Putting the Pieces Back
Thank you Jessica! You are a wonderful beta! I am glad you are helping me.
Echo
This is the last time I will ever come down these stairs.
That's it, it's my new rule.
I am never coming down here again.
I am taking him out of here.
Hopefully without force.
I don't want to have to knock him out and carry him.
I hopefully won't.
He won't get better being down here.
Dawn and I have talked about this.
She is still angry with him. But she wants him better, too.
She says she isn't mad at me anymore. I don't know if I should believe her.
I am still mad at me.
And I don't really know what to do to help her.
I know more than I did yesterday. But it only seems to make it more difficult.
One day at a time I guess.
We have Willow's old room all set up for Spike.
The windows are covered and we have some of his clothes that Clem gave us in the closet.
We got some other stuff from his crypt. Whatever survived the explosion.
Any items that he might have used to hurt himself have been removed.
Especially the emergency slayer kit, with crosses and holy water.
I don't know how far Spike is willing to go to please his ghosts.
And I don't even know if they're real.
So I am just taking every precaution.
I have already gotten some blood for him.
Everything is ready.
All we need is our vampire.
Once again I am here searching for him.
I'll be so happy to never do this again.
I think I have a plan on how to get him out of here.
I am sure he won't want to leave.
But he always ends up doing as I say.
I am positive he will be out of here tonight.
This place is a mess. Doesn't anyone clean around here?
I kick some boxes out of my way and continue down the hallway.
I really hope this doesn't take too long.
I don't want to be away from Dawn for much longer.
I would like to think she wouldn't hurt herself again.
Especially after our talk.
I think I'm a little reassured now.
But I'll keep that in the back of my mind.
Having Spike in the house will help her. Possibly.
Although having a sane Spike in the house is even better.
But I'm not getting my hopes up.
It feels like it might help her.
She hasn't told me much of that past summer.
But I do know he was there for her.
I never asked. Maybe I should.
She told me some things that happened when we talked.
How he'd kept the nasties away from her and guarded her at all times.
But nothing specific.
"Spike!" my voice echo's off the walls.
Where the hell is he?
Calm down. He's here. He didn't leave.
He hasn't gotten up in days, there's no way he left.
He isn't looking for me…
He used to find me no matter where I went.
No matter how fast I ran.
I better get to him before he actually does do something.
My emotions and thoughts are all over the place.
One moment I am absolutely sure they will get better.
I can help everyone.
Then the next…
I start to doubt.
I start to fear.
And I get so scared. I could lose them. Forever.
I would have no one if that happened.
Which is why I won't let it happen.
I walk farther down the hall.
Oh thank god! There he is.
He is sitting perfectly still by the wall.
Staring straight ahead. Completely oblivious to me running up to him.
This can't be good.
"Spike."
He doesn't look at me.
I sit down and calm my nerves.
"What are you doing?"
He isn't moving at all.
"Spike. What are you doing?"
He blinks.
"Hey. Somebody's home." Trying to joke with him.
"I'm being quiet." He whispers.
"I can see that." I smile.
"I'm safe… if I'm quiet."
He's not safe? I know he is crazy… but what could be hurting him except for himself?
This is going to be harder than I thought.
I am so getting him out of here.
"Well then I will be quiet too." I answer him in a whisper.
"Thanks." He smiles.
Oh that is so great to see him smile. He doesn't do it much.
And this one is different from how he used to smile.
Still makes me happy though.
"Spike. I want you to come with me."
"You need help?" he quietly asks.
"In a way. You can help me. By letting me help you."
"No." He shakes his head rapidly.
Then abruptly stops, probably afraid that might be making too much sound.
"Yes." I say.
I wish he would just come with me out of this hole.
This is not the place for him.
Why does he think it is?
"This is my home."
"No it isn't."
"I can't leave. This has always been my home."
"No. It hasn't! This isn't your home."
He is quiet again.
"I have no where else to go."
"I have a new home for you."
I look into his eyes. He loved me to madness.
I can see it. It has always been there. Love. Even after everything…
"Come with me now." I quietly say.
He looks terrified. Nods his head and slides up the wall.
I put out my hand. See if he will help me up.
He hesitates. Then takes my hand and lifts me up.
"Lets go." I lead the way.
We move down the hall and past the room where I first found him.
"Umm… do you have anything you want to take with you?"
He thinks about that. Enters the room and I hear rustling.
