By popular demand (only the puuchus demanded it) a more competent chapter
must be added regardless of continuity. Now for everyone's horror/enjoyment
a plot line created by the puuchus as translated by the (actual) author
Puuchu puuchuuu puchu puchu puchu puchu! *stamp*
Roll theme music!
p.p.p puchuuuu!
Cut!
Puchu? *bang* "you dirty sunuva-" *dies*
--
"Hail Il-Palazzo-sa-? You aren't my sexy Il-Palazzo-sama!! You shall die for your ingrateful-,"
"You aren't Excel!" a man looking much like the author with a puchu in his lap shouted back.
"I am Kobayashi Excel!" she answered.
"That doesn't count you imposter, go cosplay at the convention!" the author ordered.
"Fine," she moped and left the room.
--
Comercial
p.p.p puchu!
Cut!
Puchu?
You mean to tell me this was just so you could advertise your evil puchu products!?
Puchu!
No commercials!
Puchu puchu Die! *shoots off a machine gun ending the commercial break* So, sorry about that, now for me to salvage this plot. Hmm, there's a plot?
--
At the 3WA headquarters located on Earth somewhere near F-city.
"Kei, Yuri, I have a mission for you,"
"Yes, Chief Il-Palazzo?" Kei asked with a smile. He was nice looking for a new chief.
"I want you to take out Secret Agents Excel and Hyatt of the evil corporation Across,"
"Heh? Weren't you the leader of that organization?" Yuri asked.
"Nope," he replied back with a stern face.
"I could have sworn I saw you before," Kei thought with a finger to her cheek.
"I'm new, never saw you before," he replied quickly.
"Your name is familiar as well," Yuri offered.
"It's a common name," he replied quickly again as if expecting the questions.
"So where do we find these two 'secret' agents?" Kei asked.
"Somewhere in F-city, they should be hard to miss," he replied.
"Alright, we better be paid well, we ain't assassins," Kei shrugged and grabbed a manila folder off the chief's desk. It had her name on it. She had thought it contained further orders and information.
"Uh-" Il-Palazzo stuttered. "That's not for you,"
"Huh?" Kei opened it and her face went beat red, she ripped it up as smoke started to shoot out of her ears. Her face was completely enraged. Yuri started to get frightened at the sight of her partner. She managed to catch a flailing piece of the papers that were inside and guessed at what they were. She drew out a gun and aimed it at the new chief.
"The, uh, last chief, uh, Gooley was it? Uh, they were, uh his, he left, them, yeah that's it," he tried to sound as authoritative as normal.
"We are not lesbians!" Kei shouted.
"We're not?" Yuri asked quietly.
"We're not!" Kei shoved Yuri aside and stormed out of the room.
"Ok, fine!" Yuri chased after her partner.
--
Somewhere else in F-city, Excel was prancing around knocking people, poles, and cars over with her accidental punches and kicks. "Excel will conquer the city for my sexy Il-Palazzo-sama!" She was on her way to Across secret headquarters when a not so surprising body impeded her way. Excel promptly tripped and smashed her face into the concrete managing only to make her nose and cheeks dirty as opposed to breaking her nose and teeth.
"Ah! Ha-chan! You died again!" Excel shouted and grabbed her apparently dead partner into her arms and up onto her shoulders. She then ran to the doors of the secret headquarters and entered with a mighty kick to the door.
"Il-palazzo! Ha-chan died again! Can I get a new partner? This one's warranty must of expired years ago!" Excel shouted. She ran up to the throne having thrown Hyatt aside. She stopped with mouth wide open.
Il-palazzo was missing.
Immediately Excel searched everywhere as fast as she could until there were hundreds of Excels running around. She then grabbed at the yellow ropes sending her doubles down the holes to search for him. "Sexy man-meat Il- Palazzooooo where are youuuuuu!!!???"
"Sempai?"
"Yes, Ha-chan!"
"Note, there's a note,"
"A note! Of course, why didn't I think of that!?" she promptly hit herself in the head and her clones vanished. She grabbed the note that was on the throne and read it. "I quit, hire a new boss if you wish to live,"
"Wha? Il-Palazzo quit?" Excel was dumbfounded. Giant question marks appeared above her head.
"Ara-," Hyatt 'oh my'd' in Japanese.
"What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!?" Excel ran around the room with arms and legs flailing looking much like Sana-chan on a gallon of caffeine.
"Hire a new boss?" Hyatt offered, now trying to regain her composer.
"Yes, hire a new boss! We must find someone who can be all the man Il- Palazzo could be! No! No one can be as good as my sexy man-meat!" Excel was torn. She promptly ripped in half.
