Memoirs of a Rock Star
by Kagaya Chou
Ratings: R for mild sexual themes
Genre: Angst/Romance
Length: One-shot
Tagline: Bad Luck's guitarist looks at friendship, family, love & lust.
Comments: I think I started out without any idea what I was going to write about, and then the Hiro-muse came to fill my emptied brain with this... thing. Comments? Critizism? Is this any good?
Disclaimer: Gravitation was created by Murakami Maki. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended.
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Having had no previous firsthand experence, I was never one to believe in love at first sight. When we first met in high school, I thought I would hate him, and now, Shindou Shuichi is my best friend... and first love. Not that he knows, of course. It might shatter his mind if he ever found out that I, his loyal Nakano Hiroshi, wanted to be the one in his heart and soul.
People said that I must have been blinded by that oblivious idiot. He had god-awful grades in anything but music, had magenta-pink hair... I won't start on his fashion sense. Basically, people said he must have been a bad influence, because if not for him, I could have gotten into any university I wanted by now - I was the school's golden boy, a child genius.
My elder brother, Yuuzi, became the black sheep of our family when he left school and home to - oh, the horror - be an actor. So far, he'd only ever landed roles as an extra. Nonetheless, Yuuzi worked VERY hard. But there was no way, according to our parents, that I was going to follow in my brother's footsteps, and form a rockband with that subversive Shuichi.
But I did. At the graduation ceremony, he took over the microphone and approached me on stage in front of everyone, my mother included. He was stubborn, always one for dramatics.
"Say you want it, Hiro! You're my guitarist, say you belong to me!"
My mother nearly had a heart attack when I replied, "Shuichi, I'm yours!" All I could do was smile. From the moment I picked up the guitar once more there, we really started to jam.
Back at school, we were so close we often acted like a married couple, but I don't think it was never more than pretence for him. It was a hit with the girls though; we never failed to get out of classroom duties. The girls would giggle and squirm when Shuichi leant into me. I'd lean down and lick his ear, trailing a hand provocatively down his side, caressing his slim waist like he was all mine. I'd tell them what I'd do with him when we're alone in a stage whisper... things I only wish I could. He'd blush so that his cheeks matched his hair.
Alone afterwards, he asked me once, "Hiro... Where do you get all those ideas from anyway? You should have been an actor." He looked away with a nervous laugh. "If I didn't know you better, I'd have been scared, Hiro. You make it sound so convincing!"
"But Shu-chan," If I started counting the number of times he said my name in a day, it'd probably be matched by the number of times I said his. I reached over and ruffled his hair so he couldn't see the lie in my eyes. "You know me. I'd never do anything to hurt you, Shuichi."
I never mistook him for straight. I just thought that I would scare him away if I ever said anything, if I moved too fast. First and foremost, we were friends, I promised myself. I would - could - never betray his trust in me. We'd hang out and make music together, sing and write fanciful love songs. I was all right with a guitar, and he liked writing the lyrics... Part of me kept hoping that someday he'd...
He fell in love with Yuki Eiri, a cold ass of a writer of best seller romance novels. I always told Shuichi that it was a bad idea to walk around Tokyo alone at night, but... They had met in a park one evening.
"His hair shone this... pale golden color under the moonlight," Shuichi had the most intense far-away look in those amethest-like eyes. "That guy looked like a foreigner, but he spoke perfect Japanese to me. He was like this Sun god taking a break from work... You know what? I've never seen anyone with amber eyes before!" Half-listening, I wished that my eyes weren't sable. I wish he'd talk about me, look at me that way... I'd never seen that look on his face before. Shuichi was absolutely glowing.
He was humming some new lyrics he had written when the wind picked up and blew the sheet of paper out of his hands to stop at some blond's feet. The man had taken one look at the words there, stared at Shuichi with those "piercing" eyes, and told him that there were grade schoolers who could write better. So Shuichi went home and rewrote the entire song... Wouldn't share until he was satisfied that the lyrics were perfect. Couldn't forget about the guy he met in the park... He kept talking about that guy for days. It was as though showing that guy that Shindou Shuichi was worth something became his reason to live.
I told Shuichi that he was special. He didn't need a complete stranger telling him otherwise... But coming from me, I guess it didn't matter as much. My words were simply a best friend's consolation.
Looking back, Shuichi said it was love at first sight. He didn't know who that guy was, where he came from or what that guy had done in his past. Shuichi just wanted that guy's approval... and affection. It wasn't until he saw the guy driving one day, ran in front of that guy's car, and nearly gotten run over before he learned that guy's name. Shuichi's never stopped talking about Yuki-san since.
Yuki-san was Shuichi's world. Everything that came out of his mouth affected Shuichi, and the man would sooner knock people down a few pegs than make them feel on top of the world. If Shuichi couldn't talk himself into his hyper-happy-mode, I'd be there to cheer him up and make him feel good about himself no matter what. But it was just me, I supposed. Whatever Yuki-san did, Shuichi just loved him more.
And Yuki-san did a lot... from winning some Japanese literature awards for his writing... to letting Shuichi move into his house, and thus be able to kick the idiot out crying every fortnight or so when Shuichi got too distracting to be a muse.
At the beginning of their relationship, I swore to Yuki-san, "If Shuichi ever came crying to me about anything other than his own stupidity, I'm never going to forgive you." In other words, I promised to make Yuki-san's life miserable in any and all ways possible if he ever hurt Shuichi...
That's how Yuki-san knew about my feelings. Since then, he's never failed to rub their budding relationship in my face whenever he could. He'd be nice to Shuichi for just one odd moment, and that happy smile on my best friend's face would brighten the whole room. Then Yuki-san would deliberately pull Shuichi close and catch my eye. He'd smirk.
I'd just feel like... I was going to die.
I was far from suicidal. My life hadn't shot to hell yet, nor did I ever think it would in the long run. I had an exciting job with my closest friend. I moved out of my parent's house after chosing to follow Shuichi, so my parents and I hardly spoke anymore, but my brother was there for me. He even moved in to keep me company.
If there was anyone I could love without hurting, it would be Yuuzi. There was no question that my big brother thought the world of me. He said I made him so proud, because I followed my dreams, and succeeded. He was thrilled when he saw me on television, and read about how Bad Luck sold a million copies on our first CD! Yuuzi promised that someday he would make it big, too. Only then, he insisted, would he be worthy of a little brother like me...
Seems a long time ago since our Indies days. Shuichi had somehow managed to convince Yuki-san to see him at our first live concert and he kept gushing about how Yuki-san had to cancel a "date" he'd made with this beautiful woman, how he would never have managed to get a word out on stage if it wasn't for Yuki-san being there... Actually, if it wasn't for Yuki-san's presence, we wouldn't have attracted the attention of NG Productions, the biggest record producing company in the country.
