TITLE: One heartbeat for every lost day.
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith
E-MAIL: Faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe, just borrow and play.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: We are in season four and Bosco is "falling".
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks to all of you who reviewing this. You people really makes me a happy girl! Thanks also to the patient people who correct this for me: Jenny, Carina and Wine_into_water. Since the opinion among you who review this seems to be that you all need more, here you are! So please R&R!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Bosco sat on the couch staring out into the dark apartment without thinking one single thought. He just sat there, like he was lost in another, better world. He couldn't sleep anymore. Ever since Ross had died he had spend most of the nights awake, thinking, trying to figure out how his life had became an even bigger mess than it already was. He never came up with any answers, and now he didn't even think anymore. He just tried to exist, and even that was almost more then he managed to do. Suddenly the sound of small footsteps against the floor caught his attention and a little voice on the verge of crying said:
"Bosco."
Bosco turned his head to the left and spotted Samuel in the doorway.
"Hey there champ. What's the matter? What are you doing out of bed?" he asked.
Samuel just looked at him and Bosco could see the tears in his eyes.
"Had a bad dream, huh?" he asked and Samuel nodded.
Bosco held out his hand and said, his voice low and comforting, "Come here."
Samuel ran into his embrace and buried his head against Bosco's shoulder.
"It's OK. It was only a dream. Why don't you go and sleep next to your mom?"
The little boy shook his head. "I don't want to. I want to be with you. I want you to do your magic thing."
"My magic thing, huh?" Bosco said and smiled. Samuel nodded. "Well OK," Bosco said and Samuel smiled happily.
"OK, are you ready?" he asked with a smile. "Yeah," Samuel said with a big grin on his face.
"Then close your eyes," Samuel did as he was told. "Can you see the bad dream?" He nodded. "Then catch it with you're left hand." Samuel moved his hand in front of his eyes.
"Do you have it?" He nodded. "Then open your eyes and give it to me," Bosco said and held out his hand. Samuel opened his eyes and pretended to drop the bad dream in Bosco's hand. Bosco quickly closed it, read a magic spell over it, opened his hand again and pretended to blow the bad dream away.
"OK, now it's all gone. Felling any better? he asked. Samuel nodded and smiled happily.
"Good!" Bosco said. "Come on, let's get you back to bed." Samuel shook his head.
"No, I wanna do the same for you," he said.
"What? Bosco asked in surprise.
"You're sitting here because you too had a bad dream, right?"
Bosco looked at him for a moment and then he said:
"I guess you're right." My whole life is a nightmare, he thought.
"Then let me do magic for you!" the little boy said pleadingly.
"OK." They did it all over again, this time with Samuel in charge, then Samuel said: "Now it's all gone and you can sleep again."
"Thanks," Bosco said and gave him a slight smile. If only it was that simple, he thought.
"Can I stay here?" Samuel said pleadingly.
Bosco nodded and held him in his arms, watching how he slowly drifted back to sleep, wishing his life could be that simple.
Anna woke up, not sure about what had waked her. She glanced to her left to see if one of the boy's had come to their bed, but it was empty so she turned to the right again to go back to sleep. Then she realized that the bed was empty. Empty, as in no one there. That meant that Bosco wasn't sleeping, again. She sat up and rubbed her eyes tiredly. She slowly got out of bed and winced when she felt the pain in her hip. Anna knew she should use shoes inside too, because when she didn't she had to limp, and that had caused her hip to get worn out. She looked around on the floor for her shoes but she couldn't find them, and as so many times before, she just ignored it. She stood up and went to look for Bosco. She found him on the couch with Samuel in his arms.
"Bosco, " she whispered. He turned his head and looked at her.
"What's wrong with Samuel?"
"He had a bad dream."
She nodded slowly and held out her arms. "Let me put him back in bed."
Bosco shook his head and slowly stood up as he said: "I'll do it."
She nodded again and stepped aside to let him through. When they left she sat down on the couch and started thinking. She was so worried about him.
