TITLE: One heart beat for every lost day.
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing, as usual!
RATING: PG-13
SPOILER: Up to and including season three, Bosco is still "falling"
AUTHORS NOTE: To those who review this: I owe you everything, but all I can offer you is another chapter. PLEASE continue to R&R!! To Jenny, Carina and Wine-into-water : Thanks for your time! I appreciate it more then I can express!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Later that night:
Anna woke up with a start when the phone rang. She quickly looked down at Bosco, who was sleeping with his head on her shoulder. She carefully moved away and placed his head on the bed, praying that he wouldn't wake up. It rang again. She quickly picked up the cordless phone on the nightstand and said, her voice very low:
"Anna Lewis."
"Hi Anna. It's Faith."
"Hi Faith, just give me a minute, will you?" Anna whispered and stood up, grimacing in pain as she limped into the living room as quickly and quietly as she could.
"Sure, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up," Faith said unhappily.
Anna glanced at the VCR clock. It showed 11:40 pm, and that meant that Faith had called them in the same moment as she got home from work.
"It's OK," Anna said tiredly, and rubbed her eyes with her free hand.
"So how is he? Is he OK?" Faith said worriedly.
"Yeah, he's OK. I finally managed to get him to fall asleep about,".she glanced at the VCR clock once more, "two hours ago."
"What's wrong with him Anna? He told me it was food poisoning, but that isn't the truth, is it?"
"No, that isn't the truth," Anna said slowly.
She could hear Bosco's voice in her head. "Not a word to Faith about this! Do you hear me? I don't want her to pity me, and I don't want to drag her down with me. She's better off without me. Trust me on this!" I wonder why that sounds so familiar? she thought sarcastically.
"Then what's wrong? Is he seriously ill?" Faith asked, and Anna could hear the fear in her voice. She sighed heavily.
"Look Faith, I can't tell you. He doesn't want me to. I promised him."
"So he's dying, right?" Faith said, and Anna could hear that she was on the verge of crying.
Anna closed her eyes. This was worse than she thought it would be, and she couldn't do it. She couldn't let Faith think that Bosco was dying. She did not deserve that. She took a deep breath and said:
"No Faith, he isn't dying, but his soul is." She could hear Faith inhale sharply.
" So he finally went over the edge? It was some kind of nervous breakdown or something."
"Yes he did, and yes it was."
"So what are we gonna do?"
Anna took a deep breath and said: " I don't know. He doesn't want you to know, and he doesn't want to see a shrink. He wants me to fix it. Alone."
"Can you?"
"No."
"So then what are we gonna do?"
Anna closed her eyes. "I don't know. Wait for the complete breakdown, I guess," she whispered tiredly.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Just keep me sane, will you?" Anna said and blinked away her tears.
"Sure, you can call me whenever you want."
"Thanks," Anna whispered weakly, and Faith could hear that she was exhausted.
"Don't worry about it. If you need anything, just call. Now try to get some more sleep, OK? You sound like you need it," Faith said softly.
"I will, bye Faith and thanks."
"You're welcome."
Faith hung up the phone and tried to get rid of the lump in her throat. She was so worried about Bosco. It was a relief though, that he had Anna, but she felt sorry for both of them. Right now they were in hell, and there wasn't anything she could do to help.
Anna went back into the bedroom to check on Bosco. Thankfully he was still asleep, with a sigh of relief she slipped down under the covers next to him and fell asleep too.
**********
The next day, about 11:30 pm:
Anna laid on her stomach sound asleep. She had to work an early shift the next morning so she had gone to bed early. She hoped that Bosco wouldn't need her when he came home from work, but that he would wake her up if he did. Suddenly she felt someone shaking her. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Adam standing at the side of the bed with a frightened look on his face.
"Come here honey," she said gently, and tried to put him in bed next to her, assuming that he had had a bad dream.
He pulled away. "No mom. You have to come! I think Bosco is sick again. He can't breath and he doesn't hear us!" he said, the fear evident in his eyes.
Anna immediately got out of bed. "Where is he?"
" In the bathroom, I had to pee, and he sat on the floor, hurry mom!"
Anna quickly made her way to the bathroom and found Bosco sitting on the floor. His hands were at his chest and his breathing was very laboured. His eyes were looking straight ahead at Samuel, who was sitting in front of him. The little boy was trying to get his attention by calling his name over and over again, but it was obvious to anyone who saw him that he wasn't aware of his surroundings. Anna gently picked Samuel up and said:
"Honey, take your brother with you and wait for me in the living room."
