The Book of Ancient

by maplehero9

500 years after Black Mage's sealing, there is a fragile peace in Maple World. But that peace is about to end. When a bloody civil war breaks out, three must stand against the chaos that ensues: Heinrich, a young magician and a prodigy; Idalia, the Knight of Light to an absent Empress; and Bianca, a young woman with a dark past, whose fate is tied to the mysterious Book of Ancient.

9. Act 2, Part 1: Tiny Little Lights

Act 2, Part 1: Tiny Little Lights

~ Two weeks after the declaration of war ~

"Thanks," Bianca said, accepting the glass of cider from Idalia.

She slumped comfortably against the magnolia tree besides the knight. It was a chilly night and her breath was coming out as fog. Idalia unclasped her cape and draped it over Bianca.

"Thank you," Bianca said again, pulling it closer to herself. "Winter is probably here. El Nath must be blanketed in snow."

"Isn't it always?" Idalia chortled.

"That's true," Bianca laughed. "But winter was something else. The snow was different. It had a beautiful white color that glittered in the light. The houses and the ground were coated in it. It would make the best crunch against your boots. By midwinter, you'd be lucky if you could even open the door with how much had piled up. Those were my favorite days. Everyone sitting around a warm fire… hot soup and mead… it was nice," she said wistfully.

"I'm sorry," Idalia said quietly. "I wish I could make things go back to what they were."

"Don't be. I'm alive, and Kari's safe. That's all that really matters."

"Still, I'm sure that part of you must miss it."

"I can't deny that," Bianca smiled sadly into her glass. "Things are different here. It's cold, but it never snows. The buildings here are stone, not wood. I only know two people. One of them is my son, and the other is sitting right next to me."

"It must be pretty lonely here," Idalia noted.

"A bit. But you're enough for me."

Idalia quickly looked down at her own glass, flustered. Bianca had a habit of saying things that made her heart jump unexpectedly.

"I'm sure I'm not a substitute for your family," Idalia said automatically.

"Hey," Bianca said, bumping her shoulder against Idalia's. "Remember what I said. If I didn't mean it, then I wouldn't say it."

"Heh, I guess you're right," Idalia said, smiling slightly. "I'm just not used to it."

"Don't people here ever compliment you?"

"Sometimes. The Noblesses will, but those don't really count. It's an obligation."

"It doesn't have to be. Can't they mean it too?"

"Maybe. But I'm the last person who could tell the difference."

"What about the elders?"

Idalia laughed. "The closest thing I've ever got to a compliment from those birdbrains in the last seven years was Kirima telling me that I've given adequate instruction to the Noblesses."

"Their standards are way too high if they think you're just doing 'adequately'," Bianca said firmly.

"I think their heads are screwed on too tight. They think I'm missing a few screws in mine. It's give and take with us," Idalia shrugged.

"Why would they think that?" Bianca asked.

"It's…" Idalia began, trying to find the words. "Um…"

"We don't have to talk about it if you're not comfortable," Bianca said quickly.

"N-no, it's not a problem. I mean, I'm teaching your son. You have the right to know."

"Idalia." Bianca grabbed the knight's hand. "You're shaking."

Idalia looked down to see that her hands were indeed trembling. She quickly set her glass down.

"I'd like to know more about what's bothering you. But not if you have to torture yourself into saying it."

"No, I can do it. I'm a knight. I've been in so many battles before. Saying just a few words shouldn't be a problem."

"But to you, it is. Listen, you don't have anything to prove to me."

"I just don't… understand why I can't," Idalia said weakly. "I do a thousand things every day that I don't want to. This shouldn't be any different."

"Sometimes we all have to do things that we don't want to. That's part of life, I know. But there are some things that we just can't. It makes us sick to our stomach. Our hands shake just thinking about it. That's why we need boundaries. Everyone has them, and this is just yours. That's all this is. It doesn't make you any less to say no, okay?"

Bianca looked intently at Idalia. "Okay?" she repeated, to which Idalia nodded. "Good."

Idalia then noticed that her hand was still grasped in Bianca's. But more importantly, it wasn't shaking anymore. Bianca saw Idalia's gaze fall on their hands and she quickly let go.

"Sorry, I didn't even ask-"

"No, I don't mind," Idalia said quickly, turning slightly pink. "And that's not just me saying it, by the way. I really don't."

Bianca smiled. "Okay."

Idalia hesitated for a moment. "I think… I can tell you just a little, though. Not everything, but just a bit."

"Only if you want to. You don't owe it to me."

"I want to, I promise."

She took a deep breath. "I'm… not always well. I don't want to go into it, but because of it, the elders think I can't do my job. I do everything I can to make sure it doesn't interfere with my duties, but to them, it doesn't matter. I wasn't well a few weeks ago, when we first met. Because of that, I've been ordered to remain in Ereve while Tianbao acts in my place as Commander of the Noblesses."

Bianca waited to make sure that Idalia had finished before speaking.

"I'm sorry. That must be difficult, having people distrust you for something you can't control."

"In a way, I see where they're coming from. A leader needs to be dependable. And for someone with an illness that can't be controlled, I can't always be relied on, even though I don't intend for it. But it's their attitude that I hate. They don't understand and it's like they don't want to understand. That's why I keep it to myself. And I hate that I can't tell you. Because it feels like it means that I don't trust you – but I do. I feel like I could trust you with my life, even when we've only known each other for a short time."

"I appreciate it. And I mean that," Bianca said intently. "You might not know this, but I was orphaned at twelve. I grew up with my late fiancé and his brother. When my fiancé and his mother died, I was pregnant with Kari. I felt alone, and I felt like everyone thought that I couldn't be a good mother. I've always struggled with feeling like I need to prove myself. That I could be trusted. I craved that feeling. And some days, I still do. My sister-in-law, Rosalina, was the one who taught me everything I know about being good to myself. All the stuff I said about boundaries and taking compliments, I learned it all from her."

"She sounds like a wonderful woman," Idalia said. "I'm sorry that you couldn't be together longer."

