Project The British Are Coming
Chapter Three
By Mrs PADFOOT
Disclaimer: Sing it like a hopscotch rhyme:
Lily and James and the Marauders too,
J. K. Rowling owns them, and all the concepts, too.
Still I'm gonna write this, it's just what I do,
How many days do I have 'til they sue?
Let's not even answer that one.
**
The next morning (a Sunday), James Potter dazedly walked into the Great Hall of Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Somewhere in the thick haze that had overcome his mind in most aspects, he realized his friends had saved him a seat. Burying his disappointment, as there was no available seat next to one Lily Evans, he went and sat between Padfoot and Moony.
He didn't even notice the way his friends were staring at him extra hard. A year ago, or even a month ago, when he had just had a crush on Lily Evans; he would have noticed their odd, fidgety behavior. But now, he thought Lily Evans was –
"PRONGSIE! STOP!" yelped Sirius Black.
"Huh?" asked James.
"YOU'RE GOING TO POUR OATMEAL ON YOUR NOTE!"
"My what?" frowned James. He hadn't even realized he had been getting Oatmeal until Padfoot had informed him and he had looked down to see that his hand was, indeed holding a ladleful of oatmeal over his plate. His mother had trained him well. Through thick and thin, always go for the oatmeal.
Of course, this was worse than thick OR thin.
"YOUR NOTE!"
James looked down at his plate and looked at the small, folded piece of parchment.
"Huh?"
Remus reached across him, grabbed the ladle of oatmeal from James's hand, practically throwing it back into the bowl in obvious frustration.
Well, obvious to everyone EXCEPT James.
Sirius took advantage of James's empty hands and not-so-momentary confusion to thrust the note in James's hands.
"Read it," hissed Sirius, "I want to know what it SAYS."
James sighed and opened it.
Dear James,
Meet me in the first classroom on the right on the sixth floor today at 6pm, as
I have something to tell you.
Sincerely,
Lily E.
James blinked and reread it.
He grinned.
He read it again.
And again.
And again.
And ag–
"James."
"Yes?"
"You can stop reading it now."
"I suppose I could, but I don't think I want to," said James.
"He speaks!" said Moony.
"HE LIVES!" screeched Sirius.
"Honestly, Prongs, I think that was the first coherent sentence you've formed for us in weeks," said Remus happily.
"So, Prongsie, now that you're back to normal, there's this girl, and I REALLY wanna snog her on Saturday, and I was thinking – " Sirius began.
"Padfoot," said Remus in a warning tone.
"What?" asked Sirius.
"I'm going to the dormitories," said James happily. "I think I need to – freshen up, you know?"
"PRONGSIE!"
"Prongs, I really don't think – "
But he was already gone.
Sirius's shoulders slumped in disappointment.
"I thought he was normal," sighed Sirius, "I thought that he would go out with that girl's friend on Saturday so I could snog that girl."
"Sirius," sighed Remus, "would you please stop obsessing over that girl, whoever she is?"
"No," said Sirius seriously.
Remus rolled his eyes.
"Why isn't he normal? He – he spoke! He said something!"
"He scanned the message, and realized it was important," said Remus. "So he willed his love-drugged brain to work, and, shockingly enough, it worked, if only to read the message. Over and over and over again."
"Oh," sighed Sirius.
"Yes," said Remus, "we need to get past this, Padfoot. Which is why your plan had better work."
"It will," said Sirius happily, pouring maple syrup without pause onto his pancakes.
Remus didn't feel particularly reassured.
**
"Where's Prongsie?" asked Sirius suddenly.
"Upstairs," sighed Remus, "do your potions homework."
"Why's he upstairs?"
"He's freshening up," sighed Remus.
"Didn't he freshen up this morning?" asked Sirius, confused.
"Yes, he did."
"But then why – ?"
"Twice. And that's just this morning. This afternoon's count was four, not counting the current one, which, technically, is probably evening number one."
"Oh," said Sirius, standing up. "Why? WHY? WHY HAS POOR PRONGSIE GONE NUTS, MOONY? I CAN'T TAKE THIS! MY BEST FRIEND NEEDS SERIOUS HELP! WHY CAN'T PRONGSIE BE LIKE HE WAS BEFORE?"
Remus pulled Sirius back down on the couch.
"Calm, deep, breaths Padfoot," said Remus, "you're scaring the first years."
"Five forty-five, guys," said James happily, descending the stairs, "I'll be in the first classroom to the right on the sixth floor."
"Didn't we say six?" hissed Sirius under his breath as James left.
"Yes," said Remus.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," sighed Remus.
