Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel.
A/N: Rose: I hope the chapter lives up to your expectations. I surely enjoyed writing it. Bo: This chapter is a bit longer. Originally it was meant to be split into two, but you've all been so nice to me that I'm posting it as one. Consider it a gift for all of you. Black Rose: Here is more angst for you. In answer to your question, Max was awake. The hug was real. Feenian and La-angele 321: Welcome to the story and I hope you like it. Natty: It's not fair. I want Zack too. He has this `It's my duty, I'm strong and I can face anything to protect my siblings` thing going on that I find SOOO sexy. He's tough and a bad boy when he needs to be and so cute when he sacrifices for Max. Even though she's completely unimpressed by it (let's not go there). But Alec with his `I'm the best` philosophy and those lovely smiles of him (drooling here!). I don't think I can choose between them. Plus, Rose wants one too. So we are faced with a little problem. Three of us and only two of them. What shall we do?
To all of you, thank you for reviewing.
CHAPTER 3
"You missed me? I'm confused. Who did you miss, Zack or Adam?"
"Uh?"
"Oh, yeah sorry I forgot. Adam doesn't exist and you would never miss Zack, you hate him enough. So who did you miss Max?"
"What are you talking about? I love you, of course I missed you. You're my big brother." She couldn't understand what he was saying.
"Then why did you do that to me? Why did you kill me?"
"You were going to kill Logan, it was Manticore not you. I couldn't let you do it. I couldn't let them win. You wouldn't want me to let them win. And the electric shock didn't kill you, you're alive Zack." She was crying desperately now, screaming, willing him to understand. Fortunately, there was no one in this part of TC, at least not close enough to hear them. She felt strange crying like this in front of him. I mean, she felt like crying, but at the same time she felt she shouldn't. Soldiers don't cry. ´I'm not a soldier anymore`. But still she felt she should behave like one right now. Why?. It was as if her big brother wasn't there. All she could see was her CO, and she had failed him.
After a moment he spoke, and his voice was icy cold. "You didn't know the electric shock wouldn't kill me. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you sending me away. Away from my life, away from my siblings, away from everything. I'm talking about you making me disappear."
"Zack I..". She didn't know what to say. And his stare wasn't helping either. He was there, mere inches from her, but he seemed so far away. There was no closeness between them anymore. There was no big brother/ little sister anymore. What had she done? Where was Zack? What was going on inside his head?.
She tried to explain, tried to reach him. "Zack. I didn't know what else to do. I thought sending you away would be the best thing. They wouldn't be able to find you or use you again. This way you could be safe, happy, you'd have a normal life."
"A normal life?!". Now his eyes were on fire. The coldness was gone from his voice. Now there was anger. Now he was really pissed. She just didn't understand.
It was dark in the early hours of the morning. Most of TC was asleep, there was silence in Freak Nation. But in one dark room there was no silence, there was no calm, there was no sleep.
"A normal life?" She just didn't understand. Zack couldn't believe it. She didn't send him away because she hated him, she send him away because she didn't understand him. A tear came running down his cheek, but he quickly stopped any others from following it. Soldiers don't cry. And he was a soldier. No matter how much Max tried to deny it, it was a part of them.
"Max, who told you I wanted a normal life?. That's your thing. I wanted my siblings. I wanted to protect them, they are my responsibility. They are the reason I exist. You took that away from me. I am not Adam, I'm not a farm boy. I am Zack, I am X5 599, I am a soldier. It's who I am. When you took that away, you took everything. I couldn't be happy, how could I?. There was nothing left. Only a void, only emptiness. I didn't remember you guys, but I felt you. I felt you and I couldn't do anything about it. You took away my memory and my siblings. With that you took away my purpose, you took away my soul."
There was silence for a minute. All they could hear were each others breaths. Max didn't know what to say to that. It was still sinking in. She never thought about the consequences of her actions. She never thought he could feel that way. She was brought back from her thoughts when Zack spoke again. He had moved to the window and was facing away from her. His voice was merely a whisper.
"You are right, you didn't kill me. What you did was much worse, cause I was alive. I could feel there was something missing. And that something was me."
