AN: And now, for our big finish to the season! It may not be Christmastime yet, but that doesn't stop stores everywhere from blasting Mariah Carey once Halloween ends. Anyways, what better way to celebrate the season with giving than to give a parody of How The Grinch Stole Christmas to quite possibly the sourest character in all of Little Homeworld? Yeah, much like Halloween, or Samhain Night, Black Rutile doesn't see the point of my stand-in for Christmas, but in this case, since her time in Little Homeworld has been so miserable, why not make everyone else miserable for once? Yeah, she's officially devolved into cartoon supervillainy at this point, but she's desperate to get a victory in, okay? And as for the Crystal Gems, we once again have some family drama to sort out, but it's not related to Steven this time. No, this time it's about Greg and his parents from "Mister Universe!" How can they work things out in time for the holidays? Tune in and find out!
Synopsis: On the most merry holiday of the year, Black Rutile tries to spoil the festivities for everyone. Meanwhile, Greg reunites with his estranged family.
Cast:
Noël Wells as Black Rutile
Tom Scharpling as Greg
Zach Callison as Steven
Lauren Ash as White Topaz
Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, Shy Rose
Estelle as Garnet
Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Tiger's Eye
Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, Volleyball
Shelby Rabara as Peridot
Jennifer Paz as Lapis
Uzo Aduba as Bismuth
David Willis as Andy
Maurice LaMarche as Thomas DeMayo
Laura Post as Gloria DeMayo
Kristin Chenoweth as Sheena Synstylae
Della Saba as Aquamarine
Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate
Charlyne Yi as Eyeball, Ruby
Erica Luttrell as Sapphire
Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye
Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon
Dee Bradley Baker as Lion
Featuring Bill Farmer as Santa Claus
And Matthew Rhys as The Narrator/Dr. James Brenner
Steven Universe Alternate Future: Little Homeworld Life
Chapter 13: Snowfall Feast
Ah, Snowfall Feast. It's the most wonderful, merriest time of the year. Fun for all that everyone, human and Gem alike, calls their favorite holiday. Yes, everyone loved Snowfall Feast a lot. However, the ever-unabashedly unpleasant Black Rutile did not. She just hated Snowfall Feast, the whole holiday season. But why do you ask is her reason?
"I just don't see the point of it all!" Black Rutile complained. "It's absolutely abhorrent! Why should everyone be merry when my time here has been nothing but pain?!" Throwing on a white scarf, Black Rutile stormed outside her house to continue fuming, as she watched all the Gems decorate their homes with typically festive decorations. "Like, I have suffered nothing but setback after setback, failure after failure! And instead of just shattering me on the spot, they subject me to a fate worse than harvesting!"
"Hey, Black Rutile, happy Snowfall Feast!" Tiger's Eye exclaimed while giving her a Santa hat to wear. "You like it? I made it myself!"
"Thank you; I am very touched." Black Rutile growled as she marched away from Tiger's Eye. "Like, why do the denizens of this disgusting planet choose now of all times to actually play nice with each other when they just go back to bullying each other for the rest of the year?"
"Something troubling you, my Rutile?" Aquamarine asked as she flew down to perch on Black Rutile's shoulder. "You don't seem to be in a merry mood."
"Gee, I wonder what tipped you off?" Black Rutile dryly replied as she sat down on a snow-covered bench. "So, what have you been up to?"
"Just helping with the decorations." Aquamarine responded. "How about you?"
"Too busy working on the Vortexxer to get into this silly spirit." Black Rutile proclaimed. "Like I said, why do people choose now of all times to be nice to each other when no one here has been nice to me?"
"Maybe it's because you're so unbelievably selfish and think the universe has to bend to your whims, that you think everyone has to act as you say?" Aquamarine responded under her breath, catching her master's attention. "I mean, yeah, why does nothing ever go your way?!"
"I heard what you said, and yes, I totally don't take offense to being called selfish because I know a certain someone who's no better." Black Rutile added. "That reminds me, what are the Crystal Gems doing for the holiday?"