" But we have to help him!" he said helplessly.
"I know that honey, and I will. Don't worry about it, just go to the living room and wait for me, OK?" she said with her best nurse's voice, in an attempt to sooth her terrified kids.
"Shall we call an ambulance?" Adam asked.
Anna shook her head. "No, just go and wait in the living room."
Samuel and Adam reluctantly left the room. Anna kneeled down beside Bosco and stroked his cheek.
"Bosco, look at me," she said firmly. He didn't respond to her, but she didn't give in. She continued to call his name, gently but firmly, to try and make him snap out of his trance-like state. Finally she could see the sanity return in his eyes, and he struggled to catch his breath as he said her name.
"It's OK," she reassured him, and carefully pulled him into her embrace. "I'm here, everything is gonna be OK, just try to take deep breaths," she said and rubbed his back soothingly.
"Anna, help me, please help me!" he choked out between his struggled breaths.
"I will, I will. Everything is gonna be alright. We sort it out. Don't you worry, you know I love you," Anna said reassuringly as so many times before, although she was painfully aware of that this time; it was a big lie. She wasn't even close to capable of fixing this. She held him tight, and felt his heart rate and breathing calm down a bit.
"I'm losing it Anna," he said, his voice very shaky. "I'm losing it for real. I'm going insane."
"No, you don't. It's gonna be alright. We sort it out," Anna said once more, and tried to keep all her own fears out of her voice.
"Yes, I am. I've already lost it once today, in the car, with Sully. I was driving. I almost got us both killed. Please Anna help me!"
He looked at her, and the anguish and despair in his eyes made her come very close to losing it too. She couldn't stand his pain. It was like someone tortured them both, and she knew there was no way she could handle this on her own. She had to convince him to get some professional help.
" I will, but I can't do it alone. You have to let someone else help you, someone professional. Please Bosco," she pleaded, hoping he would give in.
"No! I can't. If they find out at work, they're gonna fire me!"
"Do they really have to know?" Anna asked carefully, although she knew it was the wrong thing to do. A police officer in his condition shouldn't be at work, but right now she didn't care. All she wanted was to convince him to get some more help. She could deal with the rest later.
"I can't do it Anna. They'll find out sooner or later, and I can't lose my job. I just can't."
"Please Bosco! You have to. I can't do this alone anymore. You're dragging us all down with you. Samuel and Adam can't see you like this everyday. It's gonna destroy them," she said, unable to keep her own despair out of her voice.
He immediately pulled away from her. "What do you mean? The boy's haven't seen me like this."
"Yes they have," Anna said quietly. "They found you here. They came and woke me up."
He closed his eyes tightly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make their lives a living hell too," he whispered tiredly.
"It's OK. I know you didn't, and there's really nothing you can do to them, that haven't already been done," she said tiredly. "We can't go on like this though. You have to get some help for the sake of all of us. Please!"
"Sully said he knew someone." he said slowly.
"Good! Please, please go and see him, and we'll fix this together. I promise," she said, feeling a tiny hope rise inside.
"OK, but you have to help me. I'm so afraid," he said, and started to cry.
Anna pulled him closer. She felt dread rise inside. In all the years she had known him, he had never cried. Not even once. No matter how much pain he was in, physical or emotional, he never cried, and the fact that he did now scared her almost to death. It made her feel lost. Bosco's girls didn't cry, because Bosco didn't. He fixed things instead, or just dealt with them, and if Bosco cried, then what were his girls supposed to do?
*********
Anna sat on the floor beneath the bed, and watched the three men in her life sleep. Samuel and Adam were curled up as close to Bosco as they could get. They were sleeping peacefully and, despite everything that had happen, so was he.
When Bosco had finally stopped crying she had helped him to bed, and then gone into the living room to talk to Samuel and Adam. They had been terrified. They cried and asked her over and over again what was wrong with Bosco, and if he would die. Anna had tried her best to explain to them what had happened, and what was wrong with him. It wasn't easy though, to explain to two five-year-olds what a nervous breakdown was, and why people got it. She had told them that all they could do right know was to be nice to Bosco, and show him that they loved him, so that he didn't feel lonely.
