The Metamorphosis of a Nemesis

Chapter Six

In which Zelda is ridiculed and Draco becomes a SLEAZY sex god. 

Everyone had been SHOCKED when Zelda had fallen in the lake and her beautifiying potion had worn off.  She wasn't beautiful, OR perfect.  She wasn't even British.  She was just a regular, normal American who had read a few too many fanfics and really REALLY wanted to go to Hogwarts.  So she had devised the potion to make her gorgeous so everyone would be blinded by her beauty and let her do whatever she wanted.  And it had worked… until now.  Now she was just another student.  So she had to be sorted by the Sorting Hat.

"SLYTHERIN!"

Hermione looked up in surprise. Hermione had just assumed Zelda would end up in Gryffindor. But instead she was in Slytherin. Thank Merlin!  Maybe now I won't have to deal with her ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

The entire school had gathered to see Zelda's sorting. Dumbledore was standing in front of the Great Hall regarding Zelda sternly. The twinkle was gone from his eye, and he looked like a weary old wizard, hardened by life and by the very idea that someone as wonderful as Zelda could have duped them all so spectacularly. Either that or he was majorly HUNGOVER.

"Zelda," said McGonagall, very disappointed, "You will no longer be head girl. You are banned for life from the dueling club and you now must play the tuba instead of the flute in the school band. I am so very ashamed of you. What on earth were you thinking?"

As the whole school watched, Zelda was forced to tell the entire sordid tale. "I just wanted everyone to like me! I wanted to be the popular girl I never was in real life. Most of all, I wanted to have stunning eyes and perfect hair." She choked out a sob. "I thought I could maintain the beauty charms and the popularity charms forever. But somehow when I fell in the lake they wore off."

Hermione pondered this. How was she able to fool everyone for so long? And what exactly about the lake made the charms wear off? It didn't make any sense but she had to admit it was pretty convenient for the plot of the story.

"But why?" demanded Professor Snape, his eyes flashing with anger. "Why all the beauty charms? Why did you try to make yourself British when you are so obviously an American who knows next to nothing about British people? Did you think that a 'lorry' here and an 'jumper' there would solve it all?"

She just stared at the floor, tears welling up in her hideously normal brown eyes.

"And why don't you grace us all with your real name, since Zelda Slythlepuff-Gryffinclaw is something you obviously cobbled together in two minutes along with the rest of your background story." Snape was raging. Hermione sighed to herself. She would have to tell him his anger management classes were NOT helping.

"It's... oh, it's so embarrassing. It's... Zelda Rowsdower." She buried her head in her hands dramatically. Ron snickered.

"Ah yes... Miss Rowsdower." Snape's voice was as smooth as pudding laced with razor blades. "Instead of detention with just one teacher, we have decided that the WHOLE SCHOOL gets to participate in your punishment because you have punished all of us with your sickeningly perfect persona for TOO LONG."

The students perked up at this.

"The house elves are sending up rotten food and you will allow 1000 irate teenagers to pelt you with it until you understand the depth of the suffering you have put us all through."

Cheers rang out through the Great Hall.

Dumbledore regained some of his twinkle as he proclaimed "Let the pelting begin!" and gleefully scooped up a handful of moldy beans. Hermione watched as Harry and a particularly vengeful Ron dug into the raw beef with gusto and flung it up at Zelda. She joined in with a tomato but her heart just wasn't in it. The majority of the students were quite engrossed in chucking nasty leftovers at Zelda, so it was a surprise to Hermione when someone scooted up right behind her and began rubbing her shoulders. Who on earth could that be? My secret boyfriend Snape wouldn't dare touch me in front of anyone else, and all my other friends are currently exacting their revenge. Hmmm.

It felt pretty good, she had to admit. But she suddenly remembered Ollivander's SLIMY stare from Harry's bed. I suppose I better turn around and look just to make sure it's not someone gross.

She turned 1/4 of the way around and saw Hagrid munching on some of the rotten leftovers. It wasn't him.

She continued on to 1/2 of the way and saw Ollivander making out with Filch in the corner. It wasn't them either.

At 3/4 of the way around she saw the Bloody Baron, the basilisk, Lucious Malfoy, Barty Crouch, Mad-Eye Moody, Firenze, Quirrell, Peter Pettigrew, and Vernon Dursley all in a heated discussion at the back of the room. Whew, thank God it's none of them.  So who could it be?

Behind her she found a sleazy smile attached to the face of Draco. "Hhhhhi..." -he paused and gazed at her - "Hermione. Did you know that 99% of backrubs lead to... sex?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Hermione scrunched up her face in disgust. "Draco. Malfoy. First of all, stop touching me this instant. Second of all, that's just a statistic that some perverted idiot made up so he could use it to get women in bed. And it won't work on me."

He gave a sickening half-smile, and took her hand gently. "Hermione, I know you think that our love can never be fully realized because you're not good enough for me, being a Mudblood and everything. But I've moved beyond that! I'm ready," he said as he tilted his head and moved his lips closer to hers, "I'm ready to consummate our.... passion." The last word was a breathy whisper that caused Hermione to blink.  She grabbed Draco's head to stop it from reaching hers.

"Er, Draco." She knew she had to think fast.

"Yes, my forbidden fruit?"

"Um... well, it's just that... we haven't been on a star-crossed adventure that, um, causes us to bond yet. So I'm..." she gritted her teeth, "that is, I'm not ready to admit my true feelings to myself yet."

"Oh, baby," he murmured. "You don't have to have to admit your feelings yet. You can still have what you've always dreamed of.  A night with the trademarked Malfoy Member.. me fulfilling your wildest fantasies.  OUCH!" He rubbed his head where Hermione had whapped him.

"Malfoy. Read my lips. Although you are adequately hot and often sexy in your own special evil rich boy way, right now is not a good time. Okay? I think you haven't been feeling well lately."

Draco actually looked wounded at that, and Hermione instantly felt bad. "And.. well, I'm already doing Snape, and I just wouldn't want you to get hurt."

He looked up. "Oh, FINE! Well when you see the true value of your feelings for me, we'll just see who's rejecting who!" The ego-bruised stomped off in a huff.

Most of the other students had grown bored with the unrecognizable pile of food that used to be Hogwarts' newest Slytherin, Miss Zelda Rowsdower, and had trickled out of the Great Hall. Only Dumbledore was left, still vigorously hurling day-old, congealed bangers and mash at the still-shuddering lump.