Meanwhile, the townies were also getting into the holiday spirit in Beach City. Families and friends had reunited for the season, and the Crystal Gems were no different. However, one family, in particular, wasn't as together as one member wanted it to be. As the Gems baked cookies, wrapped presents, and decorated the beach house, Greg solemnly gazed out the window while drinking some hot cocoa and sighing.
"Problems, Greg?" Pearl's paramour Sheena Synstylae asked the rock star-turned-father as she sat down next to him by the window.
"Oh, hey, Sheena." Greg casually greeted Sheena. "Just thinking about my family right now. I mean, I already got a great one with Steven and the Gems and all his friends, but I can't help but think of my parents now. Aside from Andy, my fam hasn't been together in years, as far as I know. And after hearing about how Steven made amends with Rose, it made me think about my folks and how they're doing after I moved out."
"I can relate." Sheena concurred. "Never had the best relationship with my stepmom myself. Oy gevalt, the stories I could tell you about her! Like, this one time she accidentally took my makeup, and I think I nearly got gray hairs trying to get it back!"
"Hehe, nice." Greg laughed softly before taking a sip of hot chocolate. "Did you two manage to patch things up?"
"Eh, it was half and half." Sheena replied. "We're on better terms now, but we still get on each other's nerves from time to time. Take the good with the bad, as they say."
"Oh, Sheena honey, there you are!" Pearl exclaimed as she walked over to her pink-haired lover and kissed her on the cheek. "And what a coincidence I found you talking with Greg because I was about to give him some great news!"
"What kind of news, Pearl?" Greg asked Pearl.
"Well, I overheard you talking about your parents just now, which reminded me that I arranged for them to come over for Snowfall Feast!" Pearl exclaimed. "Isn't that delightful? I can't wait for Steven to meet your folks once he comes over!"
"Wait, they're coming, here, now?!" Greg yelped in shock at the news. "But, you, I, parents, Rose, dead, Steven, alien-"
"Yo, something wrong here?" Amethyst asked while eating some leftover cookie dough out of the container. "What's this about Greg's parents coming over?"
"Well, that's the thing." Greg responded. "How can my parents possibly respond to the big pink elephant in the room?"
"Pink elephant? What could you possibly mean?" Pearl wondered, only to immediately realize what Greg was talking about. "Oh right, Rose."
"Yeah, gonna be pretty hard to tell everyone that your wife was an alien warrior who died in childbirth, even if everyone knows who the Gems are now." Sheena said. "Hey, Pearl fell for me because I was a near-dead ringer for her. Why don't I fill in?"
"I have an even better idea!" Amethyst declared before she began shapeshifting into Rose. However, Greg quickly stopped her mid-transformation.
"No, no, no, let's not do that all over again!" Greg yelled frightfully, not wanting to be reminded of the last time Amethyst did something like that. "I think maybe we try to be as honest with them as possible." Suddenly, he got a different idea. "Or maybe….." He then suddenly grabbed Pearl by the wrist and dragged her along to the Warp Pad so she could be used to activate it and send them away.
"What's up with Greg?" Bismuth wondered quizzically, stopping her decorating of the tree to watch Greg make off with her and Sheena's mutual girlfriend.
"Daddy issues." Garnet flatly responded. "I don't think I want to know what harebrained schemes can come out of this."
"You know what this reminds me of?" Amethyst asked. "That one Lil Butler Christmas special where the butler disguised as the neighbor's grandpa!"
"Oh please, it can't be that bad!" Peridot remarked while she and Lapis wrapped presents together. "I mean, what's the worse that can happen?" As if the universe wanted to answer Peridot, Greg and Pearl finally returned from their sojourn with a Rose Quartz that looked almost exactly like the one who formerly led the Crystal Gems following them.
"Um, pardon me for being rude," Lapis said. "but what's this Rose clone doing here?"
"Phew, you had no idea how long this took us!" Greg panted in exhaustion. "I had to go to another galaxy just to find a suitable replacement!"
"Uh, hi Crystal Gems, nice to see you again." The shy Rose nervously greeted. "Happy Snowfall Feast, I guess."
"Hey, isn't she one of those Rose Quartzes from the zoo?" Amethyst asked. "How are they possibly going to believe this?"
