For I have sinned - Chapter one
Tysworth Hall had seen many summers and had been a home to many families but its reputation as a heavenly place was increasing with each year the Bingleys stayed there. It had not been the place where the family had wanted to stay but was meant to offer shelter after leaving Netherfield about fifteen years ago caused by a miscarriage which had caused mourning and sadness in the usually happy Bingley-household.
With its firm brick walls and beautiful gardens it was everything Jane Bingley had wanted for her family and more. Kindly refusing to move into the big house waiting for them only a few months later was the best decision in their entire life, right after their marriage of course. The mansion contained a main building with two wings towards East and West with the main building being the oldest of the three. The other two buildings, smaller and more modest than the main buildings were used for guests, at present Elizabeth's sons used one of them, being in the constant company of the Bingleys' only child, Joanna.
Good morning, my lovely wife!" Charles teased his still tired wife.
Being a natural early riser Jane woke up with her husband at sunrise but today she felt tired and exhausted even after several hours of sleep. Before she could retaliate her husband's teasing a wave of nausea made her run for the privy, her throwing up was violent and shaking her to the core. Charles dashed out of bed and found his wife kneeling on the floor, breathing heavily.
"Jane, my love, are you feeling better?" the concerned husband queried while wiping his wife's soiled mouth with a clean handkerchief.
__________________________________________________________________________
Elizabeth felt a pang of uneasiness as she rose from her blanket to welcome her son home.
"Mama!" Her son rushed to his mother and embraced her tightly. "How lovely you look!" he complimented her honestly.
"Alex! I'm so glad you're home!" Her heart melted at her son's greeting, it was so good to have one of the children back home.
Not willing to disturb the welcome between mother and son Diana remained with Alex's father and attempted some conversation.
"Mr. Darcy, Pemberley is a delight. I believe these are the most ravishing grounds I ever had the honour to see." Her words were sincere.
Darcy gave her a friendly smile, then he let his eyes wander from her stunning beauty to the glittering water of the lake. "This is a feeling that you and my wife share. It was right down there that I met her after months of separation only to love her even more." His mind went back to that fateful day over twenty years ago and the thought of him in a wrinkled wet shirt and her aghast look once more brought a smile to his lips.
"Were you married already then?" the raven-haired beauty asked curiously.
"No, we were.", his words were interrupted by his son's calling for his fiancé to meet his mother. Darcy's eyes followed her as she walked off, admiring her graceful movements.
_______________________________________________________________________
Another wave of nausea brought more vomiting and less peace. Her chest went up and down rapidly as she was gasping for air. Bingley scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to their bed. Wiping away the sweat from her brow with a damp cloth he pressed her hand tenderly.
"I'm sorry, Charles. I didn't want you to see.", her lips curled up, she was close to tears.
"There is nothing to be sorry for my love. What I'm doing for you is nothing compared to what you're going through.again." His voice sounded sad even though he didn't want to put a damper on this present.
"But we're not even sure if it's true. We were wrong so many times," Jane interjected quietly.
"I'm sure. I can feel it, Jane." His smile was sincere.
"I hope that I shall be able to carry our baby to full term this time." Jane's hopes were rising, she smiled faintly.
"I'll always be here for you and help you with anything you need", he assured her, squeezing her hand a little.
"I know!" Her voice was fair and at ease, Bingley couldn't help but kiss his wife's lips, the nausea didn't matter for an instant.
________________________________________________________________________
Days passed quickly at Pemberley and when they brought joy they flew by even faster. Celebrating her oldest son's arrival at home Elizabeth and Mrs. Reynolds had prepared a splendid dinner including all of Alex's favourite treats. Abby occupied her older brother for the entire evening until her mother decided to tuck her in for the night.
"Abby, it's time for bed now," the concerned mother informed her daughter.
Abby's eyes widened, her lips were curled up, she was close to a crying spell.
"No go bed, Mama," the little girl blurted out.
Elizabeth's features grew stern. "Abigail Georgiana Darcy!"