"Positively positive?" asked Sirius.
"Yes."
"Absolutely positively positive?"
"YES."
"Totally absolutely positively positive?"
"YES!"
"Completely totally absolutely positively positive?"
"YES!"
"Purely – "
"Padfoot?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Oh," said Sirius. "Okay."
"Okay, here's the plan," said Remus, "you and Peter go get the invisibility cloak, and I'll talk to Lily."
"Why are you talking to Lily?"
"Because," said Remus, "she doesn't think that I'm quite as insane as the rest of you."
"I resent that," sighed Sirius, "but okay. Fine. C'mon, Wormtail. Let's go snoop in Prongsie's trunk."
Peter shrugged and followed Sirius.
Remus sighed, took a deep breath, wondered why the hell all his friends were idiots, and went over to talk to Lily.
"Lily?"
"Remus."
"Yeah," he said. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Fine," said Lily, raising an eyebrow, "what do you want?"
"It's about James," said Remus.
"What about James?" asked Lily, her eyes narrowing.
"I – he's going to – well – "
"Spit it out, Remus."
"James is going to do something – I don't know what – at six, in the first door to the right, on the sixth floor – I just thought you might want to stop him."
"I swear," muttered Lily under her breath. "Well, thanks Remus, I'll go right now – damn him! Ugh!"
Remus winced in sympathy for poor, lovestruck James.
**
"Ow – Wormtail – that's my foot!" yelped Sirius.
"Sorry," said Peter quickly.
"D'you see her, Remus?" asked Sirius, forgetting about his trodden-on foot.
"No," said Remus, "I'm trying to keep a safe distance because you two are being so loud."
"Why do you always blame everything on me and Wormtail, Moony?" asked Sirius sadly.
"Because," said Remus, "you two are the stupid ones. Especially you, Padfoot."
"Ouch," said Sirius.
"Where are we, anyway?" asked Peter.
"Yeah, where are we?" asked Sirius.
"Honestly, can't you two keep track?" sighed Remus, rolling his eyes. "Sixth floor, almost – "
"JAMES POTTER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS – "
SLAM.
" – there," Sirius finished Remus's sentence.
Remus did a quick charm on the door.
"This had better work, Padfoot," hissed Remus.
"It will," said Sirius happily.
Remus rolled his eyes and stomped back off towards the Gryffindor dormitories.
Chapter Three
By Mrs PADFOOT
Disclaimer: Sing it like a hopscotch rhyme:
Lily and James and the Marauders too,
J. K. Rowling owns them, and all the concepts, too.
Still I'm gonna write this, it's just what I do,
How many days do I have 'til they sue?
Let's not even answer that one.
**
The next morning (a Sunday), James Potter dazedly walked into the Great Hall of Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Somewhere in the thick haze that had overcome his mind in most aspects, he realized his friends had saved him a seat. Burying his disappointment, as there was no available seat next to one Lily Evans, he went and sat between Padfoot and Moony.
He didn't even notice the way his friends were staring at him extra hard. A year ago, or even a month ago, when he had just had a crush on Lily Evans; he would have noticed their odd, fidgety behavior. But now, he thought Lily Evans was –
"PRONGSIE! STOP!" yelped Sirius Black.
"Huh?" asked James.
"YOU'RE GOING TO POUR OATMEAL ON YOUR NOTE!"
"My what?" frowned James. He hadn't even realized he had been getting Oatmeal until Padfoot had informed him and he had looked down to see that his hand was, indeed holding a ladleful of oatmeal over his plate. His mother had trained him well. Through thick and thin, always go for the oatmeal.
Of course, this was worse than thick OR thin.
"YOUR NOTE!"
James looked down at his plate and looked at the small, folded piece of parchment.
"Huh?"
Remus reached across him, grabbed the ladle of oatmeal from James's hand, practically throwing it back into the bowl in obvious frustration.
Well, obvious to everyone EXCEPT James.
Sirius took advantage of James's empty hands and not-so-momentary confusion to thrust the note in James's hands.
"Read it," hissed Sirius, "I want to know what it SAYS."
James sighed and opened it.
Dear James,
Meet me in the first classroom on the right on the sixth floor today at 6pm, as
I have something to tell you.
Sincerely,
Lily E.
James blinked and reread it.
He grinned.
He read it again.
And again.
And again.
And ag–
"James."
"Yes?"
"You can stop reading it now."
"I suppose I could, but I don't think I want to," said James.
"He speaks!" said Moony.
"HE LIVES!" screeched Sirius.
"Honestly, Prongs, I think that was the first coherent sentence you've formed for us in weeks," said Remus happily.