The woman Shuichi mentioned turned out to be Yuki-san's elder sister, who was married to Seguchi Tohma, president of NG Productions... and Yuki-san's one and only friend. Yuki-san later accused Shuichi of sleeping with him to get famous, which was complete crock. Shuichi hadn't even known about Yuki-san being a writer when they first met. He just... picked the right guy.
If the right guy was one who could get him raped just by the association of their relationship...
To Yuki-san's credit, it wasn't his fault entirely... Aizawa Tachi, leader and vocalist of a rival band called ASK, felt vulnerable because of Seguchi-san's blatant favoritism and Bad Luck's popularity. He hired some thugs to beat and use Shuichi as they wished, while he took pictures. He threatened to send the photos off to the press, and ruin Yuki-san's career by telling the public about their 'illicit affair' unless Shuichi quit his band.
Shuichi didn't tell me much about what happened. I had to piece the story together on my own... When he called me, when I found him sitting in the rain outside my house like some forsaken ragdoll, he was a wreak. He kept asking me, "Hiro... Hiro, is it wrong to love? Please
tell me..."
If it wasn't for Yuki-san! Shuichi came to me because he trusted me, and I couldn't do anything more than give him warm milk and cookies!
And a bath. I gave him a bath. He really wanted one. I asked if he could stand on his own, but we both knew he couldn't quite manage it. I was afraid he's slip and hit his head or something, because he had collapsed a little ways from my door and called me via cell phone because he couldn't work up the energy to reach the door bell!
Shuichi... looked so fragile. He was badly bruised and his clothes were filthy with dirt and blood and semen and god knows what else... He was trying to hide it even as he stripped in front of his best friend like everything was as fine as it should be. Yes, he got beaten up. Aizawa hired some guys to... just rough him up a bit, he insisted. Nothing he couldn't have handled on his own, he said as he stepped into the tub. Aizawa was nice at first, that's all. It was just so sudden...
Who was he kidding? Like I couldn't tell from the musky scent he gave off!
"Hiro... Why, Hiro?" He started crying, lunged forward, and buried his face into my chest, his smaller frame shaking with heavy sobs. We were both wet but all I could do was be there, and listen. "Did I do something I shouldn't have? Was I wrong to love Yuki? I love him so much, Hiro. It can't be wrong. What did I do wrong?"
Even as Shuich tensed up when I wrapped my hands around him, I told him, "You didn't do anything wrong. It's not wrong to love. You're not wrong. Please trust me, Shuichi. I'm your best friend Hiro." I kept repeating those words like some mantra and they seemed to calm him somehow. "I'll aways be there for you. Trust me, it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong, Shuichi..."
But I wasn't the one he needed to hear those words from.
Soon as I made sure Shuichi was warm and dry and tucked in bed, I rode my motorcycle over to Yuki-san's place, fairly shouting when that guy answered the door. I told him everything, and he took it all in with no change in his expression. Finally, I just grabbed his collar and yelled, "He got hurt because of loving you! You're not going to do anything about it?"
That crazy look in his eyes when he quietly asked, "Where do I find this Aizawa Tachi?" It made me think I had just signed that singer's death warrant.
Yuki-san didn't hurt Aizawa in the end. He retrieved the film somehow... and one other member of ASK got hospitalized as a result. Guess it was Yuki-san's way of saying, "If you hurt someone important to me, I'll hurt someone you care about, too." Aizawa also got run over by a car a few days later. Lucky bastard didn't die, but with two of the three band members out of commission, ASK was as good as dead.
So... I respected Yuki-san... He achieved what I couldn't in many ways. He cared enough about Shuichi to do something that would have been considered illegal if he were caught, and I'd like to think he felt more than care, for Shuichi's sake... Shuichi recovered because Yuki-san was there for him in the end. He was happy with Yuki-san. Any fool could have seen Shuichi was in love with Yuki-san... and I... I did my part.
We're best friends, no more no less. Shuichi had found someone he loved, who loved him back. End of story. I felt left out, true, but...
Then I met her: Yuki-san's fiancee, Usami Ayaka. It was an accident, really... Shuichi and I were going to eat out one evening when we saw some men harrassing an obviously distressed damsel in the middle of the street. So we scared those brutes off and invited the girl to come along for dinner. Oh, Ayaka-chan was pretty cute I thought, and brave.
She told us that she was from Kyoto, and that she came to Tokyo looking for someone... But she didn't have a place to stay or anything, so I offered to take her to safety. Taken in context of how we met, suggesting a hotel or my apartment would no doubt have scared her, so I found a karaoke bar...
The place was open 24/7, I wouldn't have to leave the lost girl unattended in the middle of Tokyo, and we didn't have to try too hard to entertain each other... Plus I found out that she liked rock music. That was a bonus.
Shuichi and I never suspected her relationship with Yuki-san until Shuichi unwittingly brought her to him. Then we found that it had been an arranged marriage between two prestigious, old families. Ayaka-chan and Yuki-san had never met long enough to get to know each other - not that it would have made much of a difference to Yuki-san's lack of feelings for her - but she had read all his books and...
"COOL" was Yuki Eiri's latest piece, said the press, an ambitious story about an icy man, who was getting ready to marry the woman he was destined to spend the rest of his life with, when he met a young man, who made him think again, and they ran off together instead...
Well, running away from home to find one's beloved... was just what Ayaka-chan did. It was all very romantic of her. And tragic. When she found out that Shuichi was living with Yuki, she slapped Shuichi at the studio and told him to stay away from her future husband. But Shuichi, being the ditz he was, just bounced back and staked his claim at our next live with a shattering, "YUKI'S MINE!"
It was painful, really. When he talkd about Yuki-san, when I saw them together... or when I didn't. When I'd see Shuichi with tears running down his rosy, round cheeks, I'd want to scoop him up in my arms, keep him warm and safe. On some level, he knew. He'd show up at my door seeking sanctuary, and I'd welcome him in with a hug and a box of tissues. He'd use them all up by the end of the visit. I'd give him advice if he asked for my opinion. Then, I'd let him take my bed for the night... I'd fall asleep on the couch, and send him jumping out the door the next day when the energizer bunny was feeling recharged and brave enough to face the world again. I'd slip back into bed, knowing that it was his tear stains on my pillow because I'm not one to cry.