Things hadn't gotten even a bit better since Faith talked to Swerski, only worse. He had hardly slept at all since the night Ross died. The only times he fell asleep was after they had made love, or when one of the boys slept in their bed too, and even then he didn't sleep for long. He was sinking deeper and deeper into his own personal hell, and Anna didn't know what to do to ease his pain. It didn't help at all that he didn't ride with Faith anymore. As far as Anna knew they weren't angry at each other anymore, but Bosco had murmured something about that it was safer for her not to be anywhere near him. He refused to talk about anything and he refused to see the shrink anymore. It was like he thought he was alone in this world, and in a way he was. He had locked himself up in his own personal hell, and no matter how hard Anna tried, she couldn't find the key. The look of utter despair had permanently replaced the hunted one in his eyes. That look had scared her when she first saw it, and it scared her now. Maybe even more.
Bosco carefully laid Samuel down on the bed and tucked him in. He kissed his forehead and glanced over at Adam, who was sleeping peacefully, before he left the room. When he reached the hallway he suddenly felt a pain in his chest and it was a bit difficult to breath. He tried to take deep breaths but it was hard and he started to feel afraid. What was wrong with him? It was the second time this night he felt this way.
Anna had heard his footsteps coming, and when they stopped in the hallway she felt slightly irritated. She was determent to either make him to talk, or make him go back to sleep again. She wasn't going to let him run away, not this time. She stood up and limped into the hallway. She immediately spotted him leaning against the wall. His forehead was covered with cold sweat and his breathing seemed a bit labored.
"Bosco what's wrong? she asked worriedly.
"I don't know.I don't feel so good," he said weakly as he shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the strange feeling of losing control.
Anna's heart started to beat faster as her worry increased. She wasn't surprised though, the permanent lack of sleep had to give some physical symptoms sooner or later. He wasn't superman. She gently wiped away the sweat on his forehead and checked for a fever.
"Come on let's get you to bed," she said and took him by the arm. He didn't fight her and that scared her too. That had to mean he really didn't feel well.
Bosco lay down on the bed and Anna sat down beside him.
"Anna, what's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?" Bosco said, anguish in his voice.
"Have you felt like this before?"
"Yeah, once, earlier tonight," he confessed. Anna carefully caressed his hair and face and said:
"It's probably just from the lack of sleep. It causes physical problems sooner or later, but if it doesn't get any better you have to see a doctor, OK?"
"I don't like doctors," he murmured and tried to control his breathing. She smiled.
"I know, don't think about it now. Try to take deep breaths and relax. You need to get some sleep," she said gently.
Bosco nodded slowly. He felt better already. The soft touch from Anna's hands made him relax a bit, and he felt less lonely, as always when she was around. He could feel himself slowly losing the battle and he drifted off to sleep.
Anna watched him sleep and sighed heavily. He seemed to be getting closer to a nervous breakdown for every day that went by. She had to talk to Faith about it. Maybe they could find a way to reach him together.
*********
"Bosco you really should stay at home today," Anna said worriedly.
"Why? There's nothing wrong with me," he said impatiently.
"That's not what you said last night, and you don't look so good. What if something happens to you at work because you're not a 100% OK?" she tried to reason with him.
"For Heaven's sake Anna! Can you just once stop nagging me about how I feel? I told you I'm fine, now leave me the hell alone!" he snapped at her.
"Whatever you say," she said quietly and felt tears forming in her eyes. She hated when he shut her out like this. She was so tired. She didn't know if she could do this much longer if something didn't change soon. Bosco looked at her and saw the tears in her eyes.
"I told you. No crying," he said impatiently.
"And I told you not to raise your voice at me," she answered angrily.
The hurt look in her eyes made Bosco sober up. He carefully touched her face and said regretfully:
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act like a jerk. I'm just tired. " Anna bit her tongue to stop herself form saying, I told you so. Instead she said tiredly.
"Yeah, Yeah, now just go. You're gonna be late."
*****
"Faith it hurts. I can't breath!" Bosco cried. Faith saw the anguish in his eyes. She swallowed hard.
"Sully can't you drive any faster?" she said desperately as she stroked Bosco's hair in an attempt to sooth him.
"We'll be there in a minute. Just hold on Bosco!" Sully said and glanced at them in the rearview mirror.
"Anna!" Bosco cried.
"Shss Bos, I call her when we get to the hospital."
"Home," Bosco breathed."
"OK," Faith said. "I call her at home. Don't you worry." **** Anna wasn't surprised when she got the phone call from Faith that afternoon. She had had this bad feeling all day. Considering the state he had been in the previous night, something was bound to happen sooner or later, and bad things had a way of happening sooner.