A moment later he emerges with what looks like a few shirts in his hands.
"Ok. Good." I smile at him and continue to the stairs.
I can't hear him behind me but I can feel him.
I guess I've always felt him.
At first it was just because he was a vampire and my Slayer sense would kick in.
But his presence has always been different.
Somewhere along the time we have known each other… the feeling changed.
It only intensified after we…
My body sings when he's around.
Every part of me hums and calls to him. For him.
It isn't sexual… well, not all the time…
I just connect with him. There has never been anyone like him.
Even now that he is different.
The feeling is still there.
There are no words to describe this feeling.
Sometimes I want it to just disappear.
But I honestly don't know if I could live without it.
He is quiet as we get in the car.
"Seat belt." I say as I put mine on.
He obeys and looks straight ahead.
I am about to tell him where I am bringing him when he yells out.
"Stop! Leave me alone!"
"Huh?"
"I can't hear you. I can't hear you…" He keeps repeating in an almost inaudible voice.
"Spike. What are they saying?"
He shakes his head and covers his ears.
Unbuckling my seat belt, I lean over and take his hands away.
He jumps and looks at me.
I won't let go of his hands.
"Spike. What are they saying?" I gently ask.
"I… I can't. Please don't. I can be good."
"I know you can. What do you think I am going to do?"
"Burn. They say you will burn me. Leave me to the sun."
"No. I would never do that!" I firmly tell him.
Whatever these things are, they're really messing with him.
"Let me go back." He pleads with me.
"I am bringing you home. Where you will be safe. And be with me and Dawn."
"No. NO. You can't. I can't…"
"I can! And I am! You are coming with me. And staying with me!" I tell him.
He tries to pull his hands away from me.
"Stop that."
He does.
"Listen to me. You need help. And you aren't getting better in that basement."
He is looking right at me.
"You may not think you deserve my help, but you do. You have helped me. Now it is my turn."
I let go of his hands and move back to my seat.
"It's not a long drive. We will be there way before sunrise. You're safe."
He watches me as I drive.
I don't think he ever thought I would really help him.
Can't he just snap out of it? Tell me it was an act?
I miss Spike. I have him with me and I miss him.
~
Thank you Jessica! You are a wonderful beta! I am glad you are helping me.
Echo
This is the last time I will ever come down these stairs.
That's it, it's my new rule.
I am never coming down here again.
I am taking him out of here.
Hopefully without force.
I don't want to have to knock him out and carry him.
I hopefully won't.
He won't get better being down here.
Dawn and I have talked about this.
She is still angry with him. But she wants him better, too.
She says she isn't mad at me anymore. I don't know if I should believe her.
I am still mad at me.
And I don't really know what to do to help her.
I know more than I did yesterday. But it only seems to make it more difficult.
One day at a time I guess.
We have Willow's old room all set up for Spike.
The windows are covered and we have some of his clothes that Clem gave us in the closet.
We got some other stuff from his crypt. Whatever survived the explosion.
Any items that he might have used to hurt himself have been removed.
Especially the emergency slayer kit, with crosses and holy water.
I don't know how far Spike is willing to go to please his ghosts.
And I don't even know if they're real.
So I am just taking every precaution.
I have already gotten some blood for him.
Everything is ready.
All we need is our vampire.
Once again I am here searching for him.
I'll be so happy to never do this again.
I think I have a plan on how to get him out of here.
I am sure he won't want to leave.
But he always ends up doing as I say.
I am positive he will be out of here tonight.
This place is a mess. Doesn't anyone clean around here?
I kick some boxes out of my way and continue down the hallway.
I really hope this doesn't take too long.
I don't want to be away from Dawn for much longer.
I would like to think she wouldn't hurt herself again.
Especially after our talk.
I think I'm a little reassured now.
But I'll keep that in the back of my mind.
Having Spike in the house will help her. Possibly.
Although having a sane Spike in the house is even better.
But I'm not getting my hopes up.
It feels like it might help her.
She hasn't told me much of that past summer.
But I do know he was there for her.
I never asked. Maybe I should.
She told me some things that happened when we talked.
How he'd kept the nasties away from her and guarded her at all times.
But nothing specific.
"Spike!" my voice echo's off the walls.
Where the hell is he?
Calm down. He's here. He didn't leave.
He hasn't gotten up in days, there's no way he left.