I was hurting... but I wasn't the only one. I recognized this painful longing in Ayaka-chan's eyes when she talked about Yuki-san... She told me that the first time she truly saw him smile was when Shuichi bellowed those deciding words in front of the whole world. At first, she had put up a good fight for Yuki-san, but after seeing him with Shuichi, she knew that he could never love her back. She backed off, and tried to be his friend instead. Like I did.
I was attracted to bright, strong-willed personalities. Stubborn people, determined to make their dreams come true regardless of what the rest of the world did or said. People who had what it took to pursue their own happiness gave me the courage to do things I otherwise would not...
Not surprisingly, I developed feelings for Shuichi and Ayaka-chan. Shuichi simply didn't feel the same way for me, so I tried going out with Ayaka-chan. She suggested it in the first place and I liked her at least. Even though I couldn't bring myself to tell her, we could really relate our feelings. We were both heartbroken. She was a nice, decent girl from a rich, respectable family - all things my parents would certainly approve. I was the guitarist of a rock band on it's erratic road to stardom, and... it was better than marrying a gay writer, who's expected to become a monk because his own father wanted him to be?
Okay, we were desperate and we hung on to each other like life rafts. I couldn't so much as kiss her.
We held hands, had long walks in the park. I took her down to some beach on my bike one weekend. We went to see movies, and sat in the dark together, each waiting for the other to do something while the on-screen couple induced some off-screen couples to make-out in the cinema around us. We kept each other company. While she was staying in Tokyo, we ate together a lot and saw each other as much as we could. We had fun.
But the attraction wasn't there. There were so many things we couldn't talk to each other about, Shuichi and Yuki-san being the primary example. One time, Shuichi told me that Yuki-san promised to go on a date with him if Bad Luck sold one million CDs... That's what Ayaka-chan said at first. I mentioned it to her after a few more dates. What followed was a ten-hour-long phone conversation that was mostly filled with akward silence, and...
Ultimately, Ayaka-chan and I decided it just wasn't going to work out. "I'm sorry, Hiro-kun, I tried to love you, but I can't," she explained. "Let's just be friends instead, okay?"
I was probably smiling when she said that. "Sure," I said. Friends I could do. I was very good at being a friend. It's just love I have trouble with... It's as though, since giving my heart to Shuichi, I can't feel it for anyone else.
Interestingly enough, Ayaka-chan told me that she thought she'd give me a try, because our new manager set her up to it, to... give me some goal to work towards...
Crawd Winchester was said trigger-happy, manipulative, new manager... Or K-san. K... is my drug. The lingering taste of him on my lips - gun powder, herbal cigarettes and cotton candy kisses - makes me want to scream, "Just take me!", when he's not as close as I please.
The first time, it'd only been about a month since K and I met, after Ayaka-chan broke it off with me some time in the morning. When I arrived at work early again, he was there. He took a long look at me, seemed to come to some sort of decision, and before I could even say anything I'd become the target of his lust... or something. It certainly wasn't love.
"Ng-!" My jaw went slack and he took the opening. He could kiss. I was no pro, but it was... intoxicating. It wasn't like my previous "experiences". It wasn't like with Shuichi, akward experimentation when we were still in school. It wasn't like with Ayaka, formal and politely expected. "Ka-Kei-san?" The first thing that came to mind when I could breath again was that K could really, REALLY kiss.
He laughed with this devilish smile on his face. "There's only so many ways to pronounce an English letter, Hi-chan."
"Hi-chan?!" I would remember the next time I saw my older brother. Yuuzi was the only one to use that nick name on me before K. But there were more important things at hand. "What are you doing?" I brought my hands to K's chest to push him away. He was about a head taller than me though, and bigger, so it was a futile attempt. "No, why are you-?"
K shushed me. "You look like you need it," he shrugged, "hell, I need it." And that was all the explanation he gave before he took the liberties to pull my t-shirt over my head, and kiss me blind.
After a while, I forgot about freeing my hands. He was groping my chest like I was some girl while he shanghaied my tongue, and I couldn't protest. I remembered trying to move away too fast though, and banging the back of my head against the wall. I wasn't even standing close to a wall when it all started. How had we begun? The shirt ended up somewhere at our feet, my hands falling around his shoulders.
I discovered soft, beautiful, blond hair... He burnt me like the scorching su-... I didn't even want to think about it. I didn't know what I was doing with him. I didn't know why it happened, or why it kept happening. Those who knew us still thought Ayaka-chan and I were together... K just seemed to know. It was his job to keep tabs on everyone... But how he always managed to accost me in some public area without ever getting caught by someone randomly walking in was beyond me.
Actually, once, about a month after this affair started, Shuichi walked in on K and I in the dressing room, but we were saved by a dividing screen. I had my back on a table, and I was half way between a wanton mewl and a panicked squeak. K clamped one hand over my mouth immediately, this huge grin on his face, daring me to make a sound. His other hand was wrapped firmly around me stroking in slow little jerks, and I could feel all throbing ten inches of him pulsating inside me. I couldn't stay still.
Shuichi was too proccupied to notice if there was anything strange, like the stronger locker room smell, or the extra pheromones in the air. As soon as the door shut behind him, K moved out and in and out, and I gave a growl and reached up, and-
"Hiro?" Shuichi had to pop his head through the door again! What was his problem!
Those agonizing seconds K and I spent locked together in our fear and sweat... K had said that he used to do black ops, so security was, "No problem!" A sniper, I could believe; he had very good control with guns. I was surprised though that K had "security" in his vocabulary.
When Shuichi finally left with a softly murmured, "I thought I heard Hiro's voice...," K and I could only stare at each other, our lips so close our breath mingled. We remembered that we could still inhale. Or exhale. Whatever those words meant - breathe.
Then, there was a broad smile on K's face again. He captured my lips, closed his eyes, and started thrusting at a calmer pace.
It was... different. The only time he had ever suggested, "Let's try that again sometime," like it was fun. He had the most sated smile, and I was... bewildered.
"Since when did my consent matter to you, K?" I had taken to dropping the honorifics when we were alone.
"I wasn't asking," he pointed out.
K was right. He'd only ever given me statements or instructions, never answered questions, and I was the one who let him do... me. With shock, I realized that he hadn't even answered my last question, and was already walking out the door.
"Hiro-kun. Get dressed and meet us in our regular recording room. If Shuichi-kun remembers to make it on time, we're due for a session in ten minutes."
"Hai, K-san." The way he'd said my name signified the change in our roles. My responce was appropriately formal.
By the time I stepped out of the room, we were only manager and artist once more... Alone in some empty corridor, we'd crash and burn and meld together like lovers who'd never come apart. But at work, we are separated by our occupational positions, people we knew, and sound-proof walls and glass. Sometimes, I'd catch myself wondering if there were more, if there could be.
