Chapter Seven

Christian hung the towel around his neck before he leaned back against the headboard and waited for Sean to pick up.

"'Lo?" the sleepy voice answered.

"Matty," Christian realized with surprise, "did I wake you?" He glanced at his watch, muttered a curse, and apologized, "I forgot about the time difference."

"'Sokay, Uncle Chris," the youth responded with a yawn, "I just got in a little while ago.  Barely asleep."

"Late night, sport?" Christian smiled.

"You remember how it was on those summer nights," Matt teased, "or didn't you have them back in the dark ages?"

"Watch it, kid, or I won't bring you any souvenirs," Christian teasingly warned in return.

"I'm too old for that," Matt replied indignantly.  "But Annie might like something."

"Already took care of that," Christian assured him.  "So, things going well with your girl? Vanessa?"

"Yeah," Matt shyly replied, "and I think…well, remember what we talked about before?  I think she might be the one."

Christian smiled and sighed, "Oh to be young and in love…"

"Stop," Matt laughed.  "I'm serious."

"I know you are, Matty," Christian replied with a chuckle.  "You talk to your dad about any of this? What we talked about?"

"Dad?" Matt snorted.  "Please, I'd sooner talk to Mom.  He doesn't have a clue what's going on with any of us."

Christian frowned and sat up a little straighter, "Is something going on at home?"

"Nah," Matt answered, "just the usual.  It's like they're both stuck in some sort of rut.  Even Annie's noticed.  Y'know school starts soon and she's been so excited but it's like he couldn't care less."

"That can't be it," Christian commented.  "This's a big deal for Annie.  Could be the expansion that's got him pre-occupied," he suggested as he relaxed once again.  "There's been a lot to keep an eye on and we've been booked up lately.  It certainly didn't help that I left him alone for this conference.  Don't worry, I'll talk to him when I get back."

"Don't see it'll do much good," Matt sulked.

"Tell you what," Christian offered, "give me a day to catch up and then we'll go out on the Boatox.  You and me."

"Sounds good," Matt yawned.  "But maybe you should take Annie too.  She's missed you."

Christian smiled, thinking of the little girl, "I miss her too.  You tell her I said so."

"I will," Matt agreed.  "So, what's the deal anyway? Not like you to call so late even without a time zone change."

Christian glanced down at the rumpled bed linens and shrugged, "Just wanted to check in."

"It's a girl!" Matt declared in a more alert voice.

"Matt…" Christian warned.

"Oh, come on," Matt whined, "I tell you everything but you never share any stories of your own."

Christian laughed, "You may be the wisest and most mature kid I know but you're still too young for my stories."  He heard Matt's grumble and he chuckled, "She was an extremely attractive petite brunette who was a real witch."

"Man, you sure know how to pick 'em," Matt laughed.  "Didn't you know San Francisco's full of weirdoes? What'd she do, put a hex on you?"

"Nothing like that," Christian grinned.  But, as Phoebe's words of warning suddenly echoed in his mind, he shook his head and advised the teen, "You just stick to the All-American-Girl-Next-Door and leave the weirdoes to me."

"She really got to you," Matt realized in a tired voice.  "Maybe she wasn't a weirdo after all…You need someone, Uncle Chris, don't forget that."

Christian was taken aback by the sincerity of Matt's words and quietly said, "Thanks for caring, kiddo…Now get to sleep.  I'll talk to your dad in the morning." 

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"I know it's two in the morning, Piper," Phoebe softly spoke into her cell phone.  She lit the final candle in the circle on the floor before her, "but this is something I have to do."

"You had a helluva day, Phoebe, and I thought we talked about this when you came home," Piper's sleepy voice replied.

"We did," Phoebe agreed and shivered in the cool mausoleum.  "I'm sorry I woke you when I left but I was finally happy with the wording of the spells and wanted to do this right away."

"You didn't wake me," Piper assured her sister, "because Wyatt got to me first.  Ever since Leo left, he's gotten back into that late night feeding routine."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I know it's hard on you," Phoebe sympathized as she pulled a white crystal from her bag on the floor, "but he wasn't in that stage very long to start with.  He's been such a good baby, I know he'll be back to sleeping straight through in no time."