They seemed to understand most of it, and they had insisted on seeing him. Anna knew that the things you imagine usually are worse than the truth, so she let them go to him. They had immediately crawled up to him in bed, and whispered that they loved him. Anna's eyes had gone all teary when she watched how Bosco gently tousled their hair, and told them that it was OK. They didn't have to be afraid. He was going to get some help to get well again, and he loved them too. Samuel and Adam didn't want to leave him, so she gave in and let them stay, and now she sat there, watching them all sleep.
She didn't sleep though. She was too afraid. She briefly thought about calling Faith, but she knew that that probably would piss Fred off, considering what time it was. Instead she did the only thing she could think of. She prayed to God for mercy.
*********
The next day, about 7:00 pm:
Bosco sat at the kitchen table looking down at his plate. He hadn't touched his food. He wasn't hungry. Anna and the boy's were eating in silence, as usual, and for once he was grateful for it. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to have something that numbed the pain, something that stopped his thoughts from running like a bloody train. He stood up abruptly, went to the fridge, and took out a bottle of scotch. He carried it with him into the living room and dropped down on the couch. He took a long swig and started to think about his shitty life.
He was suspended, without pay, wonderful. Not to mention the wonderful thing called mandatory counseling. He had tried to talk to the guy Sully had told him about, but he was just as stupid as the other ones. He couldn't talk to people. He never had. Yeah well, except for Anna, and maybe Faith, but none of them would understand this, especially not Anna. He heard her footsteps approach him, and he knew she had sat down on the coffee table in front of him. He didn't look up. Instead he lifted the bottle to take another swig. She reached out and stopped him, her hand in a tight grip around his wrist.
"Don't drink. It's not gonna solve anything," she said calmly.
He looked up at her with an annoyed frown on his face. He tried to jerk his hand away, but she didn't let go.
"Let go of me! Leave me the hell alone!" he said angrily.
"No," she said firmly, still holding his hand in a tight grip.
"I said let go of me! If I wanna drink, I drink. It's the prefect solution right now, and that's none of your damned business!"
He felt guilty the moment he uttered the words. He looked at her and expected to see hurt or fear in her eyes, but to his surprise there was nothing there but deadly calmness.
"Yes it's my business. We live together remember? If you love me, you put that bottle down," she said, the coldness evident in her voice.
"Come on Anna," he said tiredly. "I don't need a lecture."
"I'm not gonna give you a lecture. I'm giving you a choice. If you love me, you put that bottle down and get some help. If you don't, do whatever you want. I promise not to bother you ever again."
Bosco looked at her in horror. This couldn't be true, right? She didn't threaten to leave him? He felt the panic rise inside. He was lost without her. She had to help him. She had promised.
"Please Anna. You have to help me, you promised," he whispered.
Anna saw the fear in his eyes and hardened herself. She didn't want to do this to him. She loved him, and she knew that he loved her, but they had reached a point when this was the only way left to try.
"I can't," she said coldly.
"Yes you can! Please you have to. I love you, you know that."
"Then put the bottle down and talk to me. I can't help you if you keep shutting me out all the time, and this time I can't wait until you feel like it. I have the boys to think about. They need some stability and peace in their lives, and so do I," she said calmly.
Bosco put the bottle down on the coffee table and looked at his hands. He was scared. Anna had never talked to him like this ever before. She had never threatened him in any way before. He knew she was serious. He knew this was his last chance.
"I see things," he said slowly. "Things that have happened to me, and then I lose control, and I can't breath."
"What do you see?" Anna said gently, the coldness in her voice gone.
Bosco tried to decide whether to tell her or not. How could he tell her that the man she thought could do anything, her hero, had run like a coward when people needed him the most? No he couldn't tell her. He just couldn't.
"I can't tell you," he whispered unhappily.
"Why?" she said simply.
"I just can't. You wouldn't understand."
"Is it cop's stuff?"
"Kind of, yeah."
"Then talk to Faith about it."
"She doesn't want to talk to me."
"Yes she does."
"How do you know?"
"I just do, OK?"
They sat and looked at each other for a while. Then Bosco laid his head in Anna's lap and said:
"Please Anna, don't leave me. You have to help me. I'm so afraid."
Anna ran her fingers through his hair gently.