"I got a plan, everyone." Greg stated. "We're going to act all nice and normal, so that means no weird powers, no fusing, and no shapeshifting in front of my folks. If any of you slip up, we'll say we live an alternative lifestyle. And whatever you do, don't mention the war."
"Yep, totally a harebrained scheme." Garnet nodded just as the front door opened, and in walked Steven Universe, having decided to take a break from his road trip to return home for the holidays. "Steven!"
"Hi, everyone, happy Snowfall Feast!" Steven greeted everyone in the beach house before locking eyes with the lookalike of his mother standing next to Greg. Even if he amicably parted ways with the trio of Rose Quartzes, he never guessed he'd see any of them again, especially this one. "Uh, what did I miss?"
"Closer, closer!" Black Rutile muttered to herself as she started running some tests on the nearly completed Vortexxer. "Just a little more!" As the portal began showing some signs of life, Black Rutile's front door suddenly opened, and in walked White Topaz and Jasper, both dressed for the weather and bringing cookies inside.
"Happy Snowfall Feast, Black Rutile!" White Topaz yelled happily, causing her former boss to lose concentration and the Vortexxer to fizzle out, much to her disappointment.
"No!" Black Rutile yelled angrily before turning to glare at the pair. "Look what you made me do, you dolts!"
"Geez, we were just trying to help you get into the spirit." Jasper responded before presenting a cookie. "You want some Snowfall Feast cookies? White Topaz made them herself."
"No, thank you, you should know Gems don't need sustenance." Black Rutile replied as she got back to work. "I just don't get this holiday at all! What's the meaning of all this blasted happiness and cheer anyways?!"
"Oh, I know where this is going." White Topaz realized cheerfully. "You're just a total Grinch or a Scrooge who's too moody to understand the true meaning of Snowfall Feast. It's not just about being happy and merry; Snowfall Feast is about the celebration of giving and the bonds that bring us all together. Plus, all the cool gifts in exchange for cool gifts you give to the ones you love too!"
"Like I buy that sappy garbage." Black Rutile grimaced, not taking her eyes off her experiments one bit. "As that old codger from that silly story would say, bah humbug!"
"Well, if you feel like coming out and celebrating, our door is always open." Jasper said as she and her girlfriend began leaving the house. "Happy Snowfall Feast, I guess."
"Get bent!" Black Rutile yelled back before the door closed, just as Holly Blue, Eyeball, and Cat's Eye entered the room.
"How is progress going on the Vortexxer, my Rutile?" Holly asked her rebel leader.
"I was just about to make a breakthrough when Jasper and White Topaz broke in to assimilate me into their holiday cheer." Black Rutile answered. "I don't understand it at all! Why is everyone but me so freaking happy all the time?!"
"Probably because we've encountered nothing but setback after setback in our plans." Cat's Eye said, which gave Black Rutile an idea. "I mean, what point do they have in making us happy when we have no plans to?"
"Wait, I got it!" Black Rutile beamed creepily as she got a positively wonderful, awful idea. "If they want to force us to be all happy and peaceful, then I think we should make them realize how miserable I am here, and maybe they'll be just as miserable too!"
"I like the way you think, my Rutile!" Eyeball exclaimed as she snacked on the cookies left behind by White Topaz. "But what are we going to do?"
"I'm shocked you didn't get the implication." Black Rutile said as she tied a piece of scrap metal to Eyeball's head to act as a reindeer's antler. "Ruby, with your gem so bright, won't you help us steal Snowfall Feast tonight?"
"Wait, really?" Eyeball gasped as her eye lit up in amazement. "But what will the other Rubies think?!"
"Oh, come on, you've already bullied them into becoming your subordinates. What say we put them to good use?" Black Rutile suggested smartly. "Now, let's start plans for tonight; everyone should be asleep by then."
Later that day, more members of Greg's family were invited to Beach City to celebrate Snowfall Feast with the Crystal Gems. Andy showed up first after landing his plane on the snow-covered beach and walking up to the front of the beach house before greeting them as he opened the door. "Hey Greg, happy Snowfall Feast."
"Hi Andy, glad you could make it!" Greg greeted Andy as he let his cousin into the house. "You arrived just in time, because we got some special guests coming!"
"Yeah, Pearl invited Greg's parents for dinner!" Steven added eagerly, though Andy was less than enthused about the news.