"You heard Mama," Darcy agreed. "Come, Abby. We'll go upstairs and Papa will tell you a story!" He knew all the tricks to melt his daughter's resistance.
"Story for me?" Abby wanted to be sure.
"Why, yes of course. Only for my little girl. Now say 'Good night' to everybody!"
"Not mad, Mama?" Abby kissed her mother lovingly.
"No, Mama is not mad at you, Abby." Elizabeth had never been able to resist her daughter's charms.
"Good night, little one!" Alex scooped her up in his arms and planted a kiss on her nose.
"Night, Alex," Abby giggled at her brother. Not knowing how to approach Diana the little girl hesitated until Diana tried to follow Alex's example to take her in her arms. Abby squirmed out of her embrace and was clinging to her father who was completely puzzled at his daughter's rough treatment of her brother's future wife.
________________________________________________________________________
"Were you able to keep some food down today, my love?" Bingley asked his wife after they had retired from the family table.
"Not much," Jane admitted, blushing at her own bad health.
Taking his shivering wife in his arms Bingley vowed to make it easier for her. Jane had refused to see a doctor because the thought of being disappointed again was a heavy burden on her frail shoulders. Rocking her tenderly he decided that he would summon Dr. Nelson tomorrow to check on his wife. There was still the possibility of this not being a pregnancy but something else and he had to consider his wife's age.
"You should have married a younger woman," she almost read his thoughts.
"No, Jane. There is only one woman in the entire world that I want to be my wife. And that is you. From the moment I saw you I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, do not ever doubt my love for you." He stroke her abdomen carefully. "And this little one will have the most loving, most precious Mama in the world." Cradling his wife's fragile body in his arms he kissed her golden tresses.
"I love you!" She snuggled closer to him and ran her fingers through the hair over his right ear.
"I love you too, my darling wife," and caressing her belly he continued, "and I love our little one."
___________________________________________________________________________
Darcy had no difficulties in getting his sleepy girl ready for bed. Not even brushing her teeth, something Abby resisted most strongly, was a problem for the loving father. Holding her in his arms he sat down in front of her crib rocking Abby slowly.
"Story, Papa," Abby pleaded.
"I made a promise to my little girl, didn't I?" Darcy teased her.
"Yes, story now," Abby yawned.
"Once upon a time there was a couple who had many boys but no little girl. They tried everything but the years passed and no little girl was given to them. Then the Mama was visited by a magician who promised her and the Papa a girl for one of their sons."
Abby stirred violently. "I lost brother?" Her eyes watered.
"Wait and listen, sweetheart," Darcy smiled.
"Both said no and the magician disappeared. A year later the Mama got a little girl. The magician visited them again and told them that they got a baby girl because they loved their boys so much." Darcy concluded and gazing down he saw that Abby was sleeping peacefully in his embrace.
As he was getting ready for bed Elizabeth embraced him from behind. Tilting back his head he breathed in her perfume and the sweet smell of her curls. Sighing he turned around in her arms and started kissing her. Her eyes, cheeks, mouth and throat felt ablaze at his touch, Elizabeth ran her slender fingers through his thick hair.
"Remember what I asked you today?" he was close to the point of no return.
"What?" Her voice sounded sultry.
"How you keep me under your spell, my love," His voice was raspy.
"If you'd rather be a free man." she played hard to get.
"There is no other enchantress whose spell fills me with so much love" he responded stroking her bare shoulder.
The thought of how Diana had looked at him during the picnic spoiled the moment. Pulling away from him she rearranged her nightgown and crawled under the covers. Slipping beneath the covers he pulled her close and attempted to continue their lovemaking.
"Do you have any idea why Abby behaved so rudely towards Diana?" she finally broke the spell.
___________________________________________________________________________
"How dare this little brat insult me like this?" Diana was trembling with rage.
Attempting to soothe his fiancé Alex took her in his arms and taking a deep breath, tried to explain, "Abby is not used to girls, she is the youngest child with only four brothers. Give her time. And please do not call her brat. She is a sweet girl and I'm sure that you'll love her as much as I do."