Excel 1 - "We need a new boss!" Excel 2 - "We need Il-Palazzo back!" Excel 3 - "What about me!?" Excel 1 - "We didn't make you!" Excel 3 - "I'm Kobayashi Excel!" Excel 2 - "Imposter!" Excel 3 - "I need a job!" Excel 1 - "One Excel is good enough! No more!" Excel 2 - "What about me!?" Excel 1 - "We can do the fusion dance later! Right now we need a new boss!" Excel 2 - "Fusion dance? I want my Il-Palazzo back!" Excel 1 - "Quit ya whining, you block head!" Excel 2 - "Hey I am you!" Excel 1 - "This isn't working, fuse!" *they fuse*
Excel 3 - "I need a job!"
"Clean up after Hyatt! She died again!" Excel shook her head real fast to fix the method of writing back to normal. Evil Excel and Angel Excel appear on her shoulders.
"You must get a new boss! You don't need him!" evil Excel raised her pointy stick above her pointy ears to extenuate her point.
"If you don't do as he said, you might die, Excel, get a new boss!" angel Excel offered.
"Hey you two are agreeing! You aren't supposed to agree!" Excel shouted at both of them.
"We did?" evil Excel thought for a minute.
"Yes, we did!" angel Excel answered.
"Crap!" evil Excel pulls out a chibi purple and black Gundam toy and jumps inside of it. Angel Excel does the same. Hers is white and blue. They start whacking each other with plastic missiles and plastic punches and kicks dealing little damage.
"This is terrible! I want my Il-Palazzo back!" Excel whined and turned around to see the two fighting. "Why can't we all just. get along?" she shouted in full dramatic pose.
"I'll place an ad in the newspaper, Sempai," Hyatt stood back up and walked out of the room.
"Good!" Excel walked over and sat on Il-Palazzo's chair. "Oooh, Nice, maybe I can be the new leader of Across!"
"Good!? I'm mopping up blood again; I'm always mopping up blood!" Kobayashi Excel moaned as if she has been mopping up blood too many times.
Days, later.
"Hail Il-palazzo-sama!" Excel saluted an empty chair and promptly ran over and sat in it.
"You are uselessly hyper today, Excel-kun," she attempted Il-Palazzo's deep voice and ran back over.
"Anything for you, Lord Il-Palazzo-sama! What is the mission today!? Excel will do anything for you! Anything at all, I'll do it for you my sexy Lord Il-Palazzo-sama!" she ran back over to the throne.
"You are rambling again, Excel-kun," she ran back over again.
"I'll do anything for you Il-Palazzo-sama, what is the mission!?" She ran back to the throne again.
"Feed the alligators," a rope sunk into view and she pulled on it and ran back over to the floor.
"Yes, Lord-Il-Palazzoooooo-saaaamaaaa," she fell down the hole and splashed at the bottom minutes later.
"Sempai is taking this rather hard," Hyatt said aloud.
The door opened and a man with blonde hair walked in. His suit was in tatters and he reeks of cheap booze. "I came for the audition," he said.
"Sempai, we have a volunteer!" she called down the hole much to the man's confusion.
Excel climbed up the hole and jumped out, soon the door closed itself. "Time delay trap hole!" she shouted with approval with her modification to the rope system. Ah volunteer! Welcome, I am Excel, this is Hyatt! We are the two members of the secret ideal organization Across! We need a new leader, will you be as good as Il-Palazzo-sama!?" She ran over and dragged him up to the throne and threw him onto it.
"A throne?" the blonde man asked.
"Yes, Excel will test you now!" Excel ran back down to the floor.
"Uh, ok, my name is Montgomery Gooley, I used to be called Chief Gooley or Director Gooley," he sounded a bit hung over.
"Gooley-sama! I will call you Il-palazzo as a matter of habit, if you can be him then you are hired!"
"Who is this Il-Palazzo!?"
"He quit earlier," Hyatt answered.
"Il-Palazzo-sama, what is the mission today for I, Excel, your lowly servant will do anything for you, I will crush the opposition, I will rape, maim and well maybe not rape, actually I don't feel like pillaging any cities right now, hey you want to go out to dinner with me, no you wouldn't want that, you have a job to do,"
"Uh," Gooley was speechless. "Hyatt uh Hyatt-kun, what do I do?"
"Pull the rope,"
"Oh, ok," he grabbed onto the yellow rope and a door opened up below Excel sending her to her apparently not good enough to be her doom.
"I believe you won her over," Hyatt smiled weakly.
"That's it?" Gooley asked.
"Yes, Lord-Gooley-sama, the new leader of the Secret Ideal Organization Across! All hail Lord-Gooley-sama!"
"Am I still drunk!?" Gooley asked rhetorically.
"Yes, but this is for real, now Lord-Gooley-sama, what is the mission!?" Excel shouted with much enthusiasm.
"Uh, I have the job?"
"Yes, you do, you incompetent moron, now what is the mission!?" Excel started to get angry, but it was just acting.
"Uh, what do we do here!?" Gooley asked, he was growing fond of the throne.
"We at the Secret Ideal Organization Across pledge to do whatever you command!" Excel replied.
"That doesn't tell me anything!" Gooley rubbed his face.