"Couldn't this have waited 'til a decent hour of the day?" Piper sighed.

Phoebe kissed the crystal before she carefully placed it in the center of the circle.  "I know you're worried but I have to do this," she quietly insisted.  "Get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning."

"Phoebe…" Piper warned.

"I'll be fine, Piper," Phoebe promised as she stepped out of the circle and retrieved an athame from her bag.  "Maybe this'll bring us all some peace."

"I love you, Pheebs," Piper softly told her.

Phoebe smiled, "Love you too."  She disconnected the call, dropped the phone into her bag, and, mindful of the candles, stepped back into the circle, and knelt before the crystal.  Then she nicked the fingertip of her index finger on her bandaged hand and allowed two droplets of blood to fall onto the crystal.  "One for me and one for you," she whispered before she carefully stood and withdrew from the circle.

"Maybe I am crazy," she muttered to herself while she watched the flames flicker.  Phoebe wiped the blade with a tissue and returned it to her bag.  She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she recited,

"Spirits of the heavens,

crossing time and space,

return him here

so we may talk face-to-face."

Phoebe hugged herself as the air grew colder and swirled around her.  A few tears trickled from beneath her closed lids but she didn't wipe them away.  She opened her eyes and was disheartened to realize that the spell hadn't worked.  "At least I tried," she whispered.  She knelt and sadly blew out two of the candles.  Suddenly another gust of wind swirled around her and the rest of the flames were extinguished.  Phoebe closed her eyes as some of the dust from the floor had irritated her eyes.  She muttered a curse and rubbed them.

"Phoebe?"

She froze at the sound of his voice and, afraid to look into the center of the circle, opened her eyes and kept her gaze on the unlit candles, "Cole?"

"What's going on?" he asked.  "Why am I here?"

She slowly looked up and saw the crystal glowing brightly.  And then she saw his ghost waiting in the center of the circle. "You're here?" she uttered as she awkwardly stood.  "You're really here?"  She automatically reached out to touch him but, when her hand slipped through his arm, she sadly admitted, "This wasn't what I planned."

"What did you plan?" he asked in a harsh tone.  "You haven't answered me," he reminded her before he continued, "what, the vanquish wasn't painful enough for me? My spending an eternity alone isn't enough punishment for you? You d--"

"That wasn't me," Phoebe interrupted.  "That was the other Phoebe."  He looked puzzled and she explained, "From the reality you created.  My Paige was caught in it and created the potion with that Piper and it was that Phoebe who threw it.  Not me."

"I didn't think you could do it," he quietly told her.  "I didn't believe you hated me that much."

"I don't," she stated.  "I don't hate you, Cole.  I just --"

"Wanted me dead," he nodded before he turned away from her.

Phoebe reached for him, realized her mistake, and quickly moved around the circle to face him.  "No.  I never wanted you dead.  I just wanted you gone."

"Same difference," he quietly commented.

"No, big difference," she corrected.  "It wasn't working, Cole.  I tried explaining it to you but you wouldn't listen.  We needed to be apart but you kept pushing and pushing until you left us no choice…You killed an innocent…"

"So it's all my fault," he sighed.

"I didn't say that," she told him.  "I don't think I ever said that.  But I don't think I ever acknowledged that I was wrong too.  And that I never accepted my part in --"

"What're you talking about?" he interrupted.  "What were you wrong about? You were right, Phoebe, I'm evil and I always will be.  I was a fool to think any differently.  To believe any differently."

"No, baby, you weren't," she tearfully told him.  "You aren't.  I saw the good in you.  I believed in you.  But it was a struggle for you.  Doing good didn't come instinctively to you and that isn't your fault.  It was the way you were raised and I didn't expect, shouldn't've expected, you to overcome over a century of…"

"Evil," he supplied when her voice trailed off.

