Chapter 2: To Atone for Past Sins
Standard disclaimer: I don't own Esca. Don't sue me, I'm broke anyway.
"Austrian military transport approaching Milady!" cried the lookout from her position in the observation tower.
Sir Celena Schezar, Knight of Asturia, and Commander of Fortress Tormenta Pass, nodded, as she looked straight ahead at the oncoming leviship. She knew who it was even before she saw it. The Crusade was past it's prime as a Ship-of-the-Line, but the old girl always looked good to her because of what it represented, both then and now.
Celena allowed herself a brief recollection of her life as Dilandau Albatou. The years of intense military training and the childhood that was sacrificed as a result, the sense of brotherhood she felt with the Dragonslayers and the anger she felt at their failures and the intense sadness when Jajuka told him that they were slain at the hands of Van Fanel, and the tornado of blood and madness that was the end of the war. It was at this point in time that the two side that she had become, Dilandau and Celena, were reformed with her as the dominate personality. Dilandau Albatou was gone forever, and she was left with the memories of pain and madness that had been his life. It was the Crusade that took her home to the life she'd once had as a little girl before bandits kidnapped her and sold into what they had thought was slavery. It had ended being worse than that as well as death itself.
It was after that girl from the Mystic Moon that Allen said reminded him of her, what was her name again, went back home that the waves of Dilandau's memories began to hit her like a storm. They always came in her sleep, visions and feeling of anger, hate, pain, and loss of innocence. Finally she finally refused to sleep until exhaustion got the better of her. It was then that the nightmare of Dilandau's life invaded her mind.
When the Crusade landed, Celena shook herself from her bittersweet daydreams and approached the cargo ramp as it lowered to the ground. Out stepped some of the very same group of rouges-turned-solders-turned-heroes that accompanied her brother on his adventures against Dorkirk, Stratigos Folken, and her Dragonslayers. There were a few new faces that she noticed offloading crates filled with all the goods needed to keep an installation like her fortress running smoothly, but the one face that she looked forward to the most was the one that made her smile inside the brightest.
Gaddes had been made the Crusade's captain after the old ship had been recommissioned as a courier ship after the war, serving as a link between Palls and the various forts surrounding the kingdom's borders and protecting it's important trade routes as well as providing their supplies. This was how she came to know her brother's former second-in-command. Unlike the other men in she'd come to know in the Austrian Royal Armed Forces, he'd seen her as a peer and an equal, not a potential damsel in distress or a silly little girl "playing" solider, but a fellow warrior and worthy superior. Of course, the other men of the Crusade treated her with respect enough, taking into consideration their private lives and upbringing. However, this was due largely to her rank as a Knight and Fortress Commander or the fact that she was Allen's little sister and they all had nothing but the highest regards for their former Commander. Gaddes on the other hand treated her the same as if she were Allen himself, no better and no worse. She could help be interested in this diamond-in-the- rough of a man amongst men who were making her lose faith in the males of Austria. From there, mutual respect became admiration, admiration became friendship, and friendship became love.
Shortly after landing, he gave command of the ship to his second-in- command, and the job of offloading the supplies and keeping an accurate tally of the to his Quartermaster. He then went to give the Fortress Commander any official communiqués from Palls. The crew of the Crusade of course knew better when it came to this particular fort. As Gaddes had closed and locked the conference room door behind him, not unusual for official document from Palls meant only for the eyes of any fortress commander, the two practically threw themselves into each other's arms and began to kiss with a passion that could melt a guymelef's iron hide. When the need for air overcame their need for the feel and heat of each other's bodies, they finally, reluctantly, separated. Celena had practically collapsed in Gaddes's arms and against his chest. Gaddes, meanwhile, drowned himself in the sweet smell and softness of his beloved's hair and the skin on her face. He savored the taste of her kiss on his lips, thinking it impossible for even Paradise itself to taste any better.
"I've been away from you too long my noble knight", Celena said.
"I believe I should be saying that, Milady", Gaddes teased. "You're the one with the title", he said with a loving grin.
"You've always been noble enough for a knighthood to me my love, titles be damned", she purred into his chest.
"Then may I call you 'Princess' from now on?" he replied.
"Only if my sisters-in-law permit it", she said with a smirk.
Finally, they sat down in the conference room's chairs and Gaddes handed over the documents form the Capital. With that official duty done, they began to talk about the events of each other's lives since the last they met. Afterwards, she let him read her latest poems. He always thought they were beautiful, however her works as of late had taken an increasingly brighter, happier tone. He remembered her earlier works, having stumbled across them early in their friendship. While they were still as beautiful as she was, they had a dark, mournful tone to them. He also remembered why those early works had such a feel to them. When she told him why, it had been as painful for her to recount as it was for him to remember hearing the tale even now.