"We are to take over the world one city at a time so to create an ideal planet free from the evils that plague it," Hyatt explained and promptly fell over backwards blood spraying from her mouth and nose.
"Wha!? What's wrong with her!?" Gooley stood up.
"Ah, ha-chan, she's dead again, don't worry, she'll be back in a few minutes,"
"Huh?"
"Nevermind, what is the mission!?" Excel asked again.
"Uh," he sat back down, "Order me a pizza?"
"Yes, great mission, Lord-Gooley-sama! We will order a pizza, we will order so many pizzas we put them out of business, then there will be no more pizzas eaten in Japan and the lowly people of f-city will have to go back to eating fish and rice and sake, then they will be even easier to take over!"
"Uh, sempai!?"
"Yes, Ha-chan!?"
"They don't eat Sake,"
"Yes they do! Make a popsicle!"
"Sake popsicle?" Hyatt asked.
Gooley was lost again, he decided to ignore them, they would probably figure it out on their own. He was just hungry, one pizza would do.
"We will go at once Lord-Gooley-sama! We will order a million no a billion no a trillion, no a quadrillion no a quintillion, a hextillion, septillion, octillion? Hachan, what's next!?"
"nontillion,"
"Ah yes! We will order 5 thousand pizzas and a box of sake popsicles!" She rushes out of the door with Hyatt in tow.
"Do I even get paid for this?" Gooley rubbed his head in frustration, "Now what do I do?"
"Hello, Gooley-sama," Kobayashi Excel walked in with a bloody mop. "Ah, hello, miss-"
"I'm Kobayashi Excel!"
"Excel?"
"Yes, I am the voice actress for Excel!"
"This is a fan fic, we don't need a voice actress," Gooley replied.
"Uh, damn!" she ran away out the door.
"I wonder who took over my job," he looked around and found a video game entitled 'Dirty pair dating sim 2.0' "Hey, cool," he grabbed it and turned it on.
--
"Ha-chan, know where a pizza place is?" she asked.
"Down the street on your left, sempai,"
"Thank you, Ha-chan!" Excel ran down the street at blinding speeds heading for the pizza place.
"Shouldn't you order by phone, sempai?"
"Why would I want to do that!?"
"You can disguise your voice and order pizza to a place we don't live at *cough cough*"
"Brilliant idea, Ha-chan, glad I thought of it!" Excel took a right and ran to a phone booth, grabbed the phone book and looked up the place. "Ha-chan you lay there dead while I take over F-city for my Il-Pa uh, my not as sexy as Il-Palazzo replacement Lord Gooley-sama!"
Minutes and many paper cuts later, "Ah, hullo, my name is uh, Celexay uh I have a party and I need 500,000 pizzas to be delivered to uh apartment f room f uh 4!"
"Is this a prank call!? We can't make 500,000 pizzas!" the guy shouted through the phone.
"Then you never will!" Excel hung up the phone and her eye twitched from realizing she quoted the inferior (in her opinion) to anime show 'Simpsons'.
"Sempai?"
"Yes, not so dead at the moment partner, Ha-chan!"
"Order a reasonable amount for a party from each pizza place to a non existent place. If they can't find it, it's free,"
"Yes, thank you Ha-chan, brilliant idea, hurry up and die again so I won't look like a big idiot!"
Hyatt collapses in her own blood again.
"Alright, back to work!"
--
Somewhere else in F-city, "So, Watanabe is it?" Kei smiled.
"Yes! I mean, yes, my name is Watanabe, you are?"
"I am Kei and you are kind of cute, would you buy me a drink?" she smiled coyly trying to win him over.
Options: yes, no, hug, punch
yes
"Of course I will," Watanabe gets up and gets Kei a drink.
"Ooh, fun game, so realistic for a portable!" Gooley commented aloud. No one was in the room to hear him. He happily smashed more buttons.
"Here's your drink," Watanabe handed a glass of beer over to Kei and sat back down nervously.
"Hey, Kei, stop flirting, we have a mission to do!" Yuri walked over.
Options: Insist Kei to stay, date yuri, date both, run away
???
"What the heck kind of game is this? Come to think of it, why does this Lord-Il-Palazzo have a game like this laying around?" Gooley asked no one. The room was empty and boring.
He decided to pull the ropes to see what they did. Nothing, many traps open up and close all around the place. Time delay trap hole. "Yaaa!!!" He fell down a hole that was placed under the throne. The throne somehow went back in place after he climbed out of the pit. "Job hazards," Gooley muttered.
--
"Ok, Ha-chan, I have ordered 20 pizzas from every pizza place in the region, they will all deliver pizzas to our neighbor's apartment!"
"Yay, Sempai!" she tried to clap.
--
"Pizza? We didn't order any pizza," the guy who's not Watanabe or the fat guy (I forgot their names)
"You idiot!" Nabeshin grabbed a shot gun and chased the author around followed by a horde of puchus trying to sell puchu clothes and toys and doujinshi.