"I'll be there, but it can take a while, because Bosco took the car this afternoon," she said into the phone.
"Hang on a sec." Faith said and covered the phone with one hand. "Sully!"
"Sully looked over at her and said questioningly; "What?"
"Can you pick up Bosco's girlfriend?"
Sully raised his eyebrows. "Does he have a girlfriend who cares enough to come over here now?"
Faith glared at him. "Yes or no?"
"Yes, of course."
"Anna, Sully's gonna pick you up in about fifteen minutes, OK?"
"OK."
******
Sully glanced over at the woman sitting in the passenger seat. She didn't look anything like Bosco's usual chicks. She had introduced herself as Anna. Anna.suddenly he remembered the cop who had beaten up his wife. Bosco had called the woman Anna, and he had been more than determined to kill her husband. He also remembered that Faith had said that something had gone wrong between them. So this was her. Sully couldn't help but wondering if she was sane. He couldn't imagine that anyone wanted to have a relationship with Boscorelli more than once.
"So what happened? Why do you think he had a heart attack?" Anna asked and looked at Sully.
"Yeah, well." Sully said hesitantly and glanced at the two little boys sitting in the backseat of the RMP. He briefly wondered if they were Bosco's kids. Anna saw the look.
"Don't worry about them. They've been through a lot worse than this," she said dryly.
Sully nodded his understanding. In that case they have to be Boscorelli's kids, he thought sarcastically.
"He was chasing a bank robber suspect, and he had caught him, when the bag with money exploded in his face. When we reached him, he was lying on the ground saying that his chest hurt and that he couldn't breathe."
Anna bit her bottom lip. What if she had read the symptoms wrong last night? What if he really had had a heart attack? No, she thought, it wasn't possible. Or was it? Anna quickly walked through the hospital doors, practically dragging Samuel and Adam with her. Faith was by the nurse's desk and when the boys spotted her they immediately ran to her.
"Hi guys," Faith said and crouched down in front of them. Samuel looked at her with big frightened eyes and said:
"Is Bosco dead?"
Faith swallowed hard. "No honey, he isn't. He's with the doctors now. They'll help him, OK?"
Both boys nodded with a serious look on their little faces. Faith met Anna's eyes over their heads. She could see all the questions in them, but all she could say was:
"I don't know what happened Anna. I honestly don't. He wasn't riding with me today, but it didn't look good."
Anna just nodded. In that moment Dr Thomas stepped out from the exam room. Anna quickly walked up to him.
"How is he? Did he have a heart attack?" she asked anxiously. "I'm his girlfriend," she added when she saw the questioningly look on the doctor's face.
Dr Thomas looked over at Faith and Sully for confirmation. They both nodded and Faith said:
"That's correct."
Dr Thomas looked gravely at Anna and said:
"No it wasn't a heart attack."
"Then what's wrong?" Faith said worriedly.
Dr Thomas continued to look at Anna.
"I think you'd better talk to him yourself."
Anna saw the look of pity in his eyes and knew her diagnose from the previous night was right, either that, or he was dying.
"Are you gonna keep him here?"
"No, only for half an hour or so, I want to keep him on the heart monitor a little bit longer, just to be on the safe side."
Anna nodded and looked over at Faith, who still had the boys in her embrace.
"Go on, I look after them for you, " she said reassuringly.
Anna looked at them and said: "Be nice, OK?" They both nodded.
Anna entered Bosco's room and took in his appearance. His eyes were closed and he had some kind of red paint on his face. The hospital gown, and the fact that he was hooked up to a heart monitor, made him look so vulnerable. She swallowed hard and suppressed her tears. Bosco sensed that someone was in the room and opened his eyes.
"Hi," Anna said quietly. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," he said shortly.
"Yeah? Well I guess that's why you're lying in a hospital bed hooked up to a heart monitor, denying everything, as usual?" she said, suddenly feeling very angry.
Why did she always have to drag everything out of him all the time? Why couldn't he for once in his life tell her how he felt? He looked at her, his eyes filled with emotions she couldn't fully read. Anger, but behind that something else, fear maybe? She wasn't really sure.
"Well that's not really necessary since the doctor say there's nothing wrong with me. It's just my imagination. Basically, in his opinion, I'm a nut case."
Anna's face and voice softened immediately when she heard the touch of despair in his angry voice.
"Bos I'm sure that's not what he meant. All he said was that there's nothing physically wrong with you."