"Demonic activity," she suggested instead. "You'd been immersed in that world for over a hundred years, how could you do a one-eighty in just two years without a problem?  I hoped I could be there for you and help you but --"

"You were," he quickly told her.  "You were like a breath of fresh air to me.  Clean air.  Pure.  Phoebe, you opened up a world to me that I didn't remember I was once even a part of.  And I wanted to be part of it again.  With you."

"I tried," she insisted as tears rolled down her cheeks.  "You've got to believe me.  I loved you, Cole, so completely, in spite of your background and against everything my sisters believed.  I thought we could make it work.  I wanted it to work."  She turned her back to him and added, "And when it didn't, I wanted to believe that it had been wrong from the start, nothing but a horrible mistake."

Cole stepped out of the circle and watched, amazed, as his transparent form became solid.  With a trembling hand, he reached out and touched Phoebe's shoulder.  She stiffened and he nervously whispered, "It wasn't though, was it? You don't believe that, do you? You can't…"  She didn't say anything but quickly turned around and hugged him tightly.  And Cole simply enjoyed feeling her in his arms and he wordlessly stroked her hair.  When she began taking deep breaths, almost as though she was inhaling him, he began gently stroking her back.  "It's okay," he murmured over and over.

This was what she'd hoped for.  From the moment Christian Troy had touched her, she longed to be in Cole's arms.   So why did she still have that awful feeling in the pit of her stomach?   She buried her face deeper into his chest and wrapped her arms even tighter around his waist.  Finally, she asked in a voice muffled by his clothing, "What'd you mean before?"

He paused a moment, unsure of what she meant.  "About what?" he warily asked.

Phoebe pulled back slightly and gazed up at him.  She sniffled and fully stepped out of his embrace.  "Before…You said something about a punishment of spending eternity alone."

"Just what I said," he shrugged.  "It was a rather painful vanquish and I've been alone ever since.  No clouds, no spirits guiding me to the light, hell, there wasn't even any light.  Of course, there were no flames either but I'm not so sure it wasn't still some kind of hell."  His voice softened and he added, "This's the first time I've actually had a form since I…died.  It's just been this blackness and an awareness of who I was.  Nothing but memories of what was."

Phoebe covered her mouth in horror, "Oh God, Cole."  She took another step back, "What've I done?"

Cole shook his head, "You didn't do anything except love me.  You gave me chance after chance.  I just couldn't live up to your…our expectations.  I have…had done a lot in my life that I need to pay for.  I told you once that whatever small amount of good I'd done wasn't enough to balance the scales.  The worst, Phoebe," he caressed her cheek, "the worst of my crimes is what I did to you and put you through."  She shook her head but he insisted, "I should've found a way to tell you.  He wasn't that strong in the beginning and I should've found a way.  But I didn't want to believe it was happening and then it was too late.  I tried to protect you the best I could but it wa--"

"Hush," she gently told him as she placed her fingers to his lips, "I know you did.  Besides, I didn't try hard enough either.  Deep down I knew but I didn't want to believe.  Even then I thought we could find a way.  And we did.  For a few weeks, we did.  For a few weeks we had everything."

"I loved you," he whispered.

"And I loved you," she replied.  She caressed his cheek, "I still do.  And I needed to tell you.  It ended all wrong and I'm sorry, I'm so so--"

He pulled her into his arms, "I'm sorry too.  But maybe now you'll be able to move on with your life.  You won't have to be afraid of me coming back."

She froze in his embrace and sniffled before she pulled back and said, "There's something you should know."  He looked back at her and she slowly admitted, "There's someone in my life now.  He's a good man, my boss, actually.  His interest in me was just professional in the beginning and I certainly wasn't looking for a new relationship but…"

"One thing led to another," Cole awkwardly suggested.  She shrugged and he merely said, "It's okay, Phoebe, we were divorced months ago.  Hell, I'm not even alive anymore.  You certainly don't need my permission."  She didn't look any less comfortable and he swallowed before he asked, "Do you love him?"

