~*~Usual disclaimer these arent mine yadda yadda yadda~*~I know I have
another story yet to finish but this one wouldn't leave me alone!~*~
I'm tired of the constant exhaustion, erratic working hours and that fresh feeling of fear and despair each time we are 'acciddently' shelled.
I'm tired of the food constantly tasting like mouldy rubber, of being given the same foods day in, day out and the coffee that's so strong it feels like its lead lining my stomach. Doesn't the Human Rights Act prohibit the killing of our taste buds??
I'm sick of green. Green clothes, green tents, green grass, green food, green faces (after they've eaten the food) Some times it feels like I'm trapped in Emerald City! I half expect Dorothy, Toto, Scarecrow, Lion and the Tinman to come skipping into view!
I'm tired of my clothes being caked in another mans blood after I've just spent the past few minutes removing the shrapnel and ammunition pieces that have assaulted their young bodies.
I'm tired of smiling and laughing when inside I feel like I'm drowning in a pool of self pity and despair.
I miss not being able to tell the one I love that I love her more and more with each passing second of each passing day.
I'm tired of having to drink to feel any emotion after the days events have left me numb-a man totally devoid of any cheerful emotion.
I'm filled with self disgust everytime there's a lull in the casualties because I get so bored I almost want something to happen: casualties, shelling anything!
I'm tired of the mail never being on time-my one link to my family.
Sometimes I wish I could just let all the pent up emotion explode from me but othertimes I pray that will never happen because then I'll have lost all self control.
I'm tired of having to be strong, be there for others in a crisis when inside I want to curl up and close my eyes praying for the nightmare to end.
I'm missing out on a lifetime of achievements made by my daughter: learning to walk, talk, sing, laugh, smile even do poos in a toilet!
I hope that one day I'll wake up with my soulmate cocooned in my arms and my daughter close by, knowing that I can now keep them safe from pain and hurt.
I'm afraid that Erin wont know me and will see me as a stranger or that Peg will seek solice in another mans arms because Im not there.
No one must ever know how I truly feel. I'll lock my pain away, I'll keep pretending to laugh and smile. I'll be there for the others. I'll write home every day. I'll perform my surgical duties and I'll cry when the walls around my pain go astray. I'll drink, I'll joke and I'll sing-though my heart is breaking. My pain is something I must bear alone, I only hope I'm strong enough to bear it.
~*~ ARRGGHH! I have no idea where this came from! but to all and sundry its now obvious the person is B.J and if you didn't know that then you need to watch more T.V!~*~
I'm tired of the constant exhaustion, erratic working hours and that fresh feeling of fear and despair each time we are 'acciddently' shelled.
I'm tired of the food constantly tasting like mouldy rubber, of being given the same foods day in, day out and the coffee that's so strong it feels like its lead lining my stomach. Doesn't the Human Rights Act prohibit the killing of our taste buds??
I'm sick of green. Green clothes, green tents, green grass, green food, green faces (after they've eaten the food) Some times it feels like I'm trapped in Emerald City! I half expect Dorothy, Toto, Scarecrow, Lion and the Tinman to come skipping into view!
I'm tired of my clothes being caked in another mans blood after I've just spent the past few minutes removing the shrapnel and ammunition pieces that have assaulted their young bodies.
I'm tired of smiling and laughing when inside I feel like I'm drowning in a pool of self pity and despair.
I miss not being able to tell the one I love that I love her more and more with each passing second of each passing day.
I'm tired of having to drink to feel any emotion after the days events have left me numb-a man totally devoid of any cheerful emotion.
I'm filled with self disgust everytime there's a lull in the casualties because I get so bored I almost want something to happen: casualties, shelling anything!
I'm tired of the mail never being on time-my one link to my family.
Sometimes I wish I could just let all the pent up emotion explode from me but othertimes I pray that will never happen because then I'll have lost all self control.
I'm tired of having to be strong, be there for others in a crisis when inside I want to curl up and close my eyes praying for the nightmare to end.
I'm missing out on a lifetime of achievements made by my daughter: learning to walk, talk, sing, laugh, smile even do poos in a toilet!
I hope that one day I'll wake up with my soulmate cocooned in my arms and my daughter close by, knowing that I can now keep them safe from pain and hurt.
I'm afraid that Erin wont know me and will see me as a stranger or that Peg will seek solice in another mans arms because Im not there.
No one must ever know how I truly feel. I'll lock my pain away, I'll keep pretending to laugh and smile. I'll be there for the others. I'll write home every day. I'll perform my surgical duties and I'll cry when the walls around my pain go astray. I'll drink, I'll joke and I'll sing-though my heart is breaking. My pain is something I must bear alone, I only hope I'm strong enough to bear it.
~*~ ARRGGHH! I have no idea where this came from! but to all and sundry its now obvious the person is B.J and if you didn't know that then you need to watch more T.V!~*~