"Then it has to be mental, right? That means I'm a nut case."
"No, but you have been under a lot of stress lately. You have to start talking to somebody about what's bothering you. Someone who can help you," Anna said pleadingly.
"Like a shrink? I don't think so Anna! I've done that remember? It didn't help at all! They just tell you that you need to let your emotions out, or that all this is because your mother didn't potty train you right, or some other shit! It doesn't help at all!" He was starting to get really upset, causing the alarm on the heart monitor to go off. Anna quickly silenced it.
"Maybe that's what you need to do," she said her voice soft and quiet.
"What?" he huffed.
"Let your emotions out."
" Cut the crap Anna. I don't need it!" he spat angrily.
"Bosco please! You really need to. This is making you sick, can't you see that?"
"I'm not sick, both you and the doctor told me so. It's just the lack of sleep. I don't need a shrink. All I need is to get some more sleep. You said so yourself!"
Anna closed her eyes and mentally kicked herself for giving him a way to escape from the truth, again. She knew she was defeated. There was no way she could convince him now.
"Bos, you haven't been able to sleep that much lately. What makes you think that would change now?" she asked, carrying a little tiny hope that he would see what she saw.
"I'll try not to think so much of all the shit that has happened lately, OK? And you're helping me, right? To fall asleep?" His eyes were filled with anguish and pleaded with her for help.
"Of course I will, but what if."
"NO," he cut her off. "No, don't say you can't! You can! You always can! We can fix this together, just you and me, right?" he said desperately and put his hand on his chest when the pain came back. The alarm on the heart monitor went off again and his breathing started to get labored.
Anna silenced the alarm once more. She felt her own chest tighten when she saw and heard his desperation. She wished she could make this nightmare go away, for both of them. She caressed his hair and put her hand on his cheek as she kissed his lips softly, all in an attempt to sooth him and make him calm down before someone realized what was going on.
"Yeah, we can fix this together, just you and me," she said softly. "Just try to calm down a bit OK?"
Bosco took her hand and held it tight. "Promise," he said. His anguish filled eyes never leaving hers.
"I promise." Anna said, knowing that for the first time in her life she had given him a promise she couldn't keep.
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith
E-MAIL: Faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe, just borrow and play.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: We are in season four and Bosco is "falling".
AUTHORS NOTE: Thanks to all of you who reviewing this. You people really makes me a happy girl! Thanks also to the patient people who correct this for me: Jenny, Carina and Wine_into_water. Since the opinion among you who review this seems to be that you all need more, here you are! So please R&R!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Bosco sat on the couch staring out into the dark apartment without thinking one single thought. He just sat there, like he was lost in another, better world. He couldn't sleep anymore. Ever since Ross had died he had spend most of the nights awake, thinking, trying to figure out how his life had became an even bigger mess than it already was. He never came up with any answers, and now he didn't even think anymore. He just tried to exist, and even that was almost more then he managed to do. Suddenly the sound of small footsteps against the floor caught his attention and a little voice on the verge of crying said:
"Bosco."
Bosco turned his head to the left and spotted Samuel in the doorway.
"Hey there champ. What's the matter? What are you doing out of bed?" he asked.
Samuel just looked at him and Bosco could see the tears in his eyes.
"Had a bad dream, huh?" he asked and Samuel nodded.
Bosco held out his hand and said, his voice low and comforting, "Come here."
Samuel ran into his embrace and buried his head against Bosco's shoulder.
"It's OK. It was only a dream. Why don't you go and sleep next to your mom?"
The little boy shook his head. "I don't want to. I want to be with you. I want you to do your magic thing."
"My magic thing, huh?" Bosco said and smiled. Samuel nodded. "Well OK," Bosco said and Samuel smiled happily.
"OK, are you ready?" he asked with a smile. "Yeah," Samuel said with a big grin on his face.
"Then close your eyes," Samuel did as he was told. "Can you see the bad dream?" He nodded. "Then catch it with you're left hand." Samuel moved his hand in front of his eyes.
"Do you have it?" He nodded. "Then open your eyes and give it to me," Bosco said and held out his hand. Samuel opened his eyes and pretended to drop the bad dream in Bosco's hand. Bosco quickly closed it, read a magic spell over it, opened his hand again and pretended to blow the bad dream away.
"OK, now it's all gone. Felling any better? he asked. Samuel nodded and smiled happily.