"I was saddened by her refusal to say Good night to me." Her voice trailed off, she was deeply ashamed.
"Now, don't be upset. Just read a story to her or play hide and seek with her and Abby will adore you in no time." He tried to cheer her up.
"Are you sure?" She wanted to be certain.
Alex responded positively even though he was not completely convinced knowing Abby's forward nature. __________________________________________________________________________
Darcy sighed and quit caressing his wife abruptly. "I have no idea!" His voice sounded bitter.
His body tensed as she put her hand on his shoulder, his jaw was clenched in anger.
"Do you like her, William?" Elizabeth pulled back her hand. Her tone was icy.
"Why would you care?" he snapped, turning away.
"I care!" her voice rose.
"Fine!" he growled. "I think she's a pretty girl. She also seems to be quite witty."
"Seems that you're quite smitten by her." She attempted humour.
There was a blaze in his eyes for an instant, his jaw tightened even more.
"William?" She felt uneasy.
"It's nothing. I'm tired. Good night." He turned down the light and rolled away without kissing her good night.
"Good night." she shot back curtly. It was the first time in years that she cried herself to sleep.
___________________________________________________________________________
Just after sunrise an express dashed towards Pemberley carrying two letters for Mrs. Darcy. The family had shared an early breakfast was about to go outside as the letters were delivered. Elizabeth's spirits rose as she received one letter from Tysworth Hall and another one from Longbourn. Breaking her father's seal she started to read with anticipation. Darcy, who was watching her and hoping for good news beheld the rapid change of expression on his wife's face. Anguish was written on her lovely features, it was so dreadful that he thought it would break his heart. Rushing close to her side to hold her he saw her little hand sliding up to her throat pinching it violently. Tears welled up in her eyes, they way she gazed at him while not being able to utter a word pierced him to the heart. Just as he was about to ask her about the news while blaming himself for snapping at her previously he felt her faint in his arms dropping the fateful letter to the floor. The other letter remained unopened.
Tysworth Hall had seen many summers and had been a home to many families but its reputation as a heavenly place was increasing with each year the Bingleys stayed there. It had not been the place where the family had wanted to stay but was meant to offer shelter after leaving Netherfield about fifteen years ago caused by a miscarriage which had caused mourning and sadness in the usually happy Bingley-household.
With its firm brick walls and beautiful gardens it was everything Jane Bingley had wanted for her family and more. Kindly refusing to move into the big house waiting for them only a few months later was the best decision in their entire life, right after their marriage of course. The mansion contained a main building with two wings towards East and West with the main building being the oldest of the three. The other two buildings, smaller and more modest than the main buildings were used for guests, at present Elizabeth's sons used one of them, being in the constant company of the Bingleys' only child, Joanna.
Good morning, my lovely wife!" Charles teased his still tired wife.
Being a natural early riser Jane woke up with her husband at sunrise but today she felt tired and exhausted even after several hours of sleep. Before she could retaliate her husband's teasing a wave of nausea made her run for the privy, her throwing up was violent and shaking her to the core. Charles dashed out of bed and found his wife kneeling on the floor, breathing heavily.
"Jane, my love, are you feeling better?" the concerned husband queried while wiping his wife's soiled mouth with a clean handkerchief.
__________________________________________________________________________
Elizabeth felt a pang of uneasiness as she rose from her blanket to welcome her son home.
"Mama!" Her son rushed to his mother and embraced her tightly. "How lovely you look!" he complimented her honestly.
"Alex! I'm so glad you're home!" Her heart melted at her son's greeting, it was so good to have one of the children back home.
Not willing to disturb the welcome between mother and son Diana remained with Alex's father and attempted some conversation.
"Mr. Darcy, Pemberley is a delight. I believe these are the most ravishing grounds I ever had the honour to see." Her words were sincere.