"She was really great," Bianca smiled sadly. "Losing her felt like losing my parents all over again. But then I realized that even though she's gone, what she left me is still here. All the lessons she taught me, it's like she's sitting across from me by the fireplace and saying it all over again."

"People who love us never really leave," Idalia said. "We make them linger in the remembering, and that's how we make their moments longer. Tiny little lights that shine just a bit brighter with our feelings."

"That's a lovely thought," Bianca said warmly. "That's what I'll think from now on. All the precious people in my life, no matter if they're here or gone. My seven little stars. Mama, Papa, Jaecar, Rosalina, Rex, Kari, and you."

"Me?" Idalia said, surprised.

"You too," Bianca smiled. "You told me that you'd trust me with your life. I'd trust you with mine too. You're my favorite friend. You're also my only friend, but… well, you get what I mean."

Idalia started laughing, which made Bianca start laughing too. Idalia wondered when she'd last laughed this hard. It felt nice, being happy.

. . .

~ Three months after the declaration of war ~

"…which completes the elemental hexagram." Kinu finished.

Bianca furiously finished scribbling onto her parchment. Today's lecture had ramped up in difficulty, and she wanted to make sure that she had every detail written down to review at home. Just as she finished, she looked down to see that the ink had smeared in all her fervor, making much of it an indecipherable mess.

"Great," she muttered.

"Is there something wrong?" Kinu asked.

"It's nothing," she replied. "I was just a bit too quick jotting all that down. Some of it is a little illegible."

"Not to worry, I can go over it again," Kinu said.

"Oh, no. I wouldn't want to keep you. I'm sure that Kari's lesson with you starts soon."

"No trouble at all," Kinu reassured, adjusting his glasses. "We still have some time left. Besides, both of your schedules are flexible enough. Now tell me, where should we begin?"

"Could we go over the six elements again?"

"Certainly. Tell me what you remember and I'll fill in the blanks."

"Elemental magic is created by infusing the mana inside your body with one of the six natural elements in the world. Each element has its opposite, making three pairs in total, which falls under the rule of three."

"Good. And what are the three pairs?"

"Ice and fire, poison and lightning, and…" Bianca looked closely at her smudged notes. "Um, darkness and… light?"

"Well, yes and no. You're correct about the first two pairs, and the rule of three. Ice and fire suggest life. The warmth of a living body that turns cold upon death. Poison and lightning suggest time. Lightning, which strikes quick, and poison, which creeps slow. And the law of light certainly implies light and darkness, and you would be right to say so. But from an academic perspective, we say that the elemental opposite of darkness is holy magic."

"Is there a difference between the two?" Bianca asked in confusion.

"In a sense. They exist on a scale of sorts. I hesitate to delve deeper, for I don't wish to confuse you so early into your studies." Kinu said.

"I'll pay close attention," Bianca assured. "This is exactly the sort of thing I'm interested in learning more about."

"Well…" Kinu hesitated. "I suppose it couldn't hurt. I always admire a student interested in extra studies. Like I mentioned, light magic is academically classified on a scale. We call this scale the lux scale."

Kinu drew a line on the board and segmented it with several ticks. He then drew the numbers one through three over each tick.

"On this scale, we measure the grade of light magic based on the autonomy of the user. To explain, let's start with holy magic. Tell me what you remember about it."

"It's a blessing from the Goddess, strengthened through the user's connection to her angel of balance. That holy power is typically used by mages, but some warriors have also been known to wield it."

"Very good," Kinu nodded approvingly. "And just as you say, holy power is bestowed. Without that connection to the Goddess, it cannot be used. In other words, there is a complete absence of autonomy on the user's part. For this reason, we say that holy magic is 'nil lux'."

"Does that mean it's the weakest sort of light magic?" Bianca asked.

"Not necessarily. It's true that the user is limited by the strength of their connection to the Goddess. However, holy magic allows for incredible feats. Healing injuries, warding off misfortune, and creating helpful potions, for instance. Nil lux merely suggests that holy magic cannot be performed without that link to the divine."

"I see. What about the rest?"

"The next degree is soul magic. You'll be familiar with this type of magic, for it's what Ser Idalia uses. In many ways, soul magic is nearly identical to holy magic. The main difference, however, is that the user has the ability to use soul magic without a covenant. Ser Idalia, for instance, can use the power of the Soul Shield even without an Empress. But her magic is weakened as a result. Soul magic is strengthened in the presence of a soul that the user has pledged to. However, the greater degree of autonomy means that we can classify soul magic as 'prima lux'."

Bianca nodded in understanding and carefully jotted down more notes. Learning more about Idalia was fascinating to her, and she wanted to make sure to remember it all.

"Finally, what we call true light magic is of the highest degree. A user of light magic has the highest autonomy in how they wield it. Their strength is not restricted by any sort of bond, but the cost of this is that light magic requires exceptional skill and talent to use. We call true light magic 'du lux'. Precious few mages have ever wielded du lux light magic. In fact, the study of light magic itself has been forbidden for quite a number of centuries."

"Why?" Bianca asked in interest.

"You see, light and darkness are two sides of the same coin. The ancient mages had a saying: the brightest lights cast the darkest shadows. Light is perhaps the most mysterious of our three laws, which makes it the most alluring, especially to promising young minds. Many centuries ago, there was a mage of exceptional talent. The kind that only exists once in an era. They called him the White Mage. He was the greatest user of light magic in the history of Maple World. Many believed that he was destined to bring salvation to humanity."

"What happened to him?"

"He spent over ten years wandering the world, destroying all sorts of dangerous threats. And then one day, he had an epiphany. 'The ultimate light can only be found in the ultimate darkness'. Those were his last words before he disappeared. Never to be heard from again."

"Just like that?" Bianca asked in surprise. "And what did he mean by that? The ultimate darkness… did he start studying dark magic?"

"All that we know is that when he disappeared, he took a handful of his followers – the Aurora – with him. Several years later, a man called the Black Mage appeared and attempted to bring about the end of our world."

"And you think they're the same person?"