"I know you are, and I'll help you as I promised. We'll fix this together, you and I, but we need some help. Please Bosco, talk to Faith and the shrink. If you can't talk to me, that's fine. I don't care, but you have to talk to someone, OK? Please Bosco, do it for me and the boys."
"I will, I swear. Just don't leave me," he said desperately.
"I won't leave you. I love you, " Anna said reassuringly.
"You do?"
"Yes I do."
"For sure?"
"Yes Bos, fore sure," Anna said lovingly. She was happy she could tell him something that was completely true for a change.
***********
Later that night:
Anna lifted her hand and knocked on Faith's door. Faith had called her about thirty minutes ago, and asked if she could pick Bosco up, since he was exhausted after their talk. In a way Anna was happy that he was, because that had to mean that he had opened up to Faith. The door opened and a very tired looking Faith appeared in the doorway.
"Hi," Anna said quietly, knowing her kids were probably asleep.
"Hi, thanks for coming," Faith said wearily.
"Yeah well, I guess I have to pick up my belongings when they walk away, " Anna said and smiled.
Despite her tiredness, Faith couldn't help but smile herself. She didn't know anyone whose smile was as contagious as Anna's.
" Where is he? Is he OK?" Anna asked, noticing that Bosco was nowhere in sight.
"He fell asleep. He was more than exhausted."
"So he did talk?"
"Yes he did," Faith said, and wondered if she should tell her that he had cried too, but she decided against it. He probably didn't want Anna to know.
"So was it cop's stuff?"
"Yeah some of it, but mostly it was about 9/11."
"He was there?"
Faith nodded, and Anna felt her chest tighten when she thought about how close she had been to losing him, for good. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Anna suddenly remembered something.
" So how did the sergeant's test go?"
Faith looked down at her feet and bit her bottom lip, and then she lifted her eyes and looked at Anna.
"I kind of failed."
A little smile tugged in the corner of Anna's mouth, and she raised her eyebrows as she said:
"Kind of failed, huh?"
"Mm," Faith said and smiled back faintly. They looked at each other for a long moment in mutual understanding.
"Thank you very much!" Anna said, eyeing her fondly.
"You're welcome. I guess I'm the newest member in the bad judgment club," she said sarcastically.
Anna just smiled.
AUTHOR: faith_in_Faith
E-MAIL: faith_in_Faith@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: Don't owe a thing, as usual!
RATING: PG-13
SPOILER: Up to and including season three, Bosco is still "falling"
AUTHORS NOTE: To those who review this: I owe you everything, but all I can offer you is another chapter. PLEASE continue to R&R!! To Jenny, Carina and Wine-into-water : Thanks for your time! I appreciate it more then I can express!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Later that night:
Anna woke up with a start when the phone rang. She quickly looked down at Bosco, who was sleeping with his head on her shoulder. She carefully moved away and placed his head on the bed, praying that he wouldn't wake up. It rang again. She quickly picked up the cordless phone on the nightstand and said, her voice very low:
"Anna Lewis."
"Hi Anna. It's Faith."
"Hi Faith, just give me a minute, will you?" Anna whispered and stood up, grimacing in pain as she limped into the living room as quickly and quietly as she could.
"Sure, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up," Faith said unhappily.
Anna glanced at the VCR clock. It showed 11:40 pm, and that meant that Faith had called them in the same moment as she got home from work.
"It's OK," Anna said tiredly, and rubbed her eyes with her free hand.
"So how is he? Is he OK?" Faith said worriedly.
"Yeah, he's OK. I finally managed to get him to fall asleep about,".she glanced at the VCR clock once more, "two hours ago."
"What's wrong with him Anna? He told me it was food poisoning, but that isn't the truth, is it?"
"No, that isn't the truth," Anna said slowly.
She could hear Bosco's voice in her head. "Not a word to Faith about this! Do you hear me? I don't want her to pity me, and I don't want to drag her down with me. She's better off without me. Trust me on this!" I wonder why that sounds so familiar? she thought sarcastically.
"Then what's wrong? Is he seriously ill?" Faith asked, and Anna could hear the fear in her voice. She sighed heavily.
"Look Faith, I can't tell you. He doesn't want me to. I promised him."
"So he's dying, right?" Faith said, and Anna could hear that she was on the verge of crying.
Anna closed her eyes. This was worse than she thought it would be, and she couldn't do it. She couldn't let Faith think that Bosco was dying. She did not deserve that. She took a deep breath and said:
"No Faith, he isn't dying, but his soul is." She could hear Faith inhale sharply.
