Anna said quietly.
"Yeah, I told him the day Hobart killed himself," Faith said unhappily. "He is going to the ESU anyway. He's been talking about it for months now," she said in an attempt to justify herself.
Anna sighed. She understood Faith. She really did. Family was important, especially kids. She was right about Bosco wanting the ESU too, but Anna knew that he didn't want to do it alone. He wanted Faith to come too. He needed Faith and Faith was leaving him. Bosco probably didn't understand her reasons to leave, and that probably was one of the reasons why he was sinking so deep in his depression.
"I understand Faith, I really do," she said reassuringly. "It's just. I'm not sure Bosco does, and him being out there without you scares me. He needs you."
"I know, but I'm not gonna stop being his friend, just his partner, and I haven't passed the test yet," she said in an attempt to make things seem a little less definite.
"You're right. We'll deal with it later. I'll try to talk to him about it. We'll make it work somehow," Anna said tiredly. She knew she had more problems on her hands than she wanted to think about.
"OK, thanks," Faith said gratefully.
"You're welcome and thanks for telling me. I have to go now, otherwise I'm gonna be late for work. Bosco will be there to pick you up soon," Anna said comfortingly, trying to ease Faith's guilt.
"OK, bye Anna."
"Bye Faith."
Anna hung up the phone and put her head in her hands, wondering why life always had to be so complicated. She couldn't complain though, she had volunteered for this the day she asked Bosco to come back. The question was: How was she going to deal with this? How was she going to pull him through? How was she going to handle all the worry? She sighed. It really looked like a mission impossible.
******
Anna stared out into the dark as she twisted her hands nervously. The VCR clock showed 3:47 am and Bosco was still not home. She wondered what he was doing. He had called her almost four hours ago, to tell her that he was OK, and for that she was grateful. Her heart had almost stopped beating when she saw the news about the shooting. It took all she had to convince herself, like cops' wives had done for ages, that no news is good news. That was also what she had told Fred when he called her to ask if she knew anything, but that just seemed to make him mad. Suddenly she heard Bosco's key in the lock and stood up to face him.
Bosco closed the door behind him and noticed that the apartment was dark. He tried to decide if he wanted Anna to be awake or not. He needed her, like always when he screwed up but, on the other hand, he wasn't sure that he could handle her questions. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Today he'd really made a new top note on the Boscorelli screw up list. He could still see Ross' dead body in front of him and hear Faith's terrified voice when she asked, "Why did you run like that?" Faith. He didn't want to think about Faith, because then he had to face what a horrible person he was.
First he had told her he didn't want to ride with her because of the counseling thing, and then he refused to fully forgive her, although she had saved his life. Now she was in trouble because of him, as always. All she had done was to look out for him, to back him up, to try to save his sorry ass, as always. And this was how he repaid her, by pushing her away and getting her in trouble. Ross. Ross was dead because of him. All in a days work. A piece of cake for Maurice Boscorelli, he thought sarcastically.
"Bosco?" Bosco heard Anna's gentle voice the moment he saw her appear from the shadows.
" Bosco?" she said again and he could hear the catch in her voice that told him she was worried about him. No one could worry like her, not even his own mom. Yeah, like you never give her any reasons to, he thought angrily to himself.
"Bosco?" she said for the third time and carefully touched his face.
He took a step away from the wall; wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair like so many times before. Anna sensed that he didn't want to talk so she just hugged him, feeling how tense he was, and remained silent. Her mind on the other hand was running a mile in a minute, trying to figure out what was wrong. The times he acted like this was always the hardest to deal with for both of them. They also always included the most severe problems and the biggest screw-ups. She knew that from experience.
He leaned so heavily against her that she had trouble standing straight, so she pulled away a bit, still holding him and asked:
"Are you OK?" He shook his head.
"Come on, let's go and sit down," she said and almost dragged him to the couch.
"Bosco what's wrong?" she asked again.
"Everything."
Anna didn't respond. She had a feeling she really didn't want to hear this.
"Faith," he finally whispered.
Anna looked at him worriedly. "What about Faith? Is she hurt?"
"No. Ross is. Ross is dead and Faith is in trouble because of me", he said despair in his voice.
