By RisingSun
Host: Hi, and welcome back to the show "Are You Hot: the Search for the Sexiest Ranma ½ Characters!" We're back with Anna, Bob, and Chris— hi there! Waving Before the commercial break, we evaluated the Chinese Amazons: Shampoo, Cologne, and Mousse. Now we would like to present to you the esteemed and admired Tendo family from Nerima! The patriarch of the Tendo Dojo, Soun Tendo, is an accomplished Master of the Anything Goes style, a highly select school under the direct tutelage of… eh? Cameraman passes a note to the Host. She reads it, blanches, and sweat drops Uh… never mind that now… Soun Tendo!
Side door opens, and Soun strides out, a picture of dignity and bearing. He is the Soun that Miss Hinako sees when she looks at the usually erratic man. Well… he would be… if he weren't wearing that ridiculous, striped, full-body bathing suit…
Bob: Oh God! What are you wearing? Snickers from crowd Points off for that obscene bathing suit… eww…
Chris: Nice build though. Must come from those years of martial arts training. The broad shoulders and chest are a plus. We'll give you a 7.8 for your body.
Soun: Of course… of course… Tears are seen to leak from the corners of his eyes
Anna: Your face isn't bad either… very manly. The moustache is cute.
Soun: immediately brightens Why, thank you young lady!
Anna: But what did you do to your hair? You aren't a preschool girl growing your bangs. I'll have to give you a 7.2 for the face. some cheers of agreement, some boos
Bob: Yeah, yeah, not too shabby man, but… THAT SUIT! OH MY GOD, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT… THAT THING? IT'S LIKE A GRANDMA SUIT! murmurs of agreement from the audience I'll have to give you a 4.2 for sex appeal. Sorry.
Soun: Sobs, and leaves the stage.
Host: Whew! All right folks, the moment you've all been waiting for! The Tendo sisters! Loud cheering and applause The first sister to grace the stage: Kasumi Tendo! Thunderous applause
Bright lights flash, and a side door opens. A leggy figure in a shoulder-less, conservative swimsuit floats out. Kasumi's light brown hair hair swishes behind her in a loose ponytail tied with a ribbon the same checked, pastel green as her outfit. She smiles gently at the crowd, causing them to cheer even louder. She comes to the front of the stage, her ponytail resting over her right shoulder.
Bob: all dreamy eyed Wahh…. Ah…… ah….
Host: Kasumi is the oldest of the Tendo trio. She's a gentle homemaker with excellent culinary skills. Her calm disposition and loving optimism makes her a pillar of comfort and stability in a chaotic household. At eighteen, she is the universal favorite at homes, markets, and chiropractic clinics everywhere in Nerima. Loud cheering Judges?
Bob: That smile is so amazingly sweet, yet secretive and seductive at the same time.
Kasumi: Seductive? Oh my…
Bob: And your hair is like a shampoo model's. That ponytail is so cute! I think I'll give you a 9.8 for your face. Wild, ecstatic cheering from the crowd.
Kasumi: Thank you! You're so kind. Smiles more and waves demurely at her fans
Chris: You have a beautiful body too. Your skin is so smooth. But you could loose a little weight around the hips, maybe… Hissing and boos from the crowd No, no, I'm serious. I'm just being honest. And your chest could be a little bigger… gak! gets hit by several eggs, vegetables, mallets, tables, and pandas I'll give you an eight point… eh? sees something rising in front of him. Is that a… head? Gah!!! Soun's demon head comes roaring out in all it's glory
Soun: DID YOU INSULT MY KASUMI YOU INGRATE????????
Chris: cowers No sir… of course not… eh… eh… 9.2? Demon head deflates Eh…
Kasumi: frowning ever so slightly Really, that was very unnecessary. Confusion as to whether she's talking to Chris or to Soun
Host: Let's move on.
Anna: Kasumi, I wouldn't exactly qualify you as "hot", as you have most class and elegance from any contestant on this show as of yet. Congratulations, honey, you're beautiful! Wild applause
Kasumi: blushes Thank you.
Anna: I'll give you a 9.7 for sex appeal. Standing ovation from the audience
Kasumi: blushes even more Oh… thank you.
Soun: appears out of no where, sobbing his head off Oh, Kasumi! I'm so proud of you!!!
Bob: moaning Good grief, why is he still wearing that bathing suit?
Host: Mr. Tendo, if you can't control yourself… men in white suits drag Soun off the stage, still crying Kasumi, thank you. Kasumi nods, still smiling, and leaves Here's the most controversial of the sisters, Nabiki Tendo!
The lights go dim, bright lights flash, a band starts to play, and sparkly confetti falls from the ceiling. A red carpet rolls onto the stage. Nabiki sashays out of a door, wearing a sleeveless, wrap-around, dark red "dress" that barely covers the vital areas. She and the dress are covered with diamonds. Catcalls and whistles erupt as she sends out a series of brilliant smiles and calculated waves.