"Aaa!" the author ran.
"Hey, someone ordered the pizzas. We have 20 of them here, now pay up!"
"Uh, ok then we ordered it, just put it on Watanabe's tab, this is his apartment,"
"Watanabe?"
"Yeah, he's off on a date right now. He should be back later, want to wait around?" the thin guy, I forgot his name, asked.
"Wait around? For crying out loud, the bill is 100 dollars on discount,"
"Hey, we are in Japan!" tsuyoshi (ooh I think I got his name) holds a sign up.
"Oh right, uh convert.12500 yen,"
"Great, tab please,"
"Tab!?"
"Yes tab!"
"Fine," he drops off the crate of pizzas and leaves. Soon two more pizza boys walk up and go through nearly the same routine. Then two more come up and likewise. Then two more, etc.
"What the hell is going on!????" the guy for which I forgot his name complained now having his entire apartment flooded with pizza boxes. Tsuyoshi is in heaven and started eating them.
--
???
"Hey Watanabe, want to come with us? We are searching for a couple of wanted criminals," Kei held out a couple of crude drawings of the two girls. One was overly hyper and angry while the other was looking rather dead.
"I know her, and I know both of them, they were making out in front of me while I was trying to uh.get.uh.clean the room.," he was blushing having spoke too much.
"Huh?" Kei looked his face over.
"I used to date one of them, I was kicked out the window," he bumbled his fingers.
"I repeat. The hell kind of game is this?" Gooley continued mashing fingers onto the game.
Puchu!
"What?" Gooley asked the little yellow rodent.
"Come back here, you!" Nabeshin chased the author through the room and around in circles. Gooley grabbed two ropes and sent them both to the bottom of two pits.
"Oookey, great, where do they live?" Kei asked
"Next door to me, I'll take you there," Watanabe gets up and walks out of the restaurant with the two scantily clad trouble consultants close behind.
Meanwhile back at the apartment, "We did it ha-chan, we are one more step towards taking over F-city and then we will take over the world!"
"Yay, Sempai!"
"Hey ladies, want to come over for some pizza, we've hundreds left over, we can't eat it all," the guy without a name asked through the door.
"Yay, Pizza!"
"That's clever, Excel, we can eat without paying," Hyatt tried to smile but fell limply upon Excel's back. "Yay, praise from the dead one, let's eat, no name boy!" Excel ran out of the door and into the next room with Hyatt dragged behind her.
"Why the hell don't I have a name?" the guy with out a name complained to the non existent author. He is still being chased around the city by Nabeshin and his grenade launcher. The puchus are now trying to sell plushies, puchu hentai doujinshi, and anime they created.
"Yay, pizza! I haven't eaten in months!" Excel leapt onto the pile of boxes and started eating through the card board and eventually the pizza.
"Hehe, Watanabe should be home soon, about time he got dumped," the no name guy said. "Give me a name, damn it!"
"Busy, eating," Tsuyoshi held up a sign.
"No fair, he remembered your name!" the no name guy complained. "Author! Give me a name already!"
Nabeshin chased the author past the apartment just long enough to allow the author to reply, "Shut up before this becomes a yaoi!"
"Aaah!!! Noooooo!" the no name guy nearly fell over.
"Come back here and die!" Nabeshin fired off some more shots from his rocket launcher without any luck.
"What the hell?" Kei walked up to the apartment and watched as the two ran down the street, the pavement and a few cars exploded from the rocket launcher shots.
"Nevermind, we have a mission," Yuri said and walked up the stairs behind Watanabe.
Watanabe went completely pale, in his apartment were over 2000 pizza boxes, maybe more, many have teeth marks in them. "What the Free floating Fu,"
Puchu!
"Are you doing?" Watanabe finishes his extreme reaction to an extreme situation.
"Eating pizza, want some?" no name replied.
"I know you are eating pizza! Is it free?"
"We put it on you tab!" no name replied again and ate another slice.
"TAAAAB????" Watanabe feinted into Kei's arms.
"This game is getting stupid," Gooley through it aside and stared off into the barren room. "Where's my pizza?"
"Dang, you two screwed him over, hey you other two, you are under arrest!" Kei saw the dead girl and the little Tasmanian devil girl who has finished off her 50th pizza.
"UUUURRRRP!!!!!" Excel belched.
"Damn!" Tsuyoshi held up a sign.
"Beat that tubby!"
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPP!!!!" he held up a sign.
"Damn! Beat me!" Excel ate another slice as if her tiny frame could really hold more.
"I said! You two are under arrest!" Kei shouted.
"Want a slice, Kei?"
"Yuri! Hey well, sure," Kei sat down on some boxes and grabbed a slice of pizza.
"AAAAh!!!!!" the author ran around from the crazed afro man with the flame thrower.
Puchu!