TBC
A/N: Rose: I hope the chapter lives up to your expectations. I surely enjoyed writing it. Bo: This chapter is a bit longer. Originally it was meant to be split into two, but you've all been so nice to me that I'm posting it as one. Consider it a gift for all of you. Black Rose: Here is more angst for you. In answer to your question, Max was awake. The hug was real. Feenian and La-angele 321: Welcome to the story and I hope you like it. Natty: It's not fair. I want Zack too. He has this `It's my duty, I'm strong and I can face anything to protect my siblings` thing going on that I find SOOO sexy. He's tough and a bad boy when he needs to be and so cute when he sacrifices for Max. Even though she's completely unimpressed by it (let's not go there). But Alec with his `I'm the best` philosophy and those lovely smiles of him (drooling here!). I don't think I can choose between them. Plus, Rose wants one too. So we are faced with a little problem. Three of us and only two of them. What shall we do?
To all of you, thank you for reviewing.
CHAPTER 3
"You missed me? I'm confused. Who did you miss, Zack or Adam?"
"Uh?"
"Oh, yeah sorry I forgot. Adam doesn't exist and you would never miss Zack, you hate him enough. So who did you miss Max?"
"What are you talking about? I love you, of course I missed you. You're my big brother." She couldn't understand what he was saying.
"Then why did you do that to me? Why did you kill me?"
"You were going to kill Logan, it was Manticore not you. I couldn't let you do it. I couldn't let them win. You wouldn't want me to let them win. And the electric shock didn't kill you, you're alive Zack." She was crying desperately now, screaming, willing him to understand. Fortunately, there was no one in this part of TC, at least not close enough to hear them. She felt strange crying like this in front of him. I mean, she felt like crying, but at the same time she felt she shouldn't. Soldiers don't cry. ´I'm not a soldier anymore`. But still she felt she should behave like one right now. Why?. It was as if her big brother wasn't there. All she could see was her CO, and she had failed him.
After a moment he spoke, and his voice was icy cold. "You didn't know the electric shock wouldn't kill me. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you sending me away. Away from my life, away from my siblings, away from everything. I'm talking about you making me disappear."
"Zack I..". She didn't know what to say. And his stare wasn't helping either. He was there, mere inches from her, but he seemed so far away. There was no closeness between them anymore. There was no big brother/ little sister anymore. What had she done? Where was Zack? What was going on inside his head?.
She tried to explain, tried to reach him. "Zack. I didn't know what else to do. I thought sending you away would be the best thing. They wouldn't be able to find you or use you again. This way you could be safe, happy, you'd have a normal life."
"A normal life?!". Now his eyes were on fire. The coldness was gone from his voice. Now there was anger. Now he was really pissed. She just didn't understand.
It was dark in the early hours of the morning. Most of TC was asleep, there was silence in Freak Nation. But in one dark room there was no silence, there was no calm, there was no sleep.
"A normal life?" She just didn't understand. Zack couldn't believe it. She didn't send him away because she hated him, she send him away because she didn't understand him. A tear came running down his cheek, but he quickly stopped any others from following it. Soldiers don't cry. And he was a soldier. No matter how much Max tried to deny it, it was a part of them.
"Max, who told you I wanted a normal life?. That's your thing. I wanted my siblings. I wanted to protect them, they are my responsibility. They are the reason I exist. You took that away from me. I am not Adam, I'm not a farm boy. I am Zack, I am X5 599, I am a soldier. It's who I am. When you took that away, you took everything. I couldn't be happy, how could I?. There was nothing left. Only a void, only emptiness. I didn't remember you guys, but I felt you. I felt you and I couldn't do anything about it. You took away my memory and my siblings. With that you took away my purpose, you took away my soul."
There was silence for a minute. All they could hear were each others breaths. Max didn't know what to say to that. It was still sinking in. She never thought about the consequences of her actions. She never thought he could feel that way. She was brought back from her thoughts when Zack spoke again. He had moved to the window and was facing away from her. His voice was merely a whisper.
"You are right, you didn't kill me. What you did was much worse, cause I was alive. I could feel there was something missing. And that something was me."
TBC