"Hey, I'm all for a little family reunion, but how do you suppose they're gonna react to, y'know?" Andy asked while gesturing to each of the Gems. "I mean, it took a while for me to get used to them. I wouldn't be surprised if the same applied to them."
"Ah, don't you worry, Andy-man, we got everything under control!" Greg said proudly with a laugh that quickly turned into anxious stuttering. "Oh geez, this is gonna get so awkward!"
"And who's this supposed to be?" Andy asked as he turned to the shy Rose Quartz, now dressed as Steven's late mother. "Isn't your wife supposed to be dead or something?"
"Hello." The shy Rose politely greeted Andy.
"That's actually a really long and complex story." Steven answered. "I think you're going to need to sit down for this one. You see-"There was a knock at the door. "We can talk later; I think they're here!"
"AGH, THEY'RE HERE!" Greg screamed, his anxiety over seeing his parents again kicking into overdrive. "LET'S HIDE AND BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!"
"Calm down, everyone. We can make it through this. Just don't mention the war." Garnet eased everyone's nerves before she opened the door for Thomas and Gloria DeMayo. "Hello there."
"Excuse me, madam, but is this the right address?" Thomas asked the fusion. "I'm told this is where Gregory lives now."
"Yes, welcome to Greg's house. It's very nice to meet you, Mr. DeMayo." Garnet greeted and shook the DeMayo father's hand. "Would you like to come in?"
"Gladly." Thomas answered as he and his wife entered the house, where he immediately met his son for the first time in decades. "Son."
"Hey, pops, long time no see." Greg awkwardly chuckled and gave his dad an equally awkward hug. "Pat pat."
"Oh Greg, you've gotten so big!" Gloria exclaimed as she got a hug from her son as well. "And I've been told you're a millionaire now? How lucky you must be!"
"Yeah, an old business partner of mine used one of my songs for a burger commercial." Greg responded. "He's dead to me otherwise."
"And I suppose you must be Greg's son." Thomas said while looking down at Steven. "Stephen, I suppose?"
"Steven, actually." Steven corrected his grandfather. "Nice to meet you, Grandpa."
"So, who's the lucky woman you got together with to make such a handsome young man?" Gloria asked with a tousle of Steven's hair before looking around at the Gems in the room with them. "Is it the one with the long nose?"
"What, me?!" Pearl blushed in embarrassment, causing Sheena and Bismuth to laugh. "Oh no, you got it all wrong, Mrs. DeMayo; I'm only Steven's mother in spirit, though I did possess feelings for her once upon a time."
"Hm, is it normal for humans to become this elderly?" Peridot quizzed the DeMayos while examining their aged forms. "I must conduct further research on this."
"Hi." Lapis greeted Greg's parents while sticking a candy cane in her mouth.
"My my, your friends are certainly unique." Thomas remarked dryly. "In fact, I think I remember-"
"Oh, it's nothing much, really!" Greg interrupted his father before introducing him to the rest of the Gems. "I'd like you to meet my wife Rose, her old college roommates Estelle, Amy, and Pearl, her sister Biddie, and Steven's sisters Lana and Dot!"
"Wait, sisters?!" Peridot squawked in offense. "I'll have you know Lapis and I are actually-"
"Quit yacking, you wacko!" Lapis whispered as she slapped Peridot's mouth shut and dragged her away.
"Well, this is certainly a colorful family you have here." Gloria punned softly.
"Good one, Mrs. D!" Sheena exclaimed while standing under the mistletoe with Pearl & Bismuth and getting kisses from them both. "Oh, I guess he forgot, but name's Sheena. I'm Pearl's girlfriend."
"I see; you're one of those queer found families." Thomas stated while adjusting his tie and turning to meet the Rose posing as Greg's wife. "You must be my son's lovely wife, yes?" he asked while kissing the shy Rose on her hand. "Charmed."
"Oh, why thank you." Rose blushed at the older man's politeness. "Though, I've only known him-"
"Since I toured Beach City when I was young!" Greg interrupted his fake wife. "Hey, you two must be tired after the long trip. Why don't we sit down to some hot chocolate and chat for a bit?"