" So he finally went over the edge? It was some kind of nervous breakdown or something."
"Yes he did, and yes it was."
"So what are we gonna do?"
Anna took a deep breath and said: " I don't know. He doesn't want you to know, and he doesn't want to see a shrink. He wants me to fix it. Alone."
"Can you?"
"No."
"So then what are we gonna do?"
Anna closed her eyes. "I don't know. Wait for the complete breakdown, I guess," she whispered tiredly.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Just keep me sane, will you?" Anna said and blinked away her tears.
"Sure, you can call me whenever you want."
"Thanks," Anna whispered weakly, and Faith could hear that she was exhausted.
"Don't worry about it. If you need anything, just call. Now try to get some more sleep, OK? You sound like you need it," Faith said softly.
"I will, bye Faith and thanks."
"You're welcome."
Faith hung up the phone and tried to get rid of the lump in her throat. She was so worried about Bosco. It was a relief though, that he had Anna, but she felt sorry for both of them. Right now they were in hell, and there wasn't anything she could do to help.
Anna went back into the bedroom to check on Bosco. Thankfully he was still asleep, with a sigh of relief she slipped down under the covers next to him and fell asleep too.
**********
The next day, about 11:30 pm:
Anna laid on her stomach sound asleep. She had to work an early shift the next morning so she had gone to bed early. She hoped that Bosco wouldn't need her when he came home from work, but that he would wake her up if he did. Suddenly she felt someone shaking her. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Adam standing at the side of the bed with a frightened look on his face.
"Come here honey," she said gently, and tried to put him in bed next to her, assuming that he had had a bad dream.
He pulled away. "No mom. You have to come! I think Bosco is sick again. He can't breath and he doesn't hear us!" he said, the fear evident in his eyes.
Anna immediately got out of bed. "Where is he?"
" In the bathroom, I had to pee, and he sat on the floor, hurry mom!"
Anna quickly made her way to the bathroom and found Bosco sitting on the floor. His hands were at his chest and his breathing was very laboured. His eyes were looking straight ahead at Samuel, who was sitting in front of him. The little boy was trying to get his attention by calling his name over and over again, but it was obvious to anyone who saw him that he wasn't aware of his surroundings. Anna gently picked Samuel up and said:
"Honey, take your brother with you and wait for me in the living room."
" But we have to help him!" he said helplessly.
"I know that honey, and I will. Don't worry about it, just go to the living room and wait for me, OK?" she said with her best nurse's voice, in an attempt to sooth her terrified kids.
"Shall we call an ambulance?" Adam asked.
Anna shook her head. "No, just go and wait in the living room."
Samuel and Adam reluctantly left the room. Anna kneeled down beside Bosco and stroked his cheek.
"Bosco, look at me," she said firmly. He didn't respond to her, but she didn't give in. She continued to call his name, gently but firmly, to try and make him snap out of his trance-like state. Finally she could see the sanity return in his eyes, and he struggled to catch his breath as he said her name.
"It's OK," she reassured him, and carefully pulled him into her embrace. "I'm here, everything is gonna be OK, just try to take deep breaths," she said and rubbed his back soothingly.
"Anna, help me, please help me!" he choked out between his struggled breaths.
"I will, I will. Everything is gonna be alright. We sort it out. Don't you worry, you know I love you," Anna said reassuringly as so many times before, although she was painfully aware of that this time; it was a big lie. She wasn't even close to capable of fixing this. She held him tight, and felt his heart rate and breathing calm down a bit.
"I'm losing it Anna," he said, his voice very shaky. "I'm losing it for real. I'm going insane."
"No, you don't. It's gonna be alright. We sort it out," Anna said once more, and tried to keep all her own fears out of her voice.
"Yes, I am. I've already lost it once today, in the car, with Sully. I was driving. I almost got us both killed. Please Anna help me!"
He looked at her, and the anguish and despair in his eyes made her come very close to losing it too. She couldn't stand his pain. It was like someone tortured them both, and she knew there was no way she could handle this on her own. She had to convince him to get some professional help.
" I will, but I can't do it alone. You have to let someone else help you, someone professional. Please Bosco," she pleaded, hoping he would give in.
"No! I can't. If they find out at work, they're gonna fire me!"