When Dilandau's memories were complete in her mind, her mind was then assaulted by the horror of what he'd done to others in his life. Especially prominent in her mind was the Battle of Fanalia. Battle was battle, and war was war. The wholesale destruction of a kingdom's capital, and the anarchy that followed was something that only a beast or demon would enjoy. Dilandau, for the most part, was indifferent to the destruction of Fanalia's capital. However, from the after action reports and news form survivors that had witnessed the madness, what had happened to her people was a nightmare-making tale all it's own. Women and young girls raped by gangs of roving bandits, young boys kidnapped only to later be sold into slavery, and men who were unsuccessful in defending them forced to watch it all before the life ebbed out of them in a pool of blood. At one point, it was just too much for her.
At one point, she left the Schezar Estates for Fanalia where she requested an audience with King Van Fanel himself. The handsome young king had been expecting her. Apparently Allen had alerted his former war comrade about her disappearance and asked him to let the Asturian Knight if she turned up in his shattered Capital. Upon explaining both who she was and once was, she practically begged King Van to publicly execute her. It was the only way, she said, she could possibly atone to the people of Fanalia for her past actions. King Van refused, saying something along the lines, she couldn't remember precisely anymore, that the war was over and enough blood had been shed. Her death would be just as needless the rest that Dornkirk's efforts had caused. He wrapped the girl in his cape and took her by the shoulders to one of the guards where she would be taken to one of the royal chambers to rest. She thought he'd understand and he'd let her down. It was apparent that she would have to make King Van understand.
Ripping the sword from the sheath of the guard that escorted her, she ran like the wind and attacked the King of Fanalia in his own throne room. He had no choice but to draw his own sword and defend himself. She had no intention of harming him, only of making him kill her in self- defense. It would be this way, she quickly rationalized that Fanalia's people would get their justice, and she would be at peace. Using all the skill she remembered form her life as Dilandau, she tried to make it look good, like she was really trying to kill him. King Van, on the other hand, knew the Dragonslayer's squadron leader's fighting style well enough to know that she was in fact holding back. In the end, she simply wasn't in the shape she was in as Dilandau, and he simply wore her out. The last thing she saw was the pommel of Van's sword coming down on her head, knocking her unconscious.
When she awoke, she did so in the comfortable chambers of the recently rebuilt castle itself. 'Damn it all to the Abyss itself', she thought, 'I'm still alive.' Slowly she eyed her surroundings and saw, much to her surprise, King Van himself, alone. Ruefully, she cast her eyes to the ceiling. "I guess I'm to be executed for the attempted assassination of the King very shortly now", she spoke in a low voice, yet loud enough for Van to hear.
"No Celena", the young king said, "I will not be a party to your throwing your life away no matter how much pain your heart may be in."
At this point, Celena snapped. The persona that was once Dilandau was unleashed and she let it all out. 'Thank the Sea Dragon that Allen isn't hear to hear me now' was the last thing she thought before she let lose her verbal assault on the young king. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, FANEL!!!" she roared. "HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT YOU KNOW BETTER THAN I WHAT GOOD FOR ME! HAS THAT DAMNED CROWN OF YOURS GOTTEN TOO TIGHT AROUND YOUR HEAD YOU LITTLE SHIT! YOU COULDN'T POSSILBE IMAGINE MY PROBLEMS YOU FUCKING SON OF A WHORE!! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW."
#SMACK#
It was a blow worthy of the former Dragonslayer captain himself. Van had backhanded Celena so hard that she nearing fell out of bed. Now it was Van's turn.
"First", he said as he grabbed her collar, "my Mother was NEVER a whore. You may insult me all you like, but she is beyond reproach! Second, I know all too well the pain of having memories that you wish you could purge your mind of. Consider yourself lucky that your entire homeland was brought to its knees with anarchy within minutes of your coronation. I am both motivated and haunted by this. Third, how dare you try to solve your problems by running away." At this, Celena was visibly confused. At this Van elaborated as he released her collar. "Wanting to avoid your problems and heartache by embracing death is just another way of running from them. If you have such problems that death appears to be an option, face them so you can defeat them, damn you!"
At this point, Celena was spent. She had allowed her eyes to well up since Van stuck her. Now, she let the dam break and all of her emotions flow freely. "Then you know what it's like to have your mind and dreams haunted by nightmare images every time you close your eyes. I do not even sleep anymore as much as I just collapse form exhaustion. I cannot even look in the mirror anymore without seeing my crimes. If I am not to be punished for my past deeds, and they are mine regardless of what form I took, how am I to ever find peace!" the hysterical girl sobbed.
