Helen stared at Mike, shocked. She had played this scenario through her head hundreds of times, telling him about the baby. But never once had she imagined that he would propose! Helen started to grin happily, but then stopped. Nowhere in Mike's proposal had he said that he loved her...had he proposed just for the baby? Helen stopped. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at Mike.
"No. I...I can't." Before he could say anything, Helen jumped up, grabbed her coat from the floor and all but ran out the front door.
Mike stared after her in shock. As she was about to slam the door, he managed one word. "Helen!" The door shut and Mike felt empty...more empty than he'd ever felt. What had happened? All the times she'd said she loved him, were they all a lie? Was she angry about the baby and that's why she'd refused? Mike stood sadly and found his sport coat on the floor. He picked it up and pulled the box out of its pocket. He opened it and stared at the ring...a sapphire to match her eyes and because Helen wasn't that traditional. Mike slowly closed the box and sat back down on the couch, hurt and confused, and cried because he'd lost the woman that he loved more than anything and the child he'd just found out about.
Helen tried desperately to hail a cab and finally succeeded. She gave him her address and stared out the window until the cab came to a halt. Helen paid the driver and was about to walk up to her apartment when she remembered that Ellenor and Matt were in there. Not that she didn't like them, but she didn't feel like company right then. Instead, she dug out her car keys and climbed in her car. She didn't know where she was going, just somewhere she could think. After three hours of driving, Helen ended up at the library at Harvard. She climbed the familiar stairs and remembered before, when all she had worried about was getting a good grade on her exam and passing the bar. Now, somehow, things were infinitely more complicated. She walked to the top floor of the library and curled in her favorite window seat. She and Lindsay had gone there when they had a big problem or needed privacy. She'd come there when her grandmother died, and Lindsay had sat holding her hand and letting her cry.
Helen rested a hand on her stomach. She had the opposite problem now. She was having a baby, and the baby's father had just proposed. She loved Mike, she didn't question that. But there was a tiny part of her that kept asking 'what if he proposed because of the baby, not because he loves you?' Thinking about it, Helen had no proof that he *hadn't* proposed for that reason. She thought that Mike loved her, he said he did. But she knew that Mike had been raised the same way she did, if you got a girl pregnant, or got pregnant without being married, you were supposed to get married as soon as possible. And people would pretend to over look the fact that the baby was born a little early.
But she wasn't sure that she was willing to do that, to enter into a marriage that might not be based on love. It would be for her, but not knowing how Mike felt...if only he could have waited until after the baby, or not asked right after she sprang the news, maybe she'd feel differently. Helen closed her eyes and concentrated on her stomach. She didn't want to be in a forced marriage, but she didn't want her child to grow up without a father either.
Helen opened her eyes and looked out the window at Boston. Her eyes landed on the window frame and the tiny etched ankh with the letters BF4L written below it. She and Lindsay had carved that their third year of law school when neither had been sure where she'd end up. They'd promised to always be there for each other, no matter what. And it was a promise that they'd kept so far. Exhausted and no closer to a conclusion than she'd been before, Helen leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes, her hand still anchored to her stomach. Before she fell asleep, she silently apologized to her child for messing things up, then she promised the baby that no matter what, she would always love it and be there for it.
Mike stood in his apartment which felt so empty. It had been ages since he'd been there without Helen. He wished he knew where she was. But more than that, he wished he knew what he'd done wrong. When she'd told him about the baby, he'd been so happy! Suddenly all he could think of was making a family with Helen, marrying her and making her his wife so they could start being a family and raise their baby together. Didn't she love him? He thought she did, he thought he'd seen that look in her eyes that she did. He knew he did. But maybe all he'd been seeing was his love reflected in her eyes.
Mike picked up his jacket from the ground and the little black velvet box fell out. He lifted the lid and looked at the perfect sapphire heart, surrounded by diamonds in the white gold setting. The sapphire matched her eyes and he knew that she'd love it. But now, she wouldn't wear it. Mike shook his head. He loved Helen, and their child, and he was going to fight for them! First thing in the morning, he was going to find Helen and convince her to marry him. They belonged together and he was going to make her see that. He snapped the lid to the box shut and walked into his bedroom, hiding it in his underwear drawer. Helen and their baby was his dream, and he wasn't going to give that up.