"Oh, we'd be much obliged." Gloria said as she sat down on the couch. However, she didn't know that the sofa was already occupied by Lion, whose mane was decorated with ornaments and Christmas lights. "Oh my! Is that a-"
"Lion!" Steven exclaimed as Lion looked at his young master and pounced on him. "Oh, I missed you too, big guy! How's Connie doing these days?"
"Uh, is that an actual lion?" Gloria whimpered at the sight of a predatorial animal in the house. "How did you manage to get one?"
"Oh, Lion." Garnet replied. "He's just a huge cat we got from the shelter a few years ago. Please don't ask why he's pink. Not even the shelter workers know why."
"Nice kitty." Thomas said nervously as Lion got off Steven and slid towards the DeMayos to inspect them. "Be a good boy, and don't chomp my arm off."
"Hey, who wants cookies?!" Bismuth yelled as she presented some Snowfall Feast cookies on a baking sheet she turned her left hand into. "Oh shoot, my hand!"
"Cut it, cut it!" Greg whispered to Bismuth, who quickly exchanged her hand for a regular baking sheet. "Don't mind Biddie here. Sometimes she's not very good with her hands."
"I see." Thomas said while sipping his hot chocolate and turning to watch Lapis make shapes with her cocoa in the air, to Gloria's delight. "And what's she up to?"
"Psychic powers!" Lapis got in on the fibbing. "Pretty cool, huh?"
"Oh yes, my dear sister Lana is quite the telepath." Peridot declared. "You should've seen what she did to the gardens last week! Positively spellbinding!"
"Fascinating. I want to give that a look later." Thomas replied dryly when he heard a strange humming nearby. Suddenly, two little girls were standing beneath a mistletoe dangling from one of the support beams. "Good lord, what is happening over there?!"
"Look, Ruby, mistletoe." Sapphire chuckled lovingly.
"Oh, come here you!" Ruby exclaimed as the happy couple made out under the mistletoe, much to Thomas's alarm. "Uh, hi there. I'm Ruby. Nice to meet you, sir."
"Wha, how, I-"Thomas stuttered in alarm.
"Now, Thomas, no need to be so close-minded," Gloria said to her husband.
"No, it's not like that; I just want to know where they came from!" Thomas yelled.
"We have made a huge mistake." Sapphire realized. "Look over there, the aurora borealis!"
"Where?!" Thomas yelled as he looked away, giving the two small Gems enough time to fuse back into Garnet, arousing more suspicion from him. "Wait, where did they go?!"
"I don't know who went where." Garnet said cheekily.
"Those girls, they were right there!" Thomas roared in shock, but his expression changed from shock to anger as he turned to Greg. "Gregory, you have some explaining to do!"
"Uh, Grandpa, can I talk with Dad for just a moment?" Steven tried to calm everyone down and took Greg to the bathroom behind their families. "Look, Dad, I know you're uncomfortable about talking to your parents about what you've been up to and especially about Mom, but I think this is all a lost cause. I mean, they probably know who the Gems are because they were already over the news. Why don't we just cut our losses and confess to them already?"
"Aw, come on, Schtu-ball, just give me a chance here." Greg responded softly. "Listen, this plan may not make much sense, but I suggest we just ease them into our situation here, and then we can tell them everything."
"Okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but I'm warning you," Steven urged Greg. "This will end badly."
"Sheesh, no need to be such a pessimist." Greg awkwardly answered as the father and son left the bathroom to rejoin the gathering.
As night began to fall on Little Homeworld, Black Rutile began putting her plan into action. All through the town, not a creature was stirring, not even a Flower Buddy, a gourd pup, or a mouse. The stockings were hung all around with care, in the hopes that the big man in red would be there. The Gems were nestled, all snug in their bed, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. With Black Rutile in a Santa costume and her cronies in elf caps, they made sure their plan was under wraps.
"Ho ho ho, this is perfect!" Black Rutile laughed as she drove her makeshift sleigh around Little Homeworld, pulled by Aquamarine and the Rubies with Holly Blue and Cat's Eye in the back. "I just can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they realize everything's gone!"
"Yeah, this might be a good reason to kill time before the Vortexxer is finished." Holly Blue agreed. "So, which house are we robbing first?"