"We don't know enough to say. Perhaps the Black Mage was a warlord who merely took and adapted the White Mage's moniker. A conqueror of darkness to match a savior of light. Perhaps he was the White Mage himself, or one of his followers, corrupted by darkness. What we can say for certain is that the Black Mage held power greater than anything that any magician could claim, enough to split the continent of Ossyria in two, resulting in the formation of Victoria Island. Under his rule, his seven Commanders laid waste to Maple World. Whether these Commanders were once part of Aurora is unknown, but what we do know is that one of them assassinated Empress Aria under the pretense of peace negotiations."

"That's awful," Bianca said, covering her mouth with her hands. "How could anyone possibly follow a monster like that?"

"Great power inspires great loyalty. And dark magic is perhaps the most dangerous power of them all. For this reason, the study of dark magic – and light magic – has been outlawed for ages. The only study of light and dark magic permitted is that of nil lux and nil umbra – that is to say, contracted light and darkness."

"Dark magic can be contracted?" Bianca asked in surprise.

"Indeed. Much like how holy magic comes from the Goddess, nil umbra dark magic comes through a contract formed with dark spirits or unholy creatures. Nil umbra and prima umbra dark magic is permitted, though strongly cautioned against. As du degree magic is outlawed and prima degree magic is quite rare, academia regards nil degree magic as the standard. Hence, most textbooks will state that holy magic is the natural opposite to dark magic, though you would not technically be incorrect to say that it's light."

"I see…" Bianca said, trying to process the information.

Kinu cocked his head in thought. "Perhaps you'd like to learn more first-hand? I don't have much practical knowledge of magic, but if you're interested, I could arrange-"

"No," Bianca said quickly. "Sorry, it's just… I think learning the theory is enough for me."

"I'm surprised," Kinu said. "You've been one of my best students, so much so that I was sure that you'd be eager to learn real magic."

"It's just that…" Bianca hesitated. "A dark magician attacked my village. He killed my family."

Kinu's flappy ears fell crestfallen at Bianca's words.

"I'm so sorry to hear that," he said solemnly.

"I appreciate it," Bianca said politely. "When Idalia first suggested these lessons, I thought it would help me decipher the Book of Ancient. To learn more about what that magician wanted from me. I admit, I've gotten more interested than I should be, and I really have been enjoying our time together, but after seeing the horrible things that magic can do, I just… I don't know if I want to be part of that world."

"I understand," Kinu nodded. "Magic, in the wrong hands, can be used for great evil. I know how hard it can be to trust something that's hurt you. And you don't have to give it a chance if you don't want to. No one is obliged to give second chances before they are ready."

Bianca nodded graciously. She appreciated that about Kinu. He was quite perceptive and that made him more understanding. Many people wouldn't have understood where she was coming from.

"But if I may say so," Kinu continued. "I can see where Kari gets his brightness from."

"Is he doing well?" Bianca asked with interest.

"Quite well. He's a smart boy. Quite precocious, in fact. He loves to ask questions."

Bianca laughed. "He's been asking questions since he could talk. When he was three, he would always ask 'why' to everything."

"It seems he hasn't outgrown the habit," Kinu chuckled. "But it's normal for children to ask as many questions as they do when the world is so bright and new to them. I think that Kari will be just fine."

"That's good to hear," Bianca sighed in relief. "I was worried when he started his knighthood training. He's excited about it, of course, but hearing that he's doing well is a relief to me. I don't know what's being expected of him, but if there's anything I can do to keep him on the right track, please let me know. I hope that he'll be an asset to Ereve like everyone's hoping."

"Of course," Kinu nodded. "But I wouldn't worry. Kari is still young, and we have quite a way to go with his education. For now, we're only laying a solid foundation for his future studies. He's soaking it all up like a sponge, just as one would hope. But if I may add something," Kinu said, pushing up his glasses. "I see Kari as more than just an asset. He's a growing boy with his own thoughts and feelings. I hope we haven't given the impression that we only see him as a tool."

"Of course not," Bianca said in embarrassment. "It's just a- um, something I grew up thinking about myself. I shouldn't project it on him."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kinu asked.

"I appreciate the offer, but I think it's something I need to sort out in my head first."

"I understand. If you ever do feel like you need to confide in someone, you always have my ear."

Bianca smiled and nodded. Until recently, she'd felt like Idalia was the only one that she could talk to. There was nothing wrong with it, of course, but having only one friend was lonely, no matter how close they were. She didn't know whether to call Kinu a friend, but just knowing that there was someone who cared helped.

But she hadn't been lying when she'd told him that she needed to sort things out in her head. Her struggles were hers, and she owed it to Kari as a mother not to make him feel the way that she had. Hearing that he was fitting in gave her a huge sense of relief. Idalia had already promised that they wouldn't be kicked out, but she still couldn't help but think otherwise.

It was the fear in her mind, she supposed, that insatiable voice that kept pushing her to do more to prove her worth, to be enough. But Kari was enough, she thought. For her, and for everyone. And she would do everything to make sure that he knew it, even if it was the last thing she ever did.

. . .

~ Six months after the declaration of war ~

"Still can't sleep?" Bianca asked gently.

"Nope," Idalia said, swinging once again. "Don't need to, though. I'm feeling great."

It had been like this for two days now. Idalia had been in the practice range swinging her sword at dummies without pause. She'd heard from Tianbao that it happened sometimes. He'd also told her that it would work itself out in a few days, and that she should make sure that Idalia drank enough fluids and ate whenever possible.

Bianca wished that Tianbao could be there, since it was clear that he knew best what to do. But the panda was somewhere beyond the El Nath mountain range leading the Noblesses in Idalia's place. From what Idalia had told her, Tianbao had been chosen to succeed her shortly before Kari had been discovered. Part of her had wondered whether there was some awkward tension between them as a result, but Tianbao had been nothing but gracious when they'd spoken.