He isn't looking for me…
He used to find me no matter where I went.
No matter how fast I ran.
I better get to him before he actually does do something.
My emotions and thoughts are all over the place.
One moment I am absolutely sure they will get better.
I can help everyone.
Then the next…
I start to doubt.
I start to fear.
And I get so scared. I could lose them. Forever.
I would have no one if that happened.
Which is why I won't let it happen.
I walk farther down the hall.
Oh thank god! There he is.
He is sitting perfectly still by the wall.
Staring straight ahead. Completely oblivious to me running up to him.
This can't be good.
"Spike."
He doesn't look at me.
I sit down and calm my nerves.
"What are you doing?"
He isn't moving at all.
"Spike. What are you doing?"
He blinks.
"Hey. Somebody's home." Trying to joke with him.
"I'm being quiet." He whispers.
"I can see that." I smile.
"I'm safe… if I'm quiet."
He's not safe? I know he is crazy… but what could be hurting him except for himself?
This is going to be harder than I thought.
I am so getting him out of here.
"Well then I will be quiet too." I answer him in a whisper.
"Thanks." He smiles.
Oh that is so great to see him smile. He doesn't do it much.
And this one is different from how he used to smile.
Still makes me happy though.
"Spike. I want you to come with me."
"You need help?" he quietly asks.
"In a way. You can help me. By letting me help you."
"No." He shakes his head rapidly.
Then abruptly stops, probably afraid that might be making too much sound.
"Yes." I say.
I wish he would just come with me out of this hole.
This is not the place for him.
Why does he think it is?
"This is my home."
"No it isn't."
"I can't leave. This has always been my home."
"No. It hasn't! This isn't your home."
He is quiet again.
"I have no where else to go."
"I have a new home for you."
I look into his eyes. He loved me to madness.
I can see it. It has always been there. Love. Even after everything…
"Come with me now." I quietly say.
He looks terrified. Nods his head and slides up the wall.
I put out my hand. See if he will help me up.
He hesitates. Then takes my hand and lifts me up.
"Lets go." I lead the way.
We move down the hall and past the room where I first found him.
"Umm… do you have anything you want to take with you?"
He thinks about that. Enters the room and I hear rustling.
A moment later he emerges with what looks like a few shirts in his hands.
"Ok. Good." I smile at him and continue to the stairs.
I can't hear him behind me but I can feel him.
I guess I've always felt him.
At first it was just because he was a vampire and my Slayer sense would kick in.
But his presence has always been different.
Somewhere along the time we have known each other… the feeling changed.
It only intensified after we…
My body sings when he's around.
Every part of me hums and calls to him. For him.
It isn't sexual… well, not all the time…
I just connect with him. There has never been anyone like him.
Even now that he is different.
The feeling is still there.
There are no words to describe this feeling.
Sometimes I want it to just disappear.
But I honestly don't know if I could live without it.
He is quiet as we get in the car.
"Seat belt." I say as I put mine on.
He obeys and looks straight ahead.
I am about to tell him where I am bringing him when he yells out.
"Stop! Leave me alone!"
"Huh?"
"I can't hear you. I can't hear you…" He keeps repeating in an almost inaudible voice.
"Spike. What are they saying?"
He shakes his head and covers his ears.
Unbuckling my seat belt, I lean over and take his hands away.
He jumps and looks at me.
I won't let go of his hands.
"Spike. What are they saying?" I gently ask.
"I… I can't. Please don't. I can be good."
"I know you can. What do you think I am going to do?"
"Burn. They say you will burn me. Leave me to the sun."
"No. I would never do that!" I firmly tell him.
Whatever these things are, they're really messing with him.
"Let me go back." He pleads with me.
"I am bringing you home. Where you will be safe. And be with me and Dawn."
"No. NO. You can't. I can't…"
"I can! And I am! You are coming with me. And staying with me!" I tell him.
He tries to pull his hands away from me.
"Stop that."
He does.
"Listen to me. You need help. And you aren't getting better in that basement."
He is looking right at me.
"You may not think you deserve my help, but you do. You have helped me. Now it is my turn."
I let go of his hands and move back to my seat.
"It's not a long drive. We will be there way before sunrise. You're safe."
He watches me as I drive.
I don't think he ever thought I would really help him.
Can't he just snap out of it? Tell me it was an act?
I miss Spike. I have him with me and I miss him.
~