"Where else?" Black Rutile answered as the sleigh pulled up to Jasper and White Topaz's house, and she got off the sleigh to sneak in through the door. As she, Holly, and Cat began pilfering every Snowfall Feast decoration and present they could find, Black Rutile was suddenly reminded of a song. "You're a mean one, Black Rutile; you're proud of being vile!" she started singing. "You're as warm as a volcano; you're as sweet as stomach bile, Black Rutile! You're as disgusting as a hideous pile!"
"Oh my, you write that yourself?" Cat asked as the trio went outside with their loot to pack into the sleigh.
"No, ripping off some old Snowfall special." Black Rutile answered before commanding the Rubies to pull the sleigh again, and she continued to sing. "You're an animal, Black Rutile, you literally have no heart! Your gem is covered in cracks; you've got razor blades for a soul, Black Rutile! I'd rather die than touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole!"
Next up on her list of treasonous former minions for Black Rutile to rob were Demantoid & Pyrope, followed by Emerald, and then the Lapis twins. Presents aplenty were snatched from homes all around, clothing and tools and such all ripped from the ground. Anyone else wouldn't dream of causing such despair, but that naughty Black Rutile didn't care.
"You're disgusting, Black Rutile. You'd make the evilest souls retch!" Black Rutile kept singing as she next chopped down the big tree at the center of town with her sword and tied its trunk to the back of the sleigh. "You have the heartlessness of a man with lots of sketch, Black Rutile! If you had to choose between him and me, you'd choose the man with lots of sketch!"
Despite Black Rutile's attempts at catlike stealth in her theft of Snowfall Feast, the tree dragged loudly against the ground, rousing at least one Gem from their slumber. But she was too busy singing to notice as she began reaching the front gates of Little Homeworld. "You're morally bankrupt, Black Rutile. You're a real piece of junk! You've got the mind of a madman and the attitude of a punk, Black Rutile! If I had to pick three words to describe myself, they would be as followed: stink, stank, stunk!"
"The talent agent asked what the name of their act was." Amethyst finished telling a story at the dinner table to the Universe and DeMayo families. "And you know what their answer was? The Aristocrats!" Everyone began laughing uproariously at the punchline, but Pearl was a little turned off by the joke.
"That was quite possibly the most disgusting story you've ever told, Amethyst." Pearl declared as she tried not to barf. "And that's saying something considering the booger story from last month."
"Pardon me, but what is this booger story you speak of?" Thomas asked.
"Oh man, you should've been there!" Amethyst exclaimed, grossing Pearl out even further. "It was the greenest, the biggest, the juiciest-"
"Could someone please pass the potatoes before I lose my appetite?" Gloria nervously asked, and Rose did just that. "Oh, thank you, Rose, you're such a dear! I can see why Greg fell for you."
"Thank you." Rose began blushing.
"Oh dear, none of you have eaten!" Gloria realized as she discovered the Gems hadn't touched your dinner. "You're going to let such wonderful cooking go to waste?"
"We actually don't need to eat." Pearl responded.
"I do!" Amethyst added. "More for me, then!" She quickly scooped up Garnet, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth's dinners and hoarded them all in her mouth. To Thomas's shock, Amethyst did not gain additional weight from that much food.
"You young people and your alternative lifestyles." Thomas frowned.
"Actually, we're way older than you. Like, thousands even." Lapis accidentally slipped up, and she covered her mouth in horror of what she had just said. "Uh oh."
"Thousands of years older, huh?" Thomas said as he ominously turned to Greg. "Is there something you need to tell us?"
"Aw geez." Andy groaned as he smacked his face in disappointment.
"I knew it." Steven muttered, just as disappointed, while Greg slumped in his seat.
"Okay, you got me." Greg sighed in acceptance. "I'm not part of a normal family. I was actually married to an alien warrior who died in childbirth to give birth to Steven."
"I knew it!" Thomas yelled while smacking the table, briefly spooking Gloria and Pearl. "You were lying to us this whole time! What's next? Are you going to tell us that you replaced your wife with an imposter too?!"
"Actually, that's exactly what we did." Pearl pointed out brightly, quickly realizing she wasn't helping, and kept quiet.