For the most part, K had done a good job of eradiacating such ideas before they took root. Usually, I could tell it was all libido to him, nothing else. Maybe I liked it like that.
But lately, we'd been doing some disturbing things. Even when I'd keep my head down and try to concentrate on the music, I'd feel his hands and those lavender blue eyes raking over my body. I'd feel... alive. Want to sink my fingers through that long golden mane, the color so different from my auburn brown.
Sometimes, he'd be too hot and bothered to let me touch. Everyday when we arrive at work an hour or so before the others do, when he'd trapped my hands and held me against the wall or door, he'd whispered dirty sweet nothings in the shell of my ear. His scent - spearmint, tobacco smoke, and roasted marshmallows - would do nasty things to my head and all I could do is listen to that shameless voice. It's been barely a week since Shuichi almost getting an eyeful and K's done a hell of a lot more talking.
"Hi-chan, you've been so bad," Thank god for small miracles. My brother doesn't say my name the way K does. "I thought you should know you've been plaguing my dreams. You've been making me mess up my sheets in the middle of the night 'cause I can't wait soon enough to see you come morning." Techincally, we've never done anything in bed together.
What I did to him, K said, he'd do to me thrice over. Promised that he'd make me pay for all the torture I put him through during working hours with my every sound or move. How he wanted me; how he shouldn't. He married a Hollywood actress. Judy's half way around the world. They had a child, and because of this job he was going to miss little Michael's sixth birthday party. But that was all right, because I could make this lonely man feel all better.
My fans, who didn't know me personally, said I shone on stage. As if I didn't, K let me know that I looked gorgeous, and not just in leather or tight jeans... I smelled like jasmine, spurge nettle and chamomile; he adored the brand of shampoo and conditioner I used. I tasted like tender poison, apparently. And I felt good; I made him feel good. The sound of my voice was like the sweetest music, he said.
K confessed that he'd never had this problem with the people he had previously dealt with. Basicallly, he had never been interested in younger women, or men before me. I was the one. I... Two years before we met, he was twice my age! I was a high school graduate preparing for university... K was one of the influential people that made me, and the band, famous. I was making his job so difficult...
I'm nineteen. K's thirty six... Age shouldn't matter... Here in Japan, or the United States where he's from, I'm of age to... with him... It's not wrong, I know, but it scares me. It's not that magnum that he keeps strapped to his shoulders at all times. That's one more thing to keep the others on their toes... It's just... The things we do, the secrets kept between the two of us, just sound like stress relief. The band is the only part of his life K was willing to share, because he had to. As long as Bad Luck was a success, he had no intention of ever talking about his feelings or listening to my opinions about any particular matter - unless it could bring in more profit. But something's changing. It doesn't take a genius to know. I'm young enough to need his attention, old enough to know that he can tell, and still... I want it to be him. I want K to use me. He makes Shuichi feel like a teenage crush.
But K won't allow it. He keeps pushing me away when I start pulling closer.
Just this morning when we heard someone coming in the outside corridor, I didn't want to let go of him... and I found a pistol trained at the center of my head, that smug smile on his lips. In a low voice, he uttered an unnecessary, "Freeze."
I hadn't flinched. It wasn't like him to do anything that would make me less marketable. If he valued his job at least, his were idle death threats. I leaned forward instead and rubbed my cheek against the barrel with a demure moan. There were more ways to knock that brazen grin off his lips, but the desire in his eyes was enough... for a while, though the bitter aftertaste was nothing to savour. As the door opened, K had made a flawless recovery.
"GOOD MORNING, Sakano-san!" His voice echoed through the mostly empty area.
"O-Ohayo, K-san! ... Ohayo, Nakano-san," eyes averted, Sakano-san quitely greeted us each with a habitual bow.
"Ohayo." I smiled back as I always did to reassure him that he had nothing to worry about from me. For as long as I've known him, his sensitive soul had always been as easily alarmed as K's could be alarming.
Sakano-san was our first manager, and so far, our only producer. My fondest memory of him are from the fateful night of Bad Luck's first live when he came up to us, this smiling young business man in a dark suit asking us, "Would you like to produce a CD?"
He was always so proper about things; I didn't think anyone of us but Seguchi-san knows Sakano-san's first name... If I were so inclined, I'd try to get to know more about him, but he doesn't seem too keen on talking about himself. He's too shy. After that mess with ASK, Seguchi-san decided that Sakano-san was far too timid to manage the band, and as a result, K was hired to reign us in.
They worked well together. Sakano-san's always organized, very careful with details and deadlines. He's always fretting that something would go wrong and no one would want us, but K had good connections... and he's certainly forceful enough to make everyone stick to schedules. Both men, I knew, were dedicated to the well being of the band.
In fact, there was this time when the rest of the world started talking about Shuichi and Yuki-sans's relationship: "Big news, everyone! Yuki Eiri, that gorgeous, famous writer of romance novels, and Shindou Shuichi, that cute vocalist of Bad Luck are gay! They're homosexual! They live together! That means they - gasp - sleep together! Check out Eiri-san's latest book! Look at the lyrics in Shindou-san's newest songs!"
It was really my best friend's stupidity catching up with him, since the press finally figured out who Shuichi meant by, "YUKI'S MINE!" Part of me thought that we should have seen it coming. Yet another part wanted to know just what was the big deal? In high school, no one really cared about Shuichi and I always being together. I hadn't learned back then how being famous infringed upon one's right to love.
However, K promptly convinced fretful Sakano-san that they could make use of this scandal as advertisement for our first CD. I couldn't believe the two of them. K's thinking I could understand... but I had thought Sakano-san had more... sense? Morals? No backbone.
I tried to quit the band when that happened. Now, I could credit it to K as the one who made me stay. It was all indirect, of course. He had somehow convinced Ayaka-chan to give me an incentive to continue...
But... K knew that Ayaka-chan and I broke up.
Ayaka-chan pretty much told me that he had set us up together after all...
And when it didn't work out between the two of us, he was there to...
Lovely.
Even without looking at him, I could hear the ringing laughter in K's voice, that ever-present smirk is on his face as he spoke to Sakano-san. My wrists were starting to ache again from the way K had held them back... Couldn't focus. I picked up my guitar, strumed the right cords to "Anti-Nostalgic", the first song that came to mind. Muscle memory was a saving grace. I grit my teeth, a closed-lip smile on my face. Something was breaking inside of me. I knew, but I couldn't quite feel it. Right when I thought K had no other motives, maybe he was...
