Since I have 3 parts for Sinon and her overview I figured I'd gauge interest on her first part and just post the overview if there's no interaction for a week or more ^^

the Cast Files: Inner Strength of a Sniper (Sinon)

1 - Cruelty & Freedom

Heads up, Sinon's story is angsty, as I really worked with her regarding why she acts the way she does. Having intense PTSD doesn't explain all of her behaviors (I have it ^^') so I delved deep and built a full background for her. So welcome, to Sinon's story~

Meeting Kirito and his friends from inside one of the only places she was actively comfortable in was ironic in a way. Since the irritating boy had seen who she tended be beneath the hell she lived under from a very specific fact.

It was simple, the world was cruel.

A cruel, unforgiving puppeteer who expected it's pawns to be able to play effectively on their own instead of being with other parts of the chessboard. The only other pieces out there were those being played by the enemy, taking out your single pawn with hundreds of other pieces, all too powerful to combat with just a mere pawn.

Coward.

She couldn't count the amount of times she had heard those words said to her. That she was a scardy-cat, she couldn't handle anything, was too afraid of everything, teased and bullied about how she would flinch at the sounds of shouting, would spook very easily, and instinctively shied away from people.

They never got it.

And to a point, Sinon didn't either.

Trying to remember her childhood, the exact moments that had effectively molded her into who she was as she grew up, was virtually impossible.

Just one big blank slate besides the haunting memories and the one memory in particular that getting over was impossible and yet while she tried, tried to grow up, to change and recover, nothing happened.

Seeing Death gun's pistol aimed directly at her while she was on the ground had been enough to do more than just paralysis her. The tunneled terror at the weapon had drowned out everything long before he had fully pointed it directly at her. The drumming of her heart against her ribs, the tickling sensation of tears welling in her eyes in game, and the way her blood all but froze had easily drowned out even the blaring alarms from her headset. As it tried to get her attention and alert her about the possibility of being logged out automatically for real, authentic duress in her body.

Because there was a memory linked to that weapon, a black handgun of a very particular type. One that Sinon had known all her life.

A Type 54, handgun.

It was the weapon that had killed her father.

But also the same gun that had stained her hands red.

What she did remember of being a kid was before her dad died.

Back when she had an imagination like any kid and had looked up to her dad, a faith she never lost in him, not even in the last moments what she had spent with him before he was gone. The spark, the beautiful bright and playful spark of her idol and the one who had loved her and always encouraged her childish want to grow up and be an police officer like him.

When she used to follow her father's footsteps and curiously have him teach her, just harmless little things that had eventually, as she got older and got into GGO, had really come in handy. He'd use to take his hat off and put it on her head, almost blocking her entire vision with the blue and black fabric before she'd push it up and ask him if he "got the bad guy."

He'd just laugh and tell her, "he keeps getting away, looks like he's waiting for my partner to grow up and catch them with me," and Sinon still remembered those words, even if she had been only four years old when she had heard them last.

It was hard to forget your favorite words from someone who you loved so much and looked up to.

Just like it was hard to forget the words he had spoken to her that day in the post-office.

Four and a half years old, not even old enough to go to normal school yet and yet, Sinon had witnessed multiple deaths in the span of five minutes.

She wished she could say it was for a good reason, that it was some dramatic display or anything, but she couldn't, because it wasn't true.

All she had done was seen her father get shot and fall to the floor.

Then had bitten the person responsible for it, and nearly got knocked out from hitting the wall. She hadn't even been the one to disarm him, that had been her father. Before he had been too weak from the blood loss.

The gun had skittered over the ground and ended up near her.

And all she remembered was crying for her father and struggling, trying to be brave and not let the adult spitting at her have the gun.

Before the gun went off. While it was still inside her hands.

And the adult had slumped into her. Their face, a frozen expression of shock and revulsion staring at her for seconds that felt like years before he had fallen over to the side and her father's arms, drenched with his own blood were wrapping around her, trying to soothe her when it was pretty clear now, as a teenager, that it had been her fault.

She didn't remember anything with the police, didn't remember seeing her mother arrive later, nor did she remember exactly what any of them had been saying to her.