"I'm sorry if I made you mad, Greg's dad." Rose shyly apologized, followed by Gloria putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Now, Gregory, what do you have to say for yourself?" Thomas coldly admonished his ashamed son.
"Look, Dad, I'm sorry for lying about all this." Greg apologized to his father. "It's just; I only wanted to ease you all into what I've been up to since I moved out. But now, I guess I have no choice but to tell. So which story do you want to hear, mine or Rose's?"
"Either one of them will do, dear." Gloria replied calmly. "Go on. We won't judge."
"Okay, it's a long and complicated story." Greg sighed as he started telling everyone about Pink Diamond. "Got any gum?"
"So what do you suppose we'll do with all our loot?" Aquamarine asked as the Rutile Rebels parked their sleigh outside of Little Homeworld. "Maybe burn it all or toss it off a cliff?"
"We can sort things out later; I just feel like gloating right now!" Black Rutile answered. "I can't believe it; this might be my first big triumph in ages! I've not just ruined Snowfall Feast for all the Gems in the present, but I'm sure to ruin all Snowfall Feasts yet to come too!" As Black Rutile let out a wicked cackle, suddenly, another Gem began making crunchy footsteps in the snow, causing the Snowfall thief to turn to discover who it was. "You again? Why do you keep sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, like everywhere?!"
"Santa Claus, why?" Teal Zircon asked innocently as she discovered that Black Rutile was making off with all the presents and decorations in her sleigh. "Why are you taking our Snowfall Feast? Why?"
"You really don't get it, do you? Figures for such a complete idiot." Black Rutile sneered before shedding her disguise. "Nay Teal Zircon, it is I, Black Rutile! Besides, there's no Santa Claus, just like there's no Easter Bunny or queen of England! He was just some fat idiot made up by morally bankrupt toy companies to make more money!"
"Of course, it was you, Black Rutile." Teal responded. "Still, why did you go all this way to steal everything Snowfall Feast-related from Little Homeworld? Is it because you have some kind of bah humbug grudge against the holiday?"
"No, it's because I don't get it at all!" Black Rutile snapped at the childish Zircon. "I'm expected to be all happy and smiley during this time of year, but I have no reason to because I'm constantly miserable here!"
"Well, if you don't want to be happy, I guess I'll have to make you myself, my bromide." Teal said as she took a krav maga stance and fiercely tackled Black Rutile, causing her bag of presents and décor to topple over as the two Gems fought. Among them was a gift box labeled "To Lapis and Peridot, from Jasper" containing a small, orange Pomeranian puppy that peeked out of the box.
"Come on, Black Rutile, can't you let your heart grow three sizes for just one day?!" Teal yelled as she trapped the rebel in a headlock.
"Never!" Black Rutile yelled. "Plus, having your heart grow any size larger would probably be deadly! To me, my Rutile Rebels!"
"Hands off, you annoying advertiser!" Holly Blue yelled, drawing her whip and cracking it at them both, shocking the Gems and freeing Black Rutile from Teal Zircon's grasp.
"You don't understand, I am so close for once!" Black Rutile exclaimed. "Can't I get a little victory as a Snowfall Feast gift?!" Just then, she heard an assortment of indistinct voices echo from Little Homeworld as they slowly approached the front gates. "Oh no!"
"What's going on here?" Volleyball wondered as the Gems discovered the Rutile Rebels with their sleigh full of stolen goods, along with Black Rutile face down in the snow and Teal desperately trying to save Snowfall Feast. "Teal, what's the meaning of this?!"
"It's Black Rutile!" Teal yelled while poking her head out of the sack. "She's trying to make you all as miserable as she is by stealing Snowfall Feast!"
"Somehow, I figured something like this would happen." Jasper rolled her eyes with dismay.
"Yeah, I think this might be the time for a lesson here, Black Rutile." White Topaz added. "Sometimes, Snowfall Feast isn't about what comes from a store. Maybe it means just a little bit more."
"That's it? That's the message you want to give me?!" Black Rutile yelled in disgust. "You know what, forget this dumb plan, and you can have your dumb stuff back! I'm out of here!" With an overdramatic huff, Black Rutile turned on her heel and stormed off, leaving everyone to take back their stolen belongings.