--
author's note, woo happy ending, even more so cause nothing went wrong, vote now if you would prefer another chapter showing what would happen if something did go wrong! You could also toss up ideas, I'll run with one or tow, or all of them, no more crossovers though, I'll do those later ^^
Puuchu puuchuuu puchu puchu puchu puchu! *stamp*
Roll theme music!
p.p.p puchuuuu!
Cut!
Puchu? *bang* "you dirty sunuva-" *dies*
--
"Hail Il-Palazzo-sa-? You aren't my sexy Il-Palazzo-sama!! You shall die for your ingrateful-,"
"You aren't Excel!" a man looking much like the author with a puchu in his lap shouted back.
"I am Kobayashi Excel!" she answered.
"That doesn't count you imposter, go cosplay at the convention!" the author ordered.
"Fine," she moped and left the room.
--
Comercial
p.p.p puchu!
Cut!
Puchu?
You mean to tell me this was just so you could advertise your evil puchu products!?
Puchu!
No commercials!
Puchu puchu Die! *shoots off a machine gun ending the commercial break* So, sorry about that, now for me to salvage this plot. Hmm, there's a plot?
--
At the 3WA headquarters located on Earth somewhere near F-city.
"Kei, Yuri, I have a mission for you,"
"Yes, Chief Il-Palazzo?" Kei asked with a smile. He was nice looking for a new chief.
"I want you to take out Secret Agents Excel and Hyatt of the evil corporation Across,"
"Heh? Weren't you the leader of that organization?" Yuri asked.
"Nope," he replied back with a stern face.
"I could have sworn I saw you before," Kei thought with a finger to her cheek.
"I'm new, never saw you before," he replied quickly.
"Your name is familiar as well," Yuri offered.
"It's a common name," he replied quickly again as if expecting the questions.
"So where do we find these two 'secret' agents?" Kei asked.
"Somewhere in F-city, they should be hard to miss," he replied.
"Alright, we better be paid well, we ain't assassins," Kei shrugged and grabbed a manila folder off the chief's desk. It had her name on it. She had thought it contained further orders and information.
"Uh-" Il-Palazzo stuttered. "That's not for you,"
"Huh?" Kei opened it and her face went beat red, she ripped it up as smoke started to shoot out of her ears. Her face was completely enraged. Yuri started to get frightened at the sight of her partner. She managed to catch a flailing piece of the papers that were inside and guessed at what they were. She drew out a gun and aimed it at the new chief.
"The, uh, last chief, uh, Gooley was it? Uh, they were, uh his, he left, them, yeah that's it," he tried to sound as authoritative as normal.
"We are not lesbians!" Kei shouted.
"We're not?" Yuri asked quietly.
"We're not!" Kei shoved Yuri aside and stormed out of the room.
"Ok, fine!" Yuri chased after her partner.
--
Somewhere else in F-city, Excel was prancing around knocking people, poles, and cars over with her accidental punches and kicks. "Excel will conquer the city for my sexy Il-Palazzo-sama!" She was on her way to Across secret headquarters when a not so surprising body impeded her way. Excel promptly tripped and smashed her face into the concrete managing only to make her nose and cheeks dirty as opposed to breaking her nose and teeth.
"Ah! Ha-chan! You died again!" Excel shouted and grabbed her apparently dead partner into her arms and up onto her shoulders. She then ran to the doors of the secret headquarters and entered with a mighty kick to the door.
"Il-palazzo! Ha-chan died again! Can I get a new partner? This one's warranty must of expired years ago!" Excel shouted. She ran up to the throne having thrown Hyatt aside. She stopped with mouth wide open.
Il-palazzo was missing.
Immediately Excel searched everywhere as fast as she could until there were hundreds of Excels running around. She then grabbed at the yellow ropes sending her doubles down the holes to search for him. "Sexy man-meat Il- Palazzooooo where are youuuuuu!!!???"
"Sempai?"
"Yes, Ha-chan!"
"Note, there's a note,"
"A note! Of course, why didn't I think of that!?" she promptly hit herself in the head and her clones vanished. She grabbed the note that was on the throne and read it. "I quit, hire a new boss if you wish to live,"
"Wha? Il-Palazzo quit?" Excel was dumbfounded. Giant question marks appeared above her head.
"Ara-," Hyatt 'oh my'd' in Japanese.
"What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!? What do we do!?" Excel ran around the room with arms and legs flailing looking much like Sana-chan on a gallon of caffeine.
"Hire a new boss?" Hyatt offered, now trying to regain her composer.
"Yes, hire a new boss! We must find someone who can be all the man Il- Palazzo could be! No! No one can be as good as my sexy man-meat!" Excel was torn. She promptly ripped in half.
Excel 1 - "We need a new boss!" Excel 2 - "We need Il-Palazzo back!" Excel 3 - "What about me!?" Excel 1 - "We didn't make you!" Excel 3 - "I'm Kobayashi Excel!" Excel 2 - "Imposter!" Excel 3 - "I need a job!" Excel 1 - "One Excel is good enough! No more!" Excel 2 - "What about me!?" Excel 1 - "We can do the fusion dance later! Right now we need a new boss!" Excel 2 - "Fusion dance? I want my Il-Palazzo back!" Excel 1 - "Quit ya whining, you block head!" Excel 2 - "Hey I am you!" Excel 1 - "This isn't working, fuse!" *they fuse*
Excel 3 - "I need a job!"