All Shino remembered of the incident after shooting the gun was her father going from standing to being on the ground, blood bubbling at his lips as finally the shot to the heart took it's revenge.

Stealing her father's last breath.

And ruining what dreams she had originally set her heart on as a kid.

Otherwise, most of growing up was blank and all she had to go on was the things her mother told her and what bits and pieces she remembered in moments that everything flared and she'd be trapped in a world she couldn't even remember on a day to day basis.

What she did know was that it was hell and because of what happened, she had been bullied merthilessly and taunted that she was a coward. When actually…

…she was just scared.

Because of her step father. She didn't need the proof of the scar along her shoulder or knee to know that much.

Flinching, giving people a wide berth, keeping her mouth closed for long enough that her voice rasped awkward when she spoke, and avoiding conflicts was because she had learned to be avoidant.

It was easier.

Learning to flee, hide, or blend into the background than standing her ground and possibly taking the side effects of the actions of someone in front of her as they lashed out violently.

The fear, the real, heart pounding terror of the possible ways people could react only got worse and as the fear got worse, other things did too till it all came to a head and she developed sleep paralysis.

Paralyzed in a state half asleep and half awake, unable to escape the repetitive sounds of a gun firing next to her ear and making her ears ring as she lost it and couldn't keep it together.

Sleep paralysis lead to sleep deprivation and avoidance.

Avoidance and fear led to terror and insomnia.

Insomnia, PTSD, and high fear lead to asthma attacks and attacks where her chest was being flattened by something and her lips would turn blue because she couldn't breathe during them.

One thing led to another, led to another, till finally… she was diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder at ten years old.

Which was when things started to change and the fact that she could remember it all properly was a testament of the fact that her brain preferred living alone, completely on her own. Where there was no one to call her the 'murder girl' behind her back, no being forced into more chores than nessessary, and being banned from computers because the natural understanding she had had always creeped out her step-father.

Computers in fact, was how she met VR.

Hearing about the SAO incident had been rather unnerving despite being very late to hearing about it, as in, almost a year late, but the technology had been fascinating. Which was why she had eventually managed to get her hands on one and take it apart with the vague thought amongst the curiosity of if there was a way to disconnect someone from the game world without letting the device fry their brains.

Unfortunately she wasn't versed enough with VR technology to be able to really tell if it could've been possible and all having the helmet around in it's state of half been taken apart had done was give her friend the idea that she was really into VR. When she was actually just curious about the technology within the nerve gear.

Her amusphere had been a gift, from her friend who had curiously wanted her to play with him in VR after seeing that she had a nervegear in her apartment. His pick of game only made it less appealing since it was some kind of VR game that wasn't her kind of game. Not that she played much anyway, since games were loud and irritating, while books and periodically trolling people with her computer skills were much quieter and more her speed.

Sinon hadn't been able to give the device back though till she had tried at least some kind of game, and while she had intended to install the game her friend suggested she'd try, her gaze had strayed to a game titled Gun Gale Online. A game all about guns, combat, and player versus players while out in a desolate wasteland with nothing but to prove themselves.

Normally, as someone who avoided conflict and preferred to avoid guns due to her messy past, she never would've played the game. But the words, "be your true self," had struck a cord in her. Struck the hidden string that always laid in hiding beneath everything. Beneath the masks, the habitual behaviors, and being a creature of habit to avoid the unknown, was the thinnest string, the tiny little spark always seconds away from being too low to see.

On impulse she had bought it.

Then spent the next week trying to ignore it and turn a blind eye to the question about if she had played anything yet.

Eventually… she did give it a try, since she wasn't going to buy another game just to give the console back, and it had been a massive eye opener.

To what she could do in a space that couldn't harm her, where she had nothing to lose but whatever items she had gotten, and everything to gain, namely a good reputation. For being someone she wanted to be but couldn't in the real world and with the freedom to defy the logical side of her brain and just be her.

Something she hadn't been told since her dad died.

And Sinon had seized that opportunity.

AN: Like the studies? Let me know so I can continue these in depth parts! Or if you just want overviews, shoot a review with that!