Still, she wondered how Idalia felt about being on the sidelines. She was sure that it bothered the knight, but Idalia often struggled to express her feelings, and she had a tendency to downplay how much things affected her. Even now, Bianca had no idea what the cause for Idalia's strange burst of energy and restlessness was, other than what little Idalia had mentioned a few months ago. But then, she reminded herself, she didn't need to understand in order to help.

"I brought you some food. Why don't you take a break?" she suggested.

Idalia didn't even pause from her routine. "Can't. I'm getting into the flow of things. I'm feeling great."

It was the second time in a row that Idalia had mentioned how great she was feeling. Bianca could see a broad grin on her face, which made her wonder how anyone could possibly feel so happy while exercising relentlessly for two days.

"Just a quick bite," she coaxed. "It won't take a minute."

"Maybe later," Idalia dismissed. She wiped the sweat off her brow before swinging once again. "That's almost ten thousand. Tianbao said that ten thousand is the usual routine for masters of the blade in Mu Lung. I can do better though."

Bianca refrained from sighing. This was worse than getting Kari to finish his food.

"What about some water? I'm sure every master took a break for water."

"Some masters went months without touching a drop of water. It was a test of restraint. To see if you could keep your focus in meditation. They say that Master Mu Gong once went a whole year without food or drink. He might just be one of the greatest masters in the history of Maple World. Once, he-"

"That's really interesting, but let's talk about this first, okay?"

Tianbao had told her not to be afraid of interrupting Idalia when it was starting to look like she'd go off on a random tangent at rapid speed. Bianca hated interrupting anyone, and doing so now felt like she was being rude. But Idalia didn't look like she'd taken it personally at all. She was still smiling, just like she'd been doing all day.

"Okay, whatever you say!" Idalia said brightly.

Bianca sighed in relief. "How about you drink just a little bit of this? Why don't we make it a little competition to see who can drink the most?"

"You're on," Idalia grinned. "But I'm gonna win, I'm already telling you now."

"We'll see," Bianca smiled.

Maybe the trick was to reframe the situation, she thought, by taking all that high energy and channeling it into what she needed. She couldn't help but feel a bit manipulative, but if it got Idalia to put some fluids in her system, then she wouldn't lose sleep over it. She poured the pitcher of water into two cups.

"Alright, whoever finishes first gets to pour another. Whoever drinks the most wins, alright?"

"Let's do this," Idalia said, focusing completely on her drink.

Bianca tapped the ground with her hand. Immediately, Idalia chugged down her drink and moved to refill it. Bianca made sure to drink slowly so that Idalia would drink most of it, but she still made sure to go fast enough that Idalia wouldn't notice anything off. By the end of their quick competition, she managed to get Idalia to drink four cups, while she herself had just finished her second.

"That's the point for me," Idalia said eagerly. "What do I win?"

"You win all the food on this tray. Congrats!" Bianca said brightly, holding out the tray.

"I'm not hungry. But thanks, I might eat some later."

Bianca really did sigh this time.

"Idalia, this isn't healthy," she frowned. She wasn't going to say anything, but she was starting to feel like she had no choice. "You haven't eaten or slept in two days, you've been training the whole time, you're barely drinking fluids. You've got to eat something."

"Don't worry, Bi. I'm fine. Great, in fact. Things are just flowing so well, it's like I feel charged and connected, like I'm feeling everything at the same time. Trust me, if there was something wrong, you'd be the first one to know. Alright?"

"…Fine. But you'd better eat something before I come back later. I mean it, Idalia," Bianca stressed.

Idalia nodded absentmindedly, already lost in thought about something else. Bianca shook her head, fully aware that Idalia wouldn't take a bite. She left the knight to her training and started heading back. The House of Noblesse was almost empty these days with the knights off fighting in the war. The only people left were those still in training, Kari among them, and the handful of knights chosen to oversee it.

Instead of returning to her room, however, Bianca decided to take a walk on the grounds. She barely got to see Kari these days. They were both busy with their lessons and only ever got the chance to see each other at dinner. Going back to their empty room would only make her miss him more. Besides, the grounds were green and vibrant enough that she'd at least feel like she was around other living things.

As she walked through the short grass, she felt an unfamiliar crunch beneath her feet. She looked down to find that she'd wandered into a patch of strange plants with feathery green leaves. She crouched down to look closer at them and felt one of the leaves between her fingers. It was quite delicate and soft, like an actual feather. She'd never seen a green feather before, and she found it strange that such a plant could even exist.

"These are Feather Plants," a voice rang out.

Bianca looked up to see that a majestic birdlike creature stood before her. The bird creature wore a diadem with a blue gemstone and had immense white feathers.

"Feather Plants are native to Ereve and hold all sorts of medicinal properties. Very useful in creating antidotes," the beast said, smiling benevolently. "Forgive me, I don't believe we've met before. My name is Shinsoo."

"I'm Bianca. I've heard much about you from Idalia- er, Ser Idalia," Bianca said nervously.

"Be at peace," Shinsoo reassured. "Such formalities mean little to someone who's lived as long as I."

Bianca felt herself relax slightly. Shinsoo had a peaceful aura that reminded her of her mother, or even Rosalina.

"Do you come to these gardens often?" Bianca asked.

"Not as much as I would like. Much of my strength has left me, and I find that most days, it's hard for me to move. But on days like this, I feel strong enough to warm my wings amidst the energy of life. Tell me, how do you find Ereve?"

"It's a wonderful place. Even during the summer like this, the only verdancy in El Nath are the evergreens. It's a welcome change to see such a happy garden."

"I'm glad to hear you say so. Being so far from your home, and after such an ordeal, I hope that you and your son have found some peace here."

"The people of Ereve have been very welcoming to us. Their kindness means a great deal. Especially Idalia's. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay her for what she's done for us."

"I hear that you two have grown quite close," Shinsoo said. Though her voice was conversational enough, Bianca felt like there was a hidden question behind it, and she wasn't sure what it was.

"She's been a good friend to me these past few months," she answered, hoping that it was what Shinsoo was looking for. "She's eased the transition here immensely."