"Once again, Black Rutile refuses to budge. Not surprised." Jasper huffed back before she looked down at the Pomeranian pawing at her ankle. "Hey, little Earth creature." She said while picking up the puppy. "Let's get you to your new owners."
"So, there you have it." Greg proclaimed as he had finished telling his parents the story of his relationship with Rose and everything afterward. "The long and complicated history of me, Rose, and the Crystal Gems. So, what did you think?"
"My, you…. certainly had an eventful time as a father." Thomas said plainly in response to the story. "I was just so blind to how much you've been through. Plus, I did not expect to hear that you technically killed your wife through, y'know."
"Oh, you poor dear." Gloria said as she brought Greg in for a hug. "You've been through so much but never let go of what mattered most. At least you still found happiness after leaving us."
"Thanks, Mom." Greg replied and returned the hug. "You too, pops."
"Okay, you asked for it." Thomas smirked as he stepped up and hugged Greg even tighter than his wife. "Please forgive me for driving you away."
"Eh, maybe that could take a while." Greg said just as the door opened, Jasper and White Topaz walked in. "Oh hey girls, you missed a real crazy night!"
"Hi, Mr. Universe, happy Snowfall Feast, everyone!" White Topaz exclaimed. "Hey, we just wanted to stop by because we got a little gift for a pair of special someones."
"Really, who's getting what?" Peridot asked, causing Jasper to unfurl her hands and reveal the Pomeranian inside them. "Oh my stars, it's so precious!" she exclaimed with stars in her eyes. "What made you want to get it?!"
"Well, we knew how much you missed Pumpkin, so maybe this could be a good replacement." Jasper said sheepishly, not being used to being so giving to her former enemies. To her surprise, the two Gems hugged her in response. "Thanks."
"Merry Snowfall Feast to all!" Steven declared happily.
"And to all, a good night!" Rose added.
Unfortunately, not everyone was so merry on Snowfall Feast. Black Rutile sat down on the whirly-bird tower, gazing up at the night sky all by her lonesome as she began contemplating her actions. "Is it really worth it to keep doing all this when failure is basically the only option?" she pondered to herself. "Why even bother trying to make everyone miserable when I'm the only one who's left miserable myself?"
"Something the matter, kiddo?" a jolly voice said, making Black Rutile turn around to see a large man with a white beard, a red suit, and a warm smile sitting next to her. There was no mistaking it; Black Rutile had come face to face with Santa Claus himself. "What's gotten you so sad on Snowfall Feast?"
"What's gotten me so sad?! Oh, you have no idea what I've suffered, old man!" Black Rutile exclaimed. "I am only doing what's best for everyone and trying to be a good leader, but the universe seems to be doing everything in its power to ruin everything for me! I've lost all my power, I barely have any allies, I'm treated as a joke by my former superior, and now my plan to steal Snowfall Feast and make everyone just as sad as I am has been ruined!"
"Well, you're certainly not the first person to try stealing this time of year." Santa commented cheekily. "But I don't think you get it. Snowfall Feast isn't completely about getting things from other people, though that is a very good reason to celebrate it. No, Snowfall Feast is about spending time with the ones you love the most, giving to your fellow man, and just celebrating what it means to have peace on Earth. You get that, right?"
"Why yes, I do." Black Rutile answered. "That was basically the exact same answer White Topaz gave me! I don't know why you bothered visiting me!"
"Okay, geez, I was just trying to be nice, you naughty little Gem!" Santa yelled as Black Rutile stormed off once again. "Uh, merry Snowfall Feast, Black Rutile!"
"Get bent!" Black Rutile responded to Old Saint Nick.
"And so ends this heartwarming Snowfall fable." Dr. James Brenner proclaimed while sitting by a fireplace and closing a book. "Please come again, if you are able. We'll take a break for some holiday fun, but when we meet next time, this shall be a good one!"
Well said, Brenner. I hope this could become an annual holiday tradition for fanfiction readers, but when we meet again in 2023, shit will surely hit the fan as Black Rutile's next big plan comes to fruition. See you next year everybody, and happy holidays!