Anna could tell that he was dangerously close to a complete breakdown.
"Bos," she started gently.
"No," he cut her off, "I don't wanna talk about it."
"OK," she said and embraced him. He didn't fight her, just rested his forehead on her shoulder and they sat there in complete silence for a long time.
"Anna please make love to me," he suddenly whispered.
"What?" she asked in surprise.
"Please make love to me," he whispered again and started to kiss her in the neck. She ran her hands through his hair and nodded slowly, feeling his need to be loved in every fiber of her body. He took her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
Anna gently caressed Bosco's hair and carefully pushed herself off the bed. She went into the living room and stood by the window. She watched the streets of New York slowly waking up. The feeling she had inside that they were- or rather Bosco was- heading for disaster was getting stronger for every day. The way he had made love to her tonight only confirmed it. He had never made love to her like that ever before. He had held on to her like he was drowning. Like she was the only thing that stopped him from sinking, and maybe she was. The thought scared her, because she didn't know how long she could keep him going, and she couldn't see anyone else around to help her.
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: I don't owe a thing, just borrow and play.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Well now we are in season three and if you've been watching "Superheroes" and "Long guns" this will be easier to understand.
AUTHORS NOTE: SORRY! I know it took forever to update this, but real world can bee so annoying sometimes. I hope some of you're still with me. Thanks again to all of you that review and of course to my beta-readers Jenny, Carina and wine-into- water for all their help. I owe you guys everything!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
"Anna Lewis," Anna said in the phone as she dried her hands on the towel. She had just finished the breakfast dishes.
"Hi, it's Faith."
"Oh, hi Faith," Anna said and smiled. In that moment a terrific yell rung through the apartment. Anna sighed and said:
"Hang on a sec," then she covered the phone and yelled: "BOSCO! Please check on the boys and find out what they're fighting about, will you. I'm on the phone!"
"Yeah, yeah!!" he yelled back impatiently.
Anna turned her attention back to the phone.
"Sorry about that," she said in an apologizing voice.
"It's OK," Faith said, amused. "I have kids too, I know what it's like."
"So what can I help you with, love?" Anna said cheerfully. "Do you wanna talk to Bosco?"
"Um, no, actually I wanted to talk to you. I didn't think he was home. Isn't he usually out running this time a day?" Faith asked in an embarrassed voice.
"Yeah, he usually is, but he woke up with a bad headache this morning, so he didn't feel like it."
"Oh," Faith said. "He's OK?"
"Yeah, don't you worry about it, it's just from the lack of sleep. Look, I guess from what you're saying you don't want him to know that we've spoken to each other, so why don't you call me in two hours or so. He has a dentist appointment then."
"Sounds good," Faith said, relieved.
"Who is it?" Bosco asked from behind Anna. Shit! Faith thought. Anna turned around and smiled at him.
"It's Faith."
"What does she want?"
Anna shrugged. "I don't know, why don't you ask her," she said innocently.
Bosco took the phone from her. "Faith?"
"Hi Bos, you're OK?" Faith said worriedly.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
" Anna said you had a bad headache." her voice trailed off. She knew how much he hated when she was 'mothering' him as he called it.
"Oh that, it's much better already. Don't worry about it," he said tiredly.
"OK."
"So what do you want? he asked, tiredness still in his voice.
Faith thought franticly about something to say, then her gaze fell on the pouring rain outside and she said:
"It's raining cats and dogs outside. Do you mind picking me up before work?"
"Sure, no problem. See you at two?"
"Sounds good, thanks" Faith said, relieved that she was off the hook and that he didn't suspect anything.
"Like I said, no problem" Bosco replied. "Bye Faith."
"Bye Bos."
Faith hung up the phone and stared out into space. Only two hours left to the first betrayal she thought nervously. She knew it was for the best, but she still felt like she betrayed him. *****
" So what's bothering you?" Anna said with concern in her voice two hours later.
"It's Bos," Faith said and felt very uneasy talking about him behind his back like this.
"Well I figured out that much myself "Anna said, and Faith could hear the smile in her voice. "What has he done this time?"
"It's more what he doesn't do that bothers me," Faith said and felt like an idiot.