Darcy gave her a friendly smile, then he let his eyes wander from her stunning beauty to the glittering water of the lake. "This is a feeling that you and my wife share. It was right down there that I met her after months of separation only to love her even more." His mind went back to that fateful day over twenty years ago and the thought of him in a wrinkled wet shirt and her aghast look once more brought a smile to his lips.
"Were you married already then?" the raven-haired beauty asked curiously.
"No, we were.", his words were interrupted by his son's calling for his fiancé to meet his mother. Darcy's eyes followed her as she walked off, admiring her graceful movements.
_______________________________________________________________________
Another wave of nausea brought more vomiting and less peace. Her chest went up and down rapidly as she was gasping for air. Bingley scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to their bed. Wiping away the sweat from her brow with a damp cloth he pressed her hand tenderly.
"I'm sorry, Charles. I didn't want you to see.", her lips curled up, she was close to tears.
"There is nothing to be sorry for my love. What I'm doing for you is nothing compared to what you're going through.again." His voice sounded sad even though he didn't want to put a damper on this present.
"But we're not even sure if it's true. We were wrong so many times," Jane interjected quietly.
"I'm sure. I can feel it, Jane." His smile was sincere.
"I hope that I shall be able to carry our baby to full term this time." Jane's hopes were rising, she smiled faintly.
"I'll always be here for you and help you with anything you need", he assured her, squeezing her hand a little.
"I know!" Her voice was fair and at ease, Bingley couldn't help but kiss his wife's lips, the nausea didn't matter for an instant.
________________________________________________________________________
Days passed quickly at Pemberley and when they brought joy they flew by even faster. Celebrating her oldest son's arrival at home Elizabeth and Mrs. Reynolds had prepared a splendid dinner including all of Alex's favourite treats. Abby occupied her older brother for the entire evening until her mother decided to tuck her in for the night.
"Abby, it's time for bed now," the concerned mother informed her daughter.
Abby's eyes widened, her lips were curled up, she was close to a crying spell.
"No go bed, Mama," the little girl blurted out.
Elizabeth's features grew stern. "Abigail Georgiana Darcy!"
"You heard Mama," Darcy agreed. "Come, Abby. We'll go upstairs and Papa will tell you a story!" He knew all the tricks to melt his daughter's resistance.
"Story for me?" Abby wanted to be sure.
"Why, yes of course. Only for my little girl. Now say 'Good night' to everybody!"
"Not mad, Mama?" Abby kissed her mother lovingly.
"No, Mama is not mad at you, Abby." Elizabeth had never been able to resist her daughter's charms.
"Good night, little one!" Alex scooped her up in his arms and planted a kiss on her nose.
"Night, Alex," Abby giggled at her brother. Not knowing how to approach Diana the little girl hesitated until Diana tried to follow Alex's example to take her in her arms. Abby squirmed out of her embrace and was clinging to her father who was completely puzzled at his daughter's rough treatment of her brother's future wife.
________________________________________________________________________
"Were you able to keep some food down today, my love?" Bingley asked his wife after they had retired from the family table.
"Not much," Jane admitted, blushing at her own bad health.
Taking his shivering wife in his arms Bingley vowed to make it easier for her. Jane had refused to see a doctor because the thought of being disappointed again was a heavy burden on her frail shoulders. Rocking her tenderly he decided that he would summon Dr. Nelson tomorrow to check on his wife. There was still the possibility of this not being a pregnancy but something else and he had to consider his wife's age.
"You should have married a younger woman," she almost read his thoughts.
"No, Jane. There is only one woman in the entire world that I want to be my wife. And that is you. From the moment I saw you I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, do not ever doubt my love for you." He stroke her abdomen carefully. "And this little one will have the most loving, most precious Mama in the world." Cradling his wife's fragile body in his arms he kissed her golden tresses.
"I love you!" She snuggled closer to him and ran her fingers through the hair over his right ear.
"I love you too, my darling wife," and caressing her belly he continued, "and I love our little one."
___________________________________________________________________________
Darcy had no difficulties in getting his sleepy girl ready for bed. Not even brushing her teeth, something Abby resisted most strongly, was a problem for the loving father. Holding her in his arms he sat down in front of her crib rocking Abby slowly.
