"Is there a Kathleen Topolski here?" A stocky gray-haired professor addressed the class. A petite woman in sweats and long blonde, waist length hair offered her hand and flicked it in the air. "Here," she answered. "You look familiar. Have we met before?" the professor asked. "Yeah," Kathleen replied excitedly. "We had that conversation about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder during orientation."
"Ah, yes. My memory isn't what it used to be. I hope you participate in class discussion with the same eagerness you showed me then," the professor smiled and went back to role call. Katy could all of a sudden sense eyes on her. She didn't need to look around the classroom to know that there were people looking at her. Katy could hear giggles and words like "spazz" and "nerd". Katy could feel her face getting warm. All because of her fondness for education.
Katy couldn't help but feel embarrassed for rather having a conversation with a teacher than a young guy her age. And she has had to pay for that all her life. Never having a boyfriend can tear apart one's self-esteem. It was fairly obvious that Katy Topolski wasn't the most secure person on the block. Nothing about herself made Katy feel good. Everything about her was an imperfection in her eyes. Her appearance, the way she talked, her style. Everything about herself made her feel more and more insecure. She didn't dare look in the mirror when she didn't have to; was always afraid of what she would see.
Her only refuge was studying. School in general. It was always her safe haven. Nothing made Katy feel better like a good study session. Wasn't much to call a life, but Katy did anyway. No one had any right to take that away from her. No matter how pathetic anyone would call what she thought was fun. Katy was sure a good round of studying and snacking would be enough to make her feel better about her so-so first day of college.
***
"Good afternoon Agent Topolski. How are you on this fine day," a young black female doctor with a stethoscope around her neck asked. "Fuck off," Topolski answered lifelessly. "That's always good to hear, it's time for lunch now," the doctor cooed, Kathleen's profanity not phasing her in the slightest.
Ms. Topolski had all her limbs and her waist strapped to her bed, the only piece of furniture in her plain-similar to a hallway, room. It was more of a closet. The profusion of minimalism was all apart of the subtle torture the oh-so-Special Unit had been dishing Topolski's way for the past three years. The room being small wasn't too big of an annoyance to Ms. Topolski.
What really ate her up inside was the real suffering, when she got the chance to do her suffering. Here in this unknown facility all Kathleen has to look forward to is waking up in the morning to eat, bathe, and then it's time to be drugged until lunch time. And so on and so forth. It wasn't too hard to get the hang of the daily routine in this …hellhole to say the least. The Facility was one of it's nicknames on the inside. The Special Unit felt a place like this didn't deserve a name, mostly for fear of being exposed to the public. A place like this was designed for lost souls who betrayed the Special Unit and it was going to stay that way.
Everything would be the same for the rest of Kathleen's life. Nothing would change. She would get older and maybe she would look different because of it, but that's about it. What's the point in even caring? For Kathleen, life is already over. There's nothing to worry about now. There is only nothingness.
***
Half of college is nothingness. At least that was the way it was for Kathleen. Everything was boring. Even the school work. The school work Kathleen so thoroughly enjoyed. Sometimes when things are silent enough, when things are boring enough. Interesting things happen. Things that make life worth living again. Something that gives you a purpose or sense of being. It is these events that made Katy's life worth living. The reason why Ms. Topolski was meant to be what she became. Doomed in the end. But what sometimes seems like the end…well, lets just say it's a new beginning.
It wasn't too safe for a young girl to walk alone on campus. Or in Katy's case it would be off campus. She didn't care. She figured getting mugged, beaten up, or raped would be better than the life she was living right now. Sure there was casual conversation with her roommates. The usual "Hey" or "What's up", but they never said much more after that. They would never ask to hang or go out. Would never eat with her during meals. It sucked big time. No friends, no one to talk to. She had to admit she had considered suicide. It was only for about 30 seconds, no big deal, but it had never happened before, so maybe it was something to worry about.
All of that wasn't going to stop Katy from gazing at the stars. It was something she had been doing since she was a little girl. She sure as heck didn't bring her huge telescope to college for nothing. It didn't matter at this point what people thought of her. Nothing was going to change what they thought so she might as well enjoy herself.
