Putting the Pieces Back
Written by BlueFern
Dance
He knows where he is today. Sometimes he forgets.
Can't remember how he got here. But this is home.
He does remember being cleaner…
But that doesn't matter right now.
They have gone for now.
Of course they will be back. He isn't alone for long these days.
He recalls hating being left by himself. He always wanted attention.
Now he just wants to be quiet and alone.
But they come no matter how much he pleads for them to leave and not come back.
They don't listen to him. But he does listen to them.
He always does what he is told.
He is a good boy.
Bad man, but a good boy.
He stays where he sits. Maybe he will get a few more minutes to himself before they return.
She was here today. The real her.
Wanted to help me. But I don't need help. I am fine.
Learning slowly but I am fine.
Don't need anyone's help. Especially hers…
It would be wrong. She can't help me!
No one wants to really help me anyways.
Maybe it wasn't really her?
He must have been dreaming again.
Those dreams are worse than the ones filled with screams and blood.
Blood.
It is on his hands.
He can see it!
It will never come off. Nothing he does will clean him.
He shoves his hands in his pockets.
Don't look. Don't look.
Stop thinking!
Stupid idiot! Why did you do this? You thought you could fix things?
She doesn't want you!
She doesn't need you!
She only comes down here to make sure you are where she can come kill you when she has the time.
Only when she doesn't have something else to do.
He moves away from the cabinets and begins to walk down the hall.
He isn't looking where he is going. Just walking.
She will never love you!
No one can love a thing like you!
Nothing you ever do will prove you worthy of love.
She used you. She is done with you.
He knows that. He still hopes. And obviously he dreams that she cares.
But he knows she doesn't.
Cracked and fractured.
He can mend the breaks.
Go to her and show he is different. She can love him now.
The sharp pieces pierce his mind.
She'll understand.
He will give her his speech and everything will be fine.
Everything will be forgiven.
Mother forgave me for breaking that dish.
Dru forgave me for losing that doll.
It took time but it happened.
This is the same…
Right?
I changed. Did what she wanted. Got what she told me I needed.
Not going as well as I planned.
But my plans always seem to fall apart.
Just like last year.
I thought I could bring her back. Make things better for her. Do what she wanted.
All it did was slowly kill her.
She said so herself.
But she didn't. She isn't dead.
I couldn't keep going if she was. The first time was so hard he doesn't know how he survived.
He belongs to her. He'll do as she says, even if the others scream the opposite.
Time has twisted itself.
He knows that he has only been near her for a short time. Only years.
It feels so much longer.
But all his other memories are static.
How long was he with Dru? It seems fleeting compared to his time with his Slayer.
Static that makes him sick. He can see everything. Everyone.
But it just collides together.
Things don't stay clear for long.
He can't grab on to those moments. They don't feel real.
He isn't real.
He wants to be. So badly.
Be a real boy.
Make the right decisions.
Deserve to be hers.
Make things right.
He never wants to hurt anyone ever again.
Never Never Never Never Never Never
He has made sure.
It will never happen again.
"That's not true." Whispers a voice.
"Yes it is!!" He yells.
"You know what you are. What you do. You will do it again."
"No no no! You're wrong! I won't ever!" He is desperate to believe himself.
"You lie. Everyone knows. Admit it!" It says right in his head.
"No." Now he whispers.
Rocking helps. He doesn't know why.
But the pain is less when he is slightly moving.
"You will see. Nothing you do makes a difference."
He jumps up and raves at the air. He throws desks at the walls.
Knocks over the cabinets. Screams at the ghosts.
"No! You are lying! It won't happen! I can be good!"
They are gone. That doesn't usually happen.
He is thankful for that.
Shadows swallow him.
His only light in this personal prison is her.
She illuminates his dark world.
He shouldn't be allowed.
She glistens when she comes to him. The real one.
Does she know?
It was her. The last time.
He held her hand. Heard her breathing.
She was really here.
What happened? Why did she leave this time?
He must have done something wrong again.
Always wrong.
What did she want?
Stop.
Stop what? He can't remember!
She told him to do something. He has to do it!
He can't let her down…
He has failed her so many times.
He won't ever get a chance if he can't do what she tells him!
He looks around the small area he is in.
Looks at himself.
Sees the cuts.
He remembers!
But how does he do that?
He can't stop. It would be unfair for him to stop.
They want his blood. They deserve what they want.
He killed them.
He has killed so many.
It would be improper to refuse the ones you have wronged.
Wouldn't it?
But it is even worse to not do what she says.
He won't do it again.
He even told her so.
He doesn't go back on his word.
Never again.
Too much happens when he can't fulfill his promises.
All bad.
But this time that won't happen.
He can do this.
Might be impossible but he won't let her down.
He moves from the mess he made in the hall towards his room.
The room she first found him in.
That is where he stays most of the time.
He always ends up going there anyway.
The whispers are gone and so are the ghosts.
Is this one of those clear moments?
He wants to have one when she is here.
Then she can talk to him and he will remember.
He could tell her what he needs to.
Their dance never ends.
He used to enjoy it. Every part of it.
But he doesn't know the steps anymore.
He hopes she can teach him.
He has been spiraling out of control.
She wasn't even there.
But she will be. She'll be back.
And this time he will ask her for the tune.
He will follow her. She always leads.
~
Thank you so much for the reviews! I appreciate it so much.
I never thought anyone would like it. There are alot of great fanfics out there and this is my first.