"I'm glad to hear it," Shinsoo said sincerely. "Indeed, I find it fortunate that you have been as good for Idalia as much as she has been for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Idalia… has had a difficult life in Ereve. I do not wish to divulge that which she would not wish me to, but I will say that there are precious few with whom she's close, and even fewer with whom she confides her troubles."

Bianca was surprised. She knew that Idalia had her problems with the Senate, but given how close she and Tianbao seemed, she'd supposed that Idalia must have been close with at least some of the Noblesses, even if it was just Tianbao.

"Does it come as a surprise to you?" Shinsoo asked knowingly.

"It's just… I wouldn't have expected that she'd share so much with me, of all people. I mean, I'm practically a stranger compared to the people whom she's fought alongside. I'm just an outsider."

"Perhaps it's because you are an outsider that she can be at ease around you. To show you her true face."

Shinsoo noticed Bianca's expression change just slightly at her words.

"You don't agree?" she asked.

"It's just… do people ever really have a version of themselves that they can call true?" Bianca asked, though she quickly caught herself. "I apologize, I didn't mean to give offense."

"Please, you've given none. I would hear you speak your mind."

Bianca hesitated before continuing. "Well, we're never the same person, even from moment to moment. We wear different faces for different people, for different occasions. Even when we're alone, we doubt ourselves. We hide from the things that we don't want to think about. Can we really say that we have a true face when we can't even be true to ourselves?"

"Can't we? That we hide from the truth must mean that we recognize where it lies within us, does it not?"

"I… suppose."

"Then let me ask you this. Does a thing stop being true if it can be felt, but not proved?"

"Um… I… don't know. Probably? If you can feel it, then doesn't that prove that it's really there?"

"That's what I believe. Put simply, recognizing who you really are means that you undoubtedly have a true face. To know where it lies is sufficient to reach for it. But the challenge, I feel, lies in the conviction to grasp it. Some fear who they are and look away. Others are afraid of baring it before a world that may reject it. For some, like Idalia, that fear is both sword and shield. To show yourself as you truly are, and to have it be deemed lacking, is a blow that few ever recover from."

"But then, why show that face to me?"

"Because you are not part of that world she fears. With you, I believe that she feels that she needs not wear the face of Ser Idalia, Knight of Light. In you, I believe she sees the freedom to be someone else. Someone truer to what she really is."

Bianca pondered Shinsoo's words. Strictly speaking, it wasn't difficult to believe that Idalia would want to be herself with someone, at least. And it made sense that it would be easiest to do it with an outsider like herself. Idalia had spoken enough about her issues with the Senate and her responsibilities as the Knight of Light for Bianca to know that Idalia being herself wasn't an option with the people of Ereve.

But still, she couldn't help wondering who exactly Idalia really was. When was she most like herself? When they sat under the starlight together? When she would remain locked up in her room for days? When she trained endlessly in some unknown fervor? She doubted that she could even bring herself to ask when Idalia struggled to even talk about it. But one thing was certain to her – until Idalia was ready to share the truth, she was ready to accept it all.

. . .

~ Seven months after the declaration of war ~

"…on a brighter note, the training center in El Nath has just graduated its first batch of students," Athena said.

"That's good news," Kira nodded approvingly. "When will they be deployed?"

"Within a fortnight. We first need to ensure that the route we've drawn out is the safest way to reach Abrup," Athena explained.

"It's a shame that we couldn't have had the center built closer," Kio said.

"It couldn't be helped," Athena replied. "Training in the midst of a warzone is a bad idea. We can't guarantee that we won't be forced to retreat and abandon it."

"But are you sure that they'll be alright?" Kirima asked. "The journey is perilous enough alone, but they'll be traveling through enemy territory."

"From the information gathered by the Dark Lord, the Huntsman King is unaware about the secret pass we're using to reach Abrup. We're holding his attention up north, which means that his forces will be spread thin across El Nath. The biggest danger is making it past the mountain range, but once they break through, they'll be safe in the Abrup Basin. We need all the reinforcements we can get in Skuas Fortress. Our first priority has to be the refugees."

"I agree," Kio said. "But the question still remains about how long we can keep them there. The majority of our forces – Dances with Balrog, his warriors, and a portion of the Noblesses – give ironclad security to Skuas Fortress. But we cannot win this war through defense alone."

"Unfortunately, Victoria Island does not have the capacity to hold any more than we have now. Grendel is speaking with the Ellinia Parliament, but I'm not optimistic about them changing their minds."

"What about the other nations? Mu Lung and Ludibrium?"

"Still in deliberation. The chiefs of Mu Lung are assessing the logistics of it all, but it seems like negotiations will go through."

"Which is good for us," Kira said. "The Abrup Basin directly borders Mu Lung, which would make evacuation both simple and efficient. What of Ludibrium?"

"Rejected," Athena explained. "It was always a long shot. Ludibrium's borders have been closed for centuries, and Ludus has doubled down on his stance of neutrality."

"So Mu Lung is our only option?"

"Chief Tatamo has agreed to host what few he can," Athena added.

"But isn't Leafre on the other side of the Nihal Desert? The Sultan would never allow refugees to pass through his kingdom," Kirima said. "They would need to be ferried by sea, which would make them sitting ducks to the Tarheeds."

"I agree the situation is less than ideal," Athena conceded. "We're tentatively ruling out that option unless the situation demands it. Ser Idalia, do you have any news from the front?"

"Um… no. Nothing new," Idalia said. She cleared her throat awkwardly. "Forgive me, Lady Athena. I'm not feeling too well today."

She felt herself wince internally. She could feel the elders' gaze on her, even as she pointedly looked away.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Athena said. "Would you prefer to send the report to me later?"

"Er… yes, that would be nice. Thank you."

She didn't want to be here. She wanted to go back to bed and sleep through the whole day. She'd been like this for thirteen days and each morning, she'd told Bianca that she was getting a bit better, even though she knew that she wasn't. But then, why was she telling the truth now, of all times? And to a stranger like Athena of all people, before all the elders?