Whatever. I'm tired. I don't want to care any more. Just want to talk with Yuuzi. The idea of my beloved brother dealing with the things that go on in the entertainment industry... God, I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
FIN.
by Kagaya Chou
Ratings: R for mild sexual themes
Genre: Angst/Romance
Length: One-shot
Tagline: Bad Luck's guitarist looks at friendship, family, love & lust.
Comments: I think I started out without any idea what I was going to write about, and then the Hiro-muse came to fill my emptied brain with this... thing. Comments? Critizism? Is this any good?
Disclaimer: Gravitation was created by Murakami Maki. No profit will be made out of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement was intended.
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Having had no previous firsthand experence, I was never one to believe in love at first sight. When we first met in high school, I thought I would hate him, and now, Shindou Shuichi is my best friend... and first love. Not that he knows, of course. It might shatter his mind if he ever found out that I, his loyal Nakano Hiroshi, wanted to be the one in his heart and soul.
People said that I must have been blinded by that oblivious idiot. He had god-awful grades in anything but music, had magenta-pink hair... I won't start on his fashion sense. Basically, people said he must have been a bad influence, because if not for him, I could have gotten into any university I wanted by now - I was the school's golden boy, a child genius.
My elder brother, Yuuzi, became the black sheep of our family when he left school and home to - oh, the horror - be an actor. So far, he'd only ever landed roles as an extra. Nonetheless, Yuuzi worked VERY hard. But there was no way, according to our parents, that I was going to follow in my brother's footsteps, and form a rockband with that subversive Shuichi.
But I did. At the graduation ceremony, he took over the microphone and approached me on stage in front of everyone, my mother included. He was stubborn, always one for dramatics.
"Say you want it, Hiro! You're my guitarist, say you belong to me!"
My mother nearly had a heart attack when I replied, "Shuichi, I'm yours!" All I could do was smile. From the moment I picked up the guitar once more there, we really started to jam.
Back at school, we were so close we often acted like a married couple, but I don't think it was never more than pretence for him. It was a hit with the girls though; we never failed to get out of classroom duties. The girls would giggle and squirm when Shuichi leant into me. I'd lean down and lick his ear, trailing a hand provocatively down his side, caressing his slim waist like he was all mine. I'd tell them what I'd do with him when we're alone in a stage whisper... things I only wish I could. He'd blush so that his cheeks matched his hair.
Alone afterwards, he asked me once, "Hiro... Where do you get all those ideas from anyway? You should have been an actor." He looked away with a nervous laugh. "If I didn't know you better, I'd have been scared, Hiro. You make it sound so convincing!"
"But Shu-chan," If I started counting the number of times he said my name in a day, it'd probably be matched by the number of times I said his. I reached over and ruffled his hair so he couldn't see the lie in my eyes. "You know me. I'd never do anything to hurt you, Shuichi."
I never mistook him for straight. I just thought that I would scare him away if I ever said anything, if I moved too fast. First and foremost, we were friends, I promised myself. I would - could - never betray his trust in me. We'd hang out and make music together, sing and write fanciful love songs. I was all right with a guitar, and he liked writing the lyrics... Part of me kept hoping that someday he'd...
He fell in love with Yuki Eiri, a cold ass of a writer of best seller romance novels. I always told Shuichi that it was a bad idea to walk around Tokyo alone at night, but... They had met in a park one evening.
"His hair shone this... pale golden color under the moonlight," Shuichi had the most intense far-away look in those amethest-like eyes. "That guy looked like a foreigner, but he spoke perfect Japanese to me. He was like this Sun god taking a break from work... You know what? I've never seen anyone with amber eyes before!" Half-listening, I wished that my eyes weren't sable. I wish he'd talk about me, look at me that way... I'd never seen that look on his face before. Shuichi was absolutely glowing.
He was humming some new lyrics he had written when the wind picked up and blew the sheet of paper out of his hands to stop at some blond's feet. The man had taken one look at the words there, stared at Shuichi with those "piercing" eyes, and told him that there were grade schoolers who could write better. So Shuichi went home and rewrote the entire song... Wouldn't share until he was satisfied that the lyrics were perfect. Couldn't forget about the guy he met in the park... He kept talking about that guy for days. It was as though showing that guy that Shindou Shuichi was worth something became his reason to live.
I told Shuichi that he was special. He didn't need a complete stranger telling him otherwise... But coming from me, I guess it didn't matter as much. My words were simply a best friend's consolation.
Looking back, Shuichi said it was love at first sight. He didn't know who that guy was, where he came from or what that guy had done in his past. Shuichi just wanted that guy's approval... and affection. It wasn't until he saw the guy driving one day, ran in front of that guy's car, and nearly gotten run over before he learned that guy's name. Shuichi's never stopped talking about Yuki-san since.
Yuki-san was Shuichi's world. Everything that came out of his mouth affected Shuichi, and the man would sooner knock people down a few pegs than make them feel on top of the world. If Shuichi couldn't talk himself into his hyper-happy-mode, I'd be there to cheer him up and make him feel good about himself no matter what. But it was just me, I supposed. Whatever Yuki-san did, Shuichi just loved him more.
And Yuki-san did a lot... from winning some Japanese literature awards for his writing... to letting Shuichi move into his house, and thus be able to kick the idiot out crying every fortnight or so when Shuichi got too distracting to be a muse.
At the beginning of their relationship, I swore to Yuki-san, "If Shuichi ever came crying to me about anything other than his own stupidity, I'm never going to forgive you." In other words, I promised to make Yuki-san's life miserable in any and all ways possible if he ever hurt Shuichi...
That's how Yuki-san knew about my feelings. Since then, he's never failed to rub their budding relationship in my face whenever he could. He'd be nice to Shuichi for just one odd moment, and that happy smile on my best friend's face would brighten the whole room. Then Yuki-san would deliberately pull Shuichi close and catch my eye. He'd smirk.
I'd just feel like... I was going to die.
I was far from suicidal. My life hadn't shot to hell yet, nor did I ever think it would in the long run. I had an exciting job with my closest friend. I moved out of my parent's house after chosing to follow Shuichi, so my parents and I hardly spoke anymore, but my brother was there for me. He even moved in to keep me company.
If there was anyone I could love without hurting, it would be Yuuzi. There was no question that my big brother thought the world of me. He said I made him so proud, because I followed my dreams, and succeeded. He was thrilled when he saw me on television, and read about how Bad Luck sold a million copies on our first CD! Yuuzi promised that someday he would make it big, too. Only then, he insisted, would he be worthy of a little brother like me...
Seems a long time ago since our Indies days. Shuichi had somehow managed to convince Yuki-san to see him at our first live concert and he kept gushing about how Yuki-san had to cancel a "date" he'd made with this beautiful woman, how he would never have managed to get a word out on stage if it wasn't for Yuki-san being there... Actually, if it wasn't for Yuki-san's presence, we wouldn't have attracted the attention of NG Productions, the biggest record producing company in the country.
