It was a few days after Spot stole my journal. I now keep my journal on me
at all times so no one could steal it. Spot claims I am being paranoid, but
he, after all, was the one who stole it in the first place. No one could be
trusted.
None of the newsies knew of our encounter other than I slapped him. The red mark was still on his face the next day. I didn't realize I hit him that hard. Oh well, I still say he deserved it.
I still didn't tell Spot jack shit despite his attempt to make me do otherwise. I was feeling better since he stole my journal, however, so there really wasn't much to tell. Just kind of went back to the same old same old it was at when I first got to the lodging house. I realized Spot wasn't lying to me about the way he felt, and that made me feel a lot better, after all, I did like him too. He was the only person I let see me cry. I did it twice, it was getting rather ridiculous. I don't like being vulnerable, and I certainly was with Spot.
I did realize Spot cared, but I knew that he deserved much more than someone like me. I didn't deserve a guy as great as him this is why I didn't want to tell him anything more than I already have. I didn't want to get hurt more than I needed to when he found someone that he deserved. So instead of letting anyone in, I just kept up my poker face and my dry sarcasm. It was the perfect shield, and it was accepted.
I didn't feel much like selling that day so I just sat on a bench. I sat there for awhile looking into the sky and thinking. I hadn't seen my brother again, and I didn't expect to.
I took out a cigar, something I hadn't done in a while, and put it in my mouth. I chewed on the end of it for a bit loosing myself in my thoughts. I was thinking about all Spot had said to me. I was still having problems taking parts of it in. I don't know how long I was sitting there thinking about Spot, my family, the newsies, and myself, but the next thing I realized was that the sky was getting dark. I never even lit my cigar.
When I got back to the lodging house, I could feel excitement in the air. All the newsies were talking excitedly and sort of hushed. What was going on?
"What's going on?" I asked Tweak.
"Wese got a new newsies," he answered getting ready for bed.
"And you're all this excited about it?" I was surprised. I thought they would have to give the guy a hard time and put him through torture and stuff before he could be accepted.
"It's a goil, and she's goigeous." Tweak had a bit of a twinkle in his eyes.
My heart sank. This was wonderful, a gorgeous female newsies. Spot was sure to take her over me. I just knew it. Hey, I said Spot deserved better, and I guess here it is. Well, yay. At least one of us will be happy. "How gorgeous?" I was curious to know, I wanted to know how beautiful this girl was so that I knew what I was for sure up against.
"Whyse don't ya see fer youse self?" Tweak said. "Come on, Ise'll intraduce ya." He led me over to a girl about my height. She had long flowing brown hair and beautiful eyes. Two points up for her, two down for me. She also had a big chest, it stood out, no one could help but notice it, and a good figure. Great, another two points for her, and two less for me. I was no competition, she already one.
"Lightenin dis is Faith. Faith this is Lightenin." Tweak introduced us.
"Nice to meet you," I said in the politest voice I could muster. I had to try very hard to try and surpress the anger and jealousy I was feeling. I didn't want to hate her right away, she deserved a chance like averyone else, besides it would be kind of nice having another girl around to talk to even if she was a lot higher on the scale than me.
"Nice to meet you too," Faith said in a very nice tone, one I hadn't expected. She sounded like she new instantly what I was thinking. weird. I was glad she didn't have the "Ha, I'm better than you" tone, because I wanted to give her a chance, especially if she was going to end up with Spot. I wanted to get along with my best friend's girlfriend.
"I am rather tired, nice meeting you. Good night." With that I was off in the direction of my bunk. I sat down on my bunk and took out my journal, not even changing out of my clothes.
August 1, 1900 Dear Journal,
We have a new newsie here in Brooklyn. Her name is Faith. She is gorgeous as Tweak so kindly put it. I have no chance with Spot any more. She out scores me in every aspect. No matter how jealous I am of her I am going to try my hardest to be nice. I don't want to get her on my bad side all because of a guy. I mean, any guy would choose her over me any day, so it didn't really matter. I assume this is just God's way of telling me I don't need anyone. I get it God, I finally got the message. Well if you would excuse me, I need sleep. Good night. Courtney
I put my journal in my pillow case and laid down. I pulled the covers up over my head. I buried my head in my pillow and cried silently. I knew I didn't stand a chance. I lost the one thing I finally found. This is why I didn't want to let him in. I didn't want to be vulnerable and get hurt, and look what happened? I'm getting hurt.