The room moved on without her while she was deep in thought, and by now, she wasn't even trying to keep up with it. Being lost in her own head felt safer when everything was loud and reverbing. It was like she was watching the scene from inside her own body, as though there was a little version of herself peering through her eyes. She wasn't even sure that she was awake because of how loud and muffled everything was all at once.

"…and while Abdullah's forces are larger and gaining ground… little experience fighting… win a war of attrition… forced to mine ore…"

"Magatia… civil war… split between Abdullah and…"

"…new machines… alchemists… their quest to create… at odds…"

How many minutes had it been, she wondered. Or had it been an hour? Time was passing drunk and unsteadily for her.

"…for coming, Lady Athena…"

She unconsciously registered that everyone was looking at her and the last remnant of her awareness made her mouth move mechanically. She had no idea what she said, but Athena smiled and nodded in response before exiting the room. Idalia quickly got up, hoping to leave as well.

"Ser Idalia, a word?"

Idalia felt herself stop at Kira's words and sighed shakily. She was barely even conscious, barely even felt like a person. This wasn't fair. Still, she turned around and sat back in her seat. The three elders had their eyes on her, but she kept hers firmly affixed to the floor.

"Are you… feeling better today?" Kira asked, awkwardly attempting to break the ice.

Idalia wordlessly shook her head, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. Every part was screaming at her from a distance, begging her to get up and walk away.

"I'm… sorry to hear that," Kira replied, clearing his throat. "I don't want to keep you from your rest, so I'll get to the point. I – that's to say, we – would like to apologize."

Idalia blinked several times, unsure whether she had heard wrong. She quickly shook her head to push away the haze and sat up in an attempt to regain her senses. Kira looked expectantly at Kio and Kirima, who shifted uncomfortably.

Finally, Kio opened his mouth. "These past seven months have given us ample time to think and reevaluate our beliefs. Who we are, what we do, why we do it – questions that, until recently, we could answer with certainty. We are the elders of Ereve. Our role is to guide the Empress and the Senate in matters of state. And we do this because it is our sacred duty."

Kirima jumped in. "We were created to provide guidance, not to be placed in the capacity of leadership. We were not prepared for such a burden, but still, we persevered as best we can. But the fact still remained – we were not made to lead."

"It pains us to admit," Kio said. "But these past centuries, we have failed in our duty to the world. We allowed our fears to consume us. We closed the borders, withdrew the Noblesses, overstepped our bounds… and made enemies of our allies."

"The simple fact is that we were wrong to hold you to the undue standards we exacted. The Knight of Light has oft been called a beacon. In our haste, we interpreted it to mean that you were meant to be a beacon that illuminated the way ahead… to show us what to do, and where to go."

"We clung to the ideal of a perfect knight, a legend from the pages of myth. And when we saw that you were only human, with imperfections of your own, we could not abide it. We instinctively lashed out at the parts of you that we thought were at fault, not seeing that in doing so, we were lashing out at you as a whole. We put you under thrice the scrutiny of your predecessors simply because we could not accept you as you were. We were wrong to do so, and for this, we humbly apologize."

The elders paused to give Idalia a chance to respond. Idalia sat frozen in her seat, unable to believe what she was hearing. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought that she'd hear the words come out from them. But there they stood, waiting expectantly for her response.

"Why… why now?" she managed to say.

"Because we can no longer ignore what we have wrought. War and death and fear, everything that generations of Empresses before us have worked to prevent, undone by our foolishness. Look at the state of our world," Kirima added. "The dogs of war ravage the continent. Tens of thousands displaced or dead. All of this under our guidance. In our hubris, we believed that insulation was the wisest option after Empress Aria's death. We were mistaken."

"We could not stand to look at our failure," Kio said. "And so, we directed our resentment at you, for the crime of not having averted what was beyond your control. Your adversities became inadequacies. We deemed you lacking when you were simply doing the best you could. It was only when we saw the bodies that our conviction was shaken."

Idalia grimaced. She, too, remembered the shrouds of fallen Noblesses being sent back to Ereve by the score. Behind the House of Noblesse were the graves of the fallen. Countless names of her allies, many of whom she had trained herself. The worst were the ones unmarked, for those who could not be identified, and the empty plots for the ones whose bodies could not be found.

"So many promising young lives… all dead following our direction. Cold reality stripped away our excuses. It was only when we accepted our folly that we could begin looking at you in a different light. We thought you were a beacon for the future, but we were mistaken. Yours is the light of perseverance. To keep moving forward in spite of adversity… much of which we regret can be linked back to us."

"We have no excuse for our actions. And we do not ask for forgiveness. We were afraid, and have been for a long time. Afraid of accepting our inadequacy. Like you, we are servants of the Empress. But for us, that is our entire existence. We were created by Shinsoo solely for this purpose, to heed the Empress' call. We were not prepared to live in a world without her. We are hollow creatures trying to fill the space she left behind. And we don't… we don't know what to do," Kira solemnly finished.

The silence hung heavy over them all. Idalia was completely lost for words. Not because she had nothing to say, it was quite the opposite. But she had no idea where to even begin.

"…And that's it? We're just meant to put this all behind us?" she said shakily.

"I don't believe this is something that can ever be put behind," Kirima said. "It will weigh on the forefronts of our minds forever."

"Stop," Idalia said, balling her fist. "Stop acting sorry."

"This is not an act," Kira said, surprised. "This is sincerity."

"I don't believe you. You can't just hate someone for years and then decide that you don't one day. That's not how it works."

"Like we've said, this is something that we've been considering for months," Kio said.

Idalia abruptly stood, her nails digging painfully into her palm.

"I don't care if you've been thinking about it for years. You can't erase what you did by saying sorry."

"Nor do we mean to," Kirima said, holding up a feathered hand. "You have every right to be angry-"

"Oh, do I? How good of you to tell me what I have the right to feel."

"I assure you, Ser Idalia, I didn't mean it like-"

"Why did you even bother with this when you know it won't change anything? Why couldn't you have just left it alone? 'You don't have to forgive us.' 'You have every right to hate us.' Did you think throwing the ball in my court was a favor to me? The way you've made it now, you're the ones who behaved excellently, and I'm the ungracious one for not letting it go."