"Find ways to serve those that you have harmed by your actions with your time, talents, and treasure," he counseled. "If you cannot do so, then be of service to those around you."
It was hours later when Allen arrived. Van told his old war comrade everything. At first, the Knight Calle was horrified. When Van told him why she'd done what she had, he was saddened almost to visible tears, while he was crying an ocean inside. Van simply put he hand on the older man's shoulder told him that he needed to find out how she serve those around her, preferably at home some she could be around comfortable surroundings. Afterwards, he took his sleeping sister home, having thanked his old friend once again and apologized for her actions. It would be days later before they would speak of the incident, Allen being the one who brought it up. "Celena", Allen said, "if your were to do something with you life, what would it be."
At this, the young girl was dumbfounded for moment, first looking at her brother, then at the just cleared breakfast table. "For me to answer that, I'd first have to figure out what, if anything, I am good at", she stated.
"Well", Allen replied, "if there was something you could think of off the cuff, what would it be?"
It was a question that she could not answer, as she didn't know herself, as herself well enough to respond. At this point, Celena started on a personal quest of self-discovery to find out what interested her, and of those things, what she might be good at. However, while she did have some interest and talent in field medicine, even this was based on her experience as a solider. She was a warrior first and foremost; her years in Zaibach having ruined her for just about every other endeavor that came across her fancy. So she embraced what she was, and did so in an effort to serve her homeland and those around her. For while she felt in her mind that she would never live long enough to atone for all her sins, she would at least try. She knew that she couldn't go to the men of the Crusade with out arousing the suspicions of her brother, so she trained herself, her instructors being her memories as Dilandau and the books in her Father's study and the family library. After months of this, she set out to prove herself as a warrior to the Austrian crown its subjects.
AN-Sorry for the vulgarity, but in this case, it was necessary. It, as I mention above, was Dilandau's persona talking, not Celena. However she wanted to drive a point home, and she decided to use her memories of Dilandau's experiences to her advantage for a change. Thus, Celena is a potty mouth both this chapter, as well as the upcoming Chapter 3.
If Chapters 2 and 3 are substandard, it is only because I am without my wonderful editor # sob # as she lives it up on vacation overseas. # Sniff # Ah, the life of a world traveler. (j.k j/k)
As always, read and review.
Standard disclaimer: I don't own Esca. Don't sue me, I'm broke anyway.
"Austrian military transport approaching Milady!" cried the lookout from her position in the observation tower.
Sir Celena Schezar, Knight of Asturia, and Commander of Fortress Tormenta Pass, nodded, as she looked straight ahead at the oncoming leviship. She knew who it was even before she saw it. The Crusade was past it's prime as a Ship-of-the-Line, but the old girl always looked good to her because of what it represented, both then and now.
Celena allowed herself a brief recollection of her life as Dilandau Albatou. The years of intense military training and the childhood that was sacrificed as a result, the sense of brotherhood she felt with the Dragonslayers and the anger she felt at their failures and the intense sadness when Jajuka told him that they were slain at the hands of Van Fanel, and the tornado of blood and madness that was the end of the war. It was at this point in time that the two side that she had become, Dilandau and Celena, were reformed with her as the dominate personality. Dilandau Albatou was gone forever, and she was left with the memories of pain and madness that had been his life. It was the Crusade that took her home to the life she'd once had as a little girl before bandits kidnapped her and sold into what they had thought was slavery. It had ended being worse than that as well as death itself.
It was after that girl from the Mystic Moon that Allen said reminded him of her, what was her name again, went back home that the waves of Dilandau's memories began to hit her like a storm. They always came in her sleep, visions and feeling of anger, hate, pain, and loss of innocence. Finally she finally refused to sleep until exhaustion got the better of her. It was then that the nightmare of Dilandau's life invaded her mind.
When the Crusade landed, Celena shook herself from her bittersweet daydreams and approached the cargo ramp as it lowered to the ground. Out stepped some of the very same group of rouges-turned-solders-turned-heroes that accompanied her brother on his adventures against Dorkirk, Stratigos Folken, and her Dragonslayers. There were a few new faces that she noticed offloading crates filled with all the goods needed to keep an installation like her fortress running smoothly, but the one face that she looked forward to the most was the one that made her smile inside the brightest.