"Clean up after Hyatt! She died again!" Excel shook her head real fast to fix the method of writing back to normal. Evil Excel and Angel Excel appear on her shoulders.
"You must get a new boss! You don't need him!" evil Excel raised her pointy stick above her pointy ears to extenuate her point.
"If you don't do as he said, you might die, Excel, get a new boss!" angel Excel offered.
"Hey you two are agreeing! You aren't supposed to agree!" Excel shouted at both of them.
"We did?" evil Excel thought for a minute.
"Yes, we did!" angel Excel answered.
"Crap!" evil Excel pulls out a chibi purple and black Gundam toy and jumps inside of it. Angel Excel does the same. Hers is white and blue. They start whacking each other with plastic missiles and plastic punches and kicks dealing little damage.
"This is terrible! I want my Il-Palazzo back!" Excel whined and turned around to see the two fighting. "Why can't we all just. get along?" she shouted in full dramatic pose.
"I'll place an ad in the newspaper, Sempai," Hyatt stood back up and walked out of the room.
"Good!" Excel walked over and sat on Il-Palazzo's chair. "Oooh, Nice, maybe I can be the new leader of Across!"
"Good!? I'm mopping up blood again; I'm always mopping up blood!" Kobayashi Excel moaned as if she has been mopping up blood too many times.
Days, later.
"Hail Il-palazzo-sama!" Excel saluted an empty chair and promptly ran over and sat in it.
"You are uselessly hyper today, Excel-kun," she attempted Il-Palazzo's deep voice and ran back over.
"Anything for you, Lord Il-Palazzo-sama! What is the mission today!? Excel will do anything for you! Anything at all, I'll do it for you my sexy Lord Il-Palazzo-sama!" she ran back over to the throne.
"You are rambling again, Excel-kun," she ran back over again.
"I'll do anything for you Il-Palazzo-sama, what is the mission!?" She ran back to the throne again.
"Feed the alligators," a rope sunk into view and she pulled on it and ran back over to the floor.
"Yes, Lord-Il-Palazzoooooo-saaaamaaaa," she fell down the hole and splashed at the bottom minutes later.
"Sempai is taking this rather hard," Hyatt said aloud.
The door opened and a man with blonde hair walked in. His suit was in tatters and he reeks of cheap booze. "I came for the audition," he said.
"Sempai, we have a volunteer!" she called down the hole much to the man's confusion.
Excel climbed up the hole and jumped out, soon the door closed itself. "Time delay trap hole!" she shouted with approval with her modification to the rope system. Ah volunteer! Welcome, I am Excel, this is Hyatt! We are the two members of the secret ideal organization Across! We need a new leader, will you be as good as Il-Palazzo-sama!?" She ran over and dragged him up to the throne and threw him onto it.
"A throne?" the blonde man asked.
"Yes, Excel will test you now!" Excel ran back down to the floor.
"Uh, ok, my name is Montgomery Gooley, I used to be called Chief Gooley or Director Gooley," he sounded a bit hung over.
"Gooley-sama! I will call you Il-palazzo as a matter of habit, if you can be him then you are hired!"
"Who is this Il-Palazzo!?"
"He quit earlier," Hyatt answered.
"Il-Palazzo-sama, what is the mission today for I, Excel, your lowly servant will do anything for you, I will crush the opposition, I will rape, maim and well maybe not rape, actually I don't feel like pillaging any cities right now, hey you want to go out to dinner with me, no you wouldn't want that, you have a job to do,"
"Uh," Gooley was speechless. "Hyatt uh Hyatt-kun, what do I do?"
"Pull the rope,"
"Oh, ok," he grabbed onto the yellow rope and a door opened up below Excel sending her to her apparently not good enough to be her doom.
"I believe you won her over," Hyatt smiled weakly.
"That's it?" Gooley asked.
"Yes, Lord-Gooley-sama, the new leader of the Secret Ideal Organization Across! All hail Lord-Gooley-sama!"
"Am I still drunk!?" Gooley asked rhetorically.
"Yes, but this is for real, now Lord-Gooley-sama, what is the mission!?" Excel shouted with much enthusiasm.
"Uh, I have the job?"
"Yes, you do, you incompetent moron, now what is the mission!?" Excel started to get angry, but it was just acting.
"Uh, what do we do here!?" Gooley asked, he was growing fond of the throne.
"We at the Secret Ideal Organization Across pledge to do whatever you command!" Excel replied.
"That doesn't tell me anything!" Gooley rubbed his face.
"We are to take over the world one city at a time so to create an ideal planet free from the evils that plague it," Hyatt explained and promptly fell over backwards blood spraying from her mouth and nose.