Host: Where did you get all that… stuff? She gestures to the band, confetti, and red carpet
Nabiki: Whips out a microphone Why, I blackmailed the staff into getting me my proper introduction. Duh. She flashes another brilliant smile
Host: Uh… Well! Ladies and gentlemen, you haven't met an independent woman until you've met Miss Nabiki Tendo, age seventeen! Notorious at Furinken High as the resident loan shark, and prominent amongst Japan's esteemed as the next big-shot businesswoman; Nabiki loves money and is excellent at getting WHATEVER she wants! Mumbling from crowd Anna? Would you like to go first?
Anna: I like what you've done with your hair, though it's still a little chunky in the bangs department. The way your hair dips slightly longer in the front is cute and sophisticated. Otherwise it would be like a toddler's haircut.
Nabiki: sarcastically Gee, thanks.
Anna: slightly phased Um… Your face is… interesting…
Nabiki: Interesting, huh? Eyebrows lower
Anna: See! See! Normally, your face is unreadable—that can turn a guy off. Murmurs of agreement But when you show emotions you get expression. Especially with pissy fits. Like just now. Your eyes get this glamorous, Elizabeth Taylor look when you're glaring, and boy, that is hot! Cheers of agreement
Nabiki: Nice try, but I'll wait for your final points verdict.
Anna: Eh heh… I'll say… a… 9.0 for the face… boos from Nabiki's fans
Nabiki: *sigh* I knew it.
Bob: But hold it, your BODY! You're in shape and looking pretty darn good. Do you take martial arts?
Nabiki: *snort* Yeah right. That'll just give me big muscles. sour expression I just exercise like a normal person.
Bob: And it works! Um… are those real?
Nabiki: You mean these? Points at her chest
Bob: Yeah.
Nabiki: Rolls her eyes Please… do you think I'd spend good money on jello balloons? These are as real as you can get.
Bob: *grin* Very nice… very nice… Sexy legs, shapely body, I'd give you a 9.8. Wild cheering, whistles, and catcalls
Nabiki: Strikes a pose Thanks. I'll take 25% off your interest rate.
Bob: Thanks.
Chris: Your fashion sense is chic and sexy, and you have the sensual, dangerous, don't-touch-me attitude that's so appealing to the guy. I'll give you a 9.6 for sex appeal. Deafening applause and yells
Nabiki: Point one less than Kasumi… I guess I can handle that. Shoots another toothy grin at the audience, and exits stage left
Host: Can someone clean up that mess? Ok—here we go, the last contestant before commercials… Here's Furinken's sweetheart: Akane Tendo! Mix of enthusiastic applause and disgusted boos and cries of "Go out with me Akane Tendo!"
Bright lights flash, and Akane runs out, waving exuberantly at the crowd, and calling out greetings to her cheering friends. She's wearing a yellow bikini with a sports bra type top. In the middle of the top is a plastic bunny rabbit head and carrots.
Host: She's the heir to the Tendo dojo and a martial artist with considerable power. Every boy wants to date her, and every girl wants to be her. But, folks, she's taken! Engaged at the tender age of sixteen to the famous Ranma Saotome! Shouts and shrill cries of "uncute tomboy!" and "I'M the real fiancé!" are heard from backstage
Akane: I'm not engaged to that baka.
Host: Of course… of course… Ahem. Akane is the youngest of the three girls, and the most temperamental. She enjoys sports, acting, and cuddling with her pet pig P-chan.
Chris: Hi Akane!
Akane: smiling Hi Chris!
Chris: I'm your biggest fan!
Akane: smiling even wider Thanks!
Chris: Will you go out…
Host: kicking him Get on with it!
Chris: Akane, you are so cute!
Akane: *blush* You really think so?
Chris: Yeah, Ranma doesn't deserve you.
Host: Hello? Chris? You're a judge, not a suitor. Say something critical or I'll tell Kuno you're a rival.
Chris: sweatdrop Ah… your hair sucks. It's boring and ugly and badly cut.
Akane: What? Face gets a little red
Chris: Eh… heh heh… but you're still cute! I'll give your face a 9.4.
Akane: tight smile Ok.
Anna: My turn? Yay. Eyes gleam evilly You're thighs are too thick, you're built like a stick, you're dumb as a brick…
Akane: WHAT???????????? Whips out a mallet SAY THAT AGAIN????
Anna: shies away and gives an apologetic shrug Sorry, I couldn't resist. But it's true. You have no boobs, your legs are stocky, and you're too muscle-y. I'll give you an 8.3 for your body. Again, mixed response from audience.
Host: Akane, if you want to stay in the competition, you'll have to put down the truck.
Akane: ZEEEEEEEE… ZEEEEEEEEE… ZEEEEEE……… calms down a little Ok… ok… I'm good.
Host: Ok, Bob, you're up.
Bob: nervously Um… well… Akane, you're a pretty little girl and all, but… that's exactly the problem. You're more of a cute kid than a gorgeous young woman. I'll have to give you an 8.3 for sex appeal.
Akane: ZEEEEEEEE… ZEEEEEEEEE… ZEEEEEE………
Host: Akane… Akane! Umm… folks, we'll be right back after the break. (Akane! Put down the ladder!) Coming up next are the Kunos! Stay tuned! (Akane, get back here! I don't want to have to disqualify you!)
TBC…
Nyeh, that was fun! Please C&C, and maybe give suggestions on what points the other characters should get and why!