"Do they really have to know?" Anna asked carefully, although she knew it was the wrong thing to do. A police officer in his condition shouldn't be at work, but right now she didn't care. All she wanted was to convince him to get some more help. She could deal with the rest later.
"I can't do it Anna. They'll find out sooner or later, and I can't lose my job. I just can't."
"Please Bosco! You have to. I can't do this alone anymore. You're dragging us all down with you. Samuel and Adam can't see you like this everyday. It's gonna destroy them," she said, unable to keep her own despair out of her voice.
He immediately pulled away from her. "What do you mean? The boy's haven't seen me like this."
"Yes they have," Anna said quietly. "They found you here. They came and woke me up."
He closed his eyes tightly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make their lives a living hell too," he whispered tiredly.
"It's OK. I know you didn't, and there's really nothing you can do to them, that haven't already been done," she said tiredly. "We can't go on like this though. You have to get some help for the sake of all of us. Please!"
"Sully said he knew someone." he said slowly.
"Good! Please, please go and see him, and we'll fix this together. I promise," she said, feeling a tiny hope rise inside.
"OK, but you have to help me. I'm so afraid," he said, and started to cry.
Anna pulled him closer. She felt dread rise inside. In all the years she had known him, he had never cried. Not even once. No matter how much pain he was in, physical or emotional, he never cried, and the fact that he did now scared her almost to death. It made her feel lost. Bosco's girls didn't cry, because Bosco didn't. He fixed things instead, or just dealt with them, and if Bosco cried, then what were his girls supposed to do?
*********
Anna sat on the floor beneath the bed, and watched the three men in her life sleep. Samuel and Adam were curled up as close to Bosco as they could get. They were sleeping peacefully and, despite everything that had happen, so was he.
When Bosco had finally stopped crying she had helped him to bed, and then gone into the living room to talk to Samuel and Adam. They had been terrified. They cried and asked her over and over again what was wrong with Bosco, and if he would die. Anna had tried her best to explain to them what had happened, and what was wrong with him. It wasn't easy though, to explain to two five-year-olds what a nervous breakdown was, and why people got it. She had told them that all they could do right know was to be nice to Bosco, and show him that they loved him, so that he didn't feel lonely.
They seemed to understand most of it, and they had insisted on seeing him. Anna knew that the things you imagine usually are worse than the truth, so she let them go to him. They had immediately crawled up to him in bed, and whispered that they loved him. Anna's eyes had gone all teary when she watched how Bosco gently tousled their hair, and told them that it was OK. They didn't have to be afraid. He was going to get some help to get well again, and he loved them too. Samuel and Adam didn't want to leave him, so she gave in and let them stay, and now she sat there, watching them all sleep.
She didn't sleep though. She was too afraid. She briefly thought about calling Faith, but she knew that that probably would piss Fred off, considering what time it was. Instead she did the only thing she could think of. She prayed to God for mercy.
*********
The next day, about 7:00 pm:
Bosco sat at the kitchen table looking down at his plate. He hadn't touched his food. He wasn't hungry. Anna and the boy's were eating in silence, as usual, and for once he was grateful for it. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to have something that numbed the pain, something that stopped his thoughts from running like a bloody train. He stood up abruptly, went to the fridge, and took out a bottle of scotch. He carried it with him into the living room and dropped down on the couch. He took a long swig and started to think about his shitty life.
He was suspended, without pay, wonderful. Not to mention the wonderful thing called mandatory counseling. He had tried to talk to the guy Sully had told him about, but he was just as stupid as the other ones. He couldn't talk to people. He never had. Yeah well, except for Anna, and maybe Faith, but none of them would understand this, especially not Anna. He heard her footsteps approach him, and he knew she had sat down on the coffee table in front of him. He didn't look up. Instead he lifted the bottle to take another swig. She reached out and stopped him, her hand in a tight grip around his wrist.
"Don't drink. It's not gonna solve anything," she said calmly.
He looked up at her with an annoyed frown on his face. He tried to jerk his hand away, but she didn't let go.
"Let go of me! Leave me the hell alone!" he said angrily.
"No," she said firmly, still holding his hand in a tight grip.
"I said let go of me! If I wanna drink, I drink. It's the prefect solution right now, and that's none of your damned business!"
He felt guilty the moment he uttered the words. He looked at her and expected to see hurt or fear in her eyes, but to his surprise there was nothing there but deadly calmness.