None of the newsies knew of our encounter other than I slapped him. The red mark was still on his face the next day. I didn't realize I hit him that hard. Oh well, I still say he deserved it.
I still didn't tell Spot jack shit despite his attempt to make me do otherwise. I was feeling better since he stole my journal, however, so there really wasn't much to tell. Just kind of went back to the same old same old it was at when I first got to the lodging house. I realized Spot wasn't lying to me about the way he felt, and that made me feel a lot better, after all, I did like him too. He was the only person I let see me cry. I did it twice, it was getting rather ridiculous. I don't like being vulnerable, and I certainly was with Spot.
I did realize Spot cared, but I knew that he deserved much more than someone like me. I didn't deserve a guy as great as him this is why I didn't want to tell him anything more than I already have. I didn't want to get hurt more than I needed to when he found someone that he deserved. So instead of letting anyone in, I just kept up my poker face and my dry sarcasm. It was the perfect shield, and it was accepted.
I didn't feel much like selling that day so I just sat on a bench. I sat there for awhile looking into the sky and thinking. I hadn't seen my brother again, and I didn't expect to.
I took out a cigar, something I hadn't done in a while, and put it in my mouth. I chewed on the end of it for a bit loosing myself in my thoughts. I was thinking about all Spot had said to me. I was still having problems taking parts of it in. I don't know how long I was sitting there thinking about Spot, my family, the newsies, and myself, but the next thing I realized was that the sky was getting dark. I never even lit my cigar.
When I got back to the lodging house, I could feel excitement in the air. All the newsies were talking excitedly and sort of hushed. What was going on?
"What's going on?" I asked Tweak.
"Wese got a new newsies," he answered getting ready for bed.
"And you're all this excited about it?" I was surprised. I thought they would have to give the guy a hard time and put him through torture and stuff before he could be accepted.
"It's a goil, and she's goigeous." Tweak had a bit of a twinkle in his eyes.
My heart sank. This was wonderful, a gorgeous female newsies. Spot was sure to take her over me. I just knew it. Hey, I said Spot deserved better, and I guess here it is. Well, yay. At least one of us will be happy. "How gorgeous?" I was curious to know, I wanted to know how beautiful this girl was so that I knew what I was for sure up against.
"Whyse don't ya see fer youse self?" Tweak said. "Come on, Ise'll intraduce ya." He led me over to a girl about my height. She had long flowing brown hair and beautiful eyes. Two points up for her, two down for me. She also had a big chest, it stood out, no one could help but notice it, and a good figure. Great, another two points for her, and two less for me. I was no competition, she already one.
"Lightenin dis is Faith. Faith this is Lightenin." Tweak introduced us.
"Nice to meet you," I said in the politest voice I could muster. I had to try very hard to try and surpress the anger and jealousy I was feeling. I didn't want to hate her right away, she deserved a chance like averyone else, besides it would be kind of nice having another girl around to talk to even if she was a lot higher on the scale than me.
"Nice to meet you too," Faith said in a very nice tone, one I hadn't expected. She sounded like she new instantly what I was thinking. weird. I was glad she didn't have the "Ha, I'm better than you" tone, because I wanted to give her a chance, especially if she was going to end up with Spot. I wanted to get along with my best friend's girlfriend.
"I am rather tired, nice meeting you. Good night." With that I was off in the direction of my bunk. I sat down on my bunk and took out my journal, not even changing out of my clothes.
August 1, 1900 Dear Journal,
We have a new newsie here in Brooklyn. Her name is Faith. She is gorgeous as Tweak so kindly put it. I have no chance with Spot any more. She out scores me in every aspect. No matter how jealous I am of her I am going to try my hardest to be nice. I don't want to get her on my bad side all because of a guy. I mean, any guy would choose her over me any day, so it didn't really matter. I assume this is just God's way of telling me I don't need anyone. I get it God, I finally got the message. Well if you would excuse me, I need sleep. Good night. Courtney
I put my journal in my pillow case and laid down. I pulled the covers up over my head. I buried my head in my pillow and cried silently. I knew I didn't stand a chance. I lost the one thing I finally found. This is why I didn't want to let him in. I didn't want to be vulnerable and get hurt, and look what happened? I'm getting hurt.