The woman Shuichi mentioned turned out to be Yuki-san's elder sister, who was married to Seguchi Tohma, president of NG Productions... and Yuki-san's one and only friend. Yuki-san later accused Shuichi of sleeping with him to get famous, which was complete crock. Shuichi hadn't even known about Yuki-san being a writer when they first met. He just... picked the right guy.
If the right guy was one who could get him raped just by the association of their relationship...
To Yuki-san's credit, it wasn't his fault entirely... Aizawa Tachi, leader and vocalist of a rival band called ASK, felt vulnerable because of Seguchi-san's blatant favoritism and Bad Luck's popularity. He hired some thugs to beat and use Shuichi as they wished, while he took pictures. He threatened to send the photos off to the press, and ruin Yuki-san's career by telling the public about their 'illicit affair' unless Shuichi quit his band.
Shuichi didn't tell me much about what happened. I had to piece the story together on my own... When he called me, when I found him sitting in the rain outside my house like some forsaken ragdoll, he was a wreak. He kept asking me, "Hiro... Hiro, is it wrong to love? Please
tell me..."
If it wasn't for Yuki-san! Shuichi came to me because he trusted me, and I couldn't do anything more than give him warm milk and cookies!
And a bath. I gave him a bath. He really wanted one. I asked if he could stand on his own, but we both knew he couldn't quite manage it. I was afraid he's slip and hit his head or something, because he had collapsed a little ways from my door and called me via cell phone because he couldn't work up the energy to reach the door bell!
Shuichi... looked so fragile. He was badly bruised and his clothes were filthy with dirt and blood and semen and god knows what else... He was trying to hide it even as he stripped in front of his best friend like everything was as fine as it should be. Yes, he got beaten up. Aizawa hired some guys to... just rough him up a bit, he insisted. Nothing he couldn't have handled on his own, he said as he stepped into the tub. Aizawa was nice at first, that's all. It was just so sudden...
Who was he kidding? Like I couldn't tell from the musky scent he gave off!
"Hiro... Why, Hiro?" He started crying, lunged forward, and buried his face into my chest, his smaller frame shaking with heavy sobs. We were both wet but all I could do was be there, and listen. "Did I do something I shouldn't have? Was I wrong to love Yuki? I love him so much, Hiro. It can't be wrong. What did I do wrong?"
Even as Shuich tensed up when I wrapped my hands around him, I told him, "You didn't do anything wrong. It's not wrong to love. You're not wrong. Please trust me, Shuichi. I'm your best friend Hiro." I kept repeating those words like some mantra and they seemed to calm him somehow. "I'll aways be there for you. Trust me, it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong, Shuichi..."
But I wasn't the one he needed to hear those words from.
Soon as I made sure Shuichi was warm and dry and tucked in bed, I rode my motorcycle over to Yuki-san's place, fairly shouting when that guy answered the door. I told him everything, and he took it all in with no change in his expression. Finally, I just grabbed his collar and yelled, "He got hurt because of loving you! You're not going to do anything about it?"
That crazy look in his eyes when he quietly asked, "Where do I find this Aizawa Tachi?" It made me think I had just signed that singer's death warrant.
Yuki-san didn't hurt Aizawa in the end. He retrieved the film somehow... and one other member of ASK got hospitalized as a result. Guess it was Yuki-san's way of saying, "If you hurt someone important to me, I'll hurt someone you care about, too." Aizawa also got run over by a car a few days later. Lucky bastard didn't die, but with two of the three band members out of commission, ASK was as good as dead.
So... I respected Yuki-san... He achieved what I couldn't in many ways. He cared enough about Shuichi to do something that would have been considered illegal if he were caught, and I'd like to think he felt more than care, for Shuichi's sake... Shuichi recovered because Yuki-san was there for him in the end. He was happy with Yuki-san. Any fool could have seen Shuichi was in love with Yuki-san... and I... I did my part.
We're best friends, no more no less. Shuichi had found someone he loved, who loved him back. End of story. I felt left out, true, but...
Then I met her: Yuki-san's fiancee, Usami Ayaka. It was an accident, really... Shuichi and I were going to eat out one evening when we saw some men harrassing an obviously distressed damsel in the middle of the street. So we scared those brutes off and invited the girl to come along for dinner. Oh, Ayaka-chan was pretty cute I thought, and brave.
She told us that she was from Kyoto, and that she came to Tokyo looking for someone... But she didn't have a place to stay or anything, so I offered to take her to safety. Taken in context of how we met, suggesting a hotel or my apartment would no doubt have scared her, so I found a karaoke bar...
The place was open 24/7, I wouldn't have to leave the lost girl unattended in the middle of Tokyo, and we didn't have to try too hard to entertain each other... Plus I found out that she liked rock music. That was a bonus.
Shuichi and I never suspected her relationship with Yuki-san until Shuichi unwittingly brought her to him. Then we found that it had been an arranged marriage between two prestigious, old families. Ayaka-chan and Yuki-san had never met long enough to get to know each other - not that it would have made much of a difference to Yuki-san's lack of feelings for her - but she had read all his books and...
"COOL" was Yuki Eiri's latest piece, said the press, an ambitious story about an icy man, who was getting ready to marry the woman he was destined to spend the rest of his life with, when he met a young man, who made him think again, and they ran off together instead...
Well, running away from home to find one's beloved... was just what Ayaka-chan did. It was all very romantic of her. And tragic. When she found out that Shuichi was living with Yuki, she slapped Shuichi at the studio and told him to stay away from her future husband. But Shuichi, being the ditz he was, just bounced back and staked his claim at our next live with a shattering, "YUKI'S MINE!"
It was painful, really. When he talkd about Yuki-san, when I saw them together... or when I didn't. When I'd see Shuichi with tears running down his rosy, round cheeks, I'd want to scoop him up in my arms, keep him warm and safe. On some level, he knew. He'd show up at my door seeking sanctuary, and I'd welcome him in with a hug and a box of tissues. He'd use them all up by the end of the visit. I'd give him advice if he asked for my opinion. Then, I'd let him take my bed for the night... I'd fall asleep on the couch, and send him jumping out the door the next day when the energizer bunny was feeling recharged and brave enough to face the world again. I'd slip back into bed, knowing that it was his tear stains on my pillow because I'm not one to cry.