"Wha!? What's wrong with her!?" Gooley stood up.
"Ah, ha-chan, she's dead again, don't worry, she'll be back in a few minutes,"
"Huh?"
"Nevermind, what is the mission!?" Excel asked again.
"Uh," he sat back down, "Order me a pizza?"
"Yes, great mission, Lord-Gooley-sama! We will order a pizza, we will order so many pizzas we put them out of business, then there will be no more pizzas eaten in Japan and the lowly people of f-city will have to go back to eating fish and rice and sake, then they will be even easier to take over!"
"Uh, sempai!?"
"Yes, Ha-chan!?"
"They don't eat Sake,"
"Yes they do! Make a popsicle!"
"Sake popsicle?" Hyatt asked.
Gooley was lost again, he decided to ignore them, they would probably figure it out on their own. He was just hungry, one pizza would do.
"We will go at once Lord-Gooley-sama! We will order a million no a billion no a trillion, no a quadrillion no a quintillion, a hextillion, septillion, octillion? Hachan, what's next!?"
"nontillion,"
"Ah yes! We will order 5 thousand pizzas and a box of sake popsicles!" She rushes out of the door with Hyatt in tow.
"Do I even get paid for this?" Gooley rubbed his head in frustration, "Now what do I do?"
"Hello, Gooley-sama," Kobayashi Excel walked in with a bloody mop. "Ah, hello, miss-"
"I'm Kobayashi Excel!"
"Excel?"
"Yes, I am the voice actress for Excel!"
"This is a fan fic, we don't need a voice actress," Gooley replied.
"Uh, damn!" she ran away out the door.
"I wonder who took over my job," he looked around and found a video game entitled 'Dirty pair dating sim 2.0' "Hey, cool," he grabbed it and turned it on.
--
"Ha-chan, know where a pizza place is?" she asked.
"Down the street on your left, sempai,"
"Thank you, Ha-chan!" Excel ran down the street at blinding speeds heading for the pizza place.
"Shouldn't you order by phone, sempai?"
"Why would I want to do that!?"
"You can disguise your voice and order pizza to a place we don't live at *cough cough*"
"Brilliant idea, Ha-chan, glad I thought of it!" Excel took a right and ran to a phone booth, grabbed the phone book and looked up the place. "Ha-chan you lay there dead while I take over F-city for my Il-Pa uh, my not as sexy as Il-Palazzo replacement Lord Gooley-sama!"
Minutes and many paper cuts later, "Ah, hullo, my name is uh, Celexay uh I have a party and I need 500,000 pizzas to be delivered to uh apartment f room f uh 4!"
"Is this a prank call!? We can't make 500,000 pizzas!" the guy shouted through the phone.
"Then you never will!" Excel hung up the phone and her eye twitched from realizing she quoted the inferior (in her opinion) to anime show 'Simpsons'.
"Sempai?"
"Yes, not so dead at the moment partner, Ha-chan!"
"Order a reasonable amount for a party from each pizza place to a non existent place. If they can't find it, it's free,"
"Yes, thank you Ha-chan, brilliant idea, hurry up and die again so I won't look like a big idiot!"
Hyatt collapses in her own blood again.
"Alright, back to work!"
--
Somewhere else in F-city, "So, Watanabe is it?" Kei smiled.
"Yes! I mean, yes, my name is Watanabe, you are?"
"I am Kei and you are kind of cute, would you buy me a drink?" she smiled coyly trying to win him over.
Options: yes, no, hug, punch
yes
"Of course I will," Watanabe gets up and gets Kei a drink.
"Ooh, fun game, so realistic for a portable!" Gooley commented aloud. No one was in the room to hear him. He happily smashed more buttons.
"Here's your drink," Watanabe handed a glass of beer over to Kei and sat back down nervously.
"Hey, Kei, stop flirting, we have a mission to do!" Yuri walked over.
Options: Insist Kei to stay, date yuri, date both, run away
???
"What the heck kind of game is this? Come to think of it, why does this Lord-Il-Palazzo have a game like this laying around?" Gooley asked no one. The room was empty and boring.
He decided to pull the ropes to see what they did. Nothing, many traps open up and close all around the place. Time delay trap hole. "Yaaa!!!" He fell down a hole that was placed under the throne. The throne somehow went back in place after he climbed out of the pit. "Job hazards," Gooley muttered.
--
"Ok, Ha-chan, I have ordered 20 pizzas from every pizza place in the region, they will all deliver pizzas to our neighbor's apartment!"
"Yay, Sempai!" she tried to clap.
--
"Pizza? We didn't order any pizza," the guy who's not Watanabe or the fat guy (I forgot their names)
"You idiot!" Nabeshin grabbed a shot gun and chased the author around followed by a horde of puchus trying to sell puchu clothes and toys and doujinshi.
"Aaa!" the author ran.
"Hey, someone ordered the pizzas. We have 20 of them here, now pay up!"