"Good!" Bosco said. "Come on, let's get you back to bed." Samuel shook his head.
"No, I wanna do the same for you," he said.
"What? Bosco asked in surprise.
"You're sitting here because you too had a bad dream, right?"
Bosco looked at him for a moment and then he said:
"I guess you're right." My whole life is a nightmare, he thought.
"Then let me do magic for you!" the little boy said pleadingly.
"OK." They did it all over again, this time with Samuel in charge, then Samuel said: "Now it's all gone and you can sleep again."
"Thanks," Bosco said and gave him a slight smile. If only it was that simple, he thought.
"Can I stay here?" Samuel said pleadingly.
Bosco nodded and held him in his arms, watching how he slowly drifted back to sleep, wishing his life could be that simple.
Anna woke up, not sure about what had waked her. She glanced to her left to see if one of the boy's had come to their bed, but it was empty so she turned to the right again to go back to sleep. Then she realized that the bed was empty. Empty, as in no one there. That meant that Bosco wasn't sleeping, again. She sat up and rubbed her eyes tiredly. She slowly got out of bed and winced when she felt the pain in her hip. Anna knew she should use shoes inside too, because when she didn't she had to limp, and that had caused her hip to get worn out. She looked around on the floor for her shoes but she couldn't find them, and as so many times before, she just ignored it. She stood up and went to look for Bosco. She found him on the couch with Samuel in his arms.
"Bosco, " she whispered. He turned his head and looked at her.
"What's wrong with Samuel?"
"He had a bad dream."
She nodded slowly and held out her arms. "Let me put him back in bed."
Bosco shook his head and slowly stood up as he said: "I'll do it."
She nodded again and stepped aside to let him through. When they left she sat down on the couch and started thinking. She was so worried about him.
Things hadn't gotten even a bit better since Faith talked to Swerski, only worse. He had hardly slept at all since the night Ross died. The only times he fell asleep was after they had made love, or when one of the boys slept in their bed too, and even then he didn't sleep for long. He was sinking deeper and deeper into his own personal hell, and Anna didn't know what to do to ease his pain. It didn't help at all that he didn't ride with Faith anymore. As far as Anna knew they weren't angry at each other anymore, but Bosco had murmured something about that it was safer for her not to be anywhere near him. He refused to talk about anything and he refused to see the shrink anymore. It was like he thought he was alone in this world, and in a way he was. He had locked himself up in his own personal hell, and no matter how hard Anna tried, she couldn't find the key. The look of utter despair had permanently replaced the hunted one in his eyes. That look had scared her when she first saw it, and it scared her now. Maybe even more.
Bosco carefully laid Samuel down on the bed and tucked him in. He kissed his forehead and glanced over at Adam, who was sleeping peacefully, before he left the room. When he reached the hallway he suddenly felt a pain in his chest and it was a bit difficult to breath. He tried to take deep breaths but it was hard and he started to feel afraid. What was wrong with him? It was the second time this night he felt this way.
Anna had heard his footsteps coming, and when they stopped in the hallway she felt slightly irritated. She was determent to either make him to talk, or make him go back to sleep again. She wasn't going to let him run away, not this time. She stood up and limped into the hallway. She immediately spotted him leaning against the wall. His forehead was covered with cold sweat and his breathing seemed a bit labored.
"Bosco what's wrong? she asked worriedly.
"I don't know.I don't feel so good," he said weakly as he shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the strange feeling of losing control.
Anna's heart started to beat faster as her worry increased. She wasn't surprised though, the permanent lack of sleep had to give some physical symptoms sooner or later. He wasn't superman. She gently wiped away the sweat on his forehead and checked for a fever.
"Come on let's get you to bed," she said and took him by the arm. He didn't fight her and that scared her too. That had to mean he really didn't feel well.
Bosco lay down on the bed and Anna sat down beside him.
"Anna, what's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?" Bosco said, anguish in his voice.
"Have you felt like this before?"
"Yeah, once, earlier tonight," he confessed. Anna carefully caressed his hair and face and said:
"It's probably just from the lack of sleep. It causes physical problems sooner or later, but if it doesn't get any better you have to see a doctor, OK?"
"I don't like doctors," he murmured and tried to control his breathing. She smiled.
"I know, don't think about it now. Try to take deep breaths and relax. You need to get some sleep," she said gently.