"No," she quickly answered before she looked down to the floor and added, "At least I don't think so.  But," she looked back at him, "he moved to Japan on business for at least six months and I'm not ready to invest in a long distance relationship.  Maybe if he was back home it'd be different but he's not.  Besides, lately I've done nothing but argue with him over the phone so maybe it wouldn't've worked anyway."

"Don't be afraid to love because of what I did to you," he quietly told her.  "I couldn't stand an eternity alone knowing I'd ruined your life.  You deserve to be happy, Phoebe.  To find someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved."

"You did," she assured him in a choked voice before she suddenly kissed him hard on the lips.  She felt his arms pull her tightly to him and she wrapped her arms again around his waist.  "Don't ever think otherwise," she breathlessly threatened, "or I'll have to --"

Cole cut her off with another kiss.  He knew this was good-bye.  They'd said everything they'd needed to say to one another and he felt a strange sense of peace wash over him.  "Thank you for this."

Suddenly feeling calmer than she'd felt in days, even weeks, she shook her head.  "It wasn't me.  I mean it was because I came up with the spell but it wasn't because if I hadn't met him, I'd never've felt the need to do this and --"

"Who," he interrupted, "your boss?"

"Not Jason," she answered, "even though we did argue about you this morning.  He accused me of letting you of standing in the way of -- oh, never mind, it wasn't him even though he may've had a point.  No, it was this doctor I met and --"

"Why," he questioned with sudden concern when he noticed, for the first time, her bandaged hand, "what happened? How'd you get hurt? Are you all right?"

She chuckled somberly, "Just a bad sprain but it was worth it to learn my lesson."  He looked confused and she briefly explained, "He looked exactly like you.  And I reacted rather poorly, I'm afraid.  I was about to hit him for the second time when he ducked and I hit the wall instead."

"Ouch," Cole uttered although he wasn't sure if it was more for the other guy who received his blow instead or for her pain in hitting the wall.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't as bad as the pain I felt when he made me look back at how we ended."  She gazed into his eyes, "Being with him was like being with you again but it wasn't and I --"

Cole raised an eyebrow and repeated her words, "Being with him?"

She squirmed uncomfortably but confessed, "Yeah.  I didn't want it to happen but it was like my mind shut down and all I could think of was you.  I knew he wasn't you, of course, but couldn't help myself and then it suddenly hit me all at once.  That you were gone and I'd lost my chance and I couldn't stop thinking about how I needed him to be you.  So I spent the past two hours coming up with a way to to talk to you to let you know that I understand and I'm not angry anymore.  And that I'm sad because of what we lost and because I miss you and because I couldn't tell you."

"Thank you," he told her as he hugged her once more.  "I think the eternal blackness will be more bearable now."

"No, no more," she disagreed with a shake of her head.  "I'm not sure you've ever been truly free but I think it's the least I can do for you."

"What do you mean?" he warily wondered.

"I love you, Cole Turner," she declared before she kissed him tenderly, "and I always will."

"And I will love you for eternity," he promised in confusion.

"Then let me do this," she requested.  She kissed him one last time before she gently pushed him back into the circle.  Tears streamed down her cheeks while she watched him become transparent once more.

"Goodbye, Phoebe," he slowly smiled. "Be happy…And maybe one day…"

In spite of her tears, she smiled in return, "Goodbye, Cole.  Be at peace.  And maybe one day…"  He nodded and she recited her other spell,

"Spirits of the heavens,

guide him away from the darkness.

Guardians from above,

lead him to peace and rest.

Cause of pain and sorrow let him no longer be

Let my love take him now and forever set him free."

A wind swirled around her and Phoebe brushed the hair from her eyes in order to watch.

Cole kept his gaze on her as a bright light from the crystal slowly filled the circle.  He silently reached out to her with one hand.

Phoebe returned his gaze and reached out to him.  For a moment, she felt as if time stood still.  They each mouthed loving words to one another before the white light swallowed him.  And, a moment later, the room was dark and Phoebe was alone.

"Not alone," she whispered as she began to gather her belongings.  "You'll always be with me."

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