"Uh, ok then we ordered it, just put it on Watanabe's tab, this is his apartment,"
"Watanabe?"
"Yeah, he's off on a date right now. He should be back later, want to wait around?" the thin guy, I forgot his name, asked.
"Wait around? For crying out loud, the bill is 100 dollars on discount,"
"Hey, we are in Japan!" tsuyoshi (ooh I think I got his name) holds a sign up.
"Oh right, uh convert.12500 yen,"
"Great, tab please,"
"Tab!?"
"Yes tab!"
"Fine," he drops off the crate of pizzas and leaves. Soon two more pizza boys walk up and go through nearly the same routine. Then two more come up and likewise. Then two more, etc.
"What the hell is going on!????" the guy for which I forgot his name complained now having his entire apartment flooded with pizza boxes. Tsuyoshi is in heaven and started eating them.
--
???
"Hey Watanabe, want to come with us? We are searching for a couple of wanted criminals," Kei held out a couple of crude drawings of the two girls. One was overly hyper and angry while the other was looking rather dead.
"I know her, and I know both of them, they were making out in front of me while I was trying to uh.get.uh.clean the room.," he was blushing having spoke too much.
"Huh?" Kei looked his face over.
"I used to date one of them, I was kicked out the window," he bumbled his fingers.
"I repeat. The hell kind of game is this?" Gooley continued mashing fingers onto the game.
Puchu!
"What?" Gooley asked the little yellow rodent.
"Come back here, you!" Nabeshin chased the author through the room and around in circles. Gooley grabbed two ropes and sent them both to the bottom of two pits.
"Oookey, great, where do they live?" Kei asked
"Next door to me, I'll take you there," Watanabe gets up and walks out of the restaurant with the two scantily clad trouble consultants close behind.
Meanwhile back at the apartment, "We did it ha-chan, we are one more step towards taking over F-city and then we will take over the world!"
"Yay, Sempai!"
"Hey ladies, want to come over for some pizza, we've hundreds left over, we can't eat it all," the guy without a name asked through the door.
"Yay, Pizza!"
"That's clever, Excel, we can eat without paying," Hyatt tried to smile but fell limply upon Excel's back. "Yay, praise from the dead one, let's eat, no name boy!" Excel ran out of the door and into the next room with Hyatt dragged behind her.
"Why the hell don't I have a name?" the guy with out a name complained to the non existent author. He is still being chased around the city by Nabeshin and his grenade launcher. The puchus are now trying to sell plushies, puchu hentai doujinshi, and anime they created.
"Yay, pizza! I haven't eaten in months!" Excel leapt onto the pile of boxes and started eating through the card board and eventually the pizza.
"Hehe, Watanabe should be home soon, about time he got dumped," the no name guy said. "Give me a name, damn it!"
"Busy, eating," Tsuyoshi held up a sign.
"No fair, he remembered your name!" the no name guy complained. "Author! Give me a name already!"
Nabeshin chased the author past the apartment just long enough to allow the author to reply, "Shut up before this becomes a yaoi!"
"Aaah!!! Noooooo!" the no name guy nearly fell over.
"Come back here and die!" Nabeshin fired off some more shots from his rocket launcher without any luck.
"What the hell?" Kei walked up to the apartment and watched as the two ran down the street, the pavement and a few cars exploded from the rocket launcher shots.
"Nevermind, we have a mission," Yuri said and walked up the stairs behind Watanabe.
Watanabe went completely pale, in his apartment were over 2000 pizza boxes, maybe more, many have teeth marks in them. "What the Free floating Fu,"
Puchu!
"Are you doing?" Watanabe finishes his extreme reaction to an extreme situation.
"Eating pizza, want some?" no name replied.
"I know you are eating pizza! Is it free?"
"We put it on you tab!" no name replied again and ate another slice.
"TAAAAB????" Watanabe feinted into Kei's arms.
"This game is getting stupid," Gooley through it aside and stared off into the barren room. "Where's my pizza?"
"Dang, you two screwed him over, hey you other two, you are under arrest!" Kei saw the dead girl and the little Tasmanian devil girl who has finished off her 50th pizza.
"UUUURRRRP!!!!!" Excel belched.
"Damn!" Tsuyoshi held up a sign.
"Beat that tubby!"
"UUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPP!!!!" he held up a sign.
"Damn! Beat me!" Excel ate another slice as if her tiny frame could really hold more.
"I said! You two are under arrest!" Kei shouted.
"Want a slice, Kei?"
"Yuri! Hey well, sure," Kei sat down on some boxes and grabbed a slice of pizza.
"AAAAh!!!!!" the author ran around from the crazed afro man with the flame thrower.
Puchu!
--
author's note, woo happy ending, even more so cause nothing went wrong, vote now if you would prefer another chapter showing what would happen if something did go wrong! You could also toss up ideas, I'll run with one or tow, or all of them, no more crossovers though, I'll do those later ^^