Bosco nodded slowly. He felt better already. The soft touch from Anna's hands made him relax a bit, and he felt less lonely, as always when she was around. He could feel himself slowly losing the battle and he drifted off to sleep.
Anna watched him sleep and sighed heavily. He seemed to be getting closer to a nervous breakdown for every day that went by. She had to talk to Faith about it. Maybe they could find a way to reach him together.
*********
"Bosco you really should stay at home today," Anna said worriedly.
"Why? There's nothing wrong with me," he said impatiently.
"That's not what you said last night, and you don't look so good. What if something happens to you at work because you're not a 100% OK?" she tried to reason with him.
"For Heaven's sake Anna! Can you just once stop nagging me about how I feel? I told you I'm fine, now leave me the hell alone!" he snapped at her.
"Whatever you say," she said quietly and felt tears forming in her eyes. She hated when he shut her out like this. She was so tired. She didn't know if she could do this much longer if something didn't change soon. Bosco looked at her and saw the tears in her eyes.
"I told you. No crying," he said impatiently.
"And I told you not to raise your voice at me," she answered angrily.
The hurt look in her eyes made Bosco sober up. He carefully touched her face and said regretfully:
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act like a jerk. I'm just tired. " Anna bit her tongue to stop herself form saying, I told you so. Instead she said tiredly.
"Yeah, Yeah, now just go. You're gonna be late."
*****
"Faith it hurts. I can't breath!" Bosco cried. Faith saw the anguish in his eyes. She swallowed hard.
"Sully can't you drive any faster?" she said desperately as she stroked Bosco's hair in an attempt to sooth him.
"We'll be there in a minute. Just hold on Bosco!" Sully said and glanced at them in the rearview mirror.
"Anna!" Bosco cried.
"Shss Bos, I call her when we get to the hospital."
"Home," Bosco breathed."
"OK," Faith said. "I call her at home. Don't you worry." **** Anna wasn't surprised when she got the phone call from Faith that afternoon. She had had this bad feeling all day. Considering the state he had been in the previous night, something was bound to happen sooner or later, and bad things had a way of happening sooner.
"I'll be there, but it can take a while, because Bosco took the car this afternoon," she said into the phone.
"Hang on a sec." Faith said and covered the phone with one hand. "Sully!"
"Sully looked over at her and said questioningly; "What?"
"Can you pick up Bosco's girlfriend?"
Sully raised his eyebrows. "Does he have a girlfriend who cares enough to come over here now?"
Faith glared at him. "Yes or no?"
"Yes, of course."
"Anna, Sully's gonna pick you up in about fifteen minutes, OK?"
"OK."
******
Sully glanced over at the woman sitting in the passenger seat. She didn't look anything like Bosco's usual chicks. She had introduced herself as Anna. Anna.suddenly he remembered the cop who had beaten up his wife. Bosco had called the woman Anna, and he had been more than determined to kill her husband. He also remembered that Faith had said that something had gone wrong between them. So this was her. Sully couldn't help but wondering if she was sane. He couldn't imagine that anyone wanted to have a relationship with Boscorelli more than once.
"So what happened? Why do you think he had a heart attack?" Anna asked and looked at Sully.
"Yeah, well." Sully said hesitantly and glanced at the two little boys sitting in the backseat of the RMP. He briefly wondered if they were Bosco's kids. Anna saw the look.
"Don't worry about them. They've been through a lot worse than this," she said dryly.
Sully nodded his understanding. In that case they have to be Boscorelli's kids, he thought sarcastically.
"He was chasing a bank robber suspect, and he had caught him, when the bag with money exploded in his face. When we reached him, he was lying on the ground saying that his chest hurt and that he couldn't breathe."
Anna bit her bottom lip. What if she had read the symptoms wrong last night? What if he really had had a heart attack? No, she thought, it wasn't possible. Or was it? Anna quickly walked through the hospital doors, practically dragging Samuel and Adam with her. Faith was by the nurse's desk and when the boys spotted her they immediately ran to her.
"Hi guys," Faith said and crouched down in front of them. Samuel looked at her with big frightened eyes and said:
"Is Bosco dead?"
Faith swallowed hard. "No honey, he isn't. He's with the doctors now. They'll help him, OK?"