I was hurting... but I wasn't the only one. I recognized this painful longing in Ayaka-chan's eyes when she talked about Yuki-san... She told me that the first time she truly saw him smile was when Shuichi bellowed those deciding words in front of the whole world. At first, she had put up a good fight for Yuki-san, but after seeing him with Shuichi, she knew that he could never love her back. She backed off, and tried to be his friend instead. Like I did.
I was attracted to bright, strong-willed personalities. Stubborn people, determined to make their dreams come true regardless of what the rest of the world did or said. People who had what it took to pursue their own happiness gave me the courage to do things I otherwise would not...
Not surprisingly, I developed feelings for Shuichi and Ayaka-chan. Shuichi simply didn't feel the same way for me, so I tried going out with Ayaka-chan. She suggested it in the first place and I liked her at least. Even though I couldn't bring myself to tell her, we could really relate our feelings. We were both heartbroken. She was a nice, decent girl from a rich, respectable family - all things my parents would certainly approve. I was the guitarist of a rock band on it's erratic road to stardom, and... it was better than marrying a gay writer, who's expected to become a monk because his own father wanted him to be?
Okay, we were desperate and we hung on to each other like life rafts. I couldn't so much as kiss her.
We held hands, had long walks in the park. I took her down to some beach on my bike one weekend. We went to see movies, and sat in the dark together, each waiting for the other to do something while the on-screen couple induced some off-screen couples to make-out in the cinema around us. We kept each other company. While she was staying in Tokyo, we ate together a lot and saw each other as much as we could. We had fun.
But the attraction wasn't there. There were so many things we couldn't talk to each other about, Shuichi and Yuki-san being the primary example. One time, Shuichi told me that Yuki-san promised to go on a date with him if Bad Luck sold one million CDs... That's what Ayaka-chan said at first. I mentioned it to her after a few more dates. What followed was a ten-hour-long phone conversation that was mostly filled with akward silence, and...
Ultimately, Ayaka-chan and I decided it just wasn't going to work out. "I'm sorry, Hiro-kun, I tried to love you, but I can't," she explained. "Let's just be friends instead, okay?"
I was probably smiling when she said that. "Sure," I said. Friends I could do. I was very good at being a friend. It's just love I have trouble with... It's as though, since giving my heart to Shuichi, I can't feel it for anyone else.
Interestingly enough, Ayaka-chan told me that she thought she'd give me a try, because our new manager set her up to it, to... give me some goal to work towards...
Crawd Winchester was said trigger-happy, manipulative, new manager... Or K-san. K... is my drug. The lingering taste of him on my lips - gun powder, herbal cigarettes and cotton candy kisses - makes me want to scream, "Just take me!", when he's not as close as I please.
The first time, it'd only been about a month since K and I met, after Ayaka-chan broke it off with me some time in the morning. When I arrived at work early again, he was there. He took a long look at me, seemed to come to some sort of decision, and before I could even say anything I'd become the target of his lust... or something. It certainly wasn't love.
"Ng-!" My jaw went slack and he took the opening. He could kiss. I was no pro, but it was... intoxicating. It wasn't like my previous "experiences". It wasn't like with Shuichi, akward experimentation when we were still in school. It wasn't like with Ayaka, formal and politely expected. "Ka-Kei-san?" The first thing that came to mind when I could breath again was that K could really, REALLY kiss.
He laughed with this devilish smile on his face. "There's only so many ways to pronounce an English letter, Hi-chan."
"Hi-chan?!" I would remember the next time I saw my older brother. Yuuzi was the only one to use that nick name on me before K. But there were more important things at hand. "What are you doing?" I brought my hands to K's chest to push him away. He was about a head taller than me though, and bigger, so it was a futile attempt. "No, why are you-?"
K shushed me. "You look like you need it," he shrugged, "hell, I need it." And that was all the explanation he gave before he took the liberties to pull my t-shirt over my head, and kiss me blind.
After a while, I forgot about freeing my hands. He was groping my chest like I was some girl while he shanghaied my tongue, and I couldn't protest. I remembered trying to move away too fast though, and banging the back of my head against the wall. I wasn't even standing close to a wall when it all started. How had we begun? The shirt ended up somewhere at our feet, my hands falling around his shoulders.
I discovered soft, beautiful, blond hair... He burnt me like the scorching su-... I didn't even want to think about it. I didn't know what I was doing with him. I didn't know why it happened, or why it kept happening. Those who knew us still thought Ayaka-chan and I were together... K just seemed to know. It was his job to keep tabs on everyone... But how he always managed to accost me in some public area without ever getting caught by someone randomly walking in was beyond me.
Actually, once, about a month after this affair started, Shuichi walked in on K and I in the dressing room, but we were saved by a dividing screen. I had my back on a table, and I was half way between a wanton mewl and a panicked squeak. K clamped one hand over my mouth immediately, this huge grin on his face, daring me to make a sound. His other hand was wrapped firmly around me stroking in slow little jerks, and I could feel all throbing ten inches of him pulsating inside me. I couldn't stay still.
Shuichi was too proccupied to notice if there was anything strange, like the stronger locker room smell, or the extra pheromones in the air. As soon as the door shut behind him, K moved out and in and out, and I gave a growl and reached up, and-
"Hiro?" Shuichi had to pop his head through the door again! What was his problem!
Those agonizing seconds K and I spent locked together in our fear and sweat... K had said that he used to do black ops, so security was, "No problem!" A sniper, I could believe; he had very good control with guns. I was surprised though that K had "security" in his vocabulary.
When Shuichi finally left with a softly murmured, "I thought I heard Hiro's voice...," K and I could only stare at each other, our lips so close our breath mingled. We remembered that we could still inhale. Or exhale. Whatever those words meant - breathe.
Then, there was a broad smile on K's face again. He captured my lips, closed his eyes, and started thrusting at a calmer pace.
It was... different. The only time he had ever suggested, "Let's try that again sometime," like it was fun. He had the most sated smile, and I was... bewildered.
"Since when did my consent matter to you, K?" I had taken to dropping the honorifics when we were alone.
"I wasn't asking," he pointed out.
K was right. He'd only ever given me statements or instructions, never answered questions, and I was the one who let him do... me. With shock, I realized that he hadn't even answered my last question, and was already walking out the door.
"Hiro-kun. Get dressed and meet us in our regular recording room. If Shuichi-kun remembers to make it on time, we're due for a session in ten minutes."
"Hai, K-san." The way he'd said my name signified the change in our roles. My responce was appropriately formal.
By the time I stepped out of the room, we were only manager and artist once more... Alone in some empty corridor, we'd crash and burn and meld together like lovers who'd never come apart. But at work, we are separated by our occupational positions, people we knew, and sound-proof walls and glass. Sometimes, I'd catch myself wondering if there were more, if there could be.
For the most part, K had done a good job of eradiacating such ideas before they took root. Usually, I could tell it was all libido to him, nothing else. Maybe I liked it like that.
But lately, we'd been doing some disturbing things. Even when I'd keep my head down and try to concentrate on the music, I'd feel his hands and those lavender blue eyes raking over my body. I'd feel... alive. Want to sink my fingers through that long golden mane, the color so different from my auburn brown.
Sometimes, he'd be too hot and bothered to let me touch. Everyday when we arrive at work an hour or so before the others do, when he'd trapped my hands and held me against the wall or door, he'd whispered dirty sweet nothings in the shell of my ear. His scent - spearmint, tobacco smoke, and roasted marshmallows - would do nasty things to my head and all I could do is listen to that shameless voice. It's been barely a week since Shuichi almost getting an eyeful and K's done a hell of a lot more talking.
"Hi-chan, you've been so bad," Thank god for small miracles. My brother doesn't say my name the way K does. "I thought you should know you've been plaguing my dreams. You've been making me mess up my sheets in the middle of the night 'cause I can't wait soon enough to see you come morning." Techincally, we've never done anything in bed together.
What I did to him, K said, he'd do to me thrice over. Promised that he'd make me pay for all the torture I put him through during working hours with my every sound or move. How he wanted me; how he shouldn't. He married a Hollywood actress. Judy's half way around the world. They had a child, and because of this job he was going to miss little Michael's sixth birthday party. But that was all right, because I could make this lonely man feel all better.
My fans, who didn't know me personally, said I shone on stage. As if I didn't, K let me know that I looked gorgeous, and not just in leather or tight jeans... I smelled like jasmine, spurge nettle and chamomile; he adored the brand of shampoo and conditioner I used. I tasted like tender poison, apparently. And I felt good; I made him feel good. The sound of my voice was like the sweetest music, he said.
K confessed that he'd never had this problem with the people he had previously dealt with. Basicallly, he had never been interested in younger women, or men before me. I was the one. I... Two years before we met, he was twice my age! I was a high school graduate preparing for university... K was one of the influential people that made me, and the band, famous. I was making his job so difficult...
I'm nineteen. K's thirty six... Age shouldn't matter... Here in Japan, or the United States where he's from, I'm of age to... with him... It's not wrong, I know, but it scares me. It's not that magnum that he keeps strapped to his shoulders at all times. That's one more thing to keep the others on their toes... It's just... The things we do, the secrets kept between the two of us, just sound like stress relief. The band is the only part of his life K was willing to share, because he had to. As long as Bad Luck was a success, he had no intention of ever talking about his feelings or listening to my opinions about any particular matter - unless it could bring in more profit. But something's changing. It doesn't take a genius to know. I'm young enough to need his attention, old enough to know that he can tell, and still... I want it to be him. I want K to use me. He makes Shuichi feel like a teenage crush.
But K won't allow it. He keeps pushing me away when I start pulling closer.
Just this morning when we heard someone coming in the outside corridor, I didn't want to let go of him... and I found a pistol trained at the center of my head, that smug smile on his lips. In a low voice, he uttered an unnecessary, "Freeze."
I hadn't flinched. It wasn't like him to do anything that would make me less marketable. If he valued his job at least, his were idle death threats. I leaned forward instead and rubbed my cheek against the barrel with a demure moan. There were more ways to knock that brazen grin off his lips, but the desire in his eyes was enough... for a while, though the bitter aftertaste was nothing to savour. As the door opened, K had made a flawless recovery.
"GOOD MORNING, Sakano-san!" His voice echoed through the mostly empty area.
"O-Ohayo, K-san! ... Ohayo, Nakano-san," eyes averted, Sakano-san quitely greeted us each with a habitual bow.
"Ohayo." I smiled back as I always did to reassure him that he had nothing to worry about from me. For as long as I've known him, his sensitive soul had always been as easily alarmed as K's could be alarming.
Sakano-san was our first manager, and so far, our only producer. My fondest memory of him are from the fateful night of Bad Luck's first live when he came up to us, this smiling young business man in a dark suit asking us, "Would you like to produce a CD?"
He was always so proper about things; I didn't think anyone of us but Seguchi-san knows Sakano-san's first name... If I were so inclined, I'd try to get to know more about him, but he doesn't seem too keen on talking about himself. He's too shy. After that mess with ASK, Seguchi-san decided that Sakano-san was far too timid to manage the band, and as a result, K was hired to reign us in.
They worked well together. Sakano-san's always organized, very careful with details and deadlines. He's always fretting that something would go wrong and no one would want us, but K had good connections... and he's certainly forceful enough to make everyone stick to schedules. Both men, I knew, were dedicated to the well being of the band.
In fact, there was this time when the rest of the world started talking about Shuichi and Yuki-sans's relationship: "Big news, everyone! Yuki Eiri, that gorgeous, famous writer of romance novels, and Shindou Shuichi, that cute vocalist of Bad Luck are gay! They're homosexual! They live together! That means they - gasp - sleep together! Check out Eiri-san's latest book! Look at the lyrics in Shindou-san's newest songs!"
It was really my best friend's stupidity catching up with him, since the press finally figured out who Shuichi meant by, "YUKI'S MINE!" Part of me thought that we should have seen it coming. Yet another part wanted to know just what was the big deal? In high school, no one really cared about Shuichi and I always being together. I hadn't learned back then how being famous infringed upon one's right to love.
However, K promptly convinced fretful Sakano-san that they could make use of this scandal as advertisement for our first CD. I couldn't believe the two of them. K's thinking I could understand... but I had thought Sakano-san had more... sense? Morals? No backbone.
I tried to quit the band when that happened. Now, I could credit it to K as the one who made me stay. It was all indirect, of course. He had somehow convinced Ayaka-chan to give me an incentive to continue...
But... K knew that Ayaka-chan and I broke up.
Ayaka-chan pretty much told me that he had set us up together after all...
And when it didn't work out between the two of us, he was there to...
Lovely.
Even without looking at him, I could hear the ringing laughter in K's voice, that ever-present smirk is on his face as he spoke to Sakano-san. My wrists were starting to ache again from the way K had held them back... Couldn't focus. I picked up my guitar, strumed the right cords to "Anti-Nostalgic", the first song that came to mind. Muscle memory was a saving grace. I grit my teeth, a closed-lip smile on my face. Something was breaking inside of me. I knew, but I couldn't quite feel it. Right when I thought K had no other motives, maybe he was...
Whatever. I'm tired. I don't want to care any more. Just want to talk with Yuuzi. The idea of my beloved brother dealing with the things that go on in the entertainment industry... God, I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
FIN.