"Story, Papa," Abby pleaded.
"I made a promise to my little girl, didn't I?" Darcy teased her.
"Yes, story now," Abby yawned.
"Once upon a time there was a couple who had many boys but no little girl. They tried everything but the years passed and no little girl was given to them. Then the Mama was visited by a magician who promised her and the Papa a girl for one of their sons."
Abby stirred violently. "I lost brother?" Her eyes watered.
"Wait and listen, sweetheart," Darcy smiled.
"Both said no and the magician disappeared. A year later the Mama got a little girl. The magician visited them again and told them that they got a baby girl because they loved their boys so much." Darcy concluded and gazing down he saw that Abby was sleeping peacefully in his embrace.
As he was getting ready for bed Elizabeth embraced him from behind. Tilting back his head he breathed in her perfume and the sweet smell of her curls. Sighing he turned around in her arms and started kissing her. Her eyes, cheeks, mouth and throat felt ablaze at his touch, Elizabeth ran her slender fingers through his thick hair.
"Remember what I asked you today?" he was close to the point of no return.
"What?" Her voice sounded sultry.
"How you keep me under your spell, my love," His voice was raspy.
"If you'd rather be a free man." she played hard to get.
"There is no other enchantress whose spell fills me with so much love" he responded stroking her bare shoulder.
The thought of how Diana had looked at him during the picnic spoiled the moment. Pulling away from him she rearranged her nightgown and crawled under the covers. Slipping beneath the covers he pulled her close and attempted to continue their lovemaking.
"Do you have any idea why Abby behaved so rudely towards Diana?" she finally broke the spell.
___________________________________________________________________________
"How dare this little brat insult me like this?" Diana was trembling with rage.
Attempting to soothe his fiancé Alex took her in his arms and taking a deep breath, tried to explain, "Abby is not used to girls, she is the youngest child with only four brothers. Give her time. And please do not call her brat. She is a sweet girl and I'm sure that you'll love her as much as I do."
"I was saddened by her refusal to say Good night to me." Her voice trailed off, she was deeply ashamed.
"Now, don't be upset. Just read a story to her or play hide and seek with her and Abby will adore you in no time." He tried to cheer her up.
"Are you sure?" She wanted to be certain.
Alex responded positively even though he was not completely convinced knowing Abby's forward nature. __________________________________________________________________________
Darcy sighed and quit caressing his wife abruptly. "I have no idea!" His voice sounded bitter.
His body tensed as she put her hand on his shoulder, his jaw was clenched in anger.
"Do you like her, William?" Elizabeth pulled back her hand. Her tone was icy.
"Why would you care?" he snapped, turning away.
"I care!" her voice rose.
"Fine!" he growled. "I think she's a pretty girl. She also seems to be quite witty."
"Seems that you're quite smitten by her." She attempted humour.
There was a blaze in his eyes for an instant, his jaw tightened even more.
"William?" She felt uneasy.
"It's nothing. I'm tired. Good night." He turned down the light and rolled away without kissing her good night.
"Good night." she shot back curtly. It was the first time in years that she cried herself to sleep.
___________________________________________________________________________
Just after sunrise an express dashed towards Pemberley carrying two letters for Mrs. Darcy. The family had shared an early breakfast was about to go outside as the letters were delivered. Elizabeth's spirits rose as she received one letter from Tysworth Hall and another one from Longbourn. Breaking her father's seal she started to read with anticipation. Darcy, who was watching her and hoping for good news beheld the rapid change of expression on his wife's face. Anguish was written on her lovely features, it was so dreadful that he thought it would break his heart. Rushing close to her side to hold her he saw her little hand sliding up to her throat pinching it violently. Tears welled up in her eyes, they way she gazed at him while not being able to utter a word pierced him to the heart. Just as he was about to ask her about the news while blaming himself for snapping at her previously he felt her faint in his arms dropping the fateful letter to the floor. The other letter remained unopened.