"Yes it's my business. We live together remember? If you love me, you put that bottle down," she said, the coldness evident in her voice.
"Come on Anna," he said tiredly. "I don't need a lecture."
"I'm not gonna give you a lecture. I'm giving you a choice. If you love me, you put that bottle down and get some help. If you don't, do whatever you want. I promise not to bother you ever again."
Bosco looked at her in horror. This couldn't be true, right? She didn't threaten to leave him? He felt the panic rise inside. He was lost without her. She had to help him. She had promised.
"Please Anna. You have to help me, you promised," he whispered.
Anna saw the fear in his eyes and hardened herself. She didn't want to do this to him. She loved him, and she knew that he loved her, but they had reached a point when this was the only way left to try.
"I can't," she said coldly.
"Yes you can! Please you have to. I love you, you know that."
"Then put the bottle down and talk to me. I can't help you if you keep shutting me out all the time, and this time I can't wait until you feel like it. I have the boys to think about. They need some stability and peace in their lives, and so do I," she said calmly.
Bosco put the bottle down on the coffee table and looked at his hands. He was scared. Anna had never talked to him like this ever before. She had never threatened him in any way before. He knew she was serious. He knew this was his last chance.
"I see things," he said slowly. "Things that have happened to me, and then I lose control, and I can't breath."
"What do you see?" Anna said gently, the coldness in her voice gone.
Bosco tried to decide whether to tell her or not. How could he tell her that the man she thought could do anything, her hero, had run like a coward when people needed him the most? No he couldn't tell her. He just couldn't.
"I can't tell you," he whispered unhappily.
"Why?" she said simply.
"I just can't. You wouldn't understand."
"Is it cop's stuff?"
"Kind of, yeah."
"Then talk to Faith about it."
"She doesn't want to talk to me."
"Yes she does."
"How do you know?"
"I just do, OK?"
They sat and looked at each other for a while. Then Bosco laid his head in Anna's lap and said:
"Please Anna, don't leave me. You have to help me. I'm so afraid."
Anna ran her fingers through his hair gently.
"I know you are, and I'll help you as I promised. We'll fix this together, you and I, but we need some help. Please Bosco, talk to Faith and the shrink. If you can't talk to me, that's fine. I don't care, but you have to talk to someone, OK? Please Bosco, do it for me and the boys."
"I will, I swear. Just don't leave me," he said desperately.
"I won't leave you. I love you, " Anna said reassuringly.
"You do?"
"Yes I do."
"For sure?"
"Yes Bos, fore sure," Anna said lovingly. She was happy she could tell him something that was completely true for a change.
***********
Later that night:
Anna lifted her hand and knocked on Faith's door. Faith had called her about thirty minutes ago, and asked if she could pick Bosco up, since he was exhausted after their talk. In a way Anna was happy that he was, because that had to mean that he had opened up to Faith. The door opened and a very tired looking Faith appeared in the doorway.
"Hi," Anna said quietly, knowing her kids were probably asleep.
"Hi, thanks for coming," Faith said wearily.
"Yeah well, I guess I have to pick up my belongings when they walk away, " Anna said and smiled.
Despite her tiredness, Faith couldn't help but smile herself. She didn't know anyone whose smile was as contagious as Anna's.
" Where is he? Is he OK?" Anna asked, noticing that Bosco was nowhere in sight.
"He fell asleep. He was more than exhausted."
"So he did talk?"
"Yes he did," Faith said, and wondered if she should tell her that he had cried too, but she decided against it. He probably didn't want Anna to know.
"So was it cop's stuff?"
"Yeah some of it, but mostly it was about 9/11."
"He was there?"
Faith nodded, and Anna felt her chest tighten when she thought about how close she had been to losing him, for good. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Anna suddenly remembered something.
" So how did the sergeant's test go?"
Faith looked down at her feet and bit her bottom lip, and then she lifted her eyes and looked at Anna.
"I kind of failed."
A little smile tugged in the corner of Anna's mouth, and she raised her eyebrows as she said:
"Kind of failed, huh?"
"Mm," Faith said and smiled back faintly. They looked at each other for a long moment in mutual understanding.
"Thank you very much!" Anna said, eyeing her fondly.
"You're welcome. I guess I'm the newest member in the bad judgment club," she said sarcastically.
Anna just smiled.