I wasn't sure if I should have put this up but I am very glad I have! ^_^
Written by BlueFern
Dance
He knows where he is today. Sometimes he forgets.
Can't remember how he got here. But this is home.
He does remember being cleaner…
But that doesn't matter right now.
They have gone for now.
Of course they will be back. He isn't alone for long these days.
He recalls hating being left by himself. He always wanted attention.
Now he just wants to be quiet and alone.
But they come no matter how much he pleads for them to leave and not come back.
They don't listen to him. But he does listen to them.
He always does what he is told.
He is a good boy.
Bad man, but a good boy.
He stays where he sits. Maybe he will get a few more minutes to himself before they return.
She was here today. The real her.
Wanted to help me. But I don't need help. I am fine.
Learning slowly but I am fine.
Don't need anyone's help. Especially hers…
It would be wrong. She can't help me!
No one wants to really help me anyways.
Maybe it wasn't really her?
He must have been dreaming again.
Those dreams are worse than the ones filled with screams and blood.
Blood.
It is on his hands.
He can see it!
It will never come off. Nothing he does will clean him.
He shoves his hands in his pockets.
Don't look. Don't look.
Stop thinking!
Stupid idiot! Why did you do this? You thought you could fix things?
She doesn't want you!
She doesn't need you!
She only comes down here to make sure you are where she can come kill you when she has the time.
Only when she doesn't have something else to do.
He moves away from the cabinets and begins to walk down the hall.
He isn't looking where he is going. Just walking.
She will never love you!
No one can love a thing like you!
Nothing you ever do will prove you worthy of love.
She used you. She is done with you.
He knows that. He still hopes. And obviously he dreams that she cares.
But he knows she doesn't.
Cracked and fractured.
He can mend the breaks.
Go to her and show he is different. She can love him now.
The sharp pieces pierce his mind.
She'll understand.
He will give her his speech and everything will be fine.
Everything will be forgiven.
Mother forgave me for breaking that dish.
Dru forgave me for losing that doll.
It took time but it happened.
This is the same…
Right?
I changed. Did what she wanted. Got what she told me I needed.
Not going as well as I planned.
But my plans always seem to fall apart.
Just like last year.
I thought I could bring her back. Make things better for her. Do what she wanted.
All it did was slowly kill her.
She said so herself.
But she didn't. She isn't dead.
I couldn't keep going if she was. The first time was so hard he doesn't know how he survived.
He belongs to her. He'll do as she says, even if the others scream the opposite.
Time has twisted itself.
He knows that he has only been near her for a short time. Only years.
It feels so much longer.
But all his other memories are static.
How long was he with Dru? It seems fleeting compared to his time with his Slayer.
Static that makes him sick. He can see everything. Everyone.
But it just collides together.
Things don't stay clear for long.
He can't grab on to those moments. They don't feel real.
He isn't real.
He wants to be. So badly.
Be a real boy.
Make the right decisions.
Deserve to be hers.
Make things right.
He never wants to hurt anyone ever again.
Never Never Never Never Never Never
He has made sure.
It will never happen again.
"That's not true." Whispers a voice.
"Yes it is!!" He yells.
"You know what you are. What you do. You will do it again."
"No no no! You're wrong! I won't ever!" He is desperate to believe himself.
"You lie. Everyone knows. Admit it!" It says right in his head.
"No." Now he whispers.
Rocking helps. He doesn't know why.
But the pain is less when he is slightly moving.
"You will see. Nothing you do makes a difference."
He jumps up and raves at the air. He throws desks at the walls.
Knocks over the cabinets. Screams at the ghosts.
"No! You are lying! It won't happen! I can be good!"
They are gone. That doesn't usually happen.
He is thankful for that.
Shadows swallow him.
His only light in this personal prison is her.
She illuminates his dark world.
He shouldn't be allowed.
She glistens when she comes to him. The real one.
Does she know?
It was her. The last time.
He held her hand. Heard her breathing.
She was really here.
What happened? Why did she leave this time?
He must have done something wrong again.
Always wrong.
What did she want?
Stop.
Stop what? He can't remember!
She told him to do something. He has to do it!
He can't let her down…
He has failed her so many times.
He won't ever get a chance if he can't do what she tells him!
He looks around the small area he is in.
Looks at himself.
Sees the cuts.
He remembers!
But how does he do that?
He can't stop. It would be unfair for him to stop.
They want his blood. They deserve what they want.
He killed them.
He has killed so many.
It would be improper to refuse the ones you have wronged.
Wouldn't it?
But it is even worse to not do what she says.
He won't do it again.
He even told her so.
He doesn't go back on his word.
Never again.
Too much happens when he can't fulfill his promises.
All bad.
But this time that won't happen.
He can do this.
Might be impossible but he won't let her down.
He moves from the mess he made in the hall towards his room.
The room she first found him in.
That is where he stays most of the time.
He always ends up going there anyway.
The whispers are gone and so are the ghosts.
Is this one of those clear moments?
He wants to have one when she is here.
Then she can talk to him and he will remember.
He could tell her what he needs to.
Their dance never ends.
He used to enjoy it. Every part of it.
But he doesn't know the steps anymore.
He hopes she can teach him.
He has been spiraling out of control.
She wasn't even there.
But she will be. She'll be back.
And this time he will ask her for the tune.
He will follow her. She always leads.
~
Thank you so much for the reviews! I appreciate it so much.
I never thought anyone would like it. There are alot of great fanfics out there and this is my first.
I wasn't sure if I should have put this up but I am very glad I have! ^_^