"You mean that he doesn't seem to care about anything or anyone anymore?" Anna asked sadness in her voice.
"Yeah! That's exactly what I mean," Faith said, happy that Anna understood what she was talking about, because she wasn't sure she would be able to explain it even if she wanted to.
"So he's like that at work too. I thought it was just with me," Anna said with worry evident in her voice.
"No it's like he just comes here and.I don't really know.it's like he's not here," Faith said uncertainly.
"I know what you mean. He's exactly like that at home too. Samuel and Adam are the only one who can get through to him, and even then it's only for a short moment. He doesn't sleep, as he should either. He's lying awake for hours, but when I ask him what's wrong he doesn't even answer. Coaxing doesn't help either," Anna said with a sigh.
"I think Hobart killing himself like he did was to much for him," Faith said quietly, feeling her chest tighten just by the thought of that terrible day.
"I know. He should talk about it, but I can't get him to do it," Anna said unhappily.
"Neither can I, and that is the reason I wanted to talk to you. I'm gonna talk to Swerski about getting him someone professional to talk to," Faith said determinedly.
"Like counseling?" Anna asked in surprise.
"Yeah."
"Faith I don't know." Anna said hesitatingly." He's not gonna like it."
"I know, but we can't just ignore it, then he might go over the edge."
"You're right, but he's gonna be pissed like hell," Anna said warningly.
Faith sigh. "I know and that's one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you. I want you to be prepared."
"That's nice of you, but I can't promise you any damage control this time, because like I told you earlier; I can't get through to him," Anna said in an apologizing voice.
"I know that. It's OK. I just wanted you to know why he's gonna be pissed, and why I did this to him," Faith said and Anna could hear the anguish in her voice.
"I'm happy you did, and please don't feel guilty about it. It's the right thing to do and I'm glad you have the guts to do it. Don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll get over it, and realize that you only wanted to help him. Just give it some time," Anna said as reassuringly as she could although she had he doubts about it. Bosco was going to feel betrayed, that's for sure.
"I hope you're right," Faith said weakly. "Just take care of him for me, will you."
"I'll do my best, as long as you do the same for me."
"Um well, that's the other reason I called you," Faith said with guilt evident in her voice. "I'm gonna try for a sergeant's degree soon, so I might not been able to stay partner with him for so much longer."
Her only response was silence.
"Anna," she said pleadingly.
Anna tried to process what Faith had said. She felt confused and scared. Why was Faith doing this? What could Bosco have done to make her wanting to leave him? Would he really be able to deal with this, considering how vulnerable he had been lately? Would someone else really be able to handle him, to keep him out of trouble? She highly doubted it, and that meant that she had to worry about him, all the time. Worry a lot! God! This just couldn't be true.
"Why Faith? What has he done?"
"Nothing Anna. He hasn't done anything. This isn't about him. It's about my family and me. I have to be at home more, to spend more time with my kids. My husband and I have some problems and if I get off the streets so that he doesn't have to worry so much, then maybe we can work things out. Please try to understand," Faith said pleadingly. "I'm not doing this to hurt Bosco. I'm doing it to save my marriage!"
"Does Bosco know?" Anna said quietly.
"Yeah, I told him the day Hobart killed himself," Faith said unhappily. "He is going to the ESU anyway. He's been talking about it for months now," she said in an attempt to justify herself.
Anna sighed. She understood Faith. She really did. Family was important, especially kids. She was right about Bosco wanting the ESU too, but Anna knew that he didn't want to do it alone. He wanted Faith to come too. He needed Faith and Faith was leaving him. Bosco probably didn't understand her reasons to leave, and that probably was one of the reasons why he was sinking so deep in his depression.
"I understand Faith, I really do," she said reassuringly. "It's just. I'm not sure Bosco does, and him being out there without you scares me. He needs you."
"I know, but I'm not gonna stop being his friend, just his partner, and I haven't passed the test yet," she said in an attempt to make things seem a little less definite.
"You're right. We'll deal with it later. I'll try to talk to him about it. We'll make it work somehow," Anna said tiredly. She knew she had more problems on her hands than she wanted to think about.
"OK, thanks," Faith said gratefully.