"So, Prongsie, now that you're back to normal, there's this girl, and I REALLY wanna snog her on Saturday, and I was thinking – " Sirius began.
"Padfoot," said Remus in a warning tone.
"What?" asked Sirius.
"I'm going to the dormitories," said James happily. "I think I need to – freshen up, you know?"
"PRONGSIE!"
"Prongs, I really don't think – "
But he was already gone.
Sirius's shoulders slumped in disappointment.
"I thought he was normal," sighed Sirius, "I thought that he would go out with that girl's friend on Saturday so I could snog that girl."
"Sirius," sighed Remus, "would you please stop obsessing over that girl, whoever she is?"
"No," said Sirius seriously.
Remus rolled his eyes.
"Why isn't he normal? He – he spoke! He said something!"
"He scanned the message, and realized it was important," said Remus. "So he willed his love-drugged brain to work, and, shockingly enough, it worked, if only to read the message. Over and over and over again."
"Oh," sighed Sirius.
"Yes," said Remus, "we need to get past this, Padfoot. Which is why your plan had better work."
"It will," said Sirius happily, pouring maple syrup without pause onto his pancakes.
Remus didn't feel particularly reassured.
**
"Where's Prongsie?" asked Sirius suddenly.
"Upstairs," sighed Remus, "do your potions homework."
"Why's he upstairs?"
"He's freshening up," sighed Remus.
"Didn't he freshen up this morning?" asked Sirius, confused.
"Yes, he did."
"But then why – ?"
"Twice. And that's just this morning. This afternoon's count was four, not counting the current one, which, technically, is probably evening number one."
"Oh," said Sirius, standing up. "Why? WHY? WHY HAS POOR PRONGSIE GONE NUTS, MOONY? I CAN'T TAKE THIS! MY BEST FRIEND NEEDS SERIOUS HELP! WHY CAN'T PRONGSIE BE LIKE HE WAS BEFORE?"
Remus pulled Sirius back down on the couch.
"Calm, deep, breaths Padfoot," said Remus, "you're scaring the first years."
"Five forty-five, guys," said James happily, descending the stairs, "I'll be in the first classroom to the right on the sixth floor."
"Didn't we say six?" hissed Sirius under his breath as James left.
"Yes," said Remus.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," sighed Remus.
"Positively positive?" asked Sirius.
"Yes."
"Absolutely positively positive?"
"YES."
"Totally absolutely positively positive?"
"YES!"
"Completely totally absolutely positively positive?"
"YES!"
"Purely – "
"Padfoot?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Oh," said Sirius. "Okay."
"Okay, here's the plan," said Remus, "you and Peter go get the invisibility cloak, and I'll talk to Lily."
"Why are you talking to Lily?"
"Because," said Remus, "she doesn't think that I'm quite as insane as the rest of you."
"I resent that," sighed Sirius, "but okay. Fine. C'mon, Wormtail. Let's go snoop in Prongsie's trunk."
Peter shrugged and followed Sirius.
Remus sighed, took a deep breath, wondered why the hell all his friends were idiots, and went over to talk to Lily.
"Lily?"
"Remus."
"Yeah," he said. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Fine," said Lily, raising an eyebrow, "what do you want?"
"It's about James," said Remus.
"What about James?" asked Lily, her eyes narrowing.
"I – he's going to – well – "
"Spit it out, Remus."
"James is going to do something – I don't know what – at six, in the first door to the right, on the sixth floor – I just thought you might want to stop him."
"I swear," muttered Lily under her breath. "Well, thanks Remus, I'll go right now – damn him! Ugh!"
Remus winced in sympathy for poor, lovestruck James.
**
"Ow – Wormtail – that's my foot!" yelped Sirius.
"Sorry," said Peter quickly.
"D'you see her, Remus?" asked Sirius, forgetting about his trodden-on foot.
"No," said Remus, "I'm trying to keep a safe distance because you two are being so loud."
"Why do you always blame everything on me and Wormtail, Moony?" asked Sirius sadly.
"Because," said Remus, "you two are the stupid ones. Especially you, Padfoot."
"Ouch," said Sirius.
"Where are we, anyway?" asked Peter.
"Yeah, where are we?" asked Sirius.
"Honestly, can't you two keep track?" sighed Remus, rolling his eyes. "Sixth floor, almost – "
"JAMES POTTER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS – "
SLAM.
" – there," Sirius finished Remus's sentence.
Remus did a quick charm on the door.
"This had better work, Padfoot," hissed Remus.
"It will," said Sirius happily.
Remus rolled his eyes and stomped back off towards the Gryffindor dormitories.