"That was not our intention," Kio interjected. "We accept both your blame and your anger. If you wish to chastise us, we will sit here until you are content."

"Until I'm content? Is that what you think this is? That I'll scream for an hour and then leave in resignment? Time itself would fall short before I'm satisfied, esteemed elders. Do you think this is like a storm that you can weather until the sun peeks out from behind the clouds?"

"Perhaps this is a storm that will never end," Kira said calmly. "But I promise, we will not add further fuel to this fire. And this does not mean that you must, either. We do not seek to police your anger-"

"Just stop it. Stop acting like you're some sort of martyr. Stop telling me that you're sorry. Stop telling me that I'm angry. You can't just apologize like you're washing your hands of me. You can't just act like you somehow have a clue about anything that I feel. You don't have the right to even presume what I'm feeling."

"Then tell us what we can do, and we will do that."

"That's exactly my point. You keep saying that you don't want my forgiveness, but you still want your closure, don't you? You said it yourself. You'll do anything to make things right. You're willing to wait as long as it takes. But I don't want to wait. I don't want to change my mind. If you really feel sorry, then I'm happy for you. I truly am. I'm glad that all the pain you caused me helped you become better people. But if you're looking to move past this, then you can move on without me. I'm done with this."

Kira opened his mouth to protest, but Idalia's foot was already halfway out the door.

. . .

~ Ten months after the declaration of war ~

"You're gonna need to hold still for me," Bianca said, dipping a cotton ball in iodine.

She gently dabbed at the wound on Idalia's cheek. Idalia winced in pain, though she held as still as she could. Kari, who was sitting beside Idalia on the bed, held out his wooden toy knight.

"Here," Kari said. "Mama says that holding him makes you feel better."

Idalia smiled and accepted the toy.

"What a gentleman you are," she grinned. "You're getting to be more like a knight every day."

Kari beamed at the words and proudly sat up straighter. Bianca laughed softly as she placed a bandage on Idalia's wound.

"That should be the last," she said. "Give that arm a rest. That means no training for at least a week. I mean it," she added at Idalia's protesting face. "I know you hate being stuck here, but the sooner you get better, the sooner you can get back to the fight."

"Can I go with you this time, Ser Idalia?" Kari asked.

"No can do, kid," Idalia said. "A battlefield is the last place I'd take someone your age."

"But I'm a squire!" Kari protested. "And I can fight too! I can get my whole army to beat the monsters when I play!"

"Listen to your teacher, Kari," Bianca scolded. "She's been a knight before you were even born, and she still gets hurt. It's not safe for you until you learn how to properly defend yourself."

"But Mama, Ser Idalia doesn't even let me have a sword!"

"Because you're not old enough to have one yet. You're still a squire, Kari. You can't learn how to fight until you learn the basics. A knight has the know how to read, to write, to count – all the things you learn in school."

"That's boring. I'm ready to fight right now," Kari complained, puffing his cheeks.

Bianca poked Kari's cheeks and laughed when he spat out air. Idalia smiled and ruffled his hair.

"I know you hate being treated like a kid, but that's just who you are now. You can't grow up any faster, even if you try. But the time's gonna slip by you before you even know it. Someday, you'll be taller than both me and your mom. You'll run faster, climb higher, fight harder… and maybe one day, you might even wish that you could grow up all over again."

"That's right," Bianca agreed. "Being a kid is something special. Make sure you have as much fun when you can."

"Like right now?" Kari asked innocuously.

Bianca laughed. "Alright, but just for a bit longer. You have an early class tomorrow. Bedtime is in 15 minutes," she added, though Kari had already rushed out the door.

"He's definitely still the same," Idalia grinned. "I thought kids are supposed to change every week. I don't see him for three months and he's still bouncing off the walls."

"He missed you while you were gone," Bianca said. "He'd ask me every day when you were coming back."

"I missed him too. Both of you. It's nice to be back."

"But you can't stay, can you?"

Bianca had known that something was wrong since Idalia had told her three months ago that the elders had given her leave to perform her duties as Chief Commander. It had been a short, abrupt goodbye, and Bianca had only been able to get an abridged version of what had happened between Idalia and the elders.

From what she understood, they had decided to suddenly apologize, and Idalia hadn't taken it well. The knight had only returned back to the Senate Hall once in order to get permission to return to her duties, which had been moments before their farewell. It hadn't sat well with her to have parted ways with Idalia like that, and though Bianca was glad to see her again, she wondered whether anything had really changed at all since then.

Idalia hesitated. "It's not that I can't stay. It's just… complicated."

"It seemed like it when you left. But I think you were right. Getting away from this place seemed good for you. You look happier now."

"I feel happier. Odd thing to say coming back from a battlefield, but it's the truth. Being there with the Noblesses… it's taking the best parts of this place and leaving the rest behind. It's nice. I only wish that I could take you two with me."

"I wish we could come with you too," Bianca smiled. "I missed you a lot."

"I hope you weren't too lonely while I was gone," Idalia grinned.

"Kinu keeps me company sometimes," Bianca explained. "But I think yours is better."

Idalia felt her face grow hot. Three months of constant fighting couldn't faze her, but Bianca could still catch her off-guard with comments like those. Still, she missed being around Bianca's warmth. She loved how encapsulating it was, like a tight embrace.

"How have your lessons been going?" she asked. "Are you a proper magician now?"

Bianca laughed. "Only in theory. I know a lot more about magic now – maybe even a bit more than a lot of actual practicing mages. But magic… I've thought about it a lot. I've picked up a spell or two, but it's as hard as I thought it'd be. Every time I do it, it reminds me too much of him."

Kirston. It had been ten months since they'd encountered him in Hemant. If Idalia was being honest, she hadn't thought about him in a long time. Kirston was dangerous and unusually strong, but the war had prevented her from conducting a proper investigation into him. The best that she'd been able to do was to leave the Book of Ancient for the Piyo scholars to decipher. Still, she'd made sure to let Bianca get involved in it, since she knew how important it was to her.