"You're welcome and thanks for telling me. I have to go now, otherwise I'm gonna be late for work. Bosco will be there to pick you up soon," Anna said comfortingly, trying to ease Faith's guilt.
"OK, bye Anna."
"Bye Faith."
Anna hung up the phone and put her head in her hands, wondering why life always had to be so complicated. She couldn't complain though, she had volunteered for this the day she asked Bosco to come back. The question was: How was she going to deal with this? How was she going to pull him through? How was she going to handle all the worry? She sighed. It really looked like a mission impossible.
******
Anna stared out into the dark as she twisted her hands nervously. The VCR clock showed 3:47 am and Bosco was still not home. She wondered what he was doing. He had called her almost four hours ago, to tell her that he was OK, and for that she was grateful. Her heart had almost stopped beating when she saw the news about the shooting. It took all she had to convince herself, like cops' wives had done for ages, that no news is good news. That was also what she had told Fred when he called her to ask if she knew anything, but that just seemed to make him mad. Suddenly she heard Bosco's key in the lock and stood up to face him.
Bosco closed the door behind him and noticed that the apartment was dark. He tried to decide if he wanted Anna to be awake or not. He needed her, like always when he screwed up but, on the other hand, he wasn't sure that he could handle her questions. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Today he'd really made a new top note on the Boscorelli screw up list. He could still see Ross' dead body in front of him and hear Faith's terrified voice when she asked, "Why did you run like that?" Faith. He didn't want to think about Faith, because then he had to face what a horrible person he was.
First he had told her he didn't want to ride with her because of the counseling thing, and then he refused to fully forgive her, although she had saved his life. Now she was in trouble because of him, as always. All she had done was to look out for him, to back him up, to try to save his sorry ass, as always. And this was how he repaid her, by pushing her away and getting her in trouble. Ross. Ross was dead because of him. All in a days work. A piece of cake for Maurice Boscorelli, he thought sarcastically.
"Bosco?" Bosco heard Anna's gentle voice the moment he saw her appear from the shadows.
" Bosco?" she said again and he could hear the catch in her voice that told him she was worried about him. No one could worry like her, not even his own mom. Yeah, like you never give her any reasons to, he thought angrily to himself.
"Bosco?" she said for the third time and carefully touched his face.
He took a step away from the wall; wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair like so many times before. Anna sensed that he didn't want to talk so she just hugged him, feeling how tense he was, and remained silent. Her mind on the other hand was running a mile in a minute, trying to figure out what was wrong. The times he acted like this was always the hardest to deal with for both of them. They also always included the most severe problems and the biggest screw-ups. She knew that from experience.
He leaned so heavily against her that she had trouble standing straight, so she pulled away a bit, still holding him and asked:
"Are you OK?" He shook his head.
"Come on, let's go and sit down," she said and almost dragged him to the couch.
"Bosco what's wrong?" she asked again.
"Everything."
Anna didn't respond. She had a feeling she really didn't want to hear this.
"Faith," he finally whispered.
Anna looked at him worriedly. "What about Faith? Is she hurt?"
"No. Ross is. Ross is dead and Faith is in trouble because of me", he said despair in his voice.
Anna could tell that he was dangerously close to a complete breakdown.
"Bos," she started gently.
"No," he cut her off, "I don't wanna talk about it."
"OK," she said and embraced him. He didn't fight her, just rested his forehead on her shoulder and they sat there in complete silence for a long time.
"Anna please make love to me," he suddenly whispered.
"What?" she asked in surprise.
"Please make love to me," he whispered again and started to kiss her in the neck. She ran her hands through his hair and nodded slowly, feeling his need to be loved in every fiber of her body. He took her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
Anna gently caressed Bosco's hair and carefully pushed herself off the bed. She went into the living room and stood by the window. She watched the streets of New York slowly waking up. The feeling she had inside that they were- or rather Bosco was- heading for disaster was getting stronger for every day. The way he had made love to her tonight only confirmed it. He had never made love to her like that ever before. He had held on to her like he was drowning. Like she was the only thing that stopped him from sinking, and maybe she was. The thought scared her, because she didn't know how long she could keep him going, and she couldn't see anyone else around to help her.