There was something about the stars that gave Katy a release from life. It was an amazing feeling knowing that there was so much to discover out there. Not necessarily by her, but just discovered in general. It was almost like there was something out there waiting for her. Something powerful.
The only place to star gaze around the campus or close to it was at the state park. Katy walked there, getting strange looks from people passing her by on the street. It was worth the long walk and the violent stares. The stars and planets were beautiful. Katy ran down the constellations like she used to with her mother before she passed away. It was like the past again.
There was a chill in the air all of a sudden. Like something cold had just entered Katy's personal space. No, there was someone cold near Katy. Very near. Katy arose from the telescope and spun around to see a tall, lanky man standing behind her. "Awwww!" Katy screamed. "Shut up," the lanky man said flatly. What happened next was unexplainable. There was a pressure in front of Katy's body for about a fourth of a second. The pressure exploded and Katy was sent through the air onto the ground at least 30 feet away from the man.
All Katy could do was groan in pain. Her back stung from the impact of her fall. What had just happened? What was going on. Everything seemed like a terrible dream right now. Katy rose shakily to her feet and again saw the man standing not to far from her. He was right next to her. Looking at her with lifeless eyes. Emotionless eyes.
"You're gonna become an FBI Agent," the man said. "I-I am?" Katy asked meekly, afraid of what would happen if she asked in a normal voice. "Yes, it's your destiny," the man replied. "I don't want to be an FBI agent," Katy said. There wasn't much time so soon after she finished her statement she stomped on the mans foot and then kicked him hard in the crotch. Without seeing the results Katy sprinted away as fast as she could. Back to the campus. Back to a public place where there were people.
There were lights up ahead. Street lights from downtown. There would be tons of people there. In fact, Katy could already make out someone standing by a random streetlight. Standing casually with his hands in his pockets. She could only see a black outline, but Katy was sure anyone would be safer than that psycho back in the park. She was getting closer now. She didn't slow down, she sped up. She wanted to get as far away from that man as she possibly could.
"Help me! Help! Someone's after me!" Katy yelled as she closed in on the civilian. He was starting to look strangely familiar. No! It can't be. Katy thought. She slowed down as she came about four feet away from the person. It was him. How could he have gotten there so fast.
"That was a cutesy little stunt you pulled back there. I can see you've got some natural instinct for the FBI," the man said in that same flat voice. It scared Katy. She couldn't move. Couldn't run. There didn't seem to be anywhere to go. It only seemed like she could listen. Like what this man was trying to say was important.
"I know what your life's like, Katy. I know how people look down on you. It's like you don't even exist to them," the mans voice somehow became comforting. How could he know this about her life. Was he some kind of stalker? What other explanation was there? "If you became an FBI Agent none of that would matter. The only thing that would matter is you would be saving the world," the man continued. "If you were an FBI Agent you could flood yourself with work and not have to worry about a personal life."
Katy had to admit that did sound good. It was actually sounding very good. Sometimes you get the feeling that some parts of your life will never change. But the parts you do have control over…their yours. You can do what you want with them. Maybe this was Katy's path. "What do you think Katy?" the lanky man asked. There was a moment of silence. Katy needed that moment. For sure. She had a feeling that whatever this man was…she knew he was dangerous. There was a good chance something bad would happen to her if she didn't do as she was told. Maybe it would be for the best. Katy's major was undeclared. What better career was there than serving your country?
"I think I will," Katy finally answered. "That's a good girl," Nesedo replied. "You wont regret it."
***
But I do regret it. Being an FBI Agent ruined my life. No, it destroyed my life. All I can do in this place is think. Like I am now. Thinking when I'm not being drugged to sleep.
There's no one to take this out on. Nesedo is dead. I suppose knowing that I tried to help Max, Liz, and the others. I died doing a good thing. It doesn't matter that I failed. What really matters is that I did something with my life. How many people can say they've met alien hybrids, or survived the Special Unit? Not many. It's strangely something to be proud of.
This body can be tortured for the rest of it's life. It's surely endured a lifetime of torture already, but I'll always have my mind…and I'll always have my memories.