"Have you learned anything more about the book?" Idalia asked.

Bianca shook her head. "Kinu and the others haven't been able to make much progress. They said that the language is too ancient. They've been comparing the text against the old tongues, but they haven't found an exact match. Kinu is trying to consolidate all the roots that he did find in order to do a reverse trace from any modern languages that the archives have."

"Sounds pretty complicated. It must be frustrating, though. Having to wait so long for answers."

"A bit. But I'm glad that I'm learning. I help Kinu out where I can. Granted, it's not a lot. But enough that it feels like I'm not just relying on him to do it all for me."

"That's good, then. I guess convincing Kinu to take you on was worth it after all."

"Was it really that hard? He seems to love teaching."

"Hard for me, not him. The archives are the second worst place in Ereve," Idalia joked. "I told Kari that studying is important, but I think I spent more time asleep than awake in Kinu's classes when I was a squire."

"Your sacrifice is much appreciated," Bianca grinned. She had a good idea of what ranked above the archives to Idalia, but she decided not to bring it up. Instead, she held out her hand. "Thanks to you, I learned how to do this."

Bianca closed her palm and concentrated her mana, just like Kinu had taught her. She felt the flow of energy streaming through her body and willed it to manifest in her hand, concentrating it into little balls. As she opened her hand, the energy lazily floated into the air, illuminating the room in periwinkle blue.

"They're beautiful," Idalia said in awe.

"It's not much, really. It's not even light magic. Just mana without elemental infusion. But I wanted to learn how to do it so that I could show you. Tiny little lights, remember?"

"I love them. Now you can bring them out any time you miss them. And look."

Idalia held up the Soul Shield, which glowed softly in her grasp. Small golden orbs emerged from it, bubbling up to join the periwinkle lights.

"It puts the stars to shame, doesn't it?" Idalia grinned.

"You know," Bianca said. "Moments like these make me think that magic might not be all bad after all. It's hard to think that these little lights and Kirston's curses come from the same thing."

"We use magic like it's a weapon so much that we've all forgotten that it can be something else. Even for me. I haven't used my magic for something like this in years. I didn't know that I could make something so pretty. I can't believe I spent so long without realizing it… maybe something good came out of coming back here after all."

"…Are you okay?" Bianca asked in concern.

Idalia looked at Bianca in confusion before realizing that her cheeks were wet. She touched her face and wiped away the tears.

"I don't even know where these came from," Idalia laughed hastily. "I'm not even sad, really."

"It's okay to miss being here, you know," Bianca said. "You can hate something and still miss it."

"It's not even this place so much as them. I wish I could just hate them in peace. But then they had to apologize and make things difficult."

"You don't think they meant it?" Bianca asked. It was the first time they were really talking about it after their hasty conversation three months ago.

"Every part of me but one is saying that they don't. I don't know what that part is, maybe delusion. Or maybe even hope, in some weird, twisted way. Maybe that small part of me actually wants to believe that they're sorry."

"I can understand why you'd want to believe it. And I also see how hard it would be to accept it."

"It's just… so much easier to hate them, you know? It feels safe. Accepting their apology makes me feel like we're moving past it."

"Is that bad?"

"Everyone says that moving past something is good. But for me, it's just like a war. People do terrible things and say sorry. It's fresh on everyone's mind for what, five, maybe ten years? And then, they all start to forget about it. Like it never even happened. Do you know what happened to the Satyrs in the First Ossyrian Great War?"

"I… don't."

"Exactly. They were massacred by the Dragon King of Leafre on faulty intel that they were traitors. An entire race wiped out, and no one even remembers that they existed."

"You're afraid that it'll be like you were never hurt."

"Not only that, but I feel like one day, I won't even be allowed to remind anyone. They admitted that they were wrong, and if I accept their apology, it means that when everyone forgets, me reminding them will be digging up something dead. Except it's not dead, not to me. It's like what they say in Perion. The axe forgets, but the stump remembers."

"I see," Bianca said in understanding.

Idalia waited for her to say something else, but Bianca remained silent, lost deep in thought. After a moment, Bianca looked up awkwardly.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I thought that I had something helpful to say, but I don't."

"No, I'm sorry," Idalia said quickly. "I didn't say all that expecting you to tell me what to do."

"It's just… I've never been in a situation like yours before. I wish I could help you more, though, I really do."

"Just the fact that you're here listening is enough for me. I don't say it enough, but I really appreciate you, Bianca. I mean it. I'm not used to people putting up with me, but I'm glad that you do. I don't ever want to take you for granted."

Bianca smiled and pulled Idalia into a hug. "Me too. I really did miss you when you were gone. And I know that I'll probably miss you again. But I'm glad that I have you here with me right now."

For once, Idalia's face wasn't burning. Instead, she felt a fierce warmth envelop her entire body, as though all the love she felt might burst out of her at any moment.

"We have our tiny little lights now. When I look at mine, and you look at yours, it'll be like we're staring right past the distance between us. And it won't be forever. I'll be back before you know it."

"Is that a promise?"

"More than that. It's an oath."

Idalia suddenly got down on a knee and held her shield before her.

"Uhh… Idalia, what are you-?"

"I, Ser Idalia, Knight of Light, on bended knee do swear by the grace of the Empress, that I will always return to the side of Lady Bianca, through tempest and flame, through war and peace. I give my oath as a solemn vow, with this holy shield as a holy symbol of my pledge. Let death cast me asunder should I prove false."

Idalia stood up and smiled at an awestruck Bianca, whose face was tinged pink.

"There. One more little light to hang in our skies."

"You didn't have to do all that, especially if it means coming back to somewhere you hate."

"If it means I get to come back to you, it'll all be worth it."

Bianca felt her face flush. It reminded her of when they'd first met, when Idalia had swept her off her bleeding feet and carried her to safety. Her heart was beating in a way that it hadn't in years. In the soft glow of the magical lights, she couldn't help but notice that Idalia's face was radiant, and it made her heart beat even faster.