Gaddes had been made the Crusade's captain after the old ship had been recommissioned as a courier ship after the war, serving as a link between Palls and the various forts surrounding the kingdom's borders and protecting it's important trade routes as well as providing their supplies. This was how she came to know her brother's former second-in-command. Unlike the other men in she'd come to know in the Austrian Royal Armed Forces, he'd seen her as a peer and an equal, not a potential damsel in distress or a silly little girl "playing" solider, but a fellow warrior and worthy superior. Of course, the other men of the Crusade treated her with respect enough, taking into consideration their private lives and upbringing. However, this was due largely to her rank as a Knight and Fortress Commander or the fact that she was Allen's little sister and they all had nothing but the highest regards for their former Commander. Gaddes on the other hand treated her the same as if she were Allen himself, no better and no worse. She could help be interested in this diamond-in-the- rough of a man amongst men who were making her lose faith in the males of Austria. From there, mutual respect became admiration, admiration became friendship, and friendship became love.
Shortly after landing, he gave command of the ship to his second-in- command, and the job of offloading the supplies and keeping an accurate tally of the to his Quartermaster. He then went to give the Fortress Commander any official communiqués from Palls. The crew of the Crusade of course knew better when it came to this particular fort. As Gaddes had closed and locked the conference room door behind him, not unusual for official document from Palls meant only for the eyes of any fortress commander, the two practically threw themselves into each other's arms and began to kiss with a passion that could melt a guymelef's iron hide. When the need for air overcame their need for the feel and heat of each other's bodies, they finally, reluctantly, separated. Celena had practically collapsed in Gaddes's arms and against his chest. Gaddes, meanwhile, drowned himself in the sweet smell and softness of his beloved's hair and the skin on her face. He savored the taste of her kiss on his lips, thinking it impossible for even Paradise itself to taste any better.
"I've been away from you too long my noble knight", Celena said.
"I believe I should be saying that, Milady", Gaddes teased. "You're the one with the title", he said with a loving grin.
"You've always been noble enough for a knighthood to me my love, titles be damned", she purred into his chest.
"Then may I call you 'Princess' from now on?" he replied.
"Only if my sisters-in-law permit it", she said with a smirk.
Finally, they sat down in the conference room's chairs and Gaddes handed over the documents form the Capital. With that official duty done, they began to talk about the events of each other's lives since the last they met. Afterwards, she let him read her latest poems. He always thought they were beautiful, however her works as of late had taken an increasingly brighter, happier tone. He remembered her earlier works, having stumbled across them early in their friendship. While they were still as beautiful as she was, they had a dark, mournful tone to them. He also remembered why those early works had such a feel to them. When she told him why, it had been as painful for her to recount as it was for him to remember hearing the tale even now.
When Dilandau's memories were complete in her mind, her mind was then assaulted by the horror of what he'd done to others in his life. Especially prominent in her mind was the Battle of Fanalia. Battle was battle, and war was war. The wholesale destruction of a kingdom's capital, and the anarchy that followed was something that only a beast or demon would enjoy. Dilandau, for the most part, was indifferent to the destruction of Fanalia's capital. However, from the after action reports and news form survivors that had witnessed the madness, what had happened to her people was a nightmare-making tale all it's own. Women and young girls raped by gangs of roving bandits, young boys kidnapped only to later be sold into slavery, and men who were unsuccessful in defending them forced to watch it all before the life ebbed out of them in a pool of blood. At one point, it was just too much for her.
At one point, she left the Schezar Estates for Fanalia where she requested an audience with King Van Fanel himself. The handsome young king had been expecting her. Apparently Allen had alerted his former war comrade about her disappearance and asked him to let the Asturian Knight if she turned up in his shattered Capital. Upon explaining both who she was and once was, she practically begged King Van to publicly execute her. It was the only way, she said, she could possibly atone to the people of Fanalia for her past actions. King Van refused, saying something along the lines, she couldn't remember precisely anymore, that the war was over and enough blood had been shed. Her death would be just as needless the rest that Dornkirk's efforts had caused. He wrapped the girl in his cape and took her by the shoulders to one of the guards where she would be taken to one of the royal chambers to rest. She thought he'd understand and he'd let her down. It was apparent that she would have to make King Van understand.
Ripping the sword from the sheath of the guard that escorted her, she ran like the wind and attacked the King of Fanalia in his own throne room. He had no choice but to draw his own sword and defend himself. She had no intention of harming him, only of making him kill her in self- defense. It would be this way, she quickly rationalized that Fanalia's people would get their justice, and she would be at peace. Using all the skill she remembered form her life as Dilandau, she tried to make it look good, like she was really trying to kill him. King Van, on the other hand, knew the Dragonslayer's squadron leader's fighting style well enough to know that she was in fact holding back. In the end, she simply wasn't in the shape she was in as Dilandau, and he simply wore her out. The last thing she saw was the pommel of Van's sword coming down on her head, knocking her unconscious.