Both boys nodded with a serious look on their little faces. Faith met Anna's eyes over their heads. She could see all the questions in them, but all she could say was:
"I don't know what happened Anna. I honestly don't. He wasn't riding with me today, but it didn't look good."
Anna just nodded. In that moment Dr Thomas stepped out from the exam room. Anna quickly walked up to him.
"How is he? Did he have a heart attack?" she asked anxiously. "I'm his girlfriend," she added when she saw the questioningly look on the doctor's face.
Dr Thomas looked over at Faith and Sully for confirmation. They both nodded and Faith said:
"That's correct."
Dr Thomas looked gravely at Anna and said:
"No it wasn't a heart attack."
"Then what's wrong?" Faith said worriedly.
Dr Thomas continued to look at Anna.
"I think you'd better talk to him yourself."
Anna saw the look of pity in his eyes and knew her diagnose from the previous night was right, either that, or he was dying.
"Are you gonna keep him here?"
"No, only for half an hour or so, I want to keep him on the heart monitor a little bit longer, just to be on the safe side."
Anna nodded and looked over at Faith, who still had the boys in her embrace.
"Go on, I look after them for you, " she said reassuringly.
Anna looked at them and said: "Be nice, OK?" They both nodded.
Anna entered Bosco's room and took in his appearance. His eyes were closed and he had some kind of red paint on his face. The hospital gown, and the fact that he was hooked up to a heart monitor, made him look so vulnerable. She swallowed hard and suppressed her tears. Bosco sensed that someone was in the room and opened his eyes.
"Hi," Anna said quietly. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," he said shortly.
"Yeah? Well I guess that's why you're lying in a hospital bed hooked up to a heart monitor, denying everything, as usual?" she said, suddenly feeling very angry.
Why did she always have to drag everything out of him all the time? Why couldn't he for once in his life tell her how he felt? He looked at her, his eyes filled with emotions she couldn't fully read. Anger, but behind that something else, fear maybe? She wasn't really sure.
"Well that's not really necessary since the doctor say there's nothing wrong with me. It's just my imagination. Basically, in his opinion, I'm a nut case."
Anna's face and voice softened immediately when she heard the touch of despair in his angry voice.
"Bos I'm sure that's not what he meant. All he said was that there's nothing physically wrong with you."
"Then it has to be mental, right? That means I'm a nut case."
"No, but you have been under a lot of stress lately. You have to start talking to somebody about what's bothering you. Someone who can help you," Anna said pleadingly.
"Like a shrink? I don't think so Anna! I've done that remember? It didn't help at all! They just tell you that you need to let your emotions out, or that all this is because your mother didn't potty train you right, or some other shit! It doesn't help at all!" He was starting to get really upset, causing the alarm on the heart monitor to go off. Anna quickly silenced it.
"Maybe that's what you need to do," she said her voice soft and quiet.
"What?" he huffed.
"Let your emotions out."
" Cut the crap Anna. I don't need it!" he spat angrily.
"Bosco please! You really need to. This is making you sick, can't you see that?"
"I'm not sick, both you and the doctor told me so. It's just the lack of sleep. I don't need a shrink. All I need is to get some more sleep. You said so yourself!"
Anna closed her eyes and mentally kicked herself for giving him a way to escape from the truth, again. She knew she was defeated. There was no way she could convince him now.
"Bos, you haven't been able to sleep that much lately. What makes you think that would change now?" she asked, carrying a little tiny hope that he would see what she saw.
"I'll try not to think so much of all the shit that has happened lately, OK? And you're helping me, right? To fall asleep?" His eyes were filled with anguish and pleaded with her for help.
"Of course I will, but what if."
"NO," he cut her off. "No, don't say you can't! You can! You always can! We can fix this together, just you and me, right?" he said desperately and put his hand on his chest when the pain came back. The alarm on the heart monitor went off again and his breathing started to get labored.
Anna silenced the alarm once more. She felt her own chest tighten when she saw and heard his desperation. She wished she could make this nightmare go away, for both of them. She caressed his hair and put her hand on his cheek as she kissed his lips softly, all in an attempt to sooth him and make him calm down before someone realized what was going on.
"Yeah, we can fix this together, just you and me," she said softly. "Just try to calm down a bit OK?"
Bosco took her hand and held it tight. "Promise," he said. His anguish filled eyes never leaving hers.
"I promise." Anna said, knowing that for the first time in her life she had given him a promise she couldn't keep.