When she awoke, she did so in the comfortable chambers of the recently rebuilt castle itself. 'Damn it all to the Abyss itself', she thought, 'I'm still alive.' Slowly she eyed her surroundings and saw, much to her surprise, King Van himself, alone. Ruefully, she cast her eyes to the ceiling. "I guess I'm to be executed for the attempted assassination of the King very shortly now", she spoke in a low voice, yet loud enough for Van to hear.
"No Celena", the young king said, "I will not be a party to your throwing your life away no matter how much pain your heart may be in."
At this point, Celena snapped. The persona that was once Dilandau was unleashed and she let it all out. 'Thank the Sea Dragon that Allen isn't hear to hear me now' was the last thing she thought before she let lose her verbal assault on the young king. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, FANEL!!!" she roared. "HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT YOU KNOW BETTER THAN I WHAT GOOD FOR ME! HAS THAT DAMNED CROWN OF YOURS GOTTEN TOO TIGHT AROUND YOUR HEAD YOU LITTLE SHIT! YOU COULDN'T POSSILBE IMAGINE MY PROBLEMS YOU FUCKING SON OF A WHORE!! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW."
#SMACK#
It was a blow worthy of the former Dragonslayer captain himself. Van had backhanded Celena so hard that she nearing fell out of bed. Now it was Van's turn.
"First", he said as he grabbed her collar, "my Mother was NEVER a whore. You may insult me all you like, but she is beyond reproach! Second, I know all too well the pain of having memories that you wish you could purge your mind of. Consider yourself lucky that your entire homeland was brought to its knees with anarchy within minutes of your coronation. I am both motivated and haunted by this. Third, how dare you try to solve your problems by running away." At this, Celena was visibly confused. At this Van elaborated as he released her collar. "Wanting to avoid your problems and heartache by embracing death is just another way of running from them. If you have such problems that death appears to be an option, face them so you can defeat them, damn you!"
At this point, Celena was spent. She had allowed her eyes to well up since Van stuck her. Now, she let the dam break and all of her emotions flow freely. "Then you know what it's like to have your mind and dreams haunted by nightmare images every time you close your eyes. I do not even sleep anymore as much as I just collapse form exhaustion. I cannot even look in the mirror anymore without seeing my crimes. If I am not to be punished for my past deeds, and they are mine regardless of what form I took, how am I to ever find peace!" the hysterical girl sobbed.
"Find ways to serve those that you have harmed by your actions with your time, talents, and treasure," he counseled. "If you cannot do so, then be of service to those around you."
It was hours later when Allen arrived. Van told his old war comrade everything. At first, the Knight Calle was horrified. When Van told him why she'd done what she had, he was saddened almost to visible tears, while he was crying an ocean inside. Van simply put he hand on the older man's shoulder told him that he needed to find out how she serve those around her, preferably at home some she could be around comfortable surroundings. Afterwards, he took his sleeping sister home, having thanked his old friend once again and apologized for her actions. It would be days later before they would speak of the incident, Allen being the one who brought it up. "Celena", Allen said, "if your were to do something with you life, what would it be."
At this, the young girl was dumbfounded for moment, first looking at her brother, then at the just cleared breakfast table. "For me to answer that, I'd first have to figure out what, if anything, I am good at", she stated.
"Well", Allen replied, "if there was something you could think of off the cuff, what would it be?"
It was a question that she could not answer, as she didn't know herself, as herself well enough to respond. At this point, Celena started on a personal quest of self-discovery to find out what interested her, and of those things, what she might be good at. However, while she did have some interest and talent in field medicine, even this was based on her experience as a solider. She was a warrior first and foremost; her years in Zaibach having ruined her for just about every other endeavor that came across her fancy. So she embraced what she was, and did so in an effort to serve her homeland and those around her. For while she felt in her mind that she would never live long enough to atone for all her sins, she would at least try. She knew that she couldn't go to the men of the Crusade with out arousing the suspicions of her brother, so she trained herself, her instructors being her memories as Dilandau and the books in her Father's study and the family library. After months of this, she set out to prove herself as a warrior to the Austrian crown its subjects.
AN-Sorry for the vulgarity, but in this case, it was necessary. It, as I mention above, was Dilandau's persona talking, not Celena. However she wanted to drive a point home, and she decided to use her memories of Dilandau's experiences to her advantage for a change. Thus, Celena is a potty mouth both this chapter, as well as the upcoming Chapter 3.
If Chapters 2 and 3 are substandard, it is only because I am without my wonderful editor # sob # as she lives it up on vacation overseas. # Sniff # Ah, the life of a world